sure but not sure
By hereandthere
@hereandthere (45651)
Philippines
June 28, 2018 9:17am CST
i really, really want to see our college classmate R, to hear from her what happened, how her condition unfolded.
i told G (the classmate who told me about R's situation) that once she and the rest of our group settle on the time and place where we'll meet, we should still proceed to R's house.
even if only the 2 of us show up.
even if we don't know how to commute there.
even if it rains.
i know i want to bring R something.
something useful.
something healthy.
something to distract her.
i don't know how i will react when i see her.
i hope i don't ask too many questions and come off as meddlesome.
i hope i can balance compassion and encouragement, while talking about everyday life and college memories.
for those who have been very sick, or have cared for the sick, when your friends visit, what do you prefer that they do, say/talk about, and bring?
or do you prefer no visitors at all? not let anyone know that you even got sick?
17 people like this
17 responses
@simplfred (20608)
• Philippines
28 Jun 18
Well, I think it depends on the sick person personality. But most sick will be thankful for a visit.
2 people like this
@hereandthere (45651)
• Philippines
28 Jun 18
i hope i can stay "composed". i'm not really the "chill" or "jolly" type.
1 person likes this
@simplfred (20608)
• Philippines
28 Jun 18
@hereandthere I know you'll adjust yourself it is in our instinct.
1 person likes this
@arunima25 (85328)
• Bangalore, India
28 Aug 18
I love to be visited by my friends and family when I am sick. It makes me feel cared for. They generally call and come. So it is not inconvenient. I do the same.
1 person likes this
@hereandthere (45651)
• Philippines
29 Aug 18
yes, as long as they call or text first
1 person likes this
@hereandthere (45651)
• Philippines
30 Aug 18
@arunima25 some get upset because their house "isn't ready" or they don't have "enough food" to serve the guests. me, i never notice those things because those are not the purpose of my visit.
1 person likes this
@arunima25 (85328)
• Bangalore, India
29 Aug 18
@hereandthere That has become a common courtesy now a days. I don't mind a surprise visit from my family and friends when I am sick. But it might not be okay for others.
1 person likes this
@jobelbojel (34729)
• Philippines
29 Jun 18
I hope that R is fine. How was your visit?/
1 person likes this
@hereandthere (45651)
• Philippines
29 Jun 18
this sunday. i'm waiting for them to tell me the time and place where we'll meet.
1 person likes this
@hereandthere (45651)
• Philippines
29 Jun 18
@jobelbojel if B comes we'll probably go by grab car, but if it's only G and me , i don't mind commuting. she has a great sense of direction, but i don't know if she's been to that area.
@jobelbojel (34729)
• Philippines
29 Jun 18
@hereandthere I hope you can easily and safely arrive at R's house.
1 person likes this
@sunrisefan (28524)
• Philippines
1 Jul 18
The best that you can bring is yourself. Mere presence of friends or loved ones who visit the sick would be most appreciated by them as they spend the whole day and night thinking about nothing but their sickness or condition and it results to self-pity. Your presence and casual talk would surely uplift the sagging spirit of the sick.
1 person likes this
@hereandthere (45651)
• Philippines
1 Jul 18
they told me she canceled again because she wanted to rest
@hereandthere (45651)
• Philippines
1 Jul 18
@sunrisefan i do want to go, i just don't know how to go there. i have a poor sense of direction.
but i also don't want her to feel embarrassed/ashamed if we show up unannounced. you know how it is. we like the house to be clean, food available, we're showered and dressed, etc.
1 person likes this
@sunrisefan (28524)
• Philippines
1 Jul 18
@hereandthere That's not exactly the reason. She's ashamed to look pitiful to her classmates. The best thing to do is to drop by unannounced but not soon. Perhaps after a couple of weeks. Just pretend that you were going nearby and thought of dropping by. You might regret not having seen her alive for the last time and perhaps make her happy seeing you.
1 person likes this
@JustBhem (70555)
• Davao, Philippines
28 Jun 18
At first, I was averse to tell my close friends about my confinement.
But then, I want to know if they really care for me so the boyfriend told them about me and they visited me.
They bring their positive smile when they saw me. As for me, I tried not to cry because I don't want them to see me like that, very sickly. But instead, they don't mention anything about my sickness or ask me anything.
That only means that they do understand me and that they don't want me to add stress.
We talked a lot of things, just like we always have. Of course, they bring me food and fruits.
If I were you, just ask her about how she was, and if her case is not that serious, you can ask her about her sickness but if you think she is not in a mood to answer you, just talk to her just the same way on how you have a conversation with her. Sometimes, a flower will make us smile too.
1 person likes this
@hereandthere (45651)
• Philippines
29 Jun 18
thank you for your response, bhembhem. 
i'm not really a pep-talker, i'm more of a sympathizer. like it's okay to tell me that you're frustrated or annoyed, etc. because you're just being human.
but i also hope it's okay to ask questions. i mean, you probably notice that about me by now. i soemtimes ask about your condition because i'm curious or puzzled by something so i can understand it more.
i'm not really a pep-talker, i'm more of a sympathizer. like it's okay to tell me that you're frustrated or annoyed, etc. because you're just being human.
but i also hope it's okay to ask questions. i mean, you probably notice that about me by now. i soemtimes ask about your condition because i'm curious or puzzled by something so i can understand it more.1 person likes this
@JustBhem (70555)
• Davao, Philippines
29 Jun 18
@hereandthere
I see. I sometimes like to ask especially when Doctors prescribed another medicine.
I think it is not bad to ask, anyway. 
1 person likes this
@hereandthere (45651)
• Philippines
29 Jun 18
then the best way is to not tell anyone
1 person likes this
@hereandthere (45651)
• Philippines
30 Jun 18
@YrNemo i has no idea you were extremely private. did they not even notice you getting bigger?
1 person likes this
@YrNemo (20261)
•
30 Jun 18
@hereandthere True, I don't often tell people anything, not even when I went to the hospitals to give birth to my kids. I didn't even tell my family or friends about my pregnancies. 
1 person likes this
@allen0187 (58444)
• Philippines
25 Jul 18
If I do visit, I want to keep the conversation light. Something to keep the person's mind away from his/her sickness.
If I'm sick, I prefer no visitors so I can rest up and recover.
1 person likes this
@1hopefulman (45123)
• Canada
28 Jun 18
Most people appreciate a visit from a friend. Feeling loved and that they are not forgotten lifts one's spirits. 
1 person likes this
@1hopefulman (45123)
• Canada
28 Jun 18
@hereandthere I bring my smile, my hand and my heart and maybe a small gift like some flowers or something that I know would cheer them up.
1 person likes this
@hereandthere (45651)
• Philippines
28 Jun 18
what do you usually say/bring/do when you visit?
1 person likes this
@cupkitties (7421)
• United States
4 Jul 18
I would hope they will be understanding and just enjoy their time with that person. People can be pushy or show no empathy
1 person likes this
@hereandthere (45651)
• Philippines
4 Jul 18
the latest text i got was she'd love to see us, but she needs to rest from all the tests. we'll just wait for her to tell us when she's ready
1 person likes this
@hereandthere (45651)
• Philippines
28 Jun 18
i already have an idea of what to bring. i just hope i don't make any boo-boos.
@Freelanzer (10745)
• Canada
14 Jul 18
Never really been in the situation personally but I think when I am I would like to be left alone and would only see visitor who I invite
1 person likes this
@hereandthere (45651)
• Philippines
15 Jul 18
we were finally able to visit her the day before she was discharged.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (325854)
• Rockingham, Australia
29 Jun 18
I would need to think about this. My first impulse is to say I wouldn't want visitors but the few times I've been quite ill it has actually been a boost to have a visit from friends. I'm sure you'll make the right decision when the time comes.
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@hereandthere (45651)
• Philippines
29 Jun 18
i guess it depends how long you have to stay in the hospital and the type of illness
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@chicnthin (3031)
• Philippines
28 Jun 18
I think your classmate will appreciate it if you pay a visit.
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@hereandthere (45651)
• Philippines
29 Jun 18
yes, she would like us to visit, but she canceled the first time and moved it to this sunday so i'm asking the others to coordinate with her and tell me where we'll meet.
1 person likes this
@chicnthin (3031)
• Philippines
29 Jun 18
@hereandthere im glad you still consider visiting her despite of change schedule as you may have other things to do.
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@JamesHxstatic (29242)
• Eugene, Oregon
28 Jun 18
Perhaps a book, poetry maybe, if she likes that, would be appreciated. What to say? Listen a lot.
@hereandthere (45651)
• Philippines
28 Jun 18
i might buy magazines, activity book, some fruit.
1 person likes this
@ridingbet (66857)
• Philippines
29 Jun 18
i think a visit is good for the person who is sick.
1 person likes this
