Would You Come?
By Darcy Nemo
@YrNemo (20261)
July 16, 2018 6:44am CST
Every now and then, there would be some news re: crimes of passion, where guys killing their partners rather than let their old lovers walked away from the relationships.
Then there would be cases in which husbands mistreated their wives badly, and the latter bore with those mistreatments for years while waiting for the children to grow up. When those women walked out of those unhappy marriages, they had no intention whatsoever to look back.
I heard cases in which the ex promptly moved on, marrying to someone else who resembled the first wife greatly in physical features. On their death beds, these men looked back and asked if they could see their first wives again in order to say sorry.
The women I know, declined, partly because the new wives hated them with some intensity. The main reason however, as they told me, was, 'What for?'
If you were in those women's shoes, would you come to the deathbed of your ex? (knowing that his current wife hate your guts)
21 people like this
18 responses
@allknowing (130064)
• India
17 Jul 18
That is by far the most unpleasant encounter according to me. Why rake up old wounds?
3 people like this
@vandana7 (98834)
• India
17 Jul 18
Provided old wounds have healed. If they have not? If everyday you do think ..how nasty he used to be, thank god I escaped him, blah blah..or get up in the middle of night remembering how you were beaten...or look at your bank balances and think if only I had not married that man, I would have managed this well. In most cases, the man is constantly in the life, even if he is not there.
4 people like this
@allknowing (130064)
• India
17 Jul 18
@vandana7 That mind set needs a revamp (lol)
4 people like this
@vandana7 (98834)
• India
17 Jul 18
Forgiveness is for self. Not for others. I mean, every time I remember those who hurt me, I am using up my time ..my life time, for which I am paying health insurances. Bleeding to get coverage for few more months or years. Hurt leaves the book open. So it is going to come back, again and again and again and again. There has to be a closure so that I can move on, sooner the better. I won't get anything from that of course, other than satisfaction that I have finally been vindicated for my stand and returned my self worthg. That in itself is really huge, trust me. I have been there, done that kind of. I am for closure that gives me satisfaction that the person accepted I was right. So yes, I would go. That is not forgiveness to the person who wronged me. It is something for me to move on and live remaining life more meaningfully. I would most certainly not accept that person back in my life or write anything in will to them, or give any gifts to them. Or even share a joke or song with them. So what is the big deal? That said, if it was something like rape or human trafficking...such a moment of letting them apologize would not come even from me. Much depends upon the extent of damage. As to people other than ex, I doubt if I would ever forgive. LOL
2 people like this
@vandana7 (98834)
• India
17 Jul 18
@YrNemo Her returning and accepting him back would be like film stories out here. LOL I think there is always some bonding which can exist even with hatred. That she sent her first born to take care of him itself showed she was satisfied with the outcome. The sadness is obviously for loss of years and many other moments. But after his demise she would never think of him. That ends the chapter. Even when she sent the first born, it was kind of ok..no more cursing ya...nice lady. I agree.
1 person likes this
@YrNemo (20261)
•
17 Jul 18
I made friends to a Sri Lanka lady whose son happened to be a former colleague of mine. Her ex was on deathbed, she sent their oldest to come taking care of him. She is a very nice and pleasant person, a devoted RC. He passed away, she kept watch from afar. I asked her why she didn't come taking care of him herself (I was in my early 30s at the time, still very idiotic and romantic), she smiled in a sad way, 'What for?'
1 person likes this
@toniganzon (72285)
• Philippines
16 Jul 18
No. I'd probably say the same thing, what for? The scar that was left by all those abuses weren't only physical scars. It runs deeper than just what we can see. I'm not a merciful person and when I'm wounded, I would never ever forget that. I'm not a good person who has the heart of an angel. And I don't give a damn about the current's wife guts. I only care about that fool of a husband of mine who has maltreated me.
3 people like this
@YrNemo (20261)
•
17 Jul 18
Great minds think alike. I used to be too impractical when I was younger. The thought that one of my exes had thought of me and wanted me with him before he passed away, was so wonderful and so romantic. Alas, now that I am older, I begin to understand why other ladies acted that way. For all we know, those devious exes might just want to make sure the ones that ran away, would never be at rest even after they passed away from this earth. The thought is real scary to me.
2 people like this
@vandana7 (98834)
• India
17 Jul 18
I don't think you are judging yourself right. Heart of an angel would think...am I going to go there and call him all possible names, because that is what I have wanted to do all these years, or can I say I am out of prison now. It is a moment to feel smug about actually. Angel would refuse to go because of that smug factor.
1 person likes this
@toniganzon (72285)
• Philippines
17 Jul 18
@vandana7 Maybe we simply have a different definition of what an angel is.
2 people like this
@Missmwngi (12927)
• Nairobi, Kenya
28 Jul 18
@YrNemo But it will depend on what made us split and whether the time has been enough for healing.
2 people like this
@YrNemo (20261)
•
28 Jul 18
@Missmwngi Let say he had been verbally, mentally and physically abusive for years 
. The wife had been the victim for about two three decades. You were that wife, would you still come, thinking that he had changed FINALLY 
. 
. The wife had been the victim for about two three decades. You were that wife, would you still come, thinking that he had changed FINALLY . 1 person likes this
@Hannihar (129481)
• Israel
16 Jul 18
@YrNemo
I have also read where the wife had enough of her husband beating her that she killed him and she was sent to jail. I believe they should have given her a medal for it. He has no right treating her that way. I do not blame them for not looking back. I am glad they got out. I would never go to the deathbed of my ex because he was a horrible person.
3 people like this
@snowy22315 (170019)
• United States
28 Jul 18
I doubt it! I might talk to him on the phone though.
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
28 Jul 18
no i don't think i would want to nor do i think they would ask. maybe ask over the phone but thats all.
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
29 Jul 18
@YrNemo family only say that when you don't do something they want i think sometimes my kids say that to me. so i am not always thought to be kind. 
just when i do what they want
sometimes my kids say that to me. so i am not always thought to be kind. just when i do what they want1 person likes this
@ridingbet (66857)
• Philippines
28 Jul 18
maybe i would, because the person in the deathbed was once a part of my life, after all.
1 person likes this
@amitkokiladitya (171936)
• Agra, India
17 Jul 18
@YrNemo never give anyone the liberty to trouble and affect your life
1 person likes this
(oops, one so far did imply that she might come as a sign that she has moved on, interesting 
@YrNemo (20261)
•
17 Jul 18
wow, for a young lady, you are smarter than me. I was so idiotic when I was younger that now I look back, I am ashamed of my immaturity at the time. Yes, now that I am older and understand a bit more, I suddenly understand why those ladies declined the invitations to come to their exes' deathbeds...
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
1 Aug 18
I think I would so I can give my forgiveness to him. That's the least I can do to a dying person, not because he is my ex.
@BelleStarr (61047)
• United States
28 Jul 18
I have to be honest and say that I am not sure what I would do. I think in spite of everything I would let him die without the burden of what he had done, I would let him say he was sorry but I would take a child or a friend with me as protection from the meanness of the current wife. But I don't know anyone who lived through this, I know that I forgave my father for being abusive to my mother and us kids, forgiveness blesses the giver and the receiver.
1 person likes this
@YrNemo (20261)
•
28 Jul 18
I don't think I can do it. Being older has made me realize that I wouldn't do certain things which as a younger person, I had thought I could do them happily. Guess aging has made me become forgetful in almost everything, but not when it links to life experience.
1 person likes this
@YrNemo (20261)
•
28 Jul 18
Good on you for your wonderful forgiveness. I used to think that I could do it too. I am too old now, my brain tells me differently these days: 'Don't you dare!' (and I agree with it wholeheartedly .)
.)
@JudyEv (325854)
• Rockingham, Australia
31 Jul 18
I doubt it really but then I'm a bit of a soft touch and if I thought he were truly sorry perhaps I'd visit for a short while.
