Accepting Horrible Conditions: And So It Goes ...
@mythociate (21437)
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
September 11, 2018 8:01pm CST
I'm not in any danger or anything, so this may come off as a big 'First World Problems'-whine; so I'll get right into it.
My little brother's getting married, and I can't be there. Oh, he knows 'I know he's getting married'; and he knows I know he knows; and I've told him the whole "I'm sorry I can't be there," & he's given me the whole "
You'll be there in spirit"-comment.
But 'being there in spirit' SUCKS! 
I mean; it's perfectly understandable that I can't be there, and ... it's not like 'he wouldn't get married if I weren't there' or something; but ... I ... it's like dying again 
When I was 14, I was a phenomenon! Then--long-story-short--a car hit me, and all my dreams were torn away! And now, this 'little dream' of proudly welcoming my little brother to the next chapter of his life---TORN AWAY; but I'm right here watching it happen! ... I guess that's what Hell is like---you see your loved ones enjoying the beautiful glory of Heaven, but you can't even get close to it because you know you would make it terrible somehow.
No! I'm never gonna get to give 'that best man's toast' 
(Not that I would be his 'Best Man' even if I had moved across-the-country with him ... maybe it would be a 'big brother'-speech; but I'm not gonna be there to give it 
)
He didn't even tell me about it "directly"---I had to overhear about it from my mother 
I HATE IT!! ... 
but I have to be "alright" with it ... these "terrible circumstances" are just part of life---sure, I could be glad that my health isn't troubled too harshly, that I'm in 'no real danger,' that 'people are happily going on about their lives, not even caring what I think about it.'
But ... I guess it's similar to the way Lord Jesus felt when He came to the world and "gave His life," but (He realized) 'there will be poor always.' He was 'The Living Word-in-the-Flesh,' but people were going to go about their miserable lives as if they were just 'lucky monkeys'
You'll be there in spirit"-comment.
But 'being there in spirit' SUCKS! I mean; it's perfectly understandable that I can't be there, and ... it's not like 'he wouldn't get married if I weren't there' or something; but ... I ... it's like dying again
When I was 14, I was a phenomenon! Then--long-story-short--a car hit me, and all my dreams were torn away! And now, this 'little dream' of proudly welcoming my little brother to the next chapter of his life---TORN AWAY; but I'm right here watching it happen! ... I guess that's what Hell is like---you see your loved ones enjoying the beautiful glory of Heaven, but you can't even get close to it because you know you would make it terrible somehow.
No! I'm never gonna get to give 'that best man's toast' (Not that I would be his 'Best Man' even if I had moved across-the-country with him ... maybe it would be a 'big brother'-speech; but I'm not gonna be there to give it )
He didn't even tell me about it "directly"---I had to overhear about it from my mother
I HATE IT!! ... but I have to be "alright" with it ... these "terrible circumstances" are just part of life---sure, I could be glad that my health isn't troubled too harshly, that I'm in 'no real danger,' that 'people are happily going on about their lives, not even caring what I think about it.'
But ... I guess it's similar to the way Lord Jesus felt when He came to the world and "gave His life," but (He realized) 'there will be poor always.' He was 'The Living Word-in-the-Flesh,' but people were going to go about their miserable lives as if they were just 'lucky monkeys' 6 people like this
7 responses
@anya12adwi (6059)
• India
12 Sep 18
You have your phone and technology is there to help always.. So, you can video call.. Or he can ask your mom to video call you..
1 person likes this
@mythociate (21437)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
12 Sep 18
Nope. Not as good as the real thing.
Jamey Johnson's new album, Living For A Song: A Tribute To Hank Cochran is out now! iTunes: http://smarturl.it/LivingForASong Amazon: http://smarturl.it/Livi...
1 person likes this
@mythociate (21437)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
15 Sep 18
@anya12adwi Yeah, but ... "grieving" it (going through all the stages of grief about it shows you that it's not "an option," it's 'the way it is' 
Really, I DID see the video. (My mom shared it in our family's Facebook-group). And I was able to post a video in the comments there (that song from A Goofy Movie---"Nobody Else But You" - the song I felt fit 'my brother & new sister-in-law' perfectly), which I wouldn't have been able to post if I had been 'at the courthouse.'
Really, I DID see the video. (My mom shared it in our family's Facebook-group). And I was able to post a video in the comments there (that song from A Goofy Movie---"Nobody Else But You" - the song I felt fit 'my brother & new sister-in-law' perfectly), which I wouldn't have been able to post if I had been 'at the courthouse.'The true sense of the word " Grief " is ... "Weighty" (Heavy ... the root-word resembles Grave , Gravity). I think it's important...
1 person likes this
@anya12adwi (6059)
• India
14 Sep 18
@mythociate Yes but as you could not go, that is only the option we are left with
@louievill (28851)
• Philippines
12 Sep 18
Sorry for what you are going through, can't you ask someone to make a video call? Perhaps you can make your big brother speech through live video call and they can project it on screen ( just suggestin) or watch the wedding through live stream, we have so much technolgy now that could make very far seem very near unlike a few decades or years ago, anyway good luck.
1 person likes this
@louievill (28851)
• Philippines
12 Sep 18
@mythociate oh I see, then if video would be the next good thing, then so be it. If they hired someone to have an edited video of the wedding then make sure you get a copy. Best luck and prayers that everything goes well with you as well as the wedding.
1 person likes this
@mythociate (21437)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
12 Sep 18
I don't think they're actually having 'a wedding ceremony'---just a few people (including my mom, a few of his friends, maybe his fiancee's parents & friends) at the courthouse.
I'll ask my mom to get some video, and I'm sure she'll share some pictures; but I don't have any of the equipment to 'send him a video' ... I have a flip-phone that only sends texts (and -sends this antiquated old thing they used to call "phone calls" 
)
)1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (157915)
• United States
12 Sep 18
This is a big milestone that you will be missing. It is okay to be upset, I think.
1 person likes this
@marguicha (216470)
• Chile
12 Sep 18
On reading your post I felt that there are lots of things that have not been said. And all of them are too painful to tell them. I can only give you a big hug and hope that things will get smooth later on.
1 person likes this
@mythociate (21437)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
12 Sep 18
There are, but they're 'little things' (maybe 'big' the way they feel to me & -the way I'd describe them, but it would seem like I'm "acting out" or "blaming others for the problems" ... sort of the reason why people think that 'anyone who works at The White House (Washington D.C., America) is guilty of "being accessory to a crime"')
1 person likes this
@marguicha (216470)
• Chile
12 Sep 18
@mythociate The important thing for you is how you feel, not what other people think of it. But, if you cannot do anything about this, try not to dwell on it as it will only hurt you.
1 person likes this
@RasmaSandra (74146)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
12 Sep 18
I do not know all the circumstances behind you not being able to go to the wedding but would it help in any way to lighten your mood if you could pretend that you were there. What I am suggesting perhaps your brother could get someone to video the entire wedding and reception and then send you the tape. So you put it on and you're there.
1 person likes this
@mythociate (21437)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
12 Sep 18
Like I said (in another reply), they're not doing anything huge. I'll ask my mom to get whatever little video she can.
1 person likes this
