Can anyone please give me suggestions on what's wrong with my dad?
@VivaLaDani13 (60568)
Perth, Australia
January 24, 2019 7:34pm CST
My dad I swear....One of my major pet peeves with him is that whenever he doesn't feel right, he will complain about it for days, sometimes weeks, been a few things where it was months, instead of going to the friggen doctors!
Real quick: My dad has something called White Coat Syndrome. Means whenever he has an appointment with a doctor, he becomes anxious and always gets a high blood pressure reading. Reason is because of what happened to him when he was younger. He had a nose bleed in a doctor's office and some nurse told him he was having a hemorrhage. But it was actually just a normal nose bleed. So it scared the crap out of him. Ever since he has had a bit of a fear going to the doctors. Even for a check up. I understand but at the same time it frustrates me.
3 days ago he came home from work shivering. He was feeling so cold. But at the same time, his temperature was a bit high. The next day ( yesterday ) it happened again. And now this morning, I woke up to a text from my dad saying "Can you help me." I went down to his bedroom and he is laying there shivering. I put 3 blankets on him and 2 heat packs around him to try make him warm again. His temperature is quite high. Been giving him water.
Can you guys please tell me what you think? I'm stressed as hell. I'm sick myself so it's making it a bit difficult. I will still run around doing whatever I can to help him but it's upsetting me and annoying me that he just won't simply go to the doctors to identify what is happening and not play this stupid guessing game of what could be wrong. For 3 days it's all been "What's going on?" or "I wonder what this is." I feel like screaming and telling him that he will find all this out if he goes to the doctor!!!! I'm so angry. I'm so stressed and upset seeing him shivering and looking unwell.
Last night I took his temperature and it was a bit high. I held a cold pack on his forehead for awhile and took his temperature again which finally came down a little. Then he started sweating. Breaking a fever??
But it's like am I doing the right thing? Do I keep him cool, do I keep him warm, do I give him food, water, juice, tea I DON'T KNOW! And ALL of these things would be easier to figure out if I knew what the fudge was going on! He is like "I'm sorry I know you're not well and you're running around doing things for me." I'm like "It's ok but I would be less stressed if you go to the doctor." No reply. NO FRIGGEN REPLY. I get it! He is a bit scared of doctors yeah I get it. But when something is wrong, it's worse off leaving it only to be getting sicker. Better to have answers to then get the correct treatment. Far out!
Anyway, does anyone have any idea please? Is this a fever? Beginning of a flu?
He has complained a bit about his skin feeling sore. Don't know if that is even related....
I have a feeling some of you will say "Call a doctor." I understand believe me! I want to! But I'm in a tough spot. He will get mad. His mad isn't a fun, get over it quick kinda mad but if tomorrow this is the same....I don't know. I don't know!
17 people like this
19 responses
@yoalldudes (35040)
• Philippines
25 Jan 19
Best is to see to see a doctor. But for first aid, applying vinegar with a piece of cloth can lower temperature from fever. Is he in pain. Could it be an infection like a UTI?
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@VivaLaDani13 (60568)
• Perth, Australia
25 Jan 19
@yoalldudes Thank you SO much for that suggestion! I will try that if his temperature goes up again. Thankfully the last time I checked it was back to a normal number. But I will check it again in a few minutes. I've been making sure to monitor it.
As far as I know, in regards to pain, his leg has been sore and it's the same leg which has an infected toe. So I'm even wondering if his infected toe is causing all of this. Not sure about a UTI. As far as I know that all seems to be fine.
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@yoalldudes (35040)
• Philippines
25 Jan 19
@VivaLaDani13 Hope he gets well soon.
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@VivaLaDani13 (60568)
• Perth, Australia
26 Jan 19
@yoalldudes Thank you very much.
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@VivaLaDani13 (60568)
• Perth, Australia
26 Jan 19
@DianneN I really appreciate your advice. And thank you so much!
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@WorDazza (15833)
• Manchester, England
25 Jan 19
I'm of a similar vintage as your father and have children of a similar age to you. I would not put them through what he is putting you through especially when you are also ill.
Sometimes in life you have to do stuff you don't want to do or stuff that scares you. Right now he needs to get over his irrational fear, as much for your sake as his own, and see a doctor.
Is there nobody else, more removed from the situation, maybe a friend of his or another family member who could either talk sense into him or take on the responsibility of calling a doctor out to him?
That should remove any potential fall out from heading in your direction.
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@WorDazza (15833)
• Manchester, England
25 Jan 19
@VivaLaDani13 Perhaps it really is time for a harsh lesson for your father.
It seems that you are the one taking on the role of the parent and this is completely unfair on you. Maybe you are too accomodating to your dad's needs and you need to voice your concerns a bit more often and a bit more forcefully.
I would get your aunty involved. If it causes an argument between them I'm sure they'll sort it out afterwards. Why should you take the grief when you're ill yourself and also dealing with your own issues? If your aunty has anything about her she should be taking this on to allow you to get on with your own recovery.
I know if I was behaving like this I would be getting a lot of stick from other family members.
If nobody else will deal with this for you, call the doctor tomorrow and if your dad complains, tell him in no uncertain terms that one of you had to behave like an adult and it obviously wasn't going to be him!!
And you know you're always very welcome to any advice I can give.
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@VivaLaDani13 (60568)
• Perth, Australia
26 Jan 19
@WorDazza You have touched base on a lot of things that are completely true. I explained to him early this morning that this is really stressing me out as well as making me exhausted and that no matter how much he says he will be fine, I won't feel any relief unless he sees a doctor.
You are right about my Aunty. Thankfully one of my dad's friends is here. So I have someone else to help look after him. So I am feeling less stressed at the moment but still worried.
I agree with you completely. I spoke to him again about the doctors and how I want him to go and he said he just wants to see his doctor. So that's either Monday or Tuesday. It's going to be painful waiting for the weekend to be gone but it's the best we can do right now without him flipping out.
Thank you so much. I honestly really appreciate the time and support you've given me.
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@VivaLaDani13 (60568)
• Perth, Australia
25 Jan 19
@WorDazza You have ALWAYS said things to me that makes me feel like you truly understand. And I know I've said it before but thank you for the times you've been there to answer my posts in the past and for your answer on this post.
I saw my psychologist today and I did vent about this situation. I love and care about my dad a lot and I understand he doesn't like to visit doctors but I am angry because this isn't fair on me. I'm sick. I should be resting. I don't mind helping him but it's annoying he won't do something for himself ( calling a doctor ) and making me take all the responsibility. When I went to my appointment today, my stomach has been aching from worry about leaving him alone and it's still hurting now. He was walking all wobbly 10 minutes before I left so I worried I would come home to him passed out on the floor! I don't want to feel this stressed right now.
It's also because I lost my mum at age 16. I'm not saying my dad is dying but when I see him this sick and not having answers, my imagination runs wild. He is putting so much more stress on me than just asking me for blankets and water.
I messaged my Aunty this morning and then rang my Nan while I was out. ( my Nan is my dad's mum ) and she was very annoyed he won't just go to the doctor. But yeah this is where it gets difficult. No one else in the family even knew he was sick because he "doesn't want to worry anyone" and I have no doubt he also didn't want anyone else to know so no one else can give him the lecture on going to the doctor.
So I'm still kinda alone in this. I have considered asking my Aunty to come over to help but I'm sure it will cause an argument between them. I feel lost and don't know what to do.
When I came back home I said to him that I told my psychologist about him feeling sick and that she suggested we call a doctor and I said to him "So if you aren't well tomorrow can you please just let me call a doctor because I can't do this on my own." He hesitated and gave me a slow and unsure "yeeeeeah."
Again I understand his fear but this isn't fair on me. And isn't right to allow himself to be so sick and not do the most logical thing by getting medical help!
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@sunrisefan (28524)
• Philippines
11 Feb 19
I have no idea but it would have been good if he went to a doctor. You're a very thoughtful and caring daughter. Ms. Dianne's suggestion would be helpful.
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@VivaLaDani13 (60568)
• Perth, Australia
11 Feb 19
@sunrisefan Thank you for answering and kind words. My dad is in the hospital now being treated. So he is being taken care of.
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@VivaLaDani13 (60568)
• Perth, Australia
11 Feb 19
@sunrisefan Thank you. I don't know if we are allowed to stay there. I'm doubting it. Maybe for a baby or child? I don't know but I visit him every day or every second day. And other family members / friends go every day or every second day.
His toe has been amputated and the doctors are trying to save his foot so he is staying in hospital until he is 100% better.
@sunrisefan (28524)
• Philippines
11 Feb 19
@VivaLaDani13 I'm glad he's finally agreed to see a doctor but I'm not happy about his hospitalization. I hope he gets well soon and everything will be okay. Does your hospital system allow a family member to watch over and stay with the patient in his room? In our country, it is very common for one or two family members or relative to stay with the patient.
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@Happy2BeMe (99390)
• Canada
25 Jan 19
I have white coat syndrome too so I know how he feels. I stress out so much whenever I go to the doctors. It could be the flu but if he doesn't get any better or he starts getting worse then he needs to get looked at.
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@VivaLaDani13 (60568)
• Perth, Australia
25 Jan 19
@Happy2BeMe I'm sorry that you suffer with it too. I'm hoping you didn't take offensive to me getting angry in regards to my dad having it. I'm not mocking White Coat Syndrome or anything. I understand it's a real thing. Just stresses me out when I know he needs to get checked out and doesn't go.
Thank you for answering. If he gets worse during the day or this happens again tomorrow then I will be calling a doctor.
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@Happy2BeMe (99390)
• Canada
25 Jan 19
@VivaLaDani13 no I was not offended at all. Keep a close watch on him and be sure to keep us updated.
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@VivaLaDani13 (60568)
• Perth, Australia
25 Jan 19
@Happy2BeMe That makes me feel better. Sometimes I worry I'm saying something the wrong way. I'm glad you weren't.
Thank you very much and will do.
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@florelway (23159)
• Cagayan De Oro, Philippines
27 Jan 19
Let him drink cold water, try to massage his back his shoulders and his feet. That's very sad you do not know what medicine to give him but if he's temperature is high a paracetamol will be fine. As long as he does not stop eating feed him with more fruits.
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@VivaLaDani13 (60568)
• Perth, Australia
27 Jan 19
@florelway It is very possible. But he is adamant on seeing his doctor and his doctor only. His friend and I have decided that if he becomes worse we will be calling a doctor no matter what he says but for now he rather see his doctor on Monday or Tuesday. He doesn't make things easy I swear.
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@VivaLaDani13 (60568)
• Perth, Australia
27 Jan 19
@florelway Thank you so much for all the advice. I have been giving him paracetamol but that is also hard because he has hardly eaten. I need him to eat before taken tablets. And my dad's friend has been massaging his shoulders, neck and back. Both trying to do whatever we can to make sure he is comfortable.
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@florelway (23159)
• Cagayan De Oro, Philippines
27 Jan 19
@VivaLaDani13 I meant there hot water not cold. Would it be possible you call a doctor to visit him in your place, if Not possible a nurse?
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@marguicha (215978)
• Chile
25 Jan 19
He might have the flu. But mostly, he is old and old means other complications. Maybe you should talk to a doctor who can understand that.
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@VivaLaDani13 (60568)
• Perth, Australia
25 Jan 19
@marguicha I don't know if he is "old." He is in his early 50's. But yeah I am going to call a doctor if it gets worse during the day or if it continues tomorrow. Thank you for answering.
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@marguicha (215978)
• Chile
25 Jan 19
@VivaLaDani13 50 is not old at all. You should talk to him.
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@VivaLaDani13 (60568)
• Perth, Australia
25 Jan 19
@marguicha You are right about that. I've been telling him quite often every day for 3 days but yeah....very difficult to make him go. Stresses me out. 
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@LadyDuck (459621)
• Switzerland
25 Jan 19
@VivaLaDani13 This looks a lot like Gout, red swollen and double of usual size.
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@VivaLaDani13 (60568)
• Perth, Australia
25 Jan 19
@LadyDuck That's what I am thinking. His toe is actually very infected right now. It's red and swollen. It's like 2 times the size of what it should be. So I don't know if it's anything to do with that.
But yeah I actually said that if nothing changes tomorrow for me to call a doctor and I said "Deal?" He hesitated and said a slow "yeeeeah." I swear children are easier to look after! I'm so angry and frustrated.
I would do anything for him but it's a bit more difficult when I am still sick and trying to get better. So I will be happy for him to see someone who can actually help out.
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@VivaLaDani13 (60568)
• Perth, Australia
27 Jan 19
@LadyDuck I am researching Gout right now. I had heard of it before but didn't know much about it. Do you by any chance know if Gout causes bleeding? I am so sorry if this sounds disgusting to you. Honestly not trying to make you grossed out.
He is bleeding from his big toe. He had a look today and was shocked at how inflamed / swollen his big toe is, his foot is swollen on top and the big toe is just bleeding.
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@RasmaSandra (73774)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
25 Jan 19
I do not want to say anything to upset you but you should find a way to get your dad to a doctor. My late husband was always feeling fine and he never wanted to see doctors. Then suddenly he got a high fever and he got the same kind of shivers your dad is getting. Finally, my stepdaughter and I practically dragged him to the car and got him to the emergency. He had undiagnosed diabetes that led to complications and before I knew it he was gone. Now that does not mean this is happening or will happen to your dad I am just saying how not wanting to go to doctors can lead to complications and can make things so bad that it becomes too late. Seek medical help.
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@RasmaSandra (73774)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
28 Jan 19
@VivaLaDani13 you welcome. Of course, I will always wish my story had a different ending but life goes on and nothing can be undone. I will put in a prayer for your dad that all goes well.
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@VivaLaDani13 (60568)
• Perth, Australia
28 Jan 19
@RasmaSandra I wish it could be different for you too.
Thank you very much. Really appreciate that.
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@VivaLaDani13 (60568)
• Perth, Australia
26 Jan 19
@RasmaSandra Thank you so much for your answer. I am upset but I'm not upset with you as my dad is diabetic so it did cross my mind on whether this illness could be related. According from what he told me, he is going to book an appointment with his doctor for Monday. If he doesn't then I am done playing this game and will just call one myself. And lucky enough a have a friend of his staying here and she has already said if he gets worse tonight, she will just call a doctor no matter what he says. So I'm glad I have her here.
I am terribly sorry about your husband. I know nothing I say could change the situation but please know I genuinely am sorry. Thank you for sharing your story with me.
@moffittjc (118611)
• Gainesville, Florida
29 Jan 19
Sounds like he has the flu. If he's not careful, he could develop pneumonia. Is he coughing a lot, or is just the fever and chills?
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@moffittjc (118611)
• Gainesville, Florida
14 Feb 19
@VivaLaDani13 Pretty soon he'll be out of the hospital and healthier than ever, despite the amputation in his foot. Keep those positive thoughts flowing, and good things will happen.
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@VivaLaDani13 (60568)
• Perth, Australia
11 Feb 19
@moffittjc It was just fever and chills which was all due to his toe / foot infection. He has been in hospital for quite some time now.
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@noni1959 (9883)
• United States
25 Jan 19
It sounds like the flu and just give him plenty of water, gatorade, and I found baby aspirin work great for adults as well. Keep him cool even if he thinks he is freezing. It's the fever and too much warmth isn't good. He needs it brought down. There are online doctors now. Maybe if he starts with one he can skype with, that will calm his fears.
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@noni1959 (9883)
• United States
25 Jan 19
@VivaLaDani13 I had an ex like this and he was so sick one year I finally called an ambulance when he passed out.He was so mad at me and I told him next time I will allow him to die and then call the coroner. He was taken aback at that but I told him if that is his choice not to get help, then so be it but not to expect me to become nurse maid over something that could be better but chosen not to. The next time he got sick he asked me to take him. When the doctor went to give him a shot, he literally went into shock over the fear. After awhile, they got him under control and he got better about going in but still very anxious.
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@VivaLaDani13 (60568)
• Perth, Australia
25 Jan 19
@noni1959 Thank you so so much for all your suggestions and advice. Funny enough I did grab a few bottles of Gatorade this afternoon for him and will keep up with the tablets to help keep fever down.
Skyping is a great idea too! Thank you. But I'm afraid it will be the exact same. He....*sigh*...he doesn't make it easy! 
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@VivaLaDani13 (60568)
• Perth, Australia
26 Jan 19
@noni1959 Man I wish I had your strength. Only time I show that kind of attitude is when I've reached my limit. I try to be tolerant and understanding as possible but there comes a time when enough is enough.
I say good on ya for doing that! That's the kind of harsh talk people need to come to their senses.
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@Shiva49 (26228)
• Singapore
25 Jan 19
If the person has a mental block it is tough for others to do much.
Maybe you can tell him your health is getting affected by him putting the burden on you.
I am sorry to hear about your plight. I had similar issues with my mum. She was not cooperative - siva
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@VivaLaDani13 (60568)
• Perth, Australia
26 Jan 19
@Shiva49 Sorry you experienced a similar time with your mum. It's very stressful. I have explained to him what this is doing to me. And the more I explain this to him the more angry I get as this isn't fair.
Thank you for answering.
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@Shiva49 (26228)
• Singapore
26 Jan 19
@VivaLaDani13 Some people change when they are afflicted with physical discomfort. My mum is a kind-hearted soul, but she is in great discomfort as she is bedridden for many years. She becomes adamant when it comes to taking medication etc. It is very tough for caregivers to be in such situations - siva
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@VivaLaDani13 (60568)
• Perth, Australia
26 Jan 19
@Shiva49 oh Siva, I am so sorry. That is awful! I wish things could be different for her.
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@Nevena83 (65280)
• Serbia
25 Jan 19
I know how you feel, because my father is the same as your father. I would not go to the doctor, even if he was dying, but I must admit, too, because I'm afraid of a doctor. What is certain is that there is some kind of infection, I just hope it's not serious. If it starts to breathe, it may indicate a lung. My father had a high temperature for 2 days, he was trembling all day, and then the third day he could not breathe, and doctors said his lung tissue had broken out. So I believe your father will agree to go to the doctor at the moment he can no longer stand it.
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@VivaLaDani13 (60568)
• Perth, Australia
26 Jan 19
@Nevena83 I'm sorry for the issues your father faced. Thank you so much for telling me that story and for reading what's going on here. Appreciate it.
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@Nevena83 (65280)
• Serbia
26 Jan 19
@VivaLaDani13 Do not worry, everything will be fine.
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@didinedhia (8475)
• Algeria
26 Jan 19
im feeling you ,but he should go to the doctor by force, you should force him to go ,because that doesn't make any sense!!!!!! i hate this
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@VivaLaDani13 (60568)
• Perth, Australia
26 Jan 19
@didinedhia oh I feel your frustration too! It is just ridiculous isn't it?! Thank you for answering!
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@VivaLaDani13 (60568)
• Perth, Australia
26 Jan 19
@didinedhia Totally agree with you!
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@didinedhia (8475)
• Algeria
26 Jan 19
@VivaLaDani13 yes it is , he should go whether he want to or not!!!
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@GardenGerty (157691)
• United States
5 Feb 19
From your other discussions I know you have gotten your dad in for medical care. Keeping someone hydrated never hurts. Water is always the best, but if he is sweating a lot or having muscle cramps gatorade is good, or very diluted juice. The sugars can be bad since he is diabetic.
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@VivaLaDani13 (60568)
• Perth, Australia
11 Feb 19
@GardenGerty Thank you for your response. Thankfully the doctors are giving him the correct medical care now since he is in hospital.
@snowy22315 (170679)
• United States
25 Jan 19
I agree it does sound like the flu
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@VivaLaDani13 (60568)
• Perth, Australia
26 Jan 19
@snowy22315 Thank you so much for your opinion. I hope that's just what it is and that by the time he actually goes to the doctor, it will be treatable.
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@wanghui (894)
• China
25 Jan 19
I am so understand you stress with him by you said " it scared the crap out of him." and i really understand you love he~~
i am in the same way like you father too,it is just laze to go out for treatment,we always get some illness,somtimes we only need have a rest and drinking more water ,almostly we should be better a few days later,but if get worst,must to look at doctor,they could find what reason cause we uncomfortable and solve it ~~
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@VivaLaDani13 (60568)
• Perth, Australia
25 Jan 19
@wanghui I agree with you 100%! Hopefully he does feel better by tomorrow but a doctor's visit is still something I prefer to happen. Thank you for answering. Appreciate it.
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@VivaLaDani13 (60568)
• Perth, Australia
25 Jan 19
@pjmurphy I've been saying it multiple times a day to him that I want him to see a doctor but he doesn't reply back to me. But you are so right that he needs to see one.
I just went in to give him some water and I told him again I want him to see a doctor and he said "I couldn't go right now." I said that I could call one to come here to which he didn't reply. I didn't mean to but I said "For F sakes." He said "Please don't get angry." I told him that he was stressing me out and that this is ridiculous and asked if he wasn't feeling well tomorrow, if we could please call one. He nodded. I said "I'm calling one regardless tomorrow."
So yeah....It's not easy. This isn't easy. The obvious answers aren't simple when it comes to him in regards to health issues.
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@Sheali (7461)
• India
25 Jan 19
Hi, So sorry to know about your dad. As you are also unwell, it must be difficult for you.
I understand his fear as I am also scared of visiting doctors for no good reason. I would go only when my mom is around. I know it sounds kiddish.. Not the right way to be..
I think you should call a doctor, whether he likes it or not.. I hope he gets well soon.
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@VivaLaDani13 (60568)
• Perth, Australia
25 Jan 19
@Sheali Thank you Sheali. Yeah it does make it more difficult because I am still trying to rest and get well. I would still help out even if I felt way worse but I'm starting to feel frustrated that I am doing everything on my own for him when it would help out a lot for him to just go to a place where they will actually help get rid of this.
Nah it doesn't sound kiddish at all. I understand people are scared of the doctors. Sometimes I feel like I need someone to come with me. It happens. 
I agree. I am a bit scared of him getting angry but I'm done playing this game now. And thank you so much. Really appreciate it!
I agree. I am a bit scared of him getting angry but I'm done playing this game now. And thank you so much. Really appreciate it!1 person likes this
@Sheali (7461)
• India
25 Jan 19
@VivaLaDani13 No.. this time, I think you should become the mom and take a stand..
Take care
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