Some Bad News ...
By Miss Nikki
@MissNikki (5237)
Maple Ridge, British Columbia
February 13, 2019 11:24am CST
I found out a few weeks ago I was pregnant. That's a good thing and I was so happy.
However, I've had some blood work done to monitor levels of HCG, the pregnancy hormone, and it was not looking good at all. The levels of HCG should go UP rapidly every couple days, and mine was going down steadily.
The doctor said this will result in a miscarriage. I have to go get an ultrasound today to see if I will have to get a D & C procedure ... but my doctor seemed very sure this is not a successful pregnancy. I would have been just over 2 months pregnant today.
I'm very upset ... I can't stop crying and feeling like this is somehow my fault. Jay is so supportive and I know he is sad too but trying to be strong for me.
I have never gone through something like this before. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist coming up next week which will hopefully be helpful to me.
I have not shared this with anyone else in my "real life " except Jay, my mom and one of my very close friends.
(Photo is of my home in the snow, Feb 12th 2019)
14 people like this
17 responses
@Happy2BeMe (99390)
• Canada
13 Feb 19
I am so sorry to read this. It must be very difficult for you and Jay. 
2 people like this
@MissNikki (5237)
• Maple Ridge, British Columbia
13 Feb 19
It is very hard ... half the time I just sit on the couch and do not know what to do with myself ... have to find distractions. Thank you for the kind words.
2 people like this
@Happy2BeMe (99390)
• Canada
13 Feb 19
@MissNikki it is normal. You are grieving. It takes times.
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@kobesbuddy (74681)
• East Tawas, Michigan
15 Apr 19
My daughter went through this and it's a very painful(emotionally) circumstance. She cried because of disappointment, losing their very first baby! It hurts:(
1 person likes this
@kobesbuddy (74681)
• East Tawas, Michigan
18 Apr 19
@MissNikki Oh Nikki I hope you are doing better now! This is a harsh experience and it hurts so badly:( I will pray for you, O.K.?
1 person likes this
@MissNikki (5237)
• Maple Ridge, British Columbia
18 Apr 19
@kobesbuddy That's sweet of you, thank you very much. I am doing better, and we are going to try again for a baby soon.
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@MissNikki (5237)
• Maple Ridge, British Columbia
18 Apr 19
It sure does. I hope your daughter is doing better now. *hugs*
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@MissNikki (5237)
• Maple Ridge, British Columbia
14 Feb 19
@akalinus I do appreciate that, thank you. 
@MissNikki (5237)
• Maple Ridge, British Columbia
14 Feb 19
I wish the doctor was wrong. Sadly, the ultrasound proved it.
@VivaLaDani13 (60485)
• Perth, Australia
22 Feb 19
@MissNikki oh Nikki! 
I am so sorry you're going through this. I know this may not help, especially since I have never been pregnant before but I have heard a lot of women blaming themselves during times like this. Sadly these things happen! It's not your fault! It's not like you did anything wrong or anything wrong on purpose to make this happen. I don't know if that is the right thing to say. 
But I am confident to know that this isn't your fault. I know these things can happen due to things being a bit negative in a woman's body but that is not something a woman can control. And it's also something that doctors can assist you on. I don't usually use this word but miracles do happen. This is a tragic time and no doubt will never be forgotten. I just hope this won't make you and Jay lose the will to try again later on.
I'm sorry this is happening right now while you're taking time off work trying to sort your head out. This isn't fair to be happening to you and Jay at all.
You're a beautiful person Nikki. And I'm terribly sorry this has happened to you. I'm glad you have great support around you. And you definitely have support here for you too. Any time!
I am so sorry you're going through this. I know this may not help, especially since I have never been pregnant before but I have heard a lot of women blaming themselves during times like this. Sadly these things happen! It's not your fault! It's not like you did anything wrong or anything wrong on purpose to make this happen. I don't know if that is the right thing to say. But I am confident to know that this isn't your fault. I know these things can happen due to things being a bit negative in a woman's body but that is not something a woman can control. And it's also something that doctors can assist you on. I don't usually use this word but miracles do happen. This is a tragic time and no doubt will never be forgotten. I just hope this won't make you and Jay lose the will to try again later on.
I'm sorry this is happening right now while you're taking time off work trying to sort your head out. This isn't fair to be happening to you and Jay at all.
You're a beautiful person Nikki. And I'm terribly sorry this has happened to you. I'm glad you have great support around you. And you definitely have support here for you too. Any time!1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60485)
• Perth, Australia
25 Feb 19
@MissNikki No worries at all. Any time.
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@MissNikki (5237)
• Maple Ridge, British Columbia
24 Feb 19
Dani, you are so sweet. Thank you for all your kind words. I really do appreciate it. Jay and I are going to try again as soon as we are able... we won't give up. But this really does suck, and I feel horrible about it ... I know logically that it is not my fault but it is hard sometimes when those thoughts come creeping in. I will get through it. Thank you again Dani. *hugs*
1 person likes this
@Hannihar (129516)
• Israel
14 Feb 19
@MissNikki
I am so so sorry. Why do you say it was your fault? I was 7 1/2 to 10 weeks pregnant and then there was no heart beat so had a miscarriage. It was very very hard. I understand how you feel. My ex was not supportive.
1 person likes this
@Hannihar (129516)
• Israel
15 Feb 19
@MissNikki
Thanks. You were not at fault. It just happens. I am so sorry. Thanks for the hugs.
1 person likes this
@MissNikki (5237)
• Maple Ridge, British Columbia
14 Feb 19
I just feel like I did something wrong, or was too stressed out early in the pregnancy - but everyone is telling me it is not my fault. I'm sorry you had to go through this as well and that your ex was not supportive. *hugs*
1 person likes this
@MissNikki (5237)
• Maple Ridge, British Columbia
14 Feb 19
I am trying to be strong. Thank you.
1 person likes this
@MissNikki (5237)
• Maple Ridge, British Columbia
16 Feb 19
@Nevena83 Thanks for the hugs and hugs back!
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@Hate2Iron (15730)
• Canada
13 Feb 19
My heart goes out to you... this has to be sooo hard!!
1 person likes this
@MissNikki (5237)
• Maple Ridge, British Columbia
14 Feb 19
Thank you - I'm glad I have support too.
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@MissNikki (5237)
• Maple Ridge, British Columbia
14 Feb 19
Thank you Dianne *hugs back*
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@norcal (4890)
• Franklinton, North Carolina
14 Feb 19
Your doctor probably told you that there is nothing you could have done to cause this, or to prevent it for that matter. I know it hurts, but you are far from alone. Many women go through this experience, but most don't talk about it. It's too bad too, because that only increases the feeling of isolation for each woman it happens to.
1 person likes this
@MissNikki (5237)
• Maple Ridge, British Columbia
14 Feb 19
She did say there was nothing to be done about it and that I can try again ... I do wish people would talk more about it, which is why I felt the need to talk about it here...
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@Courtlynn (66918)
• United States
13 Feb 19
I am SO very sorry.
I hope your appointment next week is helpful, in this hard time.
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@MissNikki (5237)
• Maple Ridge, British Columbia
14 Feb 19
I hope so too. Thank you Courtney.
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@hillhjill (23664)
• United States
13 Feb 19
I'm so sorry to hear this and I hope the best for you and your family.
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@MissNikki (5237)
• Maple Ridge, British Columbia
14 Feb 19
Thank you for the kind words.
1 person likes this
@Nana49 (3402)
• United States
14 Feb 19
That picture you shared is beautuful. I am so sorry to hear this ..i will keep you in my prayers. I have never gone thru this myself but my daughter lost a grandbaby a week after he was born because he was too early and had needed surgery and was not strong enough to have it ..it was a really hard time for us ..that was in 2012 and now she has a healthy 2 year old and she a 10 year old ..son as well ..in time it has gotten easier but i couldnt have got thru it without God
He is so good to us in our time of need..
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@MissNikki (5237)
• Maple Ridge, British Columbia
14 Feb 19
I am very sorry your daughter went through that, and you as well - it must have been so hard. Thank you for the kind words.
@LLavish (82)
• Lagos, Nigeria
14 Feb 19
Am so sorry you are passing through this emotional wobble. Be strong, Another Pregnancy will come and stay. Hold on to Jay, he is God sent.
@MissNikki (5237)
• Maple Ridge, British Columbia
14 Feb 19
Thank you very much - he is truly wonderful.
1 person likes this
@1hopefulman (45123)
• Canada
13 Feb 19
The picture is so pretty and peaceful! Sorry about your pregnancy. Do not blame yourself, these things happen. It happened to my mother, my now ex-wife and to my daughter. It is a sad occurrence.
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@MissNikki (5237)
• Maple Ridge, British Columbia
14 Feb 19
I'm lucky to have my home during this time - and the beautiful snow to look at. I'm very sorry your mother, ex and daughter had to go through this ... thank you for dropping by.
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