Duty or self-esteem?
@YuleimaVzla (1505)
Maracaibo, Venezuela
August 15, 2019 1:52am CST
I am a single mother as many have to know. In my country, Venezuela, the law stipulates that a child, as well as in some countries, has the right to know its origin, that is, where it comes from, who its parents are and share with them. Particularly the two parents of my two children left me without wanting to know anything about them, the father of my 3-month-old baby can still contact him on Facebook, so many times I told him to come to give at least our baby's last name, and not He refused but didn't say anything, however, I insisted that he would never deny my son his right to know him, because it is a right of my son, but it is not a right that I want to give his father because he does not deserve it . When my son's father was born he never came. Then I had to recognize it ... yes, alone, as it happened to me the first time with my 4-year-old son, and the story was repeated again, leaving a very deep pain in me, because when I wanted to start building again a home with confidence, this home was also fractured by this man for no reason whatsoever other than to leave with another woman and leave me alone as soon as I was 6 months pregnant, the worst thing is that this motive was misleading, since he He told me that he would go to work and after my son was born, I found out and not from his own mouth. My question is: What would you do in my place? I told him that he was not entitled to a baby as cute as the one he had abandoned, and that was how he abandoned, because for the first and last time I wrote to him about the situation in my country to see if he could buy him a bottle of water to feed the baby and he simply did not, who denies the water and his own son? Then I was so indignant that I said: You have no right to such a beautiful baby, an innocent blessing from God that you do not deserve to have it, do not look for us and realize that we do not exist. Did I do well to tell him? I want my son to know his father when he is old and mature enough to decide,
Or, does the father have the right to see him even when he behaved like a scumbag with us when we needed him most? What would you do in my place?
6 people like this
8 responses
@margomyrrh (196)
•
15 Aug 19
that is a very difficult situation you are in, however there are a lot of situation like you do here in our country but most of them have their parents support. and right now the government has issued a law that a single mom can sue the father of the child if he will not give financial support to the child even when the child is still on the womb of the mother, the father should give money assistant to the mother for check ups and so on... I don't know with your country if that's possible to have a hold to the father about financial matters for the baby...
And as for the case about how the father of your child is such an idiot, he doesn't deserve to be a father for abandoning your child he's just good in making a baby and turn it's back to his responsibilty... But no matter how cruel the father is, your son still has the right to know about his father..
2 people like this
@YuleimaVzla (1505)
• Maracaibo, Venezuela
15 Aug 19
I thought the same, I do not want to feel selfish and that my baby will one day grow and claim me because I did not want to let him share with his father, but he is a man who does not mind denying him as important as water, imagine. What good things can you have to share with my child? nothing.
1 person likes this
@YuleimaVzla (1505)
• Maracaibo, Venezuela
15 Aug 19
@kareng Thank you for understanding me and not judging me as many people judge single mothers. Greetings.
2 people like this
@arthurchappell (45002)
• Preston, England
15 Aug 19
The father should be obliged to provide at least financial support for you and your children, though his absense shows that he really cares for no one but himself so it is good that he is not there to raise his offspring to follow his own amoral indifferent path. Sound like you are doing an amazing job in raising your son in difficult circumstances
2 people like this
@arthurchappell (45002)
• Preston, England
16 Aug 19
@YuleimaVzla you are not being selfish at all - you are thinking things through very carefully
1 person likes this
@YuleimaVzla (1505)
• Maracaibo, Venezuela
16 Aug 19
@arthurchappell Thank you friend, at this moment the support is quite well received, especially when we get with these crossroads that life gives us.
1 person likes this
@YuleimaVzla (1505)
• Maracaibo, Venezuela
15 Aug 19
Friend, if it is a strong decision, I think that you, the community in your wisdom, could help me, now I see from your answers that I am not being selfish, that was my fear, that in the future my son fills me with reproaches, but it is that I think that father is the one who is there at all times, not only when the father wants to see his son and when he does not want to see him he is simply not there, hopefully my son when he grows up can see all the angles in a mature way, I would not hurt him
1 person likes this
@yanzalong (18980)
• Indonesia
15 Aug 19
I don't know what I'd do if I were in your shoes. I just want to say that many women were fooled by men's first
Impression.
1 person likes this
@YuleimaVzla (1505)
• Maracaibo, Venezuela
16 Aug 19
Well, in my case I always speak clearly about what I expect from a person as soon as a man declares his intentions, I am clear that there are no misunderstandings, and if he is not the right man then we can decide whether to continue or not, in In my case, I think that even then, when there are people who have made clear to you about their feelings, there are others who don't care about them and even if you want something serious with them, they just want to play, but they don't see that children are not toys and so they go through life, leaving children without recognizing
@cherriefic (10400)
• Philippines
15 Aug 19
Thanks for sharing your story. Its actually similar to mine. I also have two kids but their fathers did not even see them born. I guess there are just guys like that. They don't deserve to even be known or be called humans.
1 person likes this
@cherriefic (10400)
• Philippines
16 Aug 19
@YuleimaVzla Don't cry over those kinds of people. They don't even deserve your tears. I hope you are holding up well by now.
1 person likes this
@YuleimaVzla (1505)
• Maracaibo, Venezuela
15 Aug 19
Just as mine did not even see you born, it is something strong is not as many think, I came to see you other parents of the newborns and they even cried when they saw them for the first time and kissed their wives thanking them for having brought her little son into the world, and I was alone in the hospital, I could only grab my baby and fall asleep to be able to cry under the sheets.
1 person likes this
@YuleimaVzla (1505)
• Maracaibo, Venezuela
18 Aug 19
@cherriefic You know? I did not cry for them, I cried for the fact that my children did not deserve such contempt of their father, I cried for me, because I never thought of finding myself in this situation, I had a life where I was adopted and my true parents gave me in a hospital, so as such, I wanted the day that it was my turn to do my own family, do everything right, have my family with a husband by my side and my children, now I feel that I fail my children without wanting it
@MissNikki (5237)
• Maple Ridge, British Columbia
17 Aug 19
Take him to court and demand child support payments!!
1 person likes this
@YuleimaVzla (1505)
• Maracaibo, Venezuela
18 Aug 19
You know? It may seem prugulous, but that is why I have not taken it to court, to either of the two parents of my children, since I have always thought that you should never force someone who does not want to be a father, not because of him, no, but rather because the children do not deserve that the court also forces them to see and share them, so they will make a contempt for them, be obliged there or put on a bad face, so that they are like this, they better not be parents of anything.
@YuleimaVzla (1505)
• Maracaibo, Venezuela
15 Aug 19
Hello no, at all, if I must go to Mass, to the hospital or to the bank I must always take my children with me, I do not have support from my mother and economically I work and we keep my children and I, but the little that I can give them, I wish they were happy children at least my oldest son does not care about toys or brand clothes, he is simple like me, he has more fun in a park or with rudimentary objects, I bought him toys and he does not care, but if he looks for my attention, he is a child who asks me to play with him or love him or open him or kiss him, that is how my eldest son is and relieves me, because it is not easy when children do not understand the value of what that one can give them.
1 person likes this
@Moon24 (22396)
• Serbia
15 Aug 19
@YuleimaVzla You are strong woman. Why your mother don't help you? You have little kids i think it would be good to have help from someone.
1 person likes this
@Moon24 (22396)
• Serbia
15 Aug 19
@YuleimaVzla I understand. But what is with kids when you are on work?
1 person likes this
@pumpkinjam (8584)
• United Kingdom
15 Aug 19
I hope that I have understood your situation correctly. I will tell you what I did. My eldest child's father is a very good father to him. My youngest child's father, however, has not seen him for three years. Initially, I made every possible effort to ensure that my child saw his father. Saying that, my son was 11 years old at the time. He was old enough to make a decision with me. He didn't want to see his father but I encouraged it. His father then stopped contacted altogether. I have never and will never prevent his father from seeing him but it is up to my son now, if his father does choose to get in touch.
I have seen too many people denied access to their children (including my current partner) so there is no way I would do that. The only time I feel it acceptable to deliberately prevent a parent seeing a child is if there is a danger to the child.
I do think that you should leave the door open for the children's father(s) but they need to be consistent if they are to be in the child's life. When the child is older, you can then tell them honestly that you made the effort and they can make up their mind about whether they want their father in their lives.
@pumpkinjam (8584)
• United Kingdom
15 Aug 19
@YuleimaVzla I think, perhaps, in your case that yiu should be open and honest with your child. When the child asks questions, tell him who his father is. Tell him you'll support him if he wants to find him but that his father has chosen not to be in his life.
1 person likes this
@YuleimaVzla (1505)
• Maracaibo, Venezuela
15 Aug 19
Correct, I do not want to take this to a problem of former partner where a child is involved, that should not be, in your case his father was a bad father, but once he existed for the child and the child could share with him even a Little, but in my case it is different, his father has never come to see him, he did not give his last name, nor has he given anything, I remember being pregnant I asked him to do an ultrasound because it was a high-risk pregnancy, because I suffered from Preclamsia, also for some vitamin supplements and denied everything, then it is not by revenge that I do not want my son's father nearby, is that even in his absence I told him that I could share with the baby and yet it is totally indifferent, I think that a man should not be forced to see a son who has shown that he does not want or care.
@YuleimaVzla (1505)
• Maracaibo, Venezuela
15 Aug 19
@pumpkinjam I am clear on that, my oldest son is 4 years old and is in preschool, as at that age, every child begins to observe parents going to look for their children, so it didn't take long for my little Luciano to ask me where his dad is I said yes, that if he had a dad, that he is Iranian and that he was far away and could not come to see him (I had no heart to tell a 4-year-old boy that his father did not want him in his life) maybe later as at 7 years, depending on the degree of maturity of my son I can tell or further enlarge the truth about his father. But I am clear! Always speak to them with the truth, without charges of conscience.
1 person likes this
@Ghosthere2 (891)
• United States
25 Aug 19
There is a big difference between someone who donated sperm with no regard to what may happen than a father.
