How do you feel when people owe you money, say they don&#39;t have it, yet spend money on other things?

popciclecold

@popciclecold (35452)

• United States

17 Jan 21

That was low.

4 people like this

Anna

@LadyDuck (459353)

• Switzerland

17 Jan 21

@TheHorse He has never been really a friend, he was a friend of a friend that my husband wanted to help, he offered him a position at our Lugano office, but he was totally incompetent. After the money "accident" we understood that he was only a spoiled kid.

4 people like this

@TheHorse (206648)

• Walnut Creek, California

17 Jan 21

I assume that person is an ex-friend now.

3 people like this

Judy Evans

@JudyEv (326170)

• Rockingham, Australia

16 Jan 21

I think you are being far too nice but I do understand how difficult it is to ask for money. She is very unfair and unkind not to pay back her debts. I would start asking every week for your money. I don't think she has any intention of paying you. Try to think of it as helping her to grow up. I hate that this person is doing this to you. Keep asking. You have every right to and shouldn't be feeling guilty about it.

6 people like this

Judy Evans

@JudyEv (326170)

• Rockingham, Australia

19 Jan 21

@VivaLaDani13 She sounds incredibly immature and selfish. I do hope you keep at her till she pays. Remember - you'll be doing her a favour if you can show her that she can't just keep borrowing from others when the whim takes her. Goodness - I sound like a mother!! You don't have to take any notice of me either, remember.

1 person likes this

@VivaLaDani13 (60541)

• Perth, Australia

20 Jan 21

@JudyEv I hate to say it, but that is how I feel about her right now. I'm also hearing from her brother that she is using her baby as an excuse to not do any cleaning around the house, as in saying she is too tired to do anything.

(her brother lives with her). Whenever I have been there, she's mostly sitting down playing a game on her phone or scrolling through Facebook. So I don't know. I will for sure ask her again.

All good! I value and respect your opinions and I totally agree with you on this one for sure! Thank you so much!

1 person likes this

@VivaLaDani13 (60541)

• Perth, Australia

19 Jan 21

@JudyEv Thank you for understanding and for your thoughts on this. I intend to ask her again in February as that will make it a year that I've waited for this money. Her brother suggested that he give me the money but I declined that as SHE needs to do the right thing. Not her older brother. This girl ("my friend") really needs to do this on her own. And to think, she's already planning on having another baby which she needs IVF for. If she can't even pay me $100, she owes her sister thousands of dollars too, hardly ever has money to look after all her pets, having a baby isn't a great idea right now!

2 people like this

May2k8

@May2k8 (18097)

• Indonesia

16 Jan 21

I once lent money to my friends because they forgot to bring extra money and they returned it to me the next day. So the problem here is her honesty as a borrower.

6 people like this

@VivaLaDani13 (60541)

• Perth, Australia

16 Jan 21

@May2k8 That was very nice of you to help your friends out and nice of them to pay you back the very next day!

6 people like this

Shavkat

@Shavkat (137238)

• Philippines

16 Jan 21

I have a low opinion about this kind of people.

5 people like this

Shavkat

@Shavkat (137238)

• Philippines

18 Jan 21

@TheHorse

2 people like this

@TheHorse (206648)

• Walnut Creek, California

17 Jan 21

Me too.

2 people like this

@VivaLaDani13 (60541)

• Perth, Australia

19 Jan 21

@Shavkat I don't blame you for that! It's just so wrong to not do your best to pay the money back to the person who kindly lent it to you.

1 person likes this

CarolDM

@CarolDM (203451)

• Nashville, Tennessee

16 Jan 21

This has happened to me over the years. I don't loan money any more. It causes hurt feelings. Sorry about your situation. I do understand. It puts a strain on the relationship.

5 people like this

@TheHorse (206648)

• Walnut Creek, California

17 Jan 21

Nor do I. I was burned many times in my younger days.

4 people like this

CarolDM

@CarolDM (203451)

• Nashville, Tennessee

17 Jan 21

@TheHorse Same here.

3 people like this

CarolDM

@CarolDM (203451)

• Nashville, Tennessee

17 Jan 21

@TheHorse We live and learn.

1 person likes this

LowRiderX

@LowRiderX (22907)

• Serbia

16 Jan 21

@VivaLaDani13 I have no problem calling that person a hundred times if I have to, to be literally bored. My husband is the complete opposite, he is ashamed to ask for his money, can you imagine that? How many times have I ‘forced’ his debt as well

Needless to say, such a person ended up with me for all time. But if he/she calls and apologizes, says he/she doesn't have it right now, then I have no problem, but the point is to call and not that I have to chase after my own money

5 people like this

@VivaLaDani13 (60541)

• Perth, Australia

19 Jan 21

@LowRiderX Exactly! You are 100% correct and that is what is annoying me. Since February, not once has she let me know that she doesn't have it or even if she can pay me small amounts over time, nothing. I find it rude and cheeky to tell me she hasn't had any money when she has been spending money on things that cost well over the money she owes me.

1 person likes this

LowRiderX

@LowRiderX (22907)

• Serbia

22 Jan 21

@VivaLaDani13 Precisely for that reason, if that person wasn’t uncomfortable behaving like that, it wouldn’t be me for me too for my money either, I know I would get my money out.. however.

1 person likes this

@VivaLaDani13 (60541)

• Perth, Australia

22 Jan 21

@LowRiderX I believe you when you say that lol How are you doing?

1 person likes this

snowy

@snowy22315 (170592)

• United States

16 Jan 21

That is just rude. I would erase her from my friend's list. You will never see that cash.

4 people like this

snowy

@snowy22315 (170592)

• United States

19 Jan 21

@VivaLaDani13 I think th only at you will get the money is to take her to court. It wouldn't be worth it with the filing fees and such.

1 person likes this

@VivaLaDani13 (60541)

• Perth, Australia

19 Jan 21

@snowy22315 I'm going to still fight for my money but I still want to keep it civil as I don't want any issues or awkwardness when I'm over there. I hope to get my money, but what I do know for sure is that I won't be lending any more money to her ever again.

1 person likes this

@VivaLaDani13 (60541)

• Perth, Australia

20 Jan 21

@snowy22315 Well I don't see myself going that far to be honest. It's not a position I'd ever want to put myself in with anybody due to what you said with the fees etc. I'm very close to her brother and to her mum so it's not exactly easy for her to get away with this. I will get it eventually. I'm just upset with the lie and not doing anything about this way sooner. I have kept all the messages though from when I sent her the money, when she said she would pay me back and all the messages from November when she said she will pay me back that month. As well as a screenshot of the money I sent.

OceanTiara

@RebeccasFarm (86828)

• United States

16 Jan 21

I know how I would feel and what I would do but sometimes in my case I just have to let it go

3 people like this

@VivaLaDani13 (60541)

• Perth, Australia

19 Jan 21

@RebeccasFarm I'm so sorry for that! It's just not right to kiss money goodbye when all we were trying to do is help someone out. It's wrong!

Judy Story

@jstory07 (134679)

• Roseburg, Oregon

16 Jan 21

I never loan money to anyone because of the fact I might never get it back. You will have to forget about it because you are never going to see that money again.

4 people like this

@VivaLaDani13 (60541)

• Perth, Australia

19 Jan 21

@jstory07 I don't blame you for that. I will still be fighting for my money. It's a little hard for her to shake me off since I'm seeing her brother a lot. But whatever happens, I will never be lending her money ever again. Not even a dollar.

Jabo

@jaboUK (64361)

• United Kingdom

16 Jan 21

That's unforgivable - her priority should be to pay friends back. I've never borrowed any money in my life but have occasionally lent it. I'm happy to say that I have always been paid back.

5 people like this

@TheHorse (206648)

• Walnut Creek, California

17 Jan 21

I wish I could say the same.

4 people like this

@VivaLaDani13 (60541)

• Perth, Australia

19 Jan 21

@jaboUK I completely agree with you and I find it rude that this matter has not been brought up by her at all until I had to come to her almost a year later. I'm glad that anyone you've lent money to has always paid you back. Those are definitely honest and respectful people!

1 person likes this

John Welford

@indexer (4852)

• Leicester, England

16 Jan 21

So now you know how Deutsche Bank (among many others) must feel about the loans they made to a certain orange-skinned man who is just about to move house from Pennsylvania Avenue!

5 people like this

Anna

@LadyDuck (459353)

• Switzerland

16 Jan 21

@indexer

3 people like this

@TheHorse (206648)

• Walnut Creek, California

17 Jan 21

Are there still "debtor's prisons"?

1 person likes this

@VivaLaDani13 (60541)

• Perth, Australia

16 Jan 21

@indexer "certain orange-skinned man"

Gee, I wonder who that could be!?

Thank you for the laugh!

4 people like this

@TheHorse (206648)

• Walnut Creek, California

17 Jan 21

I'd just tell her you'll have to charge her interest if she does not pay you back by such-and-such a date. 10% per year is pretty standard around here. We also have small claims courts.

3 people like this

@TheHorse (206648)

• Walnut Creek, California

20 Jan 21

@VivaLaDani13 Yeah, he was shady. A bit of my (fading) innocence was lost.

1 person likes this

@VivaLaDani13 (60541)

• Perth, Australia

19 Jan 21

@TheHorse I don't see myself going to that level.

But boy would that have made me richer. But no on a serious note, I don't want this to get messy. I know I'm in the right here but would rather keep this civil.

2 people like this

@VivaLaDani13 (60541)

• Perth, Australia

20 Jan 21

@TheHorse Holy cow! I'm sorry! That is a lot of money!

1 person likes this

[eds]

@ZedSmart (19753)

• Philippines

16 Jan 21

This is a very common scenario also here. Some will abuse the kindness a person extended to other and most of the time, those who owe has the nerve to get angry if you keep after them.

5 people like this

@VivaLaDani13 (60541)

• Perth, Australia

19 Jan 21

@ZedSmart I know what you mean and that is why I am trying to not come at her too much. I will still fight for my money but hoping it won't cause any issues either.

1 person likes this

@VivaLaDani13 (60541)

• Perth, Australia

19 Jan 21

@ZedSmart I totally agree with you! And that's what I can't stop thinking about. She pays about $2000 for a puppy....where's my one hundred? Doesn't make any sense to tell me she hasn't had any money.

1 person likes this

[eds]

@ZedSmart (19753)

• Philippines

19 Jan 21

@VivaLaDani13 She has the obligation to pay because you're not giving it to here. If she could afford higher amount of purchases, I think paying you what she suppose to wouldn't hurt. Tsk! I hope you will get soon what is due to you. It's not easy to earn and you can't just hand it free.

1 person likes this

Nocturnal Writer

@Nakitakona (56302)

• Philippines

16 Jan 21

The principle of lending a money is to assume that money lent is a lost. I remember the difference between a lender and the borrower. The lender always remembers. The borrower always forgets.

5 people like this

@VivaLaDani13 (60541)

• Perth, Australia

19 Jan 21

@Nakitakona "The lender always remembers. The borrower always forgets." That is very true in many cases. I am going to still try get my money back and will never lend money to her again.

1 person likes this

Nocturnal Writer

@Nakitakona (56302)

• Philippines

16 Jan 21

@Cheyee That's true to unsecured debts which are being transacted to a privste person.

4 people like this

Teti ariani

@Cheyee (8362)

• Pakanbaru, Indonesia

16 Jan 21

I don't agree with this. If most people think like this, no one gonna pay their debt.

4 people like this

@DaddyEvil (137142)

• United States

20 Jan 21

Years ago I made the decision that if someone asked me for money and I decided to give it to them... for whatever reason, I would consider that I had given it to them, not loaned it to them. I got very tired of people telling me they hadn't forgotten the debt but just couldn't pay it back right then. It seemed like I was always the last person on their list to pay back. That decision makes me think very hard about whether I can afford to give the money away or whether Pretty and I might need it ourselves. People seem to have gotten the message. I haven't been asked to 'loan' anyone money in years.

2 people like this

@DaddyEvil (137142)

• United States

22 Jan 21

@VivaLaDani13 True, you could do that... But before you do, you might try asking a loan officer at the bank if doing that actually means people will pay the loan back without taking them to court. I'm sorry you lost your money but without letting your friend pay it back, I'm betting you'll never see it again.

2 people like this

@VivaLaDani13 (60541)

• Perth, Australia

22 Jan 21

@DaddyEvil I'm so sorry for that. It's just so wrong in my eyes for people to behave this way when someone is just trying to help them. I almost feel like recording people when I hand them the money so they can't say they have forgotten or say it never took place and / or get them to sign and date a piece of paper saying they know about this money.

2 people like this

@VivaLaDani13 (60541)

• Perth, Australia

23 Jan 21

@DaddyEvil As far as I know, that should be good enough as it's in writing and there is evidence. (from what I've heard from binge watching Judge Judy)

I've kept all the messages anyway between her and I talking about it as well as the screenshot when the money was transferred.

2 people like this

Marsha

@MarshaMusselman (38663)

• Midland, Michigan

17 Jan 21

I've heard it said before that if you lend or money be prepared to not get it back. I wonder whether she would be willing to pay you ten dollars per month or twenty until it's paid off. She could be charging the higher amounts and not have enough cash on hand.

2 people like this

Marsha

@MarshaMusselman (38663)

• Midland, Michigan

19 Jan 21

@VivaLaDani13 a lot of people spend what they don't have and accrue debt when they don't actually have cash on hand.

1 person likes this

@VivaLaDani13 (60541)

• Perth, Australia

19 Jan 21

@MarshaMusselman That's pretty much what my dad has said about this. That she could have at least contacted me to tell me she hasn't had it instead of me coming to her but also, it's getting very close to a year that I've been waiting for this money so you'd think $5 here and there over time could have worked. It's not like she has nothing at all as she buys a puppy for over 2 grand, has a baby and is already planning for another baby.

1 person likes this

@VivaLaDani13 (60541)

• Perth, Australia

20 Jan 21

@MarshaMusselman That is true. I just still don't like this. It will be a year next month for me waiting for this money. She can't say she hasn't had $100 or little bits of money throughout this whole time to start paying me back. She goes out often as well and that takes money for fuel and food / drinks. She has the money. I'm just not on top of her priority list. Honest people hold off spending money on things they want (not need) until they pay off their debts. I don't know. Yesterday was the first time I actually felt awful about it because she lied to me and it's not the first time. (was another lie not regarding money).

1 person likes this

Krissttina Isobe

@oahuwriter (26778)

• United States

17 Jan 21

Let her brother get the money for you. And never lent her anything ever again.

1 person likes this

@VivaLaDani13 (60541)

• Perth, Australia

20 Jan 21

@oahuwriter Thank you kindly. Hope you're doing alright over there!

1 person likes this

@VivaLaDani13 (60541)

• Perth, Australia

19 Jan 21

@oahuwriter Funny enough her brother did suggest giving me the money instead but I declined as this is her debt, not his. But yep for sure I will not be lending her any more money ever again.

1 person likes this

Krissttina Isobe

@oahuwriter (26778)

• United States

19 Jan 21

@VivaLaDani13 Hmm, you do what you need to on thus. Good luck!

1 person likes this

Marie Coyle

@MarieCoyle (29056)

•

16 Jan 21

I think many of us have made this mistake. This is really not a friend, if she can do this to you and flaunt her new expensive things. I would let it, and her, go. It sounds like you valued the friendship and she did not, which is hard to take. I hope you can get your money back, especially if you need it.

2 people like this

@VivaLaDani13 (60541)

• Perth, Australia

19 Jan 21

@MarieCoyle Thank you very much. I hope I can get it back. I see her brother often and I really don't want this to turn into something ugly but I just know I will still try get my money back but never lend anymore out to her ever again.

Teti ariani

@Cheyee (8362)

• Pakanbaru, Indonesia

16 Jan 21

Many friendships ruin because of money. I stopped lending the money long time ago because it always get ugly every time I asked for my money back. It's your money, ask her to give it back. Those kind of person doesn't deserve your kindness.

2 people like this