It's been a long sad month

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Four weeks ago everyone started noticing our cat losing weight as he was getting real thin in his back by his butt. Three weeks ago we took him to the vets closest to us that he's been to before for an "urgent appointment". Unfortunately they wouldn't even try taking him out of the carrier because of him being "aggressive" even though they're supposed to know how to handle animals like that. And then they used the excuse of 'closing in a few minutes so can't do any testing today, here's some anxiety meds bring him back in the morning'. All of which pissed us all off. Anyways.. my fiancé kept trying to give him those meds that night and next morning, but he wouldn't take them. So we canceled the appointment. Then two nights later he wasn't being himself so we called the emergency vets about 30mins away and told them what was going on then left to bring him in. And as soon as we went in they took him and was able to put him on oxygen! Then they did a little sedation to do xrays, as he was "aggressive" to them too. (But at least they still did stuff to help him and figure out what was going on!) Unfortunately, the scans showed what looked like cancer to them - though without a biopsy they couldn't make it a definite conclusion, and with his breathing the way it was a biopsy was out of the question. They said it could've also been asthma, but they didn't think so. Plus he also had a mass by his stomach, but they said that wasn't anything to worry about. So we made the decision to give him a 24hr steroid shot, which would help him if it was asthma or cancer - to give him a chance rather than putting him down right then as the vet said he may not make it the next 24-48hrs even with the steroid shot. And we got steroid pills to give him daily for a week (which was real hard for my fiance to give him but he was able to). When we first got home and later that day it seemed like he was getting better, as he was eating and especially drinking more. But as the days went on he still wasn't going to the bathroom (pooping) or eating and drinking as much as normal. So we went back to the vet closest to us for his follow up about a week later and made sure we got a different vet, and she was able to sedate him a little to give him yet another steroid shot (this one lasting 1-4 weeks) as well as nausea meds and pain meds shots. Well, seven-eight days later we called my brother over to see him because he wasn't really eating or drinking at all anymore, and still not pooping. And we were debating making that hard decision then. But when he came over he convinced my mom to give him the steroid pill once more to see if that does anything for his eating and drinking, at least. It didn't. And the next day he started wobbling when walking. So my mom, fiancé and I were talking about finally doing it, though we didn't want to.. when next thing we know the cat gets up from the hallway to go into my room under my bed and he's walking sideways! Going into the wall! So screaming and crying, I told my mom we have zero choice now. We have to do it. Call my brother and tell him to get here now if he's going with us like he wants to. She did, and he quickly came. My fiancé grabbed the cat carefully from under my bed and we all pet him and talked to him while crying since we hate seeing him like this but also know what was about to happen and we didn't want to do it. Then after 15-20mins we got him in the carrier and left to the 24hr emergency vet we went to that helped us the most. We got there and my brother who was holding the carrier/cat couldn't get out of the car. Then when we went in and they went to grab the carrier to bring the cat back for the sedation and catheter, he wouldn't let go of the bag and then was shaking his hands in place once he did - breaking down. (We were all crying though, except my fiancé). Once they brought him back out to us to say our goodbyes, we ALL broke down over and over again. And I finally held him, for the first time ever (reason from childhood behind it) which made me even more sad that this had to happen for me to hold him. After about two hours and lots of talking/memories, kisses and tears, the cat was waking up too much from the sedation and trying to wiggle out of the blanket and everyones arms so when the vet came back in again.. we had her finish. Then we spent the next 30ish minutes with him before finding the strength to leave. A day later my mom got the call from Final Gift saying the cat was already ready for pickup (cremation) so her and I went for the hour drive the next day. As we didn't want to wait to bring him back home where he belongs. Now it's been a week, today, since we had to do the hardest thing we've ever had to do. And it still hurts so much. Especially since we all still look for him when we walk into the house, get up / go to bed.. and all go to say "we're leaving kitty, we'll be back soon", "be good" etc when we leave to go anywhere. And seeing all his stuff in the house, and being in any part of the house since he was always all over the place.. But we did what we had to do. For him. To not make him suffer anymore than he had to have been, even though he wasn't showing it - especially with still being sweet to us but aggressive to vets and fighting to get in the carrier like normal. RIP Mow-Mow/Kitty. Photo is mine. Do not use, save, etc.