how do you celebrate christmas if you lost a loved one

Philippines
December 16, 2006 9:19pm CST
today is December 17. Its 8 days before christmas and 49 days after my mom died. I really dont know how to deal with it specially that christmas is coming. One of the happiest season that we sure wouldnt forget. But definitely this christmas would be different because this is the first time i will be facing christmas without my mom. I really dont know how i will celbrate my christmas, my next birthday and other 'next' celebrations.. Its hard, painful, hurt. I really dont know how to deal with it
6 people like this
29 responses
@lingli_78 (12852)
• Australia
18 Dec 06
well, i know how you feel... it is very sad and depressing... but you just have to move on with your life... God will always be with you and provide you with the strength and comfort that you need... God Bless you...
1 person likes this
@SageMother (2277)
• United States
18 Dec 06
Ilost my first born daughter on Mother's Day, 1974...so I can kind of identify with your position. One of the best things to do when these holidays approach, is to assess your feelings, even if it has to happen every hour, on the hour. There is nothing worse then being "blind sided" by a sudden wave of mourning, and yes, it comes in waves. There will be those moments watching the younger kids opening presents and you will remember how it was for you with your mom, and you were young. You will remember last Christmas and everyone being together. Everyone handles their grief differently, you might think about how you would like to deal with these moments before they arrive. It is ok to not know, it will take thought and that is difficult. Don't allow others to push you into doing traditional family activities if you are not up to it, emotionally or physically. The arguments about what your mother wouldhave wanted, or anyone else for that matter, are not appropriate at this time. If you feel that you must withdraw, then do so. It is the way your mind and body protect against overload. A candle burns every night, somewhere on the face of the earth, for a lost loved one. Perhaps its time for your candle to burn with theirs. Blessed Be
• Italy
18 Dec 06
ok, sorry, it is hard at first. but you move on.
1 person likes this
@Metallion (2231)
• United States
18 Dec 06
Sometimes it's hard, I've lost my father and grandfather and had to celebrate holidays after they passed away. Nobody can tell you to forget about them or it's easy, neither is right. Remember the good times with them but realize in the end you have to move on and take the good memories with you while adjusting to life without them. Good luck, as I said it's not easy, but something many of us have to deal with.
1 person likes this
@cessy1 (1748)
• Philippines
18 Dec 06
sorry about it.. :( it is really hard to be glad and merry when our heart is longing for a loved one..i can't really give you an advise on how to be happy because it is really difficult..
1 person likes this
• Philippines
18 Dec 06
my heart goes out to you, jrc_garcia. i haven't lost anybody close in my family yet and hopefully not in the near future. it's completely understandable as well that you won't want to celebrate. i think that if you don't feel like celebrating then don't yet. but i'm sure that your mom is already somewhere safe and happy and that she would like you to celebrate too... as soon as you're ready to face the holidays and other festive occasions then i'm sure you won't have a hard time celebrating. right now, i think that the pain and the memory is too fresh and that each time you try to do things the "normal" way - somehow, things would always remind you of your loss. so i guess, what i would do - is just have a "somber" christmas... if there is one.. maybe light a candle in her memory and be with your family, at least you won't be alone. and you'll still be able to give gifts and maybe hold like a small memorial for her. right now, i'm sure you have your own friends and support group who'll help make things better. i'm praying for you. and i wish you a happy holidays. :o)
• United States
17 Dec 06
I'm sorry to hear of your loss, but know your not alone in your pain this Christmas. I lost my Mother Sept. 8 and am feeling the same way you are. I have moved back in with my Dad because he has Emphysema and doesn't need to live alone. My brothers and sister are coming over on Christmas for dinner, which is what we usually do, but honestly I don't know how to deal with it. We got together for Thanksgiving and I felt lost. I know that even with your family around you still feel alone, but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers and I am going through it with you. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
• United States
17 Dec 06
im sorry for your loss. Loosing a family memeber can be hard. But you have to move on, because thats what they would want you to do. Still celebrate the holidays, but keep your mom in your heart and in your mind. It's not gonna be easy, but you can get through.
1 person likes this
@feralcat (426)
• Canada
17 Dec 06
I honestly wish I could give a happy and positive answer to this but dealing wiht loss myself I am not sure how to respond. Although ot much help for some but what I do is watch comedies, charlie brown and I just go with the motion of things really.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Dec 06
No doubt, your emotions are all mixed up right now, and that's okay. You're okay. Go ahead and talk outloud to your Mom. Embrace your grief and set those cleansing tears free. Also, celebrate the life she lived and the wonderful mothering that she provided you. Best regards to you.
@Nardimm (218)
• Brazil
17 Dec 06
oh man... try to celebrate without think in your mom... forgot this...
1 person likes this
@janet069 (663)
• United States
17 Dec 06
It is difficult but if you have other family members you can celebrate with them, they are probably hurting too. I've lost several loved ones and you just have to take it one day at a time. The first holiday, mothers day, birthday, etc are the hardest ones. After that it starts getting a little easier. Just hang in there, time makes it better.
1 person likes this
@onesiobhan (1330)
• Canada
17 Dec 06
I'm really sorry for your loss. It's hard to lose somebody you care about. The only thing I can think of is to do something different this year. If you do the things you normally do on Christmas it's going to make you think about her and miss her all the more because she's not there. Change your routine and it might be easier, even if not painless. You can go back to your traditions later when the pain is not so fresh. Good luck to you.
1 person likes this
@mshmsho (118)
• Germany
18 Dec 06
I know how you feel. I had also lost a loved one 2 years ago and I remember how taht year Christmas was sad and painful for me. I went to the cemetery and took some flowers to him. He is always living with me and I never forget him in any happy or sad occassion. May God give you patience to spend this happy holidays without sorrow.
• Philippines
18 Dec 06
You have face the truth...You should think that ur mom was wiht God and she was happy where she is now..and she was happy when she saw ur happy also..So life must go on...Be happy always!!Merry Christmas!!!:)
@Rasnie (1137)
• Indonesia
18 Dec 06
Sorry to hear that. But you still celebrate christmas & share your joy with other people you loved that still here with you.
@sunrisekn (1468)
• United States
18 Dec 06
My condolences on the loss of your mother. As hard as it may be to "celebrate", just think about what your mom would want you to do. If she's want you to continue a tradition, then do it. If she'd want you to take it easy and ponder the day, then do that. Just do what you think would honor her the best. Next year, you can think about "celebrating" the holidays and birthdays.
• United States
18 Dec 06
It's hard and still painful but you just have to remember the good times you had with her.And she's not totally gone she is still celebrating with you spiritually.So on any holiday or birthday wish her the best.
@aettouss (59)
• France
18 Dec 06
I don't think you can be happy after lost a member of your family, so i think that i can't celebrate something after this. Some persons can because they think that they must continue their life.
@chertsy (3817)
• United States
17 Dec 06
First I like to give you a hug.(((jrc_garcia))). I lost my brother 8 years ago Oct 14th to murder. I won't lie and say oh the first christmas, first anything was easy. My daughter and having to house train a 6 month old puppy helped me keep busy. Look around in the area where you live and see if you can make a donation in your mother's name. I see play area's with bricks with names on them. Maybe you can see if you can have a tree planted in her name. You then can watch it grow as she did with you. Just do things to keep you busy. I found that the days where easier to deal than the nights. At night, find things to do til you get tired and go to sleep. The first year is the hardest, but I do promise it get's easier. You will have bad days but they will get less and less. You will see that you have more good than the bad. Someone told me this. At night your loved one watches down on you from the stars, during the day, your loved ones watches over you with the warmth of the sun. I pray that this brings some comfort. You can also visit the web site www.groww.org This is a wonderful site that has many chat rooms for helping people after they lose a loved one. There you can talk with other's that have lost a parent. I hope this helps as well.