Is this friend really a friend?

Ireland
December 17, 2006 3:33pm CST
I have this friend and I'm begining to wonder why I have her as a friend. No matter what I do or say, she has to do or say it ten times better. I can't talk to her about me or the kids because she interrupts to tell me about her and her kids. She'd never say "That's nice", or "Congratulations" or offer any compliment. Everything is about her all the time. Should I start distancing myself from her? Oh, another thing. I told her I was getting a new kitchen. She replaced her kitchen 3 years ago. She told me ages ago. But when I told her I was getting a new kitchen, she said she was thinking of changing hers. Aaarrrghghgh........she's so childish!!
4 people like this
11 responses
• United States
28 Dec 06
If you can stand her outlandish behavior and you enjoy her friendship you should keep her as a friend. Some people need to be the best. What are the other reasons you befriended her? I had a friend who could be one nasty biach. When I looked beyond this trait I found her to be one of the most kind-hearted people I have met. She passed away 8 years ago. I miss her dearly.
1 person likes this
• Ireland
28 Dec 06
I'm sorry to hear about your friend and sorry to hear that you're missing her so much. I befriended this girl when we were in a book club together earlier this year. But I've realised that whereas I do a lot for her, she never really does anything for me. I seem to be her shoulder to cry on in her times of need, or someone to amuse herself with if she's at a loose end. If I want to meet her, or if I have a problem, she suddenly has to "run" somewhere or is very busy. I decided over the Christmas that I'm going to distance myself from her because she's too much work and I think friendship has to be a two way thing.
• United States
28 Dec 06
Glad you have the strength to end the friendship. I just walk away.
1 person likes this
30 Dec 06
Just distance yourself from her as much as possible, you don't need people like this in your life...if she wants to be a child about these things, that's her decision...but you can just rise above it and ignore her. She obviously just feels threatened by you, or is a naturally insecure person. She'll just have to learn to get over herself.
1 person likes this
• Ireland
30 Dec 06
Thanks. I've decided I'll say nothing but gradually distance msyelf from her. If she calls in future I'm going to say I'm dashing out somewhere or something.
• United States
27 Dec 06
People like that drive me nuts. Personally, I think I'd distance myself and find someone that I can truly relate to.
1 person likes this
• Ireland
27 Dec 06
I think that's probably the best thing to do at this stage. Would you believe I thought of this post today because she phoned me this morning (at 10am!!!!) and started to tell me all about what she got for Christmas. I'm thinking like.......what AGE is this woman at all? :O
@Rosy001 (363)
• South Africa
27 Dec 06
I kinda have a very similar situation with a friend of mine, only thing is - i've distanced myself. i dont like the vibes i get or how she makes me feel. Always tries to be one up on me or putting me down. I know that she's the type of person who doesnt think before they speak but i'm sorry, there is only so much i can take. Would you believe on my wedding day she came up to greet and had the nerve to tell me when she checked my ring out that at least her husband wanted to show ppl that she was married and gave her a big ring!!!! I almost slapped her....wanted to retaliate bcos believe me i had enuff amunition to but thought better of it. Last year as well we were both pregant at the same time and she constantly compared us and now she compares the progress of our children. I dont like it, cannot handle it so i've made a point of keeping my distance with her. I'm sure she doesnt realise it or even what she does but i'm not interested in explaining it to her. My husband cannot stand her..........
1 person likes this
• Ireland
27 Dec 06
Some people have no cop on at all. I can't believethat girl saying that to you on your wedding day.
• Ireland
17 Dec 06
I have met lots of people like this. If I had a monkey with one head, hers would have two heads and if my little Johnny got all A grades in school hers would get A +s. Be polite bu all means but if I were you I would start distancing myself from her. She seems to be taken up with her own self importance that she has no time to listen to other people. A friend is one who listens.
@JashleyB (1441)
• United States
30 Dec 06
Oh man, I have known a few people lke that. I had one friend more recently that started being that way. Everything I told her that I was excited about she'd barely acknowledge it and if I did something new she'd ay she was about to do that. Grr. I distanced myself from her and now we don't really talk much anymore. I think it's better off that wa because I don't have to be annoyed by it lol. She wasn't a true friend anyway. When your REAL friend tells you something do you not feel glad for her? Unless someone just goes and brags about suff all the time I believe you will. :)
1 person likes this
@kareng (7980)
• United States
30 Dec 06
It sounds like your friend is totally wrapped up in herself! She is the classic "keep up with the Jones" kind!Since you have noticed a pattern and it has kept on, you can either tell her you are tired of her interrupting you in the middle of sentences all the time and see if she gets the hint. Otherwise, I'd start distancing myself.
@volschenkh (1044)
• South Africa
30 Dec 06
I know what you are experiencing here. I had a whole circle of friends like that. They all competed with each other. If the one buys a new car, the other has to buy a bigger and more expensive car....and so it went until I cut my contact with them. After 3 years, one of these friends became part of my friends again and its SO mucj better now. So maybe its a good idea to distance yourself and see what happens. Confronting her with reality would just blow up in your face. They can never admit to THAT!
@shooie (4986)
• United States
30 Dec 06
I had a friend like that and have worked with a people like that it is very annoying. I think you have the right idea put some space between you and her. I mean you don't have to knock her totally out of the picture. Orrrrr you can sit her down over a cup of coffee and say I don't know if you realize this but anytime anyone says anything to you or about something in their lives you try to one up them. Your friend may not be aware of it.
1 person likes this
@babykay (2133)
• Ireland
29 Dec 06
Some people are very competitive and this can be a reason why they interpret everything as being either a threat or a measurement of themselves, it can be soooo tiresome. If I were you, when she starts talking crap about how great her children/life/possessions are, I would make a little joke, slightly sarcastic. Or else I would cut her off and say you "must dash". Alternatively you could use the friendship the way she does, she clearly wants you as a captive audience for her rants, what do you want her for? But if you feel that she is a mostly negative influence in your life I would distance myself very gradually from her. If somebody is making you feel bad and giving you negative vibes then there is little point in continuing on in the friendship.
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Dec 06
She is in competition with you for some reason. I had a friend like that for over 50 years. I recently got smart and said good bye to her. I should have done it a long time ago. She bugged me more than I enjoyed being with her. I don't know if this person is your friend. A friend is happy and supportive to you always. Not competitive. Good luck.