Should I help out the leader for my daughters girl scout troop?

United States
December 18, 2006 11:50pm CST
Now heres the details. My daughter joined a troop back in September. At the time the leader didn't have a co-leader because she only had a few girls. My daughter offered me up as a co-leader any ways and at the time I had said sure I wouldn't mind doing it, but my work comes first so even though I attend ALL events I would have to miss the occasional meeting due to my work schedule. She said she would get me the paper work and the training information on the classes/meetings I needed to attend to be a leader/co-leader. Now she never did get me any of this information at all even though I had asked, we discussed and several times she told me that she would. Then one of the mothers that she is good friends with became the co-leader without attending any trainings at all. So for several months this other mother (whom I adore, our daughters are in the same class in school and we became friends due to all the involvement in our daughters lives we see each other so much.) the other mother has been the unoffical co-leader of the group helping the leader out with everything. I keep offering to help with things but they always tell me the have it under control. (then seem to make a point of going on and on and on about ALL the hard work THEY put into the troop. Which in itself is a whole diffrent disscussion and annoying! haha) Now the other mother's husband is in the military and they are going to be relocated in the first weeks of Feburary. Which is very sad since we have grown close so quickly! She will be missed. Today at meeting the discussion got started as to what the leader will do when this other mother is gone. Who will help her out so much and be the co-leader? The leader informally announced that it will be me and one of the other moms sharing the task or if nothing else at least me. Of course the other mother being nominated with me pipes in that she will help out as much as needed but I would be the better choice beccause I am really good with all the kids and can think quicker with the group and rangle them all in quicker than she can. (In other words I can control and get them under control better.) Now that I've been long winded and giving you some of the important details... At this point should I say okay and step in if they really need me...or tell them sorry I don't want to? It's not really that I don't want to. I actually have alot of fun with the girls and would actually rather have my own troop (be a leader) and this is easier if you co-lead a troop first then branch off and get your own. I wouldn't be taking any of her girls, there are plenty on the waiting list for this area just wishing to get into troops, but we don't have enough leaders. But I also feel like I am just a second or third chioce...because I'm there and she has to have one...sorta deal. After all she was the one that never got me the info...and even though I email her and call her...she doesn't seem to be in touch with me much and acts like she can't get ahold of me. (she recently told someone she couldn't get ahold of me last week even though we had sent emails back and forth a couple times and talked in person last week.) I want to say yes becuase my daughter would want me to do it...and I would have fun doing it. But then I would also like to say no to make a point. When I wanted to I was blown off and forgotten...and now that its needed I'm suddenly remembered again. What do you think? Should I do it...or blow them off the way they did me?
3 people like this
44 responses
@imadriscoll (2230)
• United States
19 Dec 06
I can understand that your feelings have been hurt and I'm pretty sure that in the same situation that I would feel slighted also. But I also think that you have listed several reasons as to why you would want to do it. It sounds like you're talented when it comes to kids and it would be a memory that you and your daughter will be able to share for the rest of your life. Don't let your pride take that away! Besides you're just putting in your time until you're a troop leader yourself.
• United States
19 Dec 06
Also it kind of sounds to me like the leader of the group might be dealing with some insecurities of her own and may see you as a threat. She might be doing everything that she can to hold on to her position.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Dec 06
Yeah thats true. I never saw it that way...that she could be insecure. That and she herself is a very busy person so she says. So maybe she doesn't have the time she thought she would to put into this and isn't doing as well as she thought.
@sharone74 (4839)
• United States
20 Dec 06
Be the bigger person, there is no reason to deny yourself a pleasure that you want just to make a point. Some people just have to play the hero or the martyr role. Don't let her shortcomings affect your happiness.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Dec 06
Okay thanks!
• Canada
20 Dec 06
I think you should do it, but not for the fact of helping them out. Do it for the kids and also for a chance to become a leader very shortly. Getting this training will help you out and teach you how to do certain things with the girls (which is most likely very obvious, but it's needed). I will say good luck, and I do hope that whatever choice you do make, works best for you.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Dec 06
Well thank you very much!
@JeneaD (4)
• United States
20 Dec 06
Remember, this is about the kids. While I understand how frustrating all that might have been for you, in the end it realy isn't about us, is it? We kinda gave up that right when we had children. I think you should help out where you can, it probly would mean alot to your daughter. You need to teach your daughter how to be the bigger person, and she will learn that from watching you. Good Luck, And Have Fun
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Dec 06
Yupp so far everyone has been right. Thanks!
• India
20 Dec 06
if u love ur daughter, i would tel u 2 just go 4 it
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Dec 06
Okay thanks!
@honest007 (794)
• India
20 Dec 06
i think this is all about self-worth.... If you think you are worthy of it as a service that you can render, you should grab it with both your hands.... Forget what others say or think or 'want' to think of you. If you could deliver it and be happy, JUST deliver it and BE happy....
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Dec 06
Yupp I'm awsome!
@nmw2005 (1197)
• United States
20 Dec 06
I say go for it. Just think of how much fun you will have and the memoties your daughter will have as she gets older. Maybe next year you can have your own troop. Good luck with whatever you decide!!
• United States
20 Dec 06
Okay thanks. And I love your avitar! I love froggies!
@KDejohn (58)
• United States
20 Dec 06
I stepped up as a co-leader of my daughters brownie troop this year. Last year, my daughter did not get in a troop because they could not get a leader. I decided I was going to step up myself this year. My daughter loves Brownies and I am having a lot of fun. Luckily, a few other moms also all stepped forward and volunteered their time. We have a great group of parents all working together now. I would go ahead and step up to help, it is a lot of fun!
• United States
20 Dec 06
Okay thats great of you guys! Thanks.
• United States
20 Dec 06
Perhaps you should use this opportunity to be the coleader with some conditions, for example, you have between now and February to prepare, right? Tell the leader that you are happy to help, even eager, but would like some of the training that will help you along the way. By stepping up and taking the "job" even when the other leaders kinda let you fall by the wayside, you tell the girls (and your daughter) that you do not place your self value in others' hands, rather you create your own values and you make your own success. These girls sure deserve to see that. Imagine this, you are now going through what a lot of these girls go through socially. Set that good example for them.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Dec 06
Thats true. Good example.
@FiredUp (270)
• United States
20 Dec 06
Even though I am with you on the fact that she treated you badly, I think the ultimate decision should be for the kids. If you enjoy it, then do it. Then you can get your own troup next year. It would be nice to make the point, but is it that important stacked up against spending the quality time with your daughter and doing what you love?
• United States
20 Dec 06
True thanks!
• United States
20 Dec 06
If it means spending some time with your daughter then I say try to make it work.Your there for the kids not for someone else.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Dec 06
Okay thanks!
• United States
19 Dec 06
IMO I would say yes and do it. Your daughter wants you to and like you siad you have doing it. If things happen again like it did before, then I would consider saying no. Just have fun, act like nothing is wrong until it happens again, if it happens again. Sometimes doing something to make a point doesn't work. The person,people, you are trying to make the point to just don't get it.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Dec 06
Yeah but I wouldn't do it to make a point. I would do it because I feel I wasn't respected and I have a hard enough time working for money for people who don't respect me. When its for free its a no go!
@noob123 (129)
• Canada
19 Dec 06
yes you should. scouts are always good.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Dec 06
Thanks!
• United States
19 Dec 06
Help out, become co-leader or whatever because you want to or not as the case may be. Never mind what the other adults have done, this is about the kids and you and yours.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Dec 06
Good thanks!
@jody451r (36)
• United States
19 Dec 06
Tell the leader how you feel. Be specific about feeling left out. Tell her you enjoy interacting with the girls and want to continue but you need to feel wanted and informed. Being involved with the Girl Scouts can be extremely rewarding, it can also be frustrating if things are not communicated clearly amongst the adults. It's hard enough keeping up with the girls without having the leader leaving you out of important discussions and decisions. Check in with the local headquarters. They'll have the information you need and may also have idceas of how you can work with the current leader.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Dec 06
Okay thanks! Thats a really go idea. I would feel wierd going over her head though...I almost did to find out more info on the training classes.
@profclark (512)
• United States
19 Dec 06
You want to make what point? Turn away from the desie to make life like a soap opera or movie and if you really want a troup of your own, help this nut out and save these girls some headaches. If the head chieftan becomes too big of a headache, have an emergency problem at work; and make her delegate as much as possible, until she recognizes your contributions, but clearly she is nothing but a bully, and you can teach the girls to beat a bully with brains.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Dec 06
Haha that is a great way to put it! Thanks so much!
• United States
19 Dec 06
man, I'm so not looking forward to dealing with other mothers when my kids are old enough to do these types of activiies. I'd be whining to everyone about this situation if I were you..(that's just how I vent) but I'd do it anyway.. to get closer to my daughter and just to keep an eye on her. maybe that woman feels intimidated by you. or wait, I just saw how old you are.. you're 25! is this woman older than you? I've encountered a lot of older mothers who are actually JEALOUS of us young mommas. my kids are turning 3 this week. how old is your daughter?
• United States
20 Dec 06
Yupp she is older then me. But I don't think that is the problem because the other mother acting as the unoffical coleader is younger than me 22 or 23 I think. My daughter is 6 and my son is 2.
@Jahnya (142)
• United States
19 Dec 06
I would do it. Maybe before they didn't want to burden you because of your work schedule. They want you to help and your daughter would love it. If nothing else it is good training for down the road.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Dec 06
Yupp your right. Thanks!
19 Dec 06
Having been a co-leader and then leader I say do it and get the experience so you have a year of co-leadership for when you so start your won troop. She is a jerk for doing what she is doing to you but you need to think of the kids and just grin and bear her. Nothing worse than being unappreciated and taken for granted. It will be interesting to see what she does next year because you really aren't suppose to have a troop without two adults....
• United States
20 Dec 06
Thanks I love all the great advice I'm getting from you!
@Rumble (523)
• United States
19 Dec 06
Id say help out as much as you can, there is no sense in taking away from the girls because of the troop leaders actions.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Dec 06
Okay thanks!