Violence, enough is enough!

@mfrancq (1808)
United States
December 25, 2006 1:20am CST
Hello friends. This subject is a little sensitive for me and something I do not like to discuss. However, I got to thinking today and realized that it shouldn't be something held in, but something I should use to help others. Therefore, please be patient with me as I share my experience. I grew up in a not so normal household. My mother and father divorced when I was one. My mom left my dad for another woman. My sister went to live with my dad where he lost custody and she to went to live with another gay couple. I grew up with my mom and the woman she chose to be with. This woman was a very bad alcoholic, and very abusive. I spent my life getting the crap beat out of me. I was the one always covering up bruises, etc. from my friends just so I could go to school. I remember one incident that will probably never leave me. I was six years old and my mom had a tanning bed. This other woman, drunk out of her mind, decided that the tanning bed needed "fixing". She called me in the room and pushed me to the floor saying that I needed to help her or she would beat my a$$. She wanted me to lift the tanning bed, which is increadibly heavy...especially for a six year old, all by myself so she could work underneath it. I did my best however it was to heavy, and while she was under it, it slipped from my hands and fell on her. she pushed it off and I got the beating that I will never forget. After this, my mother tried defending me which only led to the woman getting increadibly angry and she started throwing knives at my mother and I, trying to hit us with them. I am not sharing this story for people to feel sorry for me, or for sympathy. I only want to help others that may have, or are going through a violent situation. I want them to know they are not alone. I am here to talk to anyone that needs to talk. You do not need to share your story here if you do not want to. You are more then welcome to private message me. Just please, whatever you do...do not stay silent about it anymore. If this is a past situation..then help those who are currently going through it. If it is a current situation..then please seek help to get out. This discussion is so people can share their advice, facts, etc. to help others get through this situation. As I stated before, this is a sensitive subject...we do not need jokes, or insults, etc. here. Please do not respond with yes/no/i don't know/ or I have nothing to say. I will report you to mylot and give you a negative rating. Thank you so much. Here is a number to call if you need help in a violent situation: 1-800-799-7233.
2 people like this
25 responses
@puma_nz (1001)
• New Zealand
25 Dec 06
Thats sad.. so sad to hear and Im very sorry.. however, This is a discussion board and you will be hearing different remarks/comments etc.. I grew up in a violent home.. but Im not about to tell others about it. I love my life and I let my Children and the rest of my family know how much I love them.. Life is far too short to hold a grudge. Bare in mind that this is a place to discuss different subjects.. People will come in and say Nasty stuff.. Ignore it. Have a good Day :-)
1 person likes this
@mfrancq (1808)
• United States
25 Dec 06
My intention, as stated before, is not for sympathy or to "share", it is simply to help those who are bound in this situation and need to know they are not the only ones that are going through it, and how to get help. If others want to come in and make nasty comments, that is their choice, and shame on them for being insensitive to it. They will be reported to mylot and ignored by me. They will be taken care of appropriately by them. Thank you for responding, and helping people know they are not alone in this.
@mfrancq (1808)
• United States
25 Dec 06
This is a site for people to seek advice, help, or opinions...so, I figured that we should use our past experiences to possibly help those in need. Thank you very much for your response and best wishes.
1 person likes this
@vipul20044 (5798)
• India
25 Dec 06
Violence is a disease that plagues us all. Whether it be violence on the street, at home, or on the television, it some way effects your life. Right now the conflict in the Persian Gulf is an issue that comes up far too often. This issue effects us, because everywhere you look or listen some one is talking about it. There is always some one looking for trouble, and someone running from it. Violence is the biggest problem kids, teenagers, and adults have in our society today. Everyday there is usually a headline story or article about a shooting, or killing. Many kids or teenagers feel as though if they watch a violent movie, they have to act upon that. We have to think of solution to prevent teenagers, children, and even adults acting like that. Which means, less violent movies, and more non-violent movies. It also means less violence at homes, and in school. This change in teachings could make a big impact in our society for the better. Violence in sports is terrible, and I must admit it's becoming, if it's not already, a major part of sports. What's really awful is that you cannot remove the violence. The best suggestion I can give is to teach the young ones just starting that violence does not make the game fun.Do you think there's a connection between sports and violence? If you do, do you think it should be banned? I too think that it's connected but, unlike most people, don't think it should be banned. Am not saying you are great or something but yes, its really good to see you touch an aspect of life that is really a nightmare in everyone's lives
1 person likes this
@mfrancq (1808)
• United States
28 Dec 06
I think I read this exact thing a few responses ago...I'm pretty sure i did. Thanks for responding though.
@mfrancq (1808)
• United States
28 Dec 06
hey! did you copy and paste this answer from the page before this? You did! To bad I already rated this positive before I noticed, now I can't report you! However, other people that respond in here and see this can and I ask that they please report this. Thanks.
@kawillow74 (1417)
• United States
26 Dec 06
It is great that you have started this discussion allot of people would not have told there story. my father was mentaliy abusive as i got older it made me depressed i take things out on my husband if he says anything that would should like what my so called father would say. my gram would alway say well that is the way his father treated him. well i don't treat my kids like that so it is a excuse i hope people will use the # you have provided i no i suffer from allot of anger from the way he treated us and i have wrote him a letter and said everything to him i needed to say he responsed by saying he never wanted to speak to me again. if you can get the help take it anyway you can i left it go on for to long and down the road it will hit you i know. thanks mfrancq it was nice to speak about it.
1 person likes this
@mfrancq (1808)
• United States
28 Dec 06
Thank you so much for sharing your story. And, I must admit I understand what you are saying. There are times I find myself angry and taking it out on my husband. Never physically, or anything like that. Just angry. However, my husband knows the situation and loves me enough to be honest. He kindly points it out and talks to me about it until I am able to calm down and see reason. That man is the love of my life.
• India
26 Dec 06
yaah ,it should be stopped but think of urself is it possible, no it's not ..see we r living in a materialistic world where everyone has different thought some want to live peacefully but 95 out of 100 persons r short tempered.it depends upon the situation in which the guy is living ,reason...ummuumm may differ from person to person .so the basic terminology is that we should make ourself internally strong and make our thought calm.like mathama ghandhi...who said if u want to stop violence u should make ur enemy as ur frind...there r several point to to talk about non violence but these are only bookish knowledge unless and untill it is implemented in real life.....thank you
1 person likes this
@mfrancq (1808)
• United States
28 Dec 06
Thank you for responding.
@missjackie (1328)
• Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
26 Dec 06
Damn, that sucks. I feel great sympathy for you.
1 person likes this
@mfrancq (1808)
• United States
28 Dec 06
Thank you for responding.
@innechen (1321)
• Indonesia
26 Dec 06
abused - abused
sadly there are so many violent and abused family in this world, you very kind by open up ur story and help others, what u do is really a great help.because not every people who are in the same situation as urs have a guts to open up this case or seek help.but u didnt mention in ur post hv u seek help yet or maybe u have report that to the law? and how is ur life now is it the problem has over or not?because if you tell then maybe it'll encourage more people to do the same with you.or at least they can talk to you more open.wish you many luck for helping other and i hope people out there will finally have the courage to do something to stop the violent and abused in their family
1 person likes this
@mfrancq (1808)
• United States
28 Dec 06
I never went to counseling or anything like that. As i stated, my husband helped me a lot with getting past it. he has taught me to love and respect myself which was something I never imagined of doing before. I am 25 years old now, so I have been out of that situation for almost 10 years now. I am just finally able to open up about it, and hopefully help others. Thank you for responding.
• India
26 Dec 06
thanks,, thanks a lot for ur suggestions and ur help
1 person likes this
@mfrancq (1808)
• United States
28 Dec 06
Not a problem. Thank you for responding.
• United States
26 Dec 06
i was also in a abusive home growing up i got abused by my step dad physically and sexually and lets just say it messed me up bad so i for one know what it is like.people need to get help if they are being abused because it could cause alot of emotional problems like it did for me it took years to recover from.
@mfrancq (1808)
• United States
28 Dec 06
Thank you so much for sharing your story and showing others that they too can make it through. I am glad that you did recover from it. I know it can be hard, but I am so happy for you for doing it! Best wishes
• United States
26 Dec 06
This is a very good article and I know how you feel. I on the other hand was the parent, and have just gotten myself and my children out of that situation. We are having a rough time starting all over again but I can honestly say that it is worth it when I get to see my children smiling and happy. Something they have not been for many years. It is nice to know that there is someone out there like you. I know that I have a hard time talking about my situation but it does help to know that other people have felt the same feelings that I have and I am not alone. Thank You so much for your article, it was much needed. I am only 2 months into my new life and think that I may make it.
1 person likes this
@mfrancq (1808)
• United States
28 Dec 06
I am so proud of you for making this step forward. I know it must be so hard on you. But please know you did the right thing for you and the children! Bless you, and best of wishes. If you need anything, you can message me anytime!
@TerryZ (22083)
• United States
25 Dec 06
Wow you certainly when through alot at such an early time in your life. I think it is good to bring it out and talk about it. I also think it helps you to set it straight in your mind and then try to cope with it. I think you are a brave person. and that you are there for other people that have been in that situation. All the best to you and your family.
@mfrancq (1808)
• United States
28 Dec 06
Thank you very much for responding. Best wishes to you.
@anjuscor (1266)
• India
25 Dec 06
I have not been to your situation, but mine is a different story. When i was 10 years old, everybody used to hit at home including my 4 brothers. I will never do something which is wrong But my brothers used to think its me who did that and hit me, because i never used to talk , so they do mistakes and just want to escape from dad. I always thought, am i their own daughter? because my dad never use to check with me. I have got scrathes on my hands and legs when am 16 years old. i used to cry everyday that nobody loves me. I understand that parents and brothers punish children, but not like the way i was treated. But now everything has been changed. A lot of family problems, i could understand why my parents did like that. My mom is a second wife, brothers are first wife's children. So dad and mom do not want them to feel they love only me.My dad never showed me his love to me, but he let me go out of station and study, paid for it even though my brothers fought not to give. and they said i will not complete the studies. Now i am earning a lot,I am with the Best company, earning more than my brothers. Now everybody calls me and ask for money. My guy knows all this story. So he never let me give away anything. But still i do love my parents. I do everything for them. I know it was hard time for them, but now i can rule my brothers. So i am happy with my guy now a days. So i think, Money could change anything in relationship. When i was young depending on parents, i have got beatings from brothers for no reason. Now even i do a mistake, they dont take it as a big deal. they just say its ok. Proud to have parents like that. Nobody ignores their child for other children.But my parents did til i become older. Now am in a position, where i understand everything. Sti;; my childhood hurts me all the time.
1 person likes this
@mfrancq (1808)
• United States
28 Dec 06
Any type of abuse is hard to deal with. Emotional, Physical, etc. It is all the same to me. Abuse is abuse. I am so sorry that you went through the hard times, and am glad to hear that it has gotten better with your parents. I wish you all the best.
@modupe_ak (121)
• Nigeria
25 Dec 06
I am so sorry about your past but violence has to do with the background one grew up in.u were lucky to have someone to assist you out of the bad past. I appreciate people like you who really want to help people to overcome their bad past
1 person likes this
@mfrancq (1808)
• United States
28 Dec 06
My husband helped me a great deal and I am very greatful to him for that. I feel that I went through this experience only so I can help others, and I am glad that I can do that. Thanks for the response.
@ravenz (423)
• India
25 Dec 06
LISTEN U CANNOT DO ANY THING ABOUT VIOLENCE ITS NOT UNDER UR CONTROL DONT THINK ABT IT
1 person likes this
@mfrancq (1808)
• United States
25 Dec 06
No, it is not under my control. However, I can do something to help tackle it. I am not afraid of it. I am a grown up who can make my own decision and I have already made the decision to help those in need and who are in violent situations. Thank you for your advice, it is appreciated, however...very much disagreed with. I am sorry that you have such a hopeless view on it. Best wishes.
@Traotor (27)
• Romania
25 Dec 06
To beat someone is a bad thimg.Actualy I dont have any children,but when I will have a children ,i will never hit it.How i always say,is a bad thing.But its better for me to dont have any children if my intention is to hit.That is my response.
1 person likes this
@mfrancq (1808)
• United States
25 Dec 06
Thank you for responding.
@lovein (345)
• India
25 Dec 06
Do not go to a person or place where the term violence is prevalence. There is no other way to get rid of this. Thanks
1 person likes this
@mfrancq (1808)
• United States
28 Dec 06
Thanks for responding.
@Chiriac (287)
• Romania
25 Dec 06
Violence is a disease that plagues us all. Whether it be violence on the street, at home, or on the television, it some way effects your life. Right now the conflict in the Persian Gulf is an issue that comes up far too often. This issue effects us, because everywhere you look or listen some one is talking about it. There is always some one looking for trouble, and someone running from it. Violence is the biggest problem kids, teenagers, and adults have in our society today. Everyday there is usually a headline story or article about a shooting, or killing. Many kids or teenagers feel as though if they watch a violent movie, they have to act upon that. We have to think of solution to prevent teenagers, children, and even adults acting like that. Which means, less violent movies, and more non-violent movies. It also means less violence at homes, and in school. This change in teachings could make a big impact in our society for the better. Violence in sports is terrible, and I must admit it's becoming, if it's not already, a major part of sports. What's really awful is that you cannot remove the violence. The best suggestion I can give is to teach the young ones just starting that violence does not make the game fun.Do you think there's a connection between sports and violence? If you do, do you think it should be banned? I too think that it's connected but, unlike most people, don't think it should be banned.I know i dont really post for the subject, but maybe u need this information.
1 person likes this
@mfrancq (1808)
• United States
28 Dec 06
I personally do not believe that there is a connection between sports and violence. I believe that the children playing the sports should be taught that it is just a game and they are there to have fun. They should also know that the things they learn in that game (physical contact, etc) is for the game and not in social life (fighting, etc.)
25 Dec 06
mfran, I can understand that why you do not wanna people to show symphaty as this will weaken down your emotional stability. You are very much wanna forget all those events and move on with life. Yes, by helping others you will feel relief. This will help to cut down your anger and frustrations that you have had. I know it is difficult to do this kinda things but I would say that you are brave enough to stand up and helping others. So do not worry too much with a bunch of members here those are very annoying ones. You have to be strong! Go be strong! I personally having BAD experiences with my step-mom. So somehow I understand this quite in depth (look at my posting -- Writers' corner, see my poem MAMA) Again , i will be on your side should anyone poke fun on you. darling, you just relax and do not get tense up coz you are going to do big things for others. Be brave!ok Try to cheer up and SMILE :D
1 person likes this
@mfrancq (1808)
• United States
25 Dec 06
I no longer suffer from the problems with the emotional stability, etc. as you stated. I went to counseling for several years, and my husband has helped me a lot in getting past it. I will never be perfectly over it...however it no longer plagues my every day life. I wish you the best in your situation and ask you to please be safe and get help if it is needed. You are not alone in this. Thank you so much for responding and best wishes.
• India
25 Dec 06
hey what said is true u can help many others who are suffering from abuse from drunk parents and relatives as u wil be more better person to comfort others as u have gone trough such a situation.many times children are the one to suffer due to the stress of parents and relatives.
1 person likes this
@mfrancq (1808)
• United States
25 Dec 06
I always say we go through things like this for a reason. Even if I help just one person, I will know that was my purpose for my experience. Thank you for responding
• India
25 Dec 06
Voilence is bad be it any circumstance...it agravates the situation and leads to no solution...
1 person likes this
@mfrancq (1808)
• United States
25 Dec 06
This is very true. Thank you for the response.
@DavidReedy (2411)
• United States
25 Dec 06
The world needs more people like you in it, that are as understanding as you are. I've been through some hairy stuff myself, and I believe most have. It's awesome of you to share your story, offer support, and to go as far as list that 1-800-799-7233 number for people in battered situations. God bless, and peace out. David A. Reedy... vox populi
@mfrancq (1808)
• United States
25 Dec 06
With the number, I know a lot of people don't like to admit they are in this situation. So, I figured they would at least have a number for when they were ready. Thankk you so much for responding. Best wishes