Pet or No Pet... My Husband Gives His Answer!!

United States
January 3, 2007 5:58am CST
My husband and I have been married for about 7 1/2 years and have 2 young children. I really want a pet (dog or cat). He, my husband doesn't want one. However, years ago, he said, "When we have a house." Well, we have a house, a fenced in yard.... Still, no pet. My birthday was in Dec. and then Christmas. I was really disappointed when Christmas had come and gone and I received no pet. I keep thinking a cat would be easier, at this time, anyway. They don't need to be taken outside in the pouring rain; they don't make a lot of noise or bark at neighbors, and they don't need to be housebroken. When I was a child, I had a cat. She was shot (yes, in a residential neighborhood). She needed to be pub to sleep. Then, as a college graduate, living on my own, I had to get rid of my cat due to roommate's severe allergies. I feel I've never had "cat success". Never had a cat into its old age. But, I cannont convince my husband. He says he thinks animals are dirty. They smell, the house will smell. There'll be hair all over. Well, if you keep them clean, they won't smell bad. If they dirty or wet in the house, you clean it up w/amonia and it'll eliminate the smell. If you brush an animal, it'll get rid of most of the loose hairs. Like I have a rebuttal to all his negatives. Yet, I cannot win. My children are on the autism spectrum and I've heard how animals can really help these children. I have anxiety problems and have heard how petting an animal can relieve stress. None of these tactics are working either. Does anyone have any ideas and/or suggestions?
5 people like this
49 responses
@brendalee (6086)
• United States
3 Jan 07
I am sorry your husband doesn't want an animal and I understand his reason's but I couldn't imagine not having animals. I have a lot of them. Is there an animal shelter near you or an animal rescue? Sometimes they look for foster homes until someone adopts the animals. maybe you could be a foster home for an animal. Then you could see what it is like. It would be like a trial run. I bet he would fall in love with them. And I do agree, a pet would be good for both you and your children. Good luck to you and I hope you get an animal soon. By the way, I have four dogs and thirteen cats.
3 people like this
• United States
3 Jan 07
Thanks for your response; I really appreciate it! That's neat. I've never thought about being a foster "parent" to an animal. I should mention that to my husband. I know he'd fall in love with an animal. It's the type of personality he has. I think a pet would "complete" our family.
2 people like this
@brendalee (6086)
• United States
3 Jan 07
Yeah my boyfriend says he hates cats but every so often I will see him petting one and talking to it. Please let us know if you ever get an animal.
2 people like this
• United States
3 Jan 07
Thanks. If I do (maybe after pigs fly), I'll post about it. On my birhtday, my husband and I went into PetSmart. I even noticed him connecting with a cat. I almost thought he enjoyed it.
1 person likes this
@tamra2 (259)
• United States
3 Jan 07
My ex husband was like that. One day my daughter brought home a stray kitten she had found, and he had a FIT!! Kept saying we had to get rid of it, find the owners, or it goes to a shelter. We kept the kitten for 4 days and put out flyers looking for anyone that may have lost her, on the 5th day I told him, OK, "no owner, so I guess you can take her to the shelter". He couldn't do it, and I refused to be the one to take an animal to a shelter. We divorced about 6 years after that and he kept the cat ... LOL .... to my knowlege he still has her. So maybe taking in a "stray" may work for you? It would give your husband a chance to see first hand that cats are not in the least bit dirty, the house will not smell (use a good cat litter and clean the box daily), and the shedding can be kept down with regular brushings.
3 people like this
• United States
3 Jan 07
That's a strange, but interesting, story. How ironic! But, you're definitely right. If you keep it, and the litter box clean, there'll be no smell.
2 people like this
• United States
3 Jan 07
If I told my wife that we could get a pet when we moved into our own home, she would not ask me again after we moved in. I'd come home to find we had a pet! If I dared to complain, she'd just remind me of what I'd said earlier. Pick a pet you think your husband would like and go for it.
2 people like this
• United States
3 Jan 07
Well, you know him better than I do. Perhaps, I did give you bad advice. Sorry about that.
2 people like this
• United States
3 Jan 07
No, I'm sorry; I didn't mean to incinuate (sp?) that you did. I wish I could do that. But, my husband has already thought ahead and told me what the consequences would be if I did that. Your advice wasn't bad. thanks.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Jan 07
why did your husband give you the word you could have a pet if he is going to break it?? personaly he does not sound trust worthy if he breaks his word .
@geboy99 (137)
• Indonesia
3 Jan 07
if you want to choose for cleanness,its best to take care not of pet.
2 people like this
• United States
3 Jan 07
kids and dogs go together! there are non shedding dogs - poodles, schnauzers - and believe it or not - a well bred poodle is the funniest swetest thing! I dont have poodles but i was a dog handler so i know the breed. If your husband is adamant, though, getting a pet may cause trouble. My husband wasnt too keen on pets - but i ended up with 11 schnauzers (yes eleven!) and he loved them - but then - everyone is different. Petting and animal does relieve stress but first you have to go through the puppy problems - potty training, etc so it is quite a commitment. My suggeston would be to try find an older dog from a reputable rescue - one that is house trained a good with children. Try get your husband involved when you find the right dog - let him se it and see how well behaved it is then take it from there
2 people like this
@rosie_123 (6118)
3 Jan 07
I honestly can't imagine my life without my pets - I have 5 cats and I adore them all. Guess a psychologist would say it's because I lost a baby when I was younger and could never have anymore, so they are my "baby" substitute. They give you so much love - though of course there are sad times - one of my "babies" Caspar, was killed in a road traffic accident last year and I still cry about it. I can't recommend them highly enough for stress relief, and I've also read the stories of how they help autistic kids. In fact there was a TV programme on only the other night here in the UK, about the "special bond" than grew between a boy wth autism and his puppy. I agree with the person who said becoming a "foster carer" could be a good idea, as it would be a good way for your husband to get used to a pet around the house without feeling "trapped" by the idea it was there full-time. I wish you luck with it - but one thing I would say - if your husband is really against the idea - please be careful. If he has really strong views against pets you may end up still having to get rid of any poor animal you get after a short while, and that would be more stessful for you, the poor pet and also for you children, who may just have begun to bond with it. Please let me know how you get on.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Jan 07
Hi, thank you for your advice and for paying attention to what was written by others who gave advice. I've heard many stories about autistics who thrive with pets. That's neat that you saw a TV program about it.
1 person likes this
@rosie_123 (6118)
3 Jan 07
You are welcome. It was a play but it was a true story - about a little boy with autism who could not talk or express himself at all. He lived in his own world. His parents bought him a Golden Retriever puppy, and through the puppy he began to be able to show his feelings and show emotions and he began to talk and also to take responsibility for grooming and feeding the puppy. It was a very moving programme. Of course it was a UK programme, but I have friends in the States who tell me that they often get UK shows there, so maybe you may get to see it someday. It was simply called "Tommy" which was the little boys name.
1 person likes this
@tanya6 (333)
3 Jan 07
You should get a cat i have 2 cats a boy and a girl. The boy i dont see for days and can be a bit aggressive, but the girl loves my little boy and just loves to sit around the house and play. They are no trouble just feed them and thats about it, they both look after themselves.Easy.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Jan 07
Well, I do want a cat. They're easy and do most things on their own. My problem isn't that I don't know which is best. My problem is convincing my husband to allow a pet into our home.
@TerryZ (22146)
• United States
3 Jan 07
Listen I would suggest getting a cat. Get one as a kitten then while they are young you get them use to getting a bath in your sink. I do it all the time and I have three of them. It will also elimate your allergies because when you wash them you are getting rid of the dander the dander they have on their fur is what makes people alergic. Plus they will smell good. I dont suggest a dog because they are alot more to take care of. Best of Luck
• United States
3 Jan 07
That's an excellent idea. Thank you.
1 person likes this
@sintal33 (89)
• Indonesia
3 Jan 07
My opinion is take care a cat better than a dog because a cat easy arrange and more funny than a dog. Beside that in my religion to take care a dog don`t be permitted.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Jan 07
That's strange. Cats are easier to care for, but typically dogs are more loyal - loving unconditionally.
2 people like this
@Akeela (2082)
• Trinidad And Tobago
3 Jan 07
teddy bear - teddy bear
I dont blame him I dont like cats and dogs are smelly before they house broken (both animlas) they pee all over, what about a fish they are fun to look at. Better yet those robot dog its fun and when your tired you shut it off. For you stress Kalms, Vitamin b and comedy shows. Take care bye.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Jan 07
Hi Thanks. I think a lot of my stress comes due to the fact that my children are on the autism spectrum. I love them w/all my heart, but it's trying sometimes. I have heard that fish are peaceful to watch. But, their tanks are smelly sometimes (the stagnant water, etc.). Plus, w/o killing them, you cannot take them out and pet them. : ) I probably wouldn't want a dog that isn't already housebroken. But, if a dog, or cat, peed inside, cleaning with amonia pretty much eliminates any bad odors. As far as a robotic dog, I hate unscrewing battery covers to replace the batteries.
2 people like this
@catchre (407)
• Philippines
3 Jan 07
Why don't you do a part-time job as a pet-sitter? This way, the animals don't need to stay at your house long. You can play with them in the yard and they don't need to enter your house or you can walk with them in the neighborhood. If your husband sees that you can take care of the animals and keep your house smell and hair-free, then he might consent for you to get your own pet. Goodluck!
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Jan 07
That's definitely an idea. Thanks for posting your ideas.
1 person likes this
• Ireland
3 Jan 07
I used to have the same problem with my husband. First of all he didn't want children, so we had three, and he adored them. Then I wanted a dog, but he was adamant that we were never ging to have dog. Well, I just went out and bought a golden retriever and when my husband came home from work and saw the beautiful little puppy, he fell in love with it immediately. I then went on to get a labrador and a german shepherd. He loved every one of them and used to spend a lot of time in the back garden playing with them. You could chance getting a dog, and if yur husband got very annoyed, then you could give it to a friend or look for a good home for it. Best of luck with it, and I am sure your children would enjoy it.
• United States
3 Jan 07
Just get one and bring it to the house and tell a story that you saw it on the side of the rode all wet and you couldn't just let it stay there and suffer. Then wash it, brush it, mainly take care of all his factors on why he didn't want it. hen he can't say no. Make sure it doesn't make him mad thought. This goes for a cat and dog... Also the hair factor don't get a animal that has long hair. It will be easier to maintain the hair and the shorter it is the less you even have to touch it!
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Jan 07
My suggestion would be to leave your Dear Hubby with the kids and march your happy A*s down to your local pet shelter. There you adopt said critter and stop at your local pet supermarket and load up on what that pet needs. You then take said pet home and plop him in DH's lap and tell him to GET USED to it... I'm sorry, but I'm a pet owner and advocate. I believe that there's nothing for comforting the soul like having an animal's love in your life. I would be absolutely lost without my dog Ana. She is a constant source of love and companionship in my life. She doesn't care if I'm sick or feeling less than myself. She doesn't care if I haven't taken a shower or brushed my hair....or my teeth for that matter!! Ana loves me no matter what, and there's no better feeling in the world than when she sits down next to me and lays her head on my knee, looking up at me with those big brown eyes wanting me to pet her. Hubby might just suprise you and fall more in love with said pet than you do.
@innechen (1322)
• Indonesia
5 Jan 07
girl...you dont give her a good advice, its ridicilous to leave him just because he doesnt allow her to have a pet. how if its make her husband even angrier and really divorce her? come on... :) there's must be another solution that more reasonable.
• United States
4 Jan 07
Well, My husband said the same thing. He kept telling me no pets and so I agreed then later would ask again, so after we moved into our house I really wanted one and he still said no. Then a month and a half ago, I brought home two little puppies for yard dogs. He said his peace and told me to get rid of them and I just ignored him and laughed. Now, my daughter has gotten a small cockapoo and it stays inside and my husband asks me each evening when he gets in from work, "have you fed MY dogs yet" So, he said there would be consequences and I said "I am an adult and you are my husband, not my boss." I know there are some people who can't do what I did but, it might not hurt to just come home with a pet. And, a distant relative of mine has a son who is autistic and she bought him a poodle and it has helped him to "settle" as she calls it. I think it would be wise of you to get a pet for your children's sake. Just my opinion! Good luck.
• United States
4 Jan 07
I really wish I could do this. I'll have to show him your post. Thanks a lot.
@umjuna (100)
• Netherlands
3 Jan 07
Aah I love cats! Ask your husband what the REAL reason is that he doesn't want a pet at all. Isn't there an other solution? Like keeping the animal out of particular rooms. Teach it not to go upstair for example and not on the kitchencounter etcetera. And have the cat sleeping in the garage or something. It does bring pleasure in the home I think, it helps you relax in a way.
• United States
4 Jan 07
I agree; thanks.
@shywolf (4529)
• United States
3 Jan 07
I am so sorry that your husband is refusing to let you have a pet. It sounds to me like it would be helpful for your children and also help you with your stress levels. I think that it is unfair that he told you that you could have a pet once you had a house, but now that you have a house he still isn't willing to budge. I hope that you can keep discussing this with him and help him to realize how much a pet could help the family out. Maybe you could show him this discussion here on Mylot! ^_^
• United States
4 Jan 07
Yes, I should print it and show him. I've thought of that. Thanks.
@kareng (7986)
• United States
3 Jan 07
Pets are wonderful for reducing stress. I think you will enjoy one. Why don't you visit the local shelter and adopt a cat or dog? Or you could "find" one and just bring it home. We have been known to do that at my house. The hubby gets over it soon enough. Good luck.
• United States
3 Jan 07
Thanks for the "good luck". My husband has already stated about his feelings and what he'd do if I just "found" an animal and brought it home. But, I hope to get him to change his mind as of yet.
• United States
3 Jan 07
I wouldnt want to bring a pet into a home when someone there didnt want it. Animals are just like kids, and they can tell if they arent wanted. AS much as you want an animal, would you want it to feel unloved or unwanted? You may want it, but if your spouse,doesnt, then you should respect their wishes too. If you really like being around animals, I suggest voliteering at an animal shelter. They always need help.
• United States
3 Jan 07
I would never bring an animal into our house w/o my husband's approval. If he caved, he wouldn't show hatred towards the animal.
• Philippines
3 Jan 07
it is like answering a question.. do we need a pet or not?
• United States
3 Jan 07
huh? Did you read my post in its entirity?