I don't want to move again. How do I convince my husband?

@cjsmom (1423)
United States
January 10, 2007 9:10pm CST
We've lived in Illinois for a little over 2 years. Before that, it was, Indiana for 4 years. Before that it was, Calif. He had been working for the same company over 25 years. He became friends with the new plant manager and when he moved on he called my husband to see if he wanted to work for him again. So, we've moved 3 times in less than 10 years. Now his boss/friend is plant manager of a new company and is moving to Maryland. I have a bad feeling that we'll be moving again in the near future. I don't want to. CJ, our Autistic son is getting A's and B's in school and we love it here. I've sat down with my husband and he seems to agree with me that we shouldn't move if, his boss calls him, but I don't know. What else could I say to convince him that we're happy here and don't need to move?
4 people like this
6 responses
• United States
11 Jan 07
It is great that you have had been able to live in different places. But, having a child with special needs is one thing to consider when you are moving so often. How does this effect him? If you have found a place that you love living, you should put down roots. There may come a time later in your life when you feel comfortable about moving again. But, for now, it seems that settling down in one place may be best for everyone. Huggers to you and your family.
@cjsmom (1423)
• United States
11 Jan 07
Thank you, Butterfly...My thoughts exactly. CJ does all right with a move but I'm just concerned about his schooling. We do really love it here and I'm praying I can convince my husband to let us stay.
2 people like this
• United States
19 Jan 07
Good luck to you.
@Dolcerina (3379)
• Hungary
19 Jan 07
You can not say anything else. I can imagine that 3 movings are enough for you and for CJ. If he agrees with you, then why are you worry? Does he speak enough with your son? Does he see those things day by day what you said to him? If not, that you should make steps to let him see the details you speak about. But if he has time for you and for CJ by his work, and he said he was agree...why are you worry?
1 person likes this
@cjsmom (1423)
• United States
19 Jan 07
You are right, Dolcerina. I do worry more than I should and yes, Mark sees how well CJ is doing at school, etc. I do believe him when he says that we'll not be moving but things change and sometimes when he's said, yes or no to something, sometimes he's changed his mind. So yes, I'm a bit concerned still but with my friends here and everyone's good thoughts and prayers we'll get through whatever has to be. Thank you very much.
1 person likes this
@kittykatzz (1133)
• United States
15 Jan 07
hey there!.. i would try to get him to remember (if he ever had to) how it was to start at a new school with new kids new teachers and new routines... and now try to imagine it from his sons point of view!.. its hard enough to "adjust" to school (even though it CJ may not seem like he really cares about what other kids think, as i know how autism can rear its ugly head in social situations) and other kids can be cruel.. if your son is doing well and recieving good marks then by all means let him keep at it!... throwing him off could result in a devastating loss academically and socially too!.. as it is now.. your CJ may not be "aware" of the other kids opinions.. but i can assure you .. his classmates are probably quite aware of him.. you know of my son Andy .. and let me tell you a something about his classmates... they ALL work at helping and befriending him.. and i believe that any one of them would help him our with any problems both academically and socially..just to give you an idea as to how much.. when walking through the halls at school with Andy, a boy Trevor walked by us and said "hi Andy!"...knowing that Andy wouldnt just say "hi" back.. he literally tapped him on the shoulder to get him to make eye contact and said "Andy, say hi Trevor!" Andy of course repeated him .. this is fourth grade we're talking about.. but ill tell you .. i think that his relationship with these kids now will be absolutely critical to his middle and highschool careers.. like i said "kids CAN be cruel" and when he goes to junior high in less than 2 years he will be met by many other kids from other elementary schools that dont know him, and may pick at him (not that he cares TOO MUCH! LOL) but i think that the kids that are "growing up" with him now will be at his side and help explain.. as a parent you ALWAYS want to take care of your child, but its impossible to meet every kid and make them aware of Andy's "issues" so his classmates now i think will help him immensely in the future... try getting that through to your husband..might just put things in perspective for him..you have both seemed to make personal sacrifices to be able to move in the past.. not its time to make the sacrifice of NOT moving for your son.
1 person likes this
@cjsmom (1423)
• United States
16 Jan 07
Yes, kitty...Andy is so blessed as CJ is to have friends at school that are willing to help him with whatever is needed. You are so right when you say that the kids he's in school with now, most of them will follow him on and be able to tell other kids all about him so that they won't pick on him. I can probably venture a guess that CJ and Andy will even have a few friends that would beat someone up if they teased them...lol Thank you and everyone who are keeping us in your prayers.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Jan 07
I think your son's situation should speak to him loud and clear. Remind him how hard it was to get to this point and how hard it is on CJ to have these changes. I think if he said he agrees, he will stand by his word. There may come a point though where he will have to make the move if his company forces the issue. I'll keep you in my prayers that things will work for the best. Stress how important it is to you and your son that you stay but don't harp on him about it and cause turmoil. Good luck
1 person likes this
@cjsmom (1423)
• United States
16 Jan 07
Thank you gal, I agree with you completely. I also agree that if we do have to move in the future, then we have to move; I won't as you say, harp on him about it because I know what that does. Been there, done that...I trust my husband and we'll get through we have to do when the time comes
@albert2412 (1782)
• United States
11 Jan 07
I really hope that you can convince your husband not to move again. A lot of change is probably not good for your son. Autistic children tend to like stability and sameness in their lives. Also, will not your husband loose a lot of the retirement benefits that he has accrued for working for the same company for 25 years?
@cjsmom (1423)
• United States
11 Jan 07
Thanks, albert. He doesn't work for the same company any longer; he quit when they started treating him badly. I believe he was able to roll his benefits over when he started working with the new company. But you're right, CJ needs sameness and stability.
• Nigeria
11 Jan 07
Just relate the way you feel to your husband.
@cjsmom (1423)
• United States
11 Jan 07
Thank you, sogee. I have and will continue to do so.