Pride gets in the way

@sassyces (1604)
Philippines
January 11, 2007 3:12am CST
I'm so tired of me always the one trying to patch things up when things go wrong between me and my boyfriend. For the past two days, we haven't communicated even through SMS/text. I really miss him but I think I have to stick to not doing the first move. However I think, if I'll wait for him to do so, then I think it will take longer before things can be back to normal. What should I do? Wait for him or I'll (again) be the first one to iron things out?
5 people like this
51 responses
@esaflaca (83)
• United States
11 Jan 07
You know, maybe he feels the same way. Maybe he is waiting for you to contact him because he feels rather shy or awkward. Most men have the same feelings but they keep it inside of them, and it's hard to show their true feelings. Partially due to them wanting to be "masculine/macho" - you get the point.. However on the other hand, if he really does love you he will miss you and reach out to you because he misses you so much. You should wait for him this time and let him contact you instead... Now, if you hate waiting, do something fun- go out with your girlfriends.. put in more hours at work, do whatever it is you do to get your mind off him. I think that's the hardest part- well for me at least..
@sassyces (1604)
• Philippines
11 Jan 07
Thanks for your sound advice ESAFLACA! Yes, that's the thing I'm thinking that this time, he should be the one to reach out this time. I just hope that it won't take long because if it does, than I don't know if I can still hold on in waiting for him to do the first move.
@bolegna (16)
• United States
12 Jan 07
you are correct if you always make the first move the boyfriend will never see what he has and based on the picture you have he should feel lucky for you even looking at him
@sassyces (1604)
• Philippines
12 Jan 07
thanks for the compliment and for your advice. Your compliment made me smile so thanks! =)
@mistypq (673)
11 Jan 07
Your boyfriend dos`nt seem to be very grown up! Two people in love can always work things out by TALKING! Maybe its time to ask him if he wants to stay in this relationship. Do not run to him he is acting very childish!!!!
@sassyces (1604)
• Philippines
12 Jan 07
I thought he's being 31 would mean that there'll be lesser "childish issues" about him but I'm wrong. Sometimes I get to think that I'm the one acting his age and his the one acting MY AGE!
@raijin (10373)
• Philippines
11 Jan 07
I guess this just shows how much love you have for your boyfriend. But do you think the question should be, "Does he love me"? Haven't you felt or even thought about it? He's the guy so I think he should be the one to come to you, and not the other way around. As you've said, you're "always" the one's to put down the flag. Try to talk to him and ask what he wants to do about your relationship.
@sassyces (1604)
• Philippines
12 Jan 07
I love him that's why I don't mind being the one to come after him. But of course when its always like that, it gets tiresome. It's been 3 days and he hasn't initiated. Obviously, he again is expecting me to woe him.
@mysiraylon (1102)
• United States
11 Jan 07
Be patient enough for his shortcomings, if you sincerely do love him never let him have an INCH of disliking you. Your timely sacrifice for now is important to keep your relationship last for longer time and perhaps forever... so cheer- up sassyces, okay... One last thing, invite your BF to read (or registere in mylot) some of the topics about your emotions, it might be of help.
@sassyces (1604)
• Philippines
12 Jan 07
thanks for your advice mysiraylon.
@Ambur25 (1007)
• United States
11 Jan 07
Tell him you love him. You want to be with him and want things to get better between the two of you. But, let him know that you're not going to always be the one to step-forward. A relationship shouldn't mean that when one steps back, the other takes an extra step to meet them. Both should be walking toward each other. Contrary to what a lot of men seem to think, a relationship isn't 80-20. It's 50-50 and that's just the way it is. Hope things get better for you.
@sassyces (1604)
• Philippines
12 Jan 07
Yup, it should be 50/50. The 80/20 they're talking about is the 80% woman's effort and the measly 20% man's share. It's so unfair!
@eyenrev (52)
• Philippines
11 Jan 07
hmm! follow what your heart.. you 2 are just waiting for each other.. do the first move by just sending non sence txtmsg until he rep!if you love the person dont mind your pride so that you will not blame your self if you will lose him coz u did what u think will makes you happy.=)
@sassyces (1604)
• Philippines
12 Jan 07
I think that is the reason why I'm always the one doing the first move because he's always used to me initiating it.
• Philippines
11 Jan 07
well, if you're tired of doing the same thing over and over again, i guess it's about time to ask yourself if your relationship is still worth fighting for or even saving. if you're not happy anymore, then y stay? why prolong the agony of hoping against hope that things could get better if it's not? hey, you still have a life to live. God didn't create you to burden yourself with relationship problems like that. hehehehe just kidding! =) im just trying to make you smile. =) take your time apart to weigh things over. if it's worth it, then call him! =)
@sassyces (1604)
• Philippines
12 Jan 07
thanks for your advice gbetpangan
• India
11 Jan 07
well in a conflict when both the parties hv a ego problem i must say one has to come down and start the conversation..u know that it ll b pretty late when he comes n tal to you.so why do you wanna waste your time ...just go to him and be the first to talk to him..... BEST OF LUCK.....
@sassyces (1604)
• Philippines
12 Jan 07
thanks for your advice ashu_aryan85
• Portugal
11 Jan 07
I know how you feel, I have the same task when my wife and I have a discussion. I´m always the one that comes first. I don´t regret that, we both love each other is her way, we can call it pride or else. But remember life is to short for us to stay bad with someone, special the one that we love so, don´t be afraid to give the first step, just let him now that again you the one that makes that. All the best for you two.
@sassyces (1604)
• Philippines
12 Jan 07
thanks for your advice braveheartpt
@mapalo (1)
• Zambia
11 Jan 07
Hello, I think this time you should put your foot down.Its time he made the first move.it happened to me and i did not call nor send an sms and you know what happened next he was the one who made the first move.you should be patient he is going to contact you soon.good luck.
@sassyces (1604)
• Philippines
12 Jan 07
thabnks for your advice mapalo.
@wavelander (1530)
• Portugal
11 Jan 07
Someone has to take the first step! I don't why you both got that way but if it's nothing important. Try to take the first step forward with him if you really love him.
@sassyces (1604)
• Philippines
11 Jan 07
If I really love him? Why not "If he really loves me"
@catchre (407)
• Philippines
11 Jan 07
Who started the fight in the first place? The one who started the fight should apologize and own up the mistake. It is very childish if both of you are going to wait and prolong the torture. I believe both of you are no longer in highschool, right?
@sassyces (1604)
• Philippines
12 Jan 07
I'm 22 and he's 31. I thought I'll be the one who'll act as a baby here but it seems that he's being such!
@enemies (739)
• India
11 Jan 07
My best friend and I had a major disagreement. All I had to do was say I was sorry. I didn't. I lost her for 6 months. She was the bigger person and came back to me. Thank goodness. We had been friends for 10 years at that point. Pride goeth before destruction, a haughty spirit before the fall. a
@sassyces (1604)
• Philippines
11 Jan 07
Glad you've straighten things up between you and your friend.
@shaheens (84)
• India
11 Jan 07
but iam sure when he 'll see ur name on his cell blinking he;ll definitely come to u...hey dear..love is very precious never lose it bcoz of pride
@sassyces (1604)
• Philippines
12 Jan 07
I hope he has the same thinking as yours.
• India
11 Jan 07
hi there, this is the same story repeating ...why this happen??? i think u r mature enough to think and take ur decisions.... if u think ur relationship may lead to a commitment for ur life ....then go and patch up...coz there should not be any ego hassles b/w a relationship of love..... BUT if u think u can't take the pain for the rest of ur life...then plzzzz don't stretch the relationship...that 'll hurt u even more .... stand up and take the decision... GOOD LUCK !!!!! and i know u miss him..... even i miss mine....though we don't fight with each other...its just that he is too busy in his work to get settled....its been 15 days we havn't talked
@sassyces (1604)
• Philippines
12 Jan 07
thanks for your advice angel_illuminated
@anonvenu (401)
• India
11 Jan 07
Men are such sticklers for pride. But deep down usually they are caring and loving, the problem is with expressing those feelings. Best way to deal with this behavior is to you take the initative and first path up with him. Once things have come back to normal, gently convey it to him that fights do happen in relationships and both should take initiatives to correct it. You don't even have to remind him that you took the necessary initiative to amend it this time. I bet the next time he is going to take the initiative.
@sassyces (1604)
• Philippines
11 Jan 07
So I have to initiate patching things up again and have him do it the next time? I think this is the next time I thought of before. Ahh, I'm so confused.
@banta78 (4334)
• India
11 Jan 07
I think you have to figure out your life and what intend to do with it. and you need to get your priorities in life right. i think you need to talk to yourself and find out what you really want from this realtionship. is it just a timepass, fun, friendship or is it dating or are you both in love or not. I think if you listen to your heart and are honest with yourself you will find status of your relationship by your comfort levels, by your thoughts, words ,deeds, gestures, intersts and so on. i feel if you both were really in love then it really wouldn't have mattered whose fault it was and both of you would have been eager to patch but sadly it seems you are only one interested here. And he has ego problem. I think you should have a frank chat with him and discuss in detail with hm and find out what he really wants. Just imagining is not enough because one has to be real and face hard facts. And then you will know what course to take in your life. TYo be with him or dump him. all the best. good luck.
@sassyces (1604)
• Philippines
11 Jan 07
Yes, I think that I'm the only one interested in this "relationship" but everytime we talk and the topic shifts to the topic of our recent fights, he said he thinks that I'm the one not affected by it because according to him, he can even see me smiling when I'm with my friends. I'm like, my goodness, what does he expect of me? to fret or to wrinkle up my forehead ALL THE TIME for him to see that I'm really bothered? I just happen to have a good coping mechanism when things go wrong but he said he thinks that it just shows that I'm not really into our relationship.
@tmnjyk (3486)
• Canada
17 Jan 07
This is very true. This does not apply to your significant other but to your friends too. I've met a friend who is full of pride. I really hate it when she is letting her pride take in in different situations. She is my best friend and most of the time, we argue on things and she will never ever ask help from you in times of need because of pride and will never say I can't do it. She is full of pride but I still love and I understand why she is like that.
@areeb124 (243)
• Pakistan
12 Jan 07
Sometimes pride makes it difficult for us to accept help even when it is needed. I once offered my seat on the Subway to an older woman carrying heavy bags. I offered her my seat and assistance with her bags and was surprised at her refusal. I didnot understand her reaction until many months later when I was recovering from a serious surgery. I could have used help while recuperating-- but pride is a powerful force