Makeup on an 11 year old?

Little Kids in Makeup - The only time a kid should wear makeup is at Halloween!
@Randync (544)
United States
January 15, 2007 3:20pm CST
Ok I am engaged to a woman who has 3 kids. I have lived with them all for a little over a year. The youngest is an 11 year old girl. She does not really try to wear makeup yet but she goes to a friend's house and comes back with about a pound of red lip gloss on. Her mom says it's ok but she pretty much lets the kid do what she wants to do anyway. I say she is too young to be walking around with red lip stick looking stuff smeared on her face. I do admit to possibly being over protective but it really bugs me. The majority of the time she does not make the kid wear a bra and she does need to wear one. It makes me very uncomfortable to be the one to tell her to put one on so most of the time I mind my on business on that topic. Am I being an old fashoned dork? I have one kid of my own but he is a 10 year boy, so being a girl's daddy is fairly new to me.
16 people like this
84 responses
@seewhy (231)
• Australia
15 Jan 07
It's natural for girls to want to copy what their mums do and to play with make up. I think most girls do at some point. As long as it's just at home or at a friends's house and she's not going out in public looking like that then I don't think it's a problem.
@Randync (544)
• United States
15 Jan 07
Thanks for the reply! I do think I am possibly being to hard on the kid.
2 people like this
• United States
16 Jan 07
I've seen girls wear their momy's high heels & big necklaces & dresses when they play dress up - just like they play with toy kitchen & vacuums. As long as she doesn't go out into public with 10 pounds of make-up on that would better on a Vagas dancer (on offense to anyone!) then it's ok. Also if she really insists on make-up, maybe her mom & you might feel more ok with neural colors (they blend in & look more natural & sometimes look like NO make-up is being worn). Also I would suggest emphasising lotions (some come with "skin brighteners" or shimmer). Simply because it's another way to accessorize & it's more low key. My daughter is only 5 months - so I know that I'll soon be in your shoes cuz time always fly's, LOL. Good luck. :)
2 people like this
• Canada
16 Jan 07
ya it is pretty obvious and true that girl wanan do what they see their mommy do.. my little one is just 1 yr old and she already try to wear my slippers on.. when ever i put on lipstick she stare at me with pleasing eyes... so u knw its pretty much normal. if you really think tht kid want soem bra to put on thn talk to her mom to give her one....
2 people like this
@sunshinecup (7881)
15 Jan 07
If you are being old fashion, in this case there is nothing wrong with it. I let my girls 7 and 10 play in makeup. However, when it comes to going to school or the store, it comes off. I have taught them make up hides things women think are ugly naturally and they have nothing ugly about them. As for the bra, my 10-year-old is fighting me on it. Nevertheless, I put my foot down; she wears it there is no option. Now as for your situation, it's hard because you’re not yet step daddy. I say you really need to discuss these issues you have with the children with your fiancée and together define your boundaries with the kids, before the marriage takes place. If you do not, it will only get worse for you. If you are to be in their life, personally you should have say so, at least she should hear your opinions out on certain areas with the kids. Hope this helps and best of luck to you.
3 people like this
@Randync (544)
• United States
15 Jan 07
Thanks for the replies everyone.
2 people like this
@lpetges (3036)
• United States
27 Jan 07
i think a little clear or soft pink lip gloss would be fine, but nothing else at that age/ kids are trying to grow up way to fast. she should be out jump roping, and playing video or board games with her girlfriends. its ok to like the boys, but nothing more. to much to soon only leads to trouble!
2 people like this
• United States
27 Jan 07
I can understand your concern because nowadays little girls wanted to grow up so fast. You are not old fashioned but nowadays with the media and the "role models" these young girls have, who bombarded them with what beauty is, make-up is part of it. Just discuss your concern with your partner this early while you are not yet married so that she will know your concerns and you can talk about it.
2 people like this
@zuri25 (2127)
• United States
16 Jan 07
As a mom of a little girl I will have to deal with this issue in the years to come. My thoughts on this are that some girls have a natural curiosity about makeup...how to apply it, what colors to wear, will it make them more desireable. I think it's okay for a young girl to wear a little bit of lipgloss and maybe a bit of blush. But, only once in a while not every day. Makeup should not be worn everyday until the child is at least a teenager and even then it shouldn't overwhelm her face. If I were you I would be happy that she is not that interested in makeup yet and that she only wears lipgloss once in a while. Try to put it into perspective by comparing this makeup thing with something your son might be interested in as a boy, like taking things apart or obsessing over cars.
@icequeen (2842)
• Canada
16 Jan 07
I think a little lip gloss can't hurt...however red is unacceptable. Perhaps a light pink...beige would be more appropriate. It sounds like her friend may be more matured then your daughter so I would be careful there. On the subject of the bra...if she needs one then she should be wearing one. I would talk to your wife about that...because it is just better. It is good that you make her wear one...
2 people like this
• United States
16 Jan 07
I am a mother, but my daughter is only 4. She always wants to do what I do. Of course I would never let her out of the house excpet on halloween with make-up yet! But she is interested in wearing make-up can you take her somewhere or to someone you know to show her how to make it look natural. There are many salons, Avon representatives, MaryKay representatives. You could eve talk to them before she meets with them to discuss what is okay and not okay! They probably know more what is going on in many age groups than we do. My mother and my aunt decided that was the best way for my cousin and I to learn. When we were about 11-12 we went and had professionals show us how to do it naturally so we wouldn't look like clowns. By the time I was 13, I wore make-up at least 75% of the time. Times are changing, let kids have some fun as long as it is clean good fun! Otherwise they will end up going behind your back and doing it anyway! CC
• United States
16 Jan 07
Man I think that sucks. To teach young girls already so young that they need to enhance their appearance just to get by in society sucks. I think young girls and women alike need to ditch all that makeup and just let their natural glow shine through.
2 people like this
• United States
15 Jan 07
It's prefectly normal for a little girl to want to try out putting on makeup. It's fun. I think you are making a big deal out of this. She is just being a normal little girl. I started wearing makeup when I was not much older than her. My mom bought me good quality makeup, and I was shown how to wear it properly. Don't worry, she isn't growing up too fast. I think she is right on track. Raising little girls is a bit different from raising little boys. I have one of each. I am so thankful that my husband grew up in a house with 3 sisters and a mom. You are not an old fashioned dork!
@ryan444 (207)
• United States
15 Jan 07
I don't believe an 11 year old needs makeup. I think possibly they might start with A SMALL amount around 13-15. Let her mom take care of her womenly needs in my opinion.
2 people like this
@soadnot (1606)
• Canada
15 Jan 07
oh come on, makeovers are part of sleep overs.. but the thing is, if she starts using it all the time. Its not good if she grows up with it cuz wen natural beauty is the best.
2 people like this
• United States
16 Jan 07
As a mother myself (though I have only boys) I think 11 is too young to be wearing more then just a TOUCH of lip gloss ... that age they should be taught about natural beauty not how to cover it up, or add to it. As far as the bra issue goes, that is certainly a subject that her mother should be addressing with her. However if she is NOT then I think it would be in the childs best interest for you to intervene provided you have a good relationship with her. ... In any case KUDOS to you for taking on this job ... and best to you while learning how to parent a girl. Hope it all works out well for you , your fiance , and all the children involved! ~Rachel
1 person likes this
@Randync (544)
• United States
16 Jan 07
Thanks alot for the reply.
@vicky1 (240)
• United States
16 Jan 07
I think when she is home putting on make up is fine. But for me 11 is to young to go with make up on. As far as the bra goes speak to her mom about it.
• United States
25 Jan 07
I am the mother of this 11 year old and what he thought was lipstick is lip gloss it just brings out the redness in her lips. I was that way at her age and am still that way lip gloss makes me look like I have lipstick on. I know she needs to wear a bra but I tell her and sometimes she forgets and I forget at times due to health problems which makes my mind foggy to follow up with her. I can't remember my own phone number at times. I admit she is spoiled. I guess it comes from losing my baby daughter in 2002 who was 4 years old.
16 Jan 07
While it is nice that you want to protect her, I think you need to tread very carefully around step-children where discipline is concerned. I am not suggesting that you let your fiance's children walk all over you but you must remember that they are used to their mums rules. If you didn't come on the scene until the youngest was ten then they already have a way of doing things established and to interfere with that can provoke an enormous amount of resentment. Having said that, you also have to maintain your son's way of life and code of conduct but striking a balance needs to be a very delicate operation. The best thing that you can do for your step-children is to form good relationships with them so that the experience of a new dad is a good one. With regard to your specific issues, I think the majority of posts have already said that experimenting with make-up is fine and normal. Children do mimic grown-ups and there is nothing wrong with this. The bra issue I don't quite see. Why exactly do you feel she should be wearing one? Their purpose is to provide support when you jump about and to prevent too much sagging when you get older. If she isn't uncomfortable jumping about then thats fine. At 11, she has a few more years before she needs to worry about being droopy so it seems to me that there is perhaps another issue here which is yours not hers. Bear in mind why women burnt their bras - they were representative of mens control over women and in particular over womens sexuality. If it is to do with feeling uncomfortable with seeing them moving or her nipples then that really is your issue. Don't make her uncomfortable about her growing body if she is happy with it.
@Randync (544)
• United States
16 Jan 07
We live in a trailor park full of teen age boys. Damn right I have a problem with her running around with her nipples showing. I guess it IS my problem but at least I give a crap about her. Her real father don't. And she called me daddy the 2nd time she ever saw me. Everybody I know including her mother and brothers, tell me to treat her like she is my daughter. That is what I am trying to do.
16 Jan 07
I'm sorry if I offended you. I didn't mean to imply that you are a bad father. I do object to the attitude that women or girls have to change to stop men or boys from attacking them but understand your concern.
• United States
16 Jan 07
Lots of interaction here. First of all you guys are still engaged but living together so that really does give you a lot of parental say-so of the girl where the otherwise would not be. If you are feeling protective of the girl, follow your instincts AFTER you have explored them thoroughly to make sure your own motivations match up with what is best for an 11-yr-old girl. Posting here and showing that you are thinking about it is a positive sign to me. The whole bra bit could be awkward, but it seems you are handling it well. Any teen or pre-teen adjusting to a new parental figure is difficult. As far as the make-up goes: that's tricky. My niece is only allowed ot wear light pinks and light layers of make-up overall and she is 10 but has the maturity of a 14-yr-old. Each child's maturity level is different plsu the expectations of the culture of the parents and the culture the child is living in is different. A friend of mine is from New York and she lets her little girl do full make-up just like Mommy and has since her daughter was old enough to try and mimic her (about 3). because she is doing it to be like Mommy and because it has never been made a big deal of AND because she has been taught to do it properly, the little girl looks kinda cute in glittery pastel make-up. Not knowing the whole situation, I can't give you a complete answer to your question. I would suggest a good place to begin is to have your fiancee sit down with her and teach her how to properly apply it (so she doesn't come home caked with it) and perhaps to get her some pastel colours that you would find acceptable.
@Randync (544)
• United States
16 Jan 07
I would say her maturity level is at about 9. Partly due to having Adhd. She is in the 5th grade and recently got into a discussion at school where she defended Santa Clause swearing he was real. Thanks everyone for the replies.
@kaspyv (1011)
• United States
16 Jan 07
i really don't think the makeup is a problem, but if you feel she needs to wear a bra then you should talk to her mom about it and tell her how it seems from a male point of view...let her know you don't want the boys thinking bad things about the girl.
@kaspyv (1011)
• United States
16 Jan 07
one more thing...my 3 kids grew up with a stepfather and my 2 girls went through the makeup and bra stage and he felt the same way you do so i do understand what you are feeling..i thank God that my husband was a loving stepfather that cared enough about the kids to discuss these things with me.
1 person likes this
@Chief33 (15)
• Canada
16 Jan 07
Well my daughter isnt 11 yet so maybe i dont know the true feeling. but i think all sounds ok, if her and her friends are getting all painted up for fun inside the house it sounds pretty harmless. i dont think its till she wants to leave to house with it on you want to make sure shes not sending the wrong signals.
1 person likes this
@Randync (544)
• United States
16 Jan 07
Thanks for the reply. I had more of a problem with the color red. I wouldn't care as much if it was pink or some dorky looking thing they put on.
@itsjustmeb (1212)
• Canada
15 Jan 07
I don't think makeup looks good on a little girl. I think adults should be the only ones who wear make up.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Jan 07
I agree with you,I have two neighbors that come over to play with my step kids and they are 13 and 14.They wear make-up tight skirts and try to act like they are grown up and they are just kids.They have these Bratz dolls and told me they want to be just like these dolls and these dolls look like little women painted up.I told them not to rush growing up because when they do they will want time to travel backwards to young again but they just laughed at me and I do not think you are being wrong not wanting her to wear make-up,but all little girls like to play dress-up, try buying her some light colored lip gloss for her to play with.Maybe this will be better for her and you.
• United States
27 Jan 07
First of all she doesnt wear a pound of make up it is just lip gloss. Secondly she is just now getting to the stage wear she must wear a bra.I am going to buy her some undershirts so she doesn't have to wear one all the time. I have talked to her about bad people being out there. I don't let her do whatever she wants. She is more of a tom boy she likes playing with rocks than her dolls.
1 person likes this
@UmmZahid (324)
• United States
27 Jan 07
you knwo something your not being a dork at all actually ur right she doesnt need to be walking around with no bra and a pound of make up on its redicilous she is wayyy to young she should still be playing with barbiedolls and people wonder why pedophiles exist, and they call people sick well if they were procteting their children a little more maybe this wouldnt be!!! i thnk your doing a great job and should continue to do so i know it makes you uncomfortable but if her mom isnt saying anything somebody has too right!!!maybe you shoud warn her of the sick people there is out in the world!!! take care
• United States
27 Jan 07
You're not over reacting or being overr protective... I think you should talk to your girlfriend about her kids and why you think the way you do about what they do. Girls that age are curious about makeup and as long as she doesn't go out with make up it's okay. About the bra thing, you're in an awkward position for that so let them figure it out on their own.
1 person likes this