Should you give 100% of yourself in a relationship or not?

Philippines
January 15, 2007 8:31pm CST
My friends say that when you get into a relationship with someone romantically, you should give or commit 100% of yourself into that relationship. But i dont agree with them, because i think you should something or maybe 20 -30% for yourself so that if the relationship doesnt work out in the end, you will not feel totally broken or lost and you have somewhere where you can start to pick up the broken pieces and start again. Do you agree with me?
11 people like this
155 responses
@kishchun (497)
• Oman
16 Jan 07
am not sure actually, but would you enjoy a relationship if you didn't give 100% to it? wouldn't you feel unfulfilled? how can we start a relationship and go about it in fear of a breakup? to me, it seems unhealthy and a wrong way of doing things. how can we begin and continue a relationship holding a part of ourselves back, just because we fear something might go wrong? isn't it a negative outlook on life? isn't it rather pessimistic? i would rather have you thinking positive, ready to face the world, any challenge, bravely. sorry if it sounds like a lecture, but then, make the best possible balanced decision and look forward to something good in life - that's my way of looking at things, and wish you could do the same. i would be happy. do let me know your response to this, or your retort!
• Philippines
17 Jan 07
thanks for your lecture er i mean comment :p seriously, i would also want myself to face life or in this case, relationships positively. but sometimes,if a person encounters too many disappointments and failures,it is hard for him to be positive about life in general.although, he may be brave enough to try again but there is the hesitation everytime and then he will not be able to commit fully anymore because of these hesitations.
@mishang (498)
• Philippines
16 Jan 07
i agree with you, i think that you should also retain some loving for yourself, but it's not because you have low hopes for the relationship to work but because it's not healthy for a relationship if you give 100% of yourself, why? it's because that will mean that you'd be selfless meaning that you won't be having any time for yourself neither any privacy, or moments alone, these are wrong commitments that people often misunderstood as a part of sacrifice for the relation. it is not the way to do things on the contrary.
• Philippines
17 Jan 07
i truly agree with you on that..
@cheenlly (3477)
• Philippines
16 Jan 07
yes i agree with you. I have realized that now. I have give and commit myself before 100 % to a guy i thought the right one for me. Without holding back i fully commit myself but when we broke its like the end of my world. I almost killed myself because of pain. now im picking up the pieces again and realized if ever i love again. i would not give 100% of it, if ever i give it to the one im really sure its deserving.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
16 Jan 07
im really sorry to hear that..hope you're doing good now.. but pls remember,whatever happens, dont hurt yourself just because of someone else..remember the saying that it is better to lose the one you love than lose yourself in loving..
• Philippines
16 Jan 07
It works for me, when i gave my 100 percent in every relationship that I am in. Because when things go wrong and when things just dont work out at least you can tell yourself that you did all your best in that relationship and yet no matter what it still was not good enough. When you give your 100%, i think when it doesnt work you can recover more...because there will be no more what ifs...you did your best. And when you give your best, and it works you'll be even happier!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
16 Jan 07
hey, thanks for putting it that way, couldnt help but agree with what you said. although i am still a bit unsure if i can give a 100% anymore to my future relationships after my former one lied to me.
@jaeian (23)
• Philippines
20 Jan 07
giving or commiting yourself a 100% is not ideal..you should save something for yourself so you will still be in your self if the relationship doesn't end well or did not work out good..in the end if you give yourself totally w/o saving a little for yourself, you might end up searching or forgetting who you really are and what you really want..no one is worth giving 100% of yourself..if it is God then you should give 110% of yourself..get it?
1 person likes this
@vdhill (65)
• United States
20 Jan 07
When you are in a relationship, you should give 100%, so that you have no regrets if it falls apart. This doesn't mean you should give 100% of your time to it, since we all have other interests, such as our jobs, hobbies, and our families. Give 100% of your honesty and sincerity to the relationship. You may feel a sense of loss, if it breaks up; but you will know you gave it your best and you'll be better able to move on.
@DavidReedy (2378)
• United States
17 Jan 07
I kinda' agree with ya, but then again your premise leaves room for fear. That says that you're only 70-80% sure the relationship is good at anyone time. Just remember you see what you want to see, and people respond to our expectations.
1 person likes this
@sheksms (17)
• Philippines
17 Jan 07
I think you should give 100% of yourself into a relationship so that if it ends there will be no regrets. but you should know if the relationship is still working or not. We all know that relationships demand sacrifices. But if your 100% is not enough then it might as well end the relationship.
• Melbourne, Florida
16 Jan 07
You should definitely commit 100%, but in a true love situation, you should not have to give 100% of yourself. You should only have to give 50% and your partner brings 50%. If you give 100% of yourself, you don't leave anything for your partner to contribute and the relationship will often not make it. It's ok to be a little selfish, do things for yourself. Your partner will admire you for it in the long run.
1 person likes this
@smints8985 (1594)
• United States
17 Jan 07
I agree that you/we should at least leave 20-30% for ourselves, most of the time when you give your all that is when you neglect the fact that you are worth more than what you are getting in return and most of the time those that give their 100% are the ones who ends up taken for granted. I believe that in order to love someone, we should always have that love for ourselves first. Giving your all might sound like the best thing you can do like committing your full self in a relationship, but nevertheless, we should never forget that there is really no certainty when it comes to relationships. The best you can do is to give just enough love and leave just enough self respect for you to be able to compose yourself and pick up where you left off just in case the relationship does not end up having a "happily ever after" ending to it.
1 person likes this
• India
16 Jan 07
In my opinion, relations are made to come closer with deep down faith beneath our heart. Nothing is ideal friend. But if the relations broke up there is no need to be heart broken or something. Its the human nature. Even possible resides in impossible my friend. Have a nice day.
1 person likes this
@totnakish (141)
• Philippines
17 Jan 07
No i dont agree with you, it must be 31% coz the one percent goes to your pet!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
17 Jan 07
NO...i won't give all my love.giving all your 100% love to your boyfriend is a big martyr.give some space to yourself.try not give all so that when both of you decided to get parted it is not painful and you can cope up and stand and start again.
1 person likes this
@darkblade (123)
• Philippines
17 Jan 07
well i am in love right now but i don't think i give 100% to the relationship. There is no sense in giving 100%, coz when you think about it, even for those people thinking they're giving 100%, is it really 100%? Are you really giving it all for the relationship. I was told by my girlfriend that you can never say you gave 100% to a relationship, by then nothing would be left for you. Love yourself first then you will learn how to love another. In a relationship, it is always 50-50, everything must be equal.
1 person likes this
@cheongyc (5072)
• Malaysia
16 Jan 07
i agreed with you. I used to devote 100% to my gf for the past 5 years. But still she left me miserably. And i really had problems to continue my live for quite a while. Coz i had to look for friends (i had been introvert for 5 years bcoz of this relationship) again, and look for more things to do as a pass-time. I really dare not start another relationship bcoz having phobia from this past relationship.
• Philippines
17 Jan 07
im really sorry to hear that.. hope you are coping well now.. maybe you could also try to contact your friends before that you have lost contact with during your 5-yr relationship and rekindle the friendship that you once have with them.i'm sure that they understand the reason why and will more than welcome you back as their friend
@cutieissa (413)
• Philippines
16 Jan 07
dont give 100% of yourself but give 100% in terms of time, effort and commitment. you are right, we should keep something for ourselves just in case the relationship doesnt work. but you should also take note that if you dont give your all and the relationship failed, you will keep wondering "what if i gave my 100%? will the relationship work?" .. i dont wanna wonder forever
1 person likes this
@nyka08 (403)
• Philippines
16 Jan 07
i totally agree with you. in my opinion, i think you should leave something for yourself. if you ask me, you can never really love someone if you are not able to love yourself. in a relationship, both parties should be happy. and i think loving someone for the cost of your happiness is not a good relationship.
1 person likes this
@harxian (671)
• Philippines
16 Jan 07
in that point you are right you have to leave something for yourself so that you can move on easily if anything would happen ,having a relationship doesnt mean that you should gave 100% but maybe you should give and take there should be balance in your relationship.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Jan 07
I agree I think you should keep some to yourself cuz in the end your all you have. That person your with may not last forever but your stuck with yourself so make sure you always have something about yourself that'll make you happy, dont let anyone take that away from you.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Jan 07
I feel that it really depends on where you are in the relationship and how far you are. I mean if you just met the person, i think no way! Keep yourself guarded, i even look up guys i date online to see their criminal records...you never know these days. The more involved you get the more of yourself you give, but i think the only time you should really truely give that full 100% is in marriage.
1 person likes this