Can a Man and Women be Friends

@Bytemi (1553)
United States
January 17, 2007 6:51am CST
Can a man and women be friends and not have an expectation of anything else? Lets take this one step further, if the women is marriage and the friend is not, is the friendship allowed? I am one of the those weird women, I get along with guys better than I get along with women, I am not into the hair and makeup and cloths and I find that women can be ficious, so I avoid it all together and for the most part my friends for guys. My ex-husband, yes I said ex was OK with this in the beginning then we got married and he wanted me to stop having my guy friends, he said it was inapproriate. As an example I have friend called Civil, I have known him for over 20 years, we grew up together, when I got married should I have stopped being his friend?
12 people like this
181 responses
@rose007 (247)
• India
17 Jan 07
to me its not a great problem.. more issues are there in this matter. but to me friends are always friends and its not depend on the boy or girl. but some limitations should have to follow between themselves.. thats a needed one
2 people like this
@Bytemi (1553)
• United States
17 Jan 07
Oh don't see where limitations are necessary, if they are a friend they are not going to cross that invisible line or even come close to it. Even if a woman is married doesn't she have the right to still have friends?
1 person likes this
@amazehr (430)
• Philippines
17 Jan 07
when a woman is married they still have the right to have other friends for no one in this world can live without friends may it be a man or a woman
2 people like this
17 Jan 07
People can be freinds with any one, male or female you just need to keep clear where you stand with each other at all times.
@deeble (102)
17 Jan 07
I have more male friends, than female friends too. I just seem to get along better with men than women, in general. This has never been an issue with my boyfriend (or previous boyfriend). He knew I had male friends, and he knew I wouldn't give up my friends. A 20 year long friendship is something worth keeping, in my opinion. And I wouldn't have given up this friendship.
@Bytemi (1553)
• United States
17 Jan 07
What would you do if your boyfriends opinion changed after you got married and said basically said no more???
1 person likes this
@Bytemi (1553)
• United States
17 Jan 07
Oh the control went so much further than that. It got to point that I had to call everytime I moved, literally. I had to call him when I got the metro, then call him when I got on the train, then call him when I got to the office, called him when I went to lunch to tell him who I was going with, call him when I got back from, called him when I left work, called him when I got on the train, called him when I got off the train, called him when I got to my car, called him when I got home and God forbid I missed any of those calls, there was Heck to pay. If I went out with my friends, bowling, movies (which he was invited too) he would call every 5 minutes, what are you doing now. Jealousy is a bad bad thing and it is not worth the stress.
1 person likes this
@deeble (102)
17 Jan 07
Wow, he sounds like a very jealous, controlling and probably very insecure person. I'm glad to hear he's now you're ex husband. It sounds like you're better off away from a situation like that!
2 people like this
• United States
17 Jan 07
well some one who is like me I have more male friends than I have female friends and I have a few of them also the answer to your question is I do not believe it is right to give up a friendship just because you friend is a male.Because in my opinion if a man can have a female friend after marriage why is it wrong fot a woman to have a male friend
2 people like this
@Bytemi (1553)
• United States
17 Jan 07
Exactly, he has his female friends and never complained or tried to tell him that he could not go out with them, that would have been wrong they were there before me and apparently they will there after me too. I just don't think I should have to give up years and years of friendships to be a "good wife"
1 person likes this
• Philippines
19 Jan 07
Yeah, there's nothing wrong of having friends as long as you know that you're just friends. Nothing beyond especially when someone is involved. The problem occurs when you're partner is insecure.
• Pakistan
17 Jan 07
In my personal opinion, man and woman can't remain just friends for long, while wherever there's rule there's also an exception to that rule. And your case might have been that exception to the rule. Even I would have asked my wife (if one existed) the same thing. You din't make that adjustment, so ur husband became 'ex'.
2 people like this
• Pakistan
17 Jan 07
And I appreciate that you aren't into those stupid 'womanly' things. I just love this trait.
2 people like this
@Bytemi (1553)
• United States
17 Jan 07
So you feel that when a women becomes a wife she should give up all of her friends??? My husband become my ex because he was controlling and become emotionally abusive, my male friends, yes more than one, may have brought this side out of him but I have known my friends on average 15 years and I don't think I should have to give up the connection because I got married. If I didn't include him or ask him to join us I could completely understand his feelings but he was always invited, he just choice not too.
1 person likes this
• United Arab Emirates
17 Jan 07
Ofcourse they can.. whether both are married or one of them is .
2 people like this
@xionous (440)
• Belgium
17 Jan 07
ya offcourse both man and woman can be friends if they want to. but things depends on their situations. if one is married and his spous doesnt want him to be with her other female frnd things might turn upside down. i have frnds who are good. it really matters when their boy friend wants them to split from their frnds (male) and thats disgusting.
2 people like this
• Philippines
17 Jan 07
I agree. friends are very important especially in the work place. There are boundaries in marriage as well as friends. everybody should know this.
2 people like this
@aelyus (635)
• Romania
18 Jan 07
I can say you exactly if they can or not.I think that always will exist that body atraction,but you can control it.I learnt in time how to do that.
2 people like this
• India
18 Jan 07
friendship is always allowed, and it is pretty sick to belive that once a woman gets married she should not be allowed to arry on friendship with other men
2 people like this
@muralimn (535)
• United Arab Emirates
18 Jan 07
Yes of course, man and women can be friends without any expectation crossing their minds. A friend is a friend, whether boy or a girl. a friend is someone with whom you can talk about your feelings, problems, share a good time etc. a friend is one whom we can rely on. a friend can be a boy or a girl. it makes no difference what gender your friend is. But, after marriage the interaction with friends becomes less active. but the friendship can remain the same. there is nothing wrong in keeping the friendship even after marriage. but there are limitations when it comes to maintaining. a friend is a friend no matter who you are, what gender you are.
2 people like this
• India
18 Jan 07
well i think that a man and women can be good friends indeed.
2 people like this
@Atlyas (455)
• India
17 Jan 07
Men and women can be friends as long as they do not develop a diffrent kind of feeling for each other. This is the same feeling that breaks relationship, family, and other things else.
• India
17 Jan 07
i have only one male friends .we have togehter from 2nd class . i have arrange marriage than i was first meet my husband before marriage he(friend) was also with me . I told my husband from the first day about everythinf about my friend . My husband accept him , after 6 years of my marraige we have contact with him . male and women can be a friend, it is tottaly depend upon us
2 people like this
@jieuna (70)
• Philippines
17 Jan 07
in my case, my honey's old friend is not a big issue for me for for his newly found friend and for his kind of attitude in life right now, i don't think it is OK with me. but for me, i can say he shouldn't have any problem with me having new male friends other than of my old coz i can handle them and i don't give them motives other than friendship.
2 people like this
@mzbubblie (3840)
• United States
17 Jan 07
I believe men and women can be friends, however, when you get married some people then to feel that a woman/man shouldn't be friends with the other. I myself get along with males more than females. I have a male friend I am good friends with, but, I am also good friends with his wife as well. I guess that's the difference, your husband may feel if he's going to be your friend, he probably feel he should be apart of that friendship also because you now are a married woman. I think you both should try talking about it and coming to some kind of conclusion where your husband feels comfortable enough for you guys to be friends...Good luck
2 people like this
• United States
25 Jan 07
See me in person on this one.. You know that old saying about putting things in writing that you dont want someone to see..lol
1 person likes this
@Bytemi (1553)
• United States
25 Jan 07
More specifically on the internet for the whole world to see. :D
• India
18 Jan 07
Are u nuts...dat can never happen..it is an impossiblity...everbody keeps sayin dat to me..but all d guys keep hittin on me..now u tell me wat to do...
1 person likes this
@Bytemi (1553)
• United States
18 Jan 07
Do you act like just one of the guys or a girl??? There is a line and if it is crossed either intentionally or unintentionally I will tell you that for the most part guys will jump at it. Honestly, my friends don't see me as a girl and I don't see them as guys, we just friends.
• Canada
18 Jan 07
Yes a man and a woman can be friends, no matter what their marriage status. as a side note- an ex is an ex for a reason, remember that.
1 person likes this
@Bytemi (1553)
• United States
18 Jan 07
Yes, but I am in a new relationship now and I don't want to travel down the same road twice, if that makes sense.
• China
18 Jan 07
its ok but if your hubby doesnt like it stop it.
1 person likes this
@Bytemi (1553)
• United States
18 Jan 07
So you feel that it is OK for a man to control a woman and what she does and who she sees.
@zorif313 (43)
• India
18 Jan 07
Till now i was thinking that this is the problem in India only But, after reading your discussion i can think that this is the problem of whole world. Why these people are not accepting the friendship of a man and female? Cant they b a friends of eachother without any expectations????? Bytemi i m in support with you. May i know from where u r? I too suffering from the same problem. Hope that v get some way out of it.
@Bytemi (1553)
• United States
18 Jan 07
I am in the Washington DC, and yes it does appear to be a world wise problem.
@shekruse (680)
• India
18 Jan 07
They can remain friends unless people around you don't think and talk junk about the both. Ladies who have known guy friends for over 20 years and grown up together can stil be friends however shudn't involve in them and their lives than self it gives rise to insecurity and doubt from your spouse.
1 person likes this
@Bytemi (1553)
• United States
18 Jan 07
The friend is not the one that raises insecurity and doubt, that is all on the spouse, either you trust or you don't, there is not gray area on this one.
• India
18 Jan 07
OF COURSE A MAN AND A WOMAN CAN BE FRIENDS, BUT THERE MAY BE SOME WHO DONT THINK SO,LETS HAVE A HEALTHY DISCUSIION
1 person likes this
@jithinsb (520)
• India
18 Jan 07
hai faraaz.. donot make your posts in all-caps..you wont be payed for that..please check the do's and dont's of mylot..