My ex husband and sister

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Back in 2002 I lost my 4 year old daughter due to a tumor in her head. The doctors said it was a viral infection I took her to the doctors over and over again. The only reason they put her in the hospital was because she lost 2 pounds. My family blamed her death on me. I was married to my now ex husband for 8 years. He abused me physically and verbally. Always calling me names shooting the gun at me never hitting me with the bullets. I tried for years to make it work. I wrecked my van and he was only concerned in how bad the van was. I went air born and hit a tree with it breaking the tree in half. I had a nervous break down shortly after my daughter passed away and my children went to live with my father and 4th step mother. My mom and sister came down a week after my daughter died and told me to consider my ex husband and how he felt. Not caring that he was telling me the whole time that I was ugly and useless and wasted skin pulled over bones. I finally left him when he hit me in the face with a board and busted my nose open and threatend to push my nose up in my brain so I wouldn't feel anything. Well my sister started talking to him at the same time he was talking to other girls after our daughter died. She came down to see him and never me. We have another daughter together who was older and I have 2 sons who weren't his. He is now engaged to my sister and they have 2 sons together one about 2 and the other about 1 month old. Well our 11 year old daughter than 7 was the one who opened the door for the Police when they arrested him the night he hit me with the board. He wants to see her but she doesn't want to see him. She doesn't understand that her dad is going to be her uncle and her aunt her step mom and her brothers are her first cousins. What do I? Do I force her to see him the judge gave him 1 hour supervised visitation for 90 days than it was up to me. I thought I would be nice and let him have her than for a weekend with rules not to go to womens house with her and confuse her. At 7 she was easy to get attached to people. Also not to take her out of state and he did. The whole time he is asking for us to try and work things out not to get a divorce but meanwhile he had filed for it. I would like any suggestions yall might have. She calls my fiance' dad and loves him dearly and says she wants his last name. She says my ex is her father but not her daddy. I don't talk bad about him to her or in front of her. I have tried getting her to see him but she refuses threatens to run away if I make her. I think she is old enough to decide on her own. What do yall think?