Kicked out of the wedding party, after buying the dress...

United States
January 26, 2007 10:46am CST
My friend came over last night a little upset. A good friend of hers asked her a little less then a year ago to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. My friend, who had helped the boyfriend propose, gladly excepted the invitation. She bought the bridesmaid's dress and started helping her friend with plans. During this time my friend also got engaged and started making plans for her own wedding. Yesterday my friend got an EMAIL saying that her friend no longer wanted her to be in the wedding because they didn't talk as much as they used too. They don't talk as much, because they're both busy planning weddings, not because they've had any arguments or even disagreements. When she told me this I just thought that it was really rude of her friend to do this! To the friend's credit, she offered to pay my friend back for the bridesmaid's dress ... but still she could have had the decency to call her on the phone or tell her face to face! And I just can't imagine ever kicking someone out of a wedding party for such a reason as the one she gave. What do you think? My friend asked me if she should even attend the wedding or how she should respond to this "friend".
25 people like this
72 responses
@Thoroughrob (11771)
• United States
26 Jan 07
I would respond to her with the question she asked you. That was rude. I would email her back and I would tell her that I can't believe that she would not tell me to my face and that it hurt me. I would tell her that the only reason we haven't had time is because of planning weddings. I really hope she wasn't planning to have this girl in her wedding.
5 people like this
• United States
26 Jan 07
No my friend comes from a large family and is only having family memebers in the bridal party. Perhaps her other friend is jealous about this?
2 people like this
• United States
27 Jan 07
That could be the problem. Your friend's friend is probably hurt that your friend didn't ask her to be a bridesmaid. The two should talk and get everything out in the open and then decide if they want to continue their friendship.
• United States
26 Jan 07
Oh my goodness. That's very sad. Perhaps they should see each other in person. I know when me and my friend were bickering through email, all it took was to see each other face to face to remember why we were friends and all was forgiven. Maybe the other girl feels like your friend is stealing the spotlight a little bit, after all when it comes to weddings, the brides like to feel like they're the most important. They don't want another bride competing for attention. At least the other girl offered to pay for the dress. Maybe she has someone else in mind to become a bridesmaid instead? In any case, I think your friend should go see her in person and ask her what's up, if she really wants to save the friendship.
5 people like this
• United States
26 Jan 07
My friend's wedding will be done and over by the time her friend's will be ... so she won't have any reason to talk about her wedding or try to steal the spotlight. I think you're right though, they need to talk face to face.
4 people like this
@babykay (2133)
• Ireland
26 Jan 07
I think there you have hit the nail on the head. Your friend is having her wedding before the other girl's? The other girl clearly feels your friend has upstaged her by beating her up the aisle. She also obviously feels that she is the only one allowed to talk about getting married and wants to hog all of the limelight! Quite sad and pathetic really. Maybe your friend should try talk to her and try to reason with her, not for the sake of being a bridesmaid LOL but for the sake of their friendship, particularly if they have been married a long time. After that, if I were her I would forget about it, you have little control over petty actions and people.
3 people like this
• United States
26 Jan 07
That is wrong on so many levels. First of all, it is illegal. Your friend can sue for the cost of the dress and whatever else she bought for the wedding. I think there might be other reasons. Maybe the groom wanted one of HIS friends in the party?
5 people like this
• United States
26 Jan 07
I agree they should talk in person. Maybe her friend just needs someone to talk too it would seem all of the stress of trying to make the perfect day has affected her. If that doesn't work I would take the money for the dress, and move on.
5 people like this
• United States
26 Jan 07
I find that so rude and heartless. It seems that her friend got jealous, that she wasn't getting 100% attention. She showed no character to email her. I think your friend should take the money and not attend her party, as it is a slap in the face. I'm very sorry to hear this.
5 people like this
@brokentia (10396)
• United States
26 Jan 07
I would tell your friend to respond back with the total of how much the dress cost plus interest if it was purchased on a credit card! I wouldn't even bother to go to the wedding. Because there is something else going on there that your friend does not know. And if her friend is not a friend enough to call her or even talk to her about it, I would not continue to try to pursue the friendship. IF she is a friend...she will see the error of her ways. I would probably even include that in a tactful manner in my email when responding with how much she owes me for the dress. But if her friend does not care...then she should not spend the time trying to show her how much she cares...because it will just fall on a deaf heart. I am very sorry for your friend! Hopefully she sees you as a better friend that you are and has a beautiful wedding herself. :)
4 people like this
• United States
26 Jan 07
I didn't even consider the possible interest she might be paying on a credit card. My friend said she was more shocked then hurt, but I could see right through that one. How could anyone go through something like this and not be hurt? I really hope that they make time to talk face to face because they've been friends since the 7th grade! I don't know what's going on in all of this, but I would hate for either of them to say and do things that might destroy the friendship (if it isn't already too late for that).
2 people like this
@brokentia (10396)
• United States
27 Jan 07
Wow! They have been friends for that long and this just happened out of the blue? I think there is someone working her. And if she helped the groom propose, then I don't think it is him. This would just seem as if it is someone influencing her point of view. I think a face to face would be best. But if it can not be settled, then advise her to ask for the money plus interest back. :)
2 people like this
@mikaghi (389)
• United States
26 Jan 07
this was rude. i mean u don't throw someone out just coz u don't talk as much anymore. i guess she wanted someone else to take her place..people are not that nice anymore.
4 people like this
• United States
26 Jan 07
That sounds so mean. I would if I were the friend take the money for the dress and be done with her as a friend. I am wondering though if their might be some hidden reasons why she kicked her out of the wedding party that maybe your friend has not told you. There might be two sides to a story. It could also be a jealousy issue since they are both planning weddings at the same time. Did your friend have this other friend as a bridesmaid too? I'm so glad that hubby and I had a few close friends and got married in the courthouse. I was never the female that dreamed of a big wedding to be honest. Less drama.
3 people like this
• United States
26 Jan 07
My friend comes from a large family so she's having sisters and cousins in her bridal party. I know that there's two sides to every story ... perhaps her friend feels like when my friend got engaged that she didn't care about her any more? I don't know. I've never met the other girl and I won't make judgements about her.
@kareng (7986)
• United States
26 Jan 07
Oh this is so petty and doesn't sound like a friend at all. I think she got a little jealous. I would make sure the so called friend reimbursed me for the dress. After that, I wouldn't know if I would attend the wedding or not. She could take the high road and go to it. However, I doubt she would enjoy it...you know what I mean? This is really sad for someone to react this way.
3 people like this
• China
26 Jan 07
Oh. I can't imagine how can she do this.. It is absolutely rude. Please tell your friend to focus on her own weddding party and not attend her friend's wedding party... what does "friend" mean? I think a real friend would not do this to your friend.
@rlshaw (872)
• United States
26 Jan 07
Wow, it doesn't sound like much of a friend to me... I'm sure with your friend her feelings are hurt more than anything. I think she should make the bride pay her back for her dress and I wouldn't go to the wedding..
3 people like this
• United States
26 Jan 07
Ouch! The friend was rude, no doubt about it. There were so many other ways she could have handled whatever her problem is. I do not buy her story that she is cutting her out because they do not talk as often - she is lying and that makes it even worse. She should just be honest. Maybe she doesn't have enough groomsmen. Maybe she can't afford it for whatever reason. Is she maybe jealous/hurt that she wasn't included in your friends wedding that will take place first? Could the friend be upset that your friend is going to have her wedding first and wanted all the attention this year to be on her? So many things could have happened - no matter what the problem is, that friend should have been honest and put it on the table for discussion. At this point, I'd ask for the money back for the dress ask the friend one time only if she would like to discuss what happened between them to warrant this behavior. If the other friend says NO, then I would kiss that friendship goodbye and be done with her. With friends like that.. who needs enemies. I'm sorry this happened to her.
2 people like this
• United States
26 Jan 07
Ya, me too. She's a really sweet girl too. My friend did mention the possibility of there not being enough groomsmen ... which would mean that the groom couldn't come up with 3 guys to stand up with him. If that were the reason, don't you think you would just tell someone that? I mean I think that would feel a lot better then, hey we don't talk any more so please don't be in my wedding.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Feb 07
Exactly.. if it was something so simple then why not be honest and just tell the ex-bridesmaid the truth. If she is a friend, she would at least understand that or could offer up a suggestion on a guy to stand up with her. Yeah, I'm just not buying the friends story and it's a mean story at that. I hope your friend is o.k. and isn't letting this bother her too much. I can't believe someone who is suppose to be a friend who be so hurtful. Sometimes people just suck. You're a good friend to be there for her to vent to though. :) (thanks for the best response by the way!)
• United States
27 Jan 07
I don't think I would ever talk to that so-called friend again. There's something wrong with being that cowardly that someone would email someone like that. If she thought there was a problem, she should have talked to your friend earlier, before it came to this rather than being a coward and doing it through the computer screen.
2 people like this
@ronita34 (3923)
• Canada
27 Jan 07
You are right and i would also not attend her wedding and give her reason to think that she has power over you. Of i were her i do not think that i would be sending her an invite either!!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
26 Jan 07
Let me tell you something you should tell your friend: she's not missing anything. After such rude behavior, your friend should be GLAD she's out of that wedding.
2 people like this
• United States
26 Jan 07
This is why I am so glad I have never been asked to be in a wedding.
2 people like this
@armywifey (883)
• United States
27 Jan 07
This is horrible, I can;t imagine someone who is supposed to be your friend kicking you out of her wedding for that reason alone, and not having the balls to tell you in person. I feel bad for your friend. I definitely wouldn't be attending the wedding now because this person is truly not her friend if she couldn't even tell her face to face. I had a friend once who was in a similar situation. She was told she couldn't be in her best friends wedding because she had gained a little weight and she wanted her bridesmaids to be perfect. How shallow can you get?
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Jan 07
Wow, that's truly terrible! Because she gained a little weight??? Perhaps the bride needed perfect bridesmaids to cover her obvious character flaws. I don't care how big or small my friends are ... they'd be in my wedding because they love and support me, not because of their ability to fit in a size 4 dress!
@mkirby624 (1599)
• United States
1 Feb 07
hmm seems to me most superficial brides WOULD want bigger bridesmaids so they would look skinnier
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Feb 07
True you would think that they would want bigger bridesmaids.
@shaz6611 (951)
• Australia
27 Jan 07
It doesn't seem that she was a real friend to start with and telling her by email is a pretty crappy thing to do! My best friend and I can sometimes go 1 month without talking. True friendship knows no bounds.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Jan 07
Excellent point. I have a friend that lives in another state and we try to talk as often as possible. She's starting a new job in an upscale salon in Chicago and cleaning houses on the side ... I'm a mother of three kids 3 1/2 and younger and we get busy! But, even if we don't talk as much as we used to, we'll always be friends.
• United States
27 Jan 07
That is such a horrible situation. If it happened to me, I would take the money for the dress and create an excuse not to attend. If that lady had talk to me in person and explain a valid reason for doing so, then I would understand. But email? So tacky. A wedding is only for a few hours but then it would be a long while to build a good friendship. If they had this relationship, they better talk about it or end up not talking at all.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Jan 07
I don't think she would really have to think of an excuse not to attend, saying, "After all that has gone on I think it would be better if I didn't attend."... I think that would suffice.
@jenalyn (675)
• United States
27 Jan 07
I think she (the first friend getting married) is probably having a problem with them both having a wedding. She probably feels annoyed that the big day she is having is being shadowed by her friend, and is secretly mad about it. Maybe she feels that the focus on her isn't being fulfilled and is mad that there are 2 weddings being planned. If it was me, and one of my best girlfriends, I would take the money for the dress, I would still go to her wedding anyway as a guest but stay out of the spot light. Maybe just only go to the ceremony and not the reception. My friends mean a lot to me, and I wouldn't want to miss the wedding. I also would not have been planning my wedding publicly until after hers was over, because I have a friend that is definitely a person that would get upset if I stole her thunder. Even if that was not what I was doing.
• United States
27 Jan 07
It would have been hard for her to secretly plan her wedding as my friends wedding will come first. Her friend is taking a year and a half to plan her wedding! My friend is doing it in 6 months. I think it's sad that anyone would have to plan their big day in secret ... if it was my girlfriend I would want to share ideas and love the fact that we both found great men to share our lives with!
@medooley (1875)
• United States
27 Jan 07
I tired to kick someone out of my wedding, but my wife would not have it. Apparently she thought that she had to have her sister in the wedding.... go figure. Wow, that lady has a big pair... I can't believe that someone would actually do that. I think that you friend should sell the dress back to her, go to the wedding, pay her respects, and then be done with her. Oh... and eat and drick all she can at the reception.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Jan 07
It's a good thing that I don't use the negative to mark discussions that I don't agree with! LOL! My sister should have never insisted that I supported her in a wedding to man that I can't even stand! :D I think that I will tell her your advice, to eat and drink all she can ... I told her that since the friend claims that she's not replacing her in the wedding that she should have her friend pay her back and if the friend didn't insist on having the dress back that she should show up at the wedding wearing the dress!