Lessons from parents

Philippines
February 2, 2007 9:18am CST
Patience and love is what I learned from my mom. My father cheated on her and she kept that secret from me and my brother for years. I know that it is stressful to keep your emotions of anger and hurt but she was able to do so. She kept her anger at bay so that my brother and I can live our lives free of anger for my father. My mother loved us that she sacrificed a lot so that we could live normal lives. Deception and intimidation is what I learned from my father. He was able to keep his affair for 11 years from me and my brother and got his parents to cover for him, too. He must have said something awfully convincing to them so that they backed him up with his big lie.
3 responses
• Philippines
2 Feb 07
Most men cheat on their wives. There are some wives who keep on loving their husbands despite this, but there are also some women who fall out of love for their husbands. In both cases the wives wil have to go through lots of pain and sacrifices. These pain and sacrifices are magnified once the relatives of the husbands (or those of the wives, too) side with the husbands and tolerate their wrongdoing. The wives may have opted to keep their silence on the matter, but definitely, they are embittered and feel extremely down when this happens. The children will learn about this, too sooner or later. They too, will find some degree of anger or whatever mix negative feelings for the father but, they will have to live with it. There is nothing they can do to remedy the situation. Bitterness and hatred being directed towards the father cannot do anything to correct whatever is wrong with him. I have been wondering why some of our parents just couldn't stay faithful to the one they married. For although, most who indulge in these activities are men, there are some women who we can count in, too.
@Ciniful (1589)
• Canada
2 Feb 07
I'd be careful with the generalizations. Most men cheat on their wives? Not likely. Some, yes ... we all know that. And some wives cheat on their husbands. By saying most you're stating the majority of married men cheat, and that is blatantly false.
@Ciniful (1589)
• Canada
2 Feb 07
I wouldn't be too hard on your father. People make mistakes, it's human nature. If your mother had the capacity to forgive, good for her. The issue was between them, and shouldn't involve their children. He's your father, either way. Just so you know, my father did cheat on my mother, about 10 years ago now. He slipped and for a short time resumed a relationship with his ex fiance, who he was engaged to before my mother. My mother chose to forgive him, after ensuring it was over. He has been forever grateful to his entire family since, realizing he made a mistake. They've been together for 30 years, and are utterly in love. I don't condone what he did, but it's not my place to condemn or condone. What happnened was between him and my mother, and none of my business. If she had it in her to forgive him and move forward, then who am I to place blame? What he did has no bearing on his role as my father, and didn't change his feelings for me, so it doesn't concern me. I love him regardless, I always will, and I will always have the utmost respect for him. I think too often people are quick to blame their parents without thinking it through. Would you say your parents taught you dishonesty by teaching you about Santa Claus? It's not true, it's a blatant lie. But it's one of the roles parents play. You're in the wrong to expect complete honesty from your parents, they don't owe you that. Some things have to be kept private and only between them. Just my take on it. I don't see a point in getting bent out of shape regarding something that isn't any of my business.
• Philippines
2 Feb 07
It's good that your father was able to straighten out and came back to your family before it was too late. Mine did not. He chose to be with the other woman for citizenship reasons. See, he wanted to be an American citizen and he got that with her. My father has forgotten all about us and has not contacted us in years. I still wish them luck as the situation is already like this. No point in sulking over it, right? Ü
@kerbausama (1336)
• Malaysia
3 Feb 07
what a story.you have a very good,patience mom.you are lucy guys.. ..