Who has had to tell their mother that it's ok to go if God calls her home?

United States
February 10, 2007 9:03pm CST
My mother is in the hospital right now, she just got out of ICU today...she has a real weak heart and keeps battling poor kidney function. (She had a few heart attacks 9 years ago and has been living on less that one third of heart since then.) On Jan 31 she had a pacemaker and defibrillator inserted, she seemed better for a few days, they sent her home only to return 4 days later. Before her procedure she told my sisters and I that she is probably going to die, we tried to comfort her and tell her that if that what God's wants, that's what will happen. Now that she's back in the hospital, they can't seem to get a handle on things. She has told us that she thinks she's dying. Tonight she told me that maybe God wasn't ready for her yet, I took the opportunity to say to her, that if God decides it's time for her to come home that she shouldn't be afraid, she should go with him. I told her that she's been through so much and I know her body is so tired, and that my sisters and I would be ok, that we'd be there for each other. I actually felt quite at peace after saying that to her, I keep choking up about it now, but it felt right when I told her. I had been told by people that I should make sure that she knows it's ok and that we would be fine.
5 people like this
13 responses
@resasour (378)
• United States
11 Feb 07
I lost my mom last year after a battle with cancer that she just could not recuperate from. She kept hanging on and hanging on and we watched her suffer so much and get weaker and weaker. We finally decided she was hanging on for us.. over the course of a few weeks, we all (she had 5 kids-all grown now- 11 grandkids and 1 great grandchild) made it a point to tell her that it was ok for her to go.. Her mom who is like 83 now is also still living and was the last one to tell her that it was ok to go... I think that was what she was needing from us. She passed a week later.. I do believe that they feel guilty in leaving us behind. I think telling them it is ok., or that we will be ok brings them much peace about it. I am sorry you are going through this. I know it is hard, but you will get through.. I think it was a wonderful and selfless thing to give her your ok to go on.. I am glad that gave you peace. It did the same for us. It also forced us to face the inevitable. But we got through it. We speak of her often and remember her fondly...and that helps us too..
@catherIN (430)
• United States
11 Feb 07
I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. I was wondering since your last discussion how things were going for you and your family. I lost my mother to cancer when I was 16 years old. I was with her the night before she passed. I think I knew it was her time.But, being so young,I wasn't able to accept it and wrap my mind around the situation. Fast forward from there several years. My Granny, my mom's mother, always seem to hold me at a distance. Eveyone knew she favored boys and I had 2 brothers.No matter what, she found wrong in what I did. If I tried to help her, she claimed that I was up to something. One day,I finally couldn't hold anymore in my heart, it was to full of aching. I caught her when she couldn't walk away. I started telling her everything, very calmly, that I had always needed to say. I believe God was watching closely and assisting that day. This was a woman who did not sit and listen if it sounded like you were saying she was wrong. That did she sat speechless. Different family members that came over that day in the middle of my pouring out my heart couldn't believe what they saw. She actually asked if there was anything else I needed to say. She admitted she had been wrong in a few situations. Said she hadn't thought about how she made me feel in others. Honestly, there were some things she would not admit she had wrong about. But, that was okay. I was aloud to say things that I had needed to say all of my life. At one point, I told her that I had always loved her. I pointed out that I didn't have my mom and thought I should at least have my mom's mom to turn to. That part I think hit her hard, because she had adored my mother.She knew that my mom would have been heartbroke to know I felt alone. After that day, things changed. Granny and I became closer than ever. She turned to me, leaned on me. She enjoyed having a grandaughter. She was proud to have a grandaughter. As life took its toll, her health went down hill. Ironically, I was the one who took care of her and her needs,not her other daughter or grandsons. In the end , day and night my life was wrapped around her care for a long time. Her last day was hard. She was in the hospital in terrible condition. She had yet another silent heart attack and a blood clot in her leg, along with complications from diabetes. That morning, I made she that she had a cup of ice-cream that she had been wanting for weeks. I tried to comfort her on some things that she was worried about. I knew she was leaving me. I went home only to be called back to the hospital. She suddenlt got worse,moved to ICU. The DR was working as hard as he could. Then, he told me that if she pulled through the night, her leg would have to be amputated. One of Granny's life-long fears was to lose her leg. Her mother had. She didn't want it to happen to her. When the Dr told me by morning, she would be losing her leg, my heart hit the floor. I didn't want her to have that happen, when that was the one thing she had feared all her life. Granny was tired and sick. I felt she had made her peace a couple of weeks earlier and was ready to called to Heaven. I knew something had made her hold on. So,yes I did it. I told Granny that I loved her more than ever, that it was okay. I said that if she needed and wanted to go, it was okay. To go ahead and go into peace and rest. I told her that I would always love her and that I would be okay. I told her that I understood. My Granny passed away within minutes. The Dr, said that he had done everything he could. That it had seemed something that he couldn't explain had made her hold on and suddenly she just passed. I told him that I understood. That was in January 1999. I still choke up. As human's we don't want to hurt. It's in our nature to want to hang on to those that we loved. We don't want to lose them It hurts. But, there are times that the most loving thing we can do is to tell someone that we love them enough to let them go. Human nature still creeps in my mind and makes me start to question my telling her that it was okay to go. Missing her hurts. But, then I remind my self that letting her go was the most loving thing I could do at the time. You did what you knew was the most loving, unselfish thing you could do. You love your mother, it shows by your actions. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
@catherIN (430)
• United States
11 Feb 07
I'm sorry that was so long. You touched a part of my life that is important to me.
1 person likes this
@catherIN (430)
• United States
26 Feb 07
I am sorry that it has taken me so long to reply! I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your mother. I hope you can feel the cyber hugs that I am sending you. Yes, you and your family are probably still numb. I'm sure when things settle down, it will hit you. When it does, go ahead and cry and grieve. But, then remind yourself that she is in a better place. She isn't suffering anymore. It does take time to get use to life after losing someone. I remember at one point after my Granny passed, I felt completely lost. I asked my husband "What am I suppose to do now? I don't know what to do." Now mind you at that point I had 7 children to take care of. To some it might seem crazy that I didn't know what to do. It's just that my life had changed. I went from taking care of my children, my life and my granny full time. My life had been worked around her & her care. Suddenly, that was gone. I didn't have Granny anymore. It took me some time of allowing myself to grieve. Time does make it easier. It doesn't take it all away, because as I said before we are human & we feel hurt. To this day, I still catch myself saying "Wait until I tell Mom" or getting ready to call my Granny. It just takes getting use to the change in our lives. Bless you & may you find some comfort through this!
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Feb 07
Thanks for the hugs, they're just what I needed. You're right too, I have gone to the phone a couple of times to call mom, only to remember that she wouldn't be there. I am still in a fog, I don't know what to do with myself, the last two months were spent taking care of mom. Now, I don't know what to do, I have my 8 year old and 18 year old to get off to school, but all day to myself, I have gotten out of the house just so I'm not alone. Tomorrow my 22 year old daughter is coming to hang out, we're going to have lunch with her youngest brother. So that will be nice. Thanks again for those hugs and for checking on me, it means a lot.
1 person likes this
@weemam (13377)
11 Feb 07
You did well and you did the right thing in my eyes , I sat with my aunt for two days and I wouldn't leave her bedside , I still have my mum and dad but my aunt and I were really close , She has Alzheimer's and she didn't recognise anyone but myself and my son in the end , she was just skin and bone and was suffering so much , I told her as you told your mum " if you want to go and be with your hubby and mum then don't hold back , we understand and love you " and minutes later she passed away to a place where he would have no pain ,, god bless you xx
2 people like this
@KrisNY (7591)
• United States
11 Feb 07
You are a remarkable daughter. That is great what you did for your mom. Letting her know that it is ok for her to go and that you would be fine. That had to be really hard. I cannot imagine being able to do this. My mom is truly my best friend-- and I'm pretty sure it would be the worse thing. I applaud you for having the courage, stregnth, and love to do this. May your mother either get healthy enough to endure no more pain- or go with God soon to stop her pain.
• United States
11 Feb 07
I agree with what you said and did. I still have my mother, but I lost my father when I was young, so I was not mature enough to say anything like that...I think I was always positive and hopeful to him, even though I knew he was ill and dying. However, I had a relative that past away a few years back. We hardly got to talk, as she was so sick and lived far from us. Also, everyone was always too busy, and she did not want people to see her, as she was getting more and more ill. Anyway, before she past, I told her everything I always wanted to say. I had admired her (and wanted to be just like her) when I was a kid. I think, that it was the most we had ever talked in a long time, and it was on the phone. It was a wonderful conversation, and we both said things that were meaningful to the other, and true. I think about her every now and then, and I always feel peaceful and better, that I told her everything I had ever wanted to say...I had known that she was really ill, but it hadn't sunk in that she was really dying, so, I was still positive throughout the entire thing, if I had known that in a few months, she would have past, I am not sure if I would have been able to stay so positive, but I believe that I might have still been, because only God knows when it is a person's true time to go.
@mikncas (73)
• United States
12 Feb 07
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my 4 years ago and that was the hardest thing I have had to deal with in my life, my mother is currently battling cancer I know that one day we will prob have to tell her it is ok we had a scare 2 yrs. ago with her and she told us she was tired and ready to go and asked us not to be upset with her. It was so hard to tell her it was ok to go but we did we were blessed with keeping her with us for now but I fear we are nearing the trip home within the next couple years if not sooner but I will tell her a thousand times if it will put her at peace...
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Feb 07
My wife had to do this just last year. Her mother was in a coma and off life support for 22 days. She kept fighting to hold on to this world. There was no way she could come out of the coma so we kept telling her that it was ok to let go. She finally did in our presence and we were all at peace with the way it happened. I hope this helps. God bless.
1 person likes this
@neonanda (344)
• India
11 Feb 07
i think ur right i also don't know that god calls her home they do that so that we should not feel very bad or they do care for us even they r near to god
@anandjee (282)
• India
11 Feb 07
It is really very difficult time , there is only PRAYER DO, AND TRY TO MAKE A GROUP OF FRIEND TO DO PRAYER IN ONE TIME, SAY TO IN PRAYER GOD DO WHICH IS CURRECT FOR HER , PLEASE DON'T TAKE IN PAIN THIS TIME FOR HER, SAY TO THIS THING TO IN PRAYER, IAM HEARTLY VERY SORRY.
1 person likes this
@catali0n (162)
• Niue
11 Feb 07
i hope i wont be obligated to do sow, its the hardest thing, leting your parents go!
11 Feb 07
My mother too is in hospital battling with her life, she has lung disorders as well as numerous other things and basicaly its only oxygen keeping her alive, she isnt a candidate for ressussitation weve been asked about this and its been decided by the family, my heart is with you. I too have gone over this time and time again with family and very close friends, your mum will go when its her time as will mine, and yes I have said my goodbyes to mum and i feel at peace with her, but also angry that shes suffering still, and yes your right the hospitals dont get a handle on these things. I hope peace is with your mother soon as with mine tc bless you xx
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@GardenGerty (109183)
• United States
11 Feb 07
I told my husband, my baby sister, and my mother this. It is something thay have to know, so that they can let go. You also need to know this for yourself, so that you can let them go when it is time. Bless you.
1 person likes this
• Brazil
12 Feb 07
It's been five years that my mother passed away, she got ill for a long time and we were expecting that, but It's not a easy thing to deal with, but she was suffering a lot and she didn't deserve suffer like this, good rest her soul