What do you think of Other Woman?
By teyang
@teyang (136)
Philippines
18 responses
@hdb425 (72)
• Philippines
12 Feb 07
Having been a victim of adultery, I've learned that this situation is a 3-way street...it's not the fault of any one person but rather the effect of the combined shortcomings of three people: the husband, the wife and the other woman.
All three become vulnerable at some point that paves the way for an affair to evolve. But the stem of it all is really plain old WEAKNESS...when we give in to this and let our guard down, the inevitable might happen.
Oh sure, I got angry at the other woman (who wouldn't?) but after examining everything that happened and the probable reasons behind them, I came to realize that we became victims of each other: I fell victim to the routine of married/family life and somehow neglected acting like a mistress, my husband fell victim to physical weakness and the need for some ego-stroking, and the other woman fell victim to the excitement of a cat & mouse chase and being wooed like a teenager.
In the end, I couldn't stay angry at her for she herself realized her mistake and felt so much remorse for it. I got angry at my husband but had to get over it because with forgiveness comes the opportunity to better oneself and I had to accept my own mistakes in the relationship so that I can move on to become an even better partner for my husband.
@Passion4lyfe (22)
• United States
12 Mar 07
I understand what you are saying but it is not always the wife's fault and I hope you are not blaming yourself for what your husband did. My husband also strayed and I was the best wife I can be, my husband admits that I am not at fault for what happened. Believe me I gave my husband ego boosts I did anything he asked. I was always there for him just remember it is not always the wife's fault becuse no matter what you might have done in your marriage that shouldn't have lead to him straying outside of the marriage he should've came and talked to you before it happened and then you could have fixed the problem before it happened. So because he waited until after he did something wrong to talk to you about your marriage, he is at fault not you in any way. Reason, for being I can tell you love your husband you are still there so if he told you the problems before and how he felt and what he was thinking you would have tended to his needs. Well, at least I am like that and I am still there but I know it wasn't my fault and you shouldn't think that it was yours. Because, if he felt I was doing something wrong and would've have told me before he strayed I would have fixed the problem. But, even after he strayed all he can talk about is how he can't believe I am still with him that I have been the best wife I could be to him that all I ever did was love him and all he ever did was hurt me that came from his mouth. His cheating happened because he didn't want to grow up he was marrid but yet still wanted the single life he said not me. But, now that he has realized that and learned from his mistakes of the past that is why I can forgive him. But, I refuse to blame myself and nobody should blame me(wife) for him straying. When you say it is a 3-way you are not just blaming yourself but you are also telling other wives that it there fault there husband strayed and like I said before it not always the wife's fault. I am sorry I needed to tell you that, didn't mean for it to be so long but as you all see I have issues with that.
@ethanmama (1745)
• Philippines
12 Feb 07
It takes two to tango. The man has as much fault as the "other woman", even more so because he was the one who didn't honor his wedding vows and chose to be unfaithful.
Society is generally harsher on the women, despite the circumstances. They usually say it's because the husband's not attracted anymore to his wife, his wife is fat, his wife nags, his wife doesn't satisfy him in bed, etc etc. Why? Why do women (both the wife and the mistress/es) get the flak of the straying married man? Of course, women who go into these kind of taboo relationships with their eyes wide open are also wrong, but I hope you get what I'm saying.
I hope those "other women" would remember that they deserve more than just being the "number two" in a man's life. I really don't know why these choose to be a mistress. Money? Survival? Maybe. But women who are mistresses of unemployed men who beat them? I really don't get it.
I have never been in the situation of being the wife or the mistress of an unfaithful husband and I hope I will never be.
@yaneeps (122)
• Philippines
12 Feb 07
i cant say that i feel any emotions for them because i dont know why they entered into such relationship in the first place. some may have been 'duped', but others may have known their partner's commitment.
both are to be blamed - the husband and the other woman. they must go beyond their emotions and lust of the flesh for a better society filled with secured individuals whose families are intact.
2 people like this
@jammyt (2818)
• Philippines
14 Feb 07
I could never understand women who take away men of other women. Some even do it for fun, would you believe? I pity them for having such a pathetic life that they have to go that low. I would still blame both the other woman and the married man for having a relationship because I have always believed that it takes two to tango. The other woman can do everything to seduce that married man, and it is still the married man's reponsibility to stay loyal to his wife.
2 people like this
@ldmagat (24)
• Philippines
16 Feb 07
The Husband:
1. He is in need of something his wife could not fulfill.
2. He has longings in which the wife WOULD not give.
3. He is just a player who deserves to be whacked.
The Other Woman:
1. She says he started out as a friend.
2. She says they have mental connection and can share everything.
3. ... oh my i've heard a lot!!!
In this situation i believe everyone has a part of. You see, i know of a couple of other women who are single who says that they need the affection, the attention, and all those emotional stuff. And some know that he could not leave the wife for her but they're ok with it... It's crazy!
Don't get me wrong, i really don't believe that there is an excuse to actually be the other woman. there is no excuse for this... no where in the bible says otherwise.
To answer your first question... NO, i don't hate them but i don't pity them either. Nor do i understand them. As i said, it's just crazy.
2 people like this
@lovelynn (7)
• Philippines
14 Feb 07
Both people are to blame in this kind of situation. Why are there some married man who courts / flirts with other woman and telling the other that they are not married? Although there are some situations wherein both parties knows that the other one is married, i guess there are some people by doing what they are not supposed to do excites or thrills them. Same thing also in situations wherein a cheated wife still stays in the marriage even if she already knows her husband is a womanizer. We sometimes may not understand nor can find an explanation why this things happen. I only hope i will never find myself in this situation.
1 person likes this
@Passion4lyfe (22)
• United States
12 Mar 07
As far as why some women stay in the marriage is because they hope for everyones sake that the husband will stop and change his cheating ways. Some men do change that line once cheat always a cheat is not true. Have you ever done something in your past amd was labeled for it and it hurt you so much because you knew that person you once were you weren't anymore but everyone else keeps seeing you like that person who did such and such. People do deserve other chances wouldn't you want one if it was the other way around. Now, if they keep doing it and the wife stays that is whole other story because she should leave.
@msqtech (15074)
• United States
20 Feb 07
The adulterous one in the relationship is always at fault they know they are married. The Single person is also at fault but they are hurting themselves as well. I think we should feel sorry for them. I also think they have significant problems or they would like themselves better.
You need to love yourself before you can be loved by others.
@Sissygrl (10912)
• Canada
12 Feb 07
I think that they are home wreckers who can't find a decent man who isn't already taken so they got to break up a family to have a decent life. and what life is that knowing your a homewrecker who takes a father from his children and a husband from his wife. I have not been on either end of this situation, and i would never take a man from another woman. I would not be the other woman. And if a woman tried to take away my hubby the lord better be with her cause i would have a bat with her name on it. lol.
1 person likes this
@jenalyn (675)
• United States
16 Mar 07
I don't pity the other woman. I think that if she was involved with a married man knowing that he was married, then she is a sleaze. If she did not know, but found out and stayed, she is a sleaze. I think the ones that seek out married men and get involved should have to pay for the divorce when the wife finds out. I wish that there were some kind of law that could punish the people that are involved in extra marital affairs. The laws they have in place here in the U.S. are a joke. You should also not be allowed to get married again if you were convicted of adultry. Of course all of the divorce lawyers would want to over throw that rule.
Extra marital affairs don't make sense to me. If I was so unhappy that I would go into the arms of another man, I would just end the marriage. I could not cheat on my husband even if he did that to me. I guess I just don't get the whole cheating thing. What is so fun about having someone that isn't yours to have? If I am going to be with someone, I am not going to share them, and if they are taken already I have no interest in them.
@ZoeAnne05 (43)
• Philippines
12 Feb 07
Hmmm...let me see. I think they've got a problem, a really big one. Perhaps they find taken guys more attractive; perhaps they are thrilled to attract forbidden men. I pray I don't get to encounter one all my life. I hope they can stay happy and content without ruining someone else's happiness.
1 person likes this
@jrs404 (32)
• Philippines
12 Feb 07
What about those who are victims of married men? What if they didn't know that the guy is married? They are victims too. It's not their fault either.
What may be the possible reasons why a guy would look for another woman? Is there something wrong with the wife? The wife may have her own fault as well.
Whose to blame may depend on different situations. I hate who is at fault. I pity the victim. There is no just cause for any wrong deed.
@kimpot (17)
• Philippines
14 Feb 07
If one decides to enter an affair with full knowledge of the situation of being the other woman of a married man i would definetely blame the woman. For one,she would be deciding whether or not to continue with the affair its all up to her. But if she doesnt know about him being marred i would pity her and disgust the married man.(the nerve!)
1 person likes this
@ljames (30)
• United States
16 Mar 07
Well, I think they are both to blame. Sometimes a man lies and says he is single, so that makes it hard to blame her. If she knowingly involves herself with a taken man, then hopefully they both get what they deserve. Personally, I think that a woman who tries to ruin another's relationship is to be treated like the trash she is and have her life destroyed. Guess you can all tell that I have no understanding for people like this. Wonder why?
@im_anna (717)
• Philippines
12 Feb 07
in married life, i think both parties have contributed to the situation. We just can't say the man is to blame or the woman is to blame but both of them are responsible to their situation & both of them should get counselling if they choose to go on with their married life. As for the other woman/man, usually they have insecurities that needs to be filled, and probably they weren't loved by their parents when they were still kids.
1 person likes this
@cefaz_21 (2596)
• Philippines
28 Feb 07
I don't know exactly what to feel for them. I guess It depends, if she's into it despite knowing that the man is already married, or she's doing it for the money (which most of women does)I think I can't pity her. She's ruining not only the man's life but the whole family as well, but of course we can't put all the blame to the woman-the man has his part on this so he has to be blame also. But who suffer most? the wife and the children, the agony and pain will take sometime to heal. I just hope this kind don't exist anymore..so many broken families, so many broken hearts, so many wasted lives.
@leahmae (105)
• Australia
21 Feb 07
I think they are, in a way, desperate women. out of all the men in the world, why would they go for those who are already committed/married? But if it's to blame, i think it should be the men because they gave in to the temptation of having an illicit affair.
@cybergwen (158)
• United States
27 Feb 07
No one else has chimed in so here goes....
I was the other woman.
I was not desperate, needy, mal-adjusted, or any of the afore mentioned things.
I met someone that I was attracted to, I hit it off with him, we acted on it, knowing that it could go nowhere. I think that we agreed that we could both end it anytime, no questions asked.
I got to know him and realized that the marriage was pretty much over. They were sleeping in seperate rooms, took seperate vacations, etc. They just plain lived seperate lives.
We became friends and eventually fell in love and I can honestly say that it is a feeling that I have never experienced before.
They seperated and now we live together and they are battling through a divorce.
I never wanted to hurt her, I don't even know her. This sounds lame, but it really wasn't something that we planned or expected. I have never been involved with a married man before, nor would I do it again.
I think that the three of us are at fault. I have also found out since that she may have been seeing someone too. Both of them should have had the guts to end it before either of them got involved with other people.
@Passion4lyfe (22)
• United States
12 Mar 07
I do not blame the women who were unaware of him being married. But, I do blame the women who knew he was married and had children with his wife. And for people out there who think is because that woman can't get a man that is not true the woman my hubby cheated on me with was married with a child one month older then mine oh and by the way she knew that. And,also teyang the sad thing is I don't pity her because her husband was supposivly doing it do her so the fact that she knew how it felt how can she do that knowing she could break another family apart because of all their stupid actions meaning my husband, her, and even her husband. Because she might not have strayed with another man a married one at that if her husband wasn't doing ir to her or maybe she would've who knows. I Blame both of them unless the woman really truly doesn't know. But if the woman knows how it feels and does it to another woman I believe that makes even worse, that's just how I feel I have been there after all.
