I Am Overcome With Guilt For Something I Did Today-What Would You Have Done?
@kitchenwitchoftupper (2290)
United States
February 19, 2007 8:22pm CST
As I have stated many times, I do NOT give negative ratings to anyone. To me this is not a fair thing to do. If someone disagrees with me on something I have posted, they will get a positive rating - that to me is what the MyLot community is all about - the right to have and state one's own opinion without fear of being zonked for it. I respect anyone who presents a logical (or even an illogical) disagreement to anything that I post. Although Everyone Should Agree With Me, sometimes they don't and I have accepted that as part of human nature. LOL
This my friends, is where my laughter stops tonight. A new member posted a discussion today that was very frightening to me. As someone who worked in the mental health profession for many, many years; when a person speaks of deep depression that sounded a bit more than just sadness. I responded by saying that medical attention should be sought immediately.
Unfortunately, another member, who is also a very new member had also responded to the question by suggested getting drunk as the answer. If this would have been a very light-hearted situation I would have done nothing. I did not take it that way; and for the first time, I clicked on the "exclamation point" and reported the reply. Then, because I am not a person to hide from what I have done, I also went back to the poster and told him/her what I had done, why I had done it, and my hopes that it could be used as a learning experience.
If someone would have done this to me in my first few days of being at MyLot, I am certain that I would have been devastated, and now am feeling quite guilty. Please, those of you that need to slam me, slam me. I felt that it was the right thing to do however, and in all likelihood would do it again.
How would you have handled this situation?~Donna
38 people like this
62 responses
@misskatonic (3723)
• United States
20 Feb 07
I see no reason for you to feel guilty. I think anyone would have done the same in your position - and you explained yourself, which is far more than most would do.
You know I give negative ratings and abuse reports when I see them fit. And I certainly agree that in this case, a report was necessary. If the person who had posted actually took that suggestion? I... I'd rather not think about that, actually.
Don't feel guilty, Donna. You did the right thing.
13 people like this
@chocobaby (677)
• Philippines
20 Feb 07
i agree with misskatonic, you should not feel guilty about it, donna. you only did what you feel is the right thing to do. i myself don't usually give negative ratings, but if i've seen such kind of response to a serious discussion like that, i would have done the same thing. and she is right, you did far more than most people would do for explaining youself.
10 people like this
@kitchenwitchoftupper (2290)
• United States
20 Feb 07
It's only been 15 hours since I posted this and I see 5 pages of answers already, so all I have time to do is say Thank You! to those who have responded. Thank You ~Donna
3 people like this
@lovesfreedom (1245)
• United States
20 Feb 07
Don't beat yourself up, depression is no laughing matter and getting drunk is not the answer. Perhaps the poster was trying to make this person laugh, but perhaps also should have thought the answer out a little bit.
Do not allow yourself to feel guilty, you did what you felt was right. I think maybe next time, approach the person with your thoughts first? or did you do that?
But all in all, I don't think you need to sweat it like this.
9 people like this
@gemini52981 (158)
• Canada
21 Feb 07
I completely agree, if someone makes a post that could endanger someones life, or threaten someones life, I would have done the same thing. I do on occasion hit the negative symbol, but usually i will rate a positive or just not rate at all.
@nilzerous1 (2434)
• India
20 Feb 07
This may be the reason why you have a nine-star rating in myLot. It appears from your discussion that you have really come forward with some valuable suggestion based on your years of experience in the mental health profession to a person suffering from deep depression as in this case. MyLot has been different from any other forum in the internet because of the presence of kind soul like you. Being so much honest and sincere while replying to discussions, it was natural for you to get hurted when somebody wants to make fun out of serious discussions. The new poster may be new to myLot but must not be a new born toddler. That person must have the intelligence to apprehend the gravity of a discussion and reply accordingly. What else would you do but to report to the Admin for abuse? If I were in your place, I would definitely follow the path shown by you. You deserve to be rewarded.
However, I do not find it necessary to let the person know that you have reported against him/her as that will only lead to enemity. You would better report it to admin and post your disagreement with such a discussion.
Anyway, hats off to you for the courage you have exhibited here in myLot.
@GnosticGoddess (5626)
• United States
20 Feb 07
I think you did a good and valuable thing. I wouldn't sweat it at all.
I do give negative ratings if some one is being disrespectful (blatenly) or just posts a letter because they don't give anything value to the discussion and wants their posts to go up. I do think because I don't they should be awarded with more money or better ratings. But I've never reported anyone although I've thought about it on several occasions.
8 people like this
@SageMother (2277)
• United States
20 Feb 07
I don't think you did anything wrong. You saw a bad situation that could get worse quite quickly.
When people are new on any some time hast o pass before they get the hang of things. They don't adjust to the envirionment if they aren't given and idea of what is acceptable and what is not, beyond the guidelines provided by the mylot staff. The FLAVOR of the site is created by the users.
If this had been a harmless exchange then you would have reacted differently.
I don't think you have anything to feel guilty over. KUDOS!
@cassidy22 (2974)
• United States
20 Feb 07
The rating system is here for us to help make the community better. YOu can choose to rate however you want. to me, if someone gets a lame answer just to get a few cents in their earnings - but didn't put any THOUGHT into the answer, they might get a negative from me. It's not about someone having a different opinion, it's about someone wasting an entry on a stupid answer, a thoughtless answer, or even an answer that has NOTHING TO DO with the question being asked. People need to at least put in some effort, or this community would just be a sham
9 people like this
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
20 Feb 07
I am a sensitive person and often when I am giving a negative rating or reporting someone for abuse it makes me feel awful. But, quality responses and discussions are what make MyLot a better place for all. If this person was posting a response that could be potentially harmful to someone, I would have reported it as well. Huggers to you. Sarina
@kitchenwitchoftupper (2290)
• United States
20 Feb 07
Butterfly, You have a Name!!! Sarina, thank you!~Donna
@Ravenladyj (22904)
• United States
20 Feb 07
First of all...stop being so damn hard on yourself....You are all too familiar with depression from the sounds of it (from your ?former? job)..so that being said, you know that taking this sort of thing lightly CAN be potentially dangerous...i think you handled it right and I would have probably NOT handled it so elegantly..Chances are I would have blasted the other responder in a not so nice way...and if anyone slams you for being a caring decent person then I hope that havingn to deal with anything even remotely close in real life never happens to them! Kitchenwitch - in situations like that IMO its MUCH better to be safe than sorry...you did the right thing and you should be pleased with yourself for actually giving a crap! Kudos and +++ for you...
8 people like this
@kitchenwitchoftupper (2290)
• United States
20 Feb 07
Ravenlady ~Thank You! ~Donna
2 people like this
@destinycole (827)
•
20 Feb 07
Hi Donna
Hun you did the right thing HUGS, because saying something so stupid to a person who may be suffering from clinical depression like "go and get drunk" is just going to make the feelings of depression worse.
You told the person why you reported their post and yes if that had been me I would have been devestated but then I would not put such a silly response to a person who obviously needs professional help.
I do suffer from depression, today is a good day, I try to say every day even a bad day is better than the last worse day that I suffered. Then I have a rotten day which is the worse possible day. I cannot drink but if I could, a comment like "go get drunk" could tip me right over the edge.
Let it be a lesson to people who write such silly things hun and don't feel bad about it. Although if I had done what you do, then "I" would be feeling just as guilty.
5 people like this
@kitchenwitchoftupper (2290)
• United States
20 Feb 07
To both of you, thank you and god/goddess blessings!~Donna
@jhoanee (598)
• Philippines
20 Feb 07
i dont think you feel guilty about it. i think all of us had the right on what to react on someone's post. if you think its negative then i guess you had that right. the sad part is its bec. he/she is just a new member, which might destruct them too much. but at least you explained your part, which i think it the right thing to do.
6 people like this
@kitchenwitchoftupper (2290)
• United States
20 Feb 07
Jhoanee - Thank you!~Donna
1 person likes this
@APMorison (424)
• United States
20 Feb 07
As a Wise Woman, you know that sometimes the Right thing is not always the Popular thing. You saw signs of a clinical issue in the words of a posting. You followed your best instinct and reacted to bad advice based on knowledge and experience.
If ever I am in trouble I hope to find you looking out for me.
4 people like this
@kitchenwitchoftupper (2290)
• United States
20 Feb 07
AP, what a sweet thing to say - thank you!~Donna
@revdauphinee (5703)
• United States
20 Feb 07
why be guilty for doing the right thing what if someone took that advice then got in a car and killed someone?I turned someone in the other day for comming on here and boasting about a crime he had commited Im sure the people who run this site did not design it for such purposes so my advice is forget the guilt you did the right thing!
3 people like this
@kitchenwitchoftupper (2290)
• United States
20 Feb 07
revdauphinee, thank you!~Donna
1 person likes this
@flagbabygirl (891)
• United States
20 Feb 07
Don't feel guilty! I think you did the right thing! I would do the same I was as educated about mental health as you and we should al look out for each other when we can! I say Kudos!
4 people like this
@smartie1685 (450)
• United States
20 Feb 07
I don't think that you did anything wrong. You might have been a little quick to report them. I would've told them that I thought what they said was wrong first, but you have no reason to feel guilty. They need to understand that is not an appropriate response and like you said hopefully in the future they will know better.
7 people like this
@7nicole1 (1633)
• Canada
20 Feb 07
Well I might have done the same but I think it was kinda unfair you marked that users remark as stupid as it was as negative or whatever. I have noticed alot of users are making up these big sad stories to draw people to their post to get responses. I have seen this many times this week so maybe that user that posted "GET DRUNK" just really didnt believe that user or has seen some of his other post. Im not complaining or ragging you Im just saying everyone seems kind of free with that report button when before they report someone they should at least look into the users profile first and see if they are an overall good guy or just a person whos ignorant and cheating the system. Im not sticking up for anyone for certain but how can someone be judge negative for what they think or believe even though we dont always agree? I could care less if people mark my comments as negative because to me its my opinion and no one has the right to judge me because of that.
2 people like this
@kitchenwitchoftupper (2290)
• United States
20 Feb 07
nicole, thank you for your response, and I did look into his profile; and as stated in my discussion, saw that he was a very new member ~Donna
@emeraldisle (13139)
• United States
20 Feb 07
I think you did the right thing. The person who posted that to a serious discussion is wrong. Going to get drunk will make depression worse. If they had said something like that and then said no just kidding you should seek medical attention that is one thing but to just say go get drunk is wrong. Reporting them and giving them a negative is the right thing to do. Don't beat yourself up over it. You showed common sense and you were worried about the damage one person could cause another; that shows a good heart too, one reason you are upset right now about it.
@kathy77 (7486)
• Australia
20 Feb 07
Yes well maybe it is not a fair thing to do but some people do not give any response to what your discussion is about at all so I do not feel guilty when people do this to me it is a waste of my time when they do not reply correctly, and just want to reply to give themselves a point. I do not mind if they do not agree with me that is completely different. I think before you done this I would of given a comment to the person and seen how they would of replied to that before reporting them.
@awonderfullife (2893)
• United States
20 Feb 07
You did the right thing. Part of being in the Mylot community is being reponsible. People should be careful of the "advice" they give to otehrs, as you never know who is on the other side of the computer screen.
I also think you are very generous with your ratings. I feel that when someone posts a one word answer like "No", or even "I don't know" they do not deserve a (+) rating, as they are not really contributing to the discussion.
3 people like this
@sneezeklenex (344)
• United States
20 Feb 07
I would have done the exact same thing sweetie. Some members like to joke around with others when they post a comment, but with something as serious as that I don't think it's appropriate. In my eyes, you did the right thing. It's kind of sick that some people think that humor will solve everything. When something as serious as that depression must have been, that person was asking for any kind of help, and to me that person who commented that answer was getting drunk was way out of line. I hate it when some people don't take this site seriously when people ask for help or are posting serious thoughts. Anyway, I feel the same way you do and I hope I was able to help in some way :o)
@prabhufire (52)
• India
20 Feb 07
hey the one thing which is important in our life is freedom to express ourself...so whenever what u see is not fit to be rated just rate it negative just dont think that no one has given negative rating so is this proper to give negative ratings ..all these things just leave these..you have your own thinking..and ur own feelings and good motto to have in ur life is "BE YOURSELF" so ..always respect ur will and feelings..ok..think positive..
2 people like this
@kitchenwitchoftupper (2290)
• United States
20 Feb 07
prabhufire, thank you!~Donna
1 person likes this
