Who WINS the ARGUMENTS?
@western_valleygirl (1363)
United States
February 20, 2007 11:20pm CST
Arguing in a relationship, any relationship, is not a good thing, especially if there is too much of it. Now, before I got married, I generally never lost an argument. But, I have learned that marriage is not like other types of relationships, and so, it does me more good to lose one argument here or there, than it does for me to win them all. Also, I am starting to learn how to get my point across without us having to resort to arguing (but that is still in its formative years, and will need lots of practice, on both our parts). So, I will win some and lose some, and, perhaps, he wins a little more, but I try to get my way now, without the arguing.;)
3 people like this
12 responses
@patgalca (18195)
• Orangeville, Ontario
21 Feb 07
It's not about winning and losing, it is about compromising. We have our right to disagree and we should just agree to disagree in some cases. But as Dr. Phil says, "Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?" Also, if there is a winner, then that means the other person is a loser. Do you really want your spouse to be a loser?
In most cases my husband and I just agree to disagree. But we have been known to butt heads too. (Nobody's perfect.) He is a Taurus, the stubborn guy! But sometimes when I am very firm about something, he just chooses to ignore me. He really doesn't like to argue, but he likes to be right. But then, don't we all?
2 people like this
@western_valleygirl (1363)
• United States
21 Feb 07
I agree with you. The hard part is compromising, and that is something that takes a while to get right. But, sometimes in the seriousness of the issue, we forget to make a compromise...yes, we aren't perfect, and we do need to just agree to disagree.
@Willowlady (10658)
• United States
21 Feb 07
It takes two to argue and so if you find yourself in any situation where the voices are rising and tempers flaring that we can take a step back. The winner is the couple since it is no longer needed to raise the voices resorting to anger and hostility. You are learning and I would hope that we all can and so therefore have happier lives.
1 person likes this
@western_valleygirl (1363)
• United States
21 Feb 07
Yes, thank you. I really hope that I can keep it up, lol. It really can be tough acting more "mature", lol, and just letting things go, and you're right, hopefully everyone can lead happier lives.
@imadriscoll (2228)
• United States
21 Feb 07
I remember something that we learned in pre-marital counseling and that was that we are a team, so if one of us loses we both lose. So a better way of thinking of disagreements (or all out fights) is that we need to work towards a solution, not towards a win. There have been plenty of times that I have lost sight of this and after winning an argument I actually feel terrible. I don't like it when my husband hurts and I especially hate it when I'm the one to blame for it.
@western_valleygirl (1363)
• United States
21 Feb 07
Yes, me too. And, I think that they (the hubbys) feel that way also. I, too, forget that we are a team sometimes, and so, some things get dragged on until we remember that we are supposed to be working together, and not against each other. That is what made me think of this topic. I was reminding myself of that, and thought, I could talk about it with others, and see also, what they think and we could remind each other.
@Alexandria37 (5717)
• Ireland
21 Feb 07
My husband has never been the argumentative type and I have learned from him. We never have an argument, we have discussions and if we can't agree then we just agree to differ.
1 person likes this
@western_valleygirl (1363)
• United States
21 Feb 07
That is wonderful. I try not too argue with my hubby, but he can be so stubborn, and so can I. I am glad that you guys are not as stubborn as we are. :) Or, maybe you aren't stubborn at all, that is even better. Hopefully, we will also become like you are, because even agreeing to differ can be tough at times, lol.
@aidonia (4209)
• Greece
21 Feb 07
I'm really a stubborn but I'm many years with my husband and I can say now I learn when I must make 1 step back(sometimes half) in a argument with him.He usually prefer don't speak and me exactly the opposite .....now after all these years we just learn how to arguing.I use to say ,sometimes you can win the argument by losing........Right?
1 person likes this
@western_valleygirl (1363)
• United States
21 Feb 07
Exactly, lol. That is what I believe also. I am stubborn too, but my hubby is even more stubborn than I am. So, that can make it tough to finally agree, but, that is why I do believe in not always winning the argument also.
1 person likes this
@raijin (10345)
• Philippines
22 Feb 07
I guess everybody's a loser when conversations end to arguments, I guess understanding each others point of views is what's more important. I think conversations is also a good factor in relationships, but it should be done in a healthy manner. Adjustments are needed for both parties and to have wisdom makes us realize the concept of having a good conversation. Arguments might sometimes end up in a more destructive way, and might find ourselves in losing both our lives and loved ones.
1 person likes this
@limosonia1 (1559)
• United States
22 Feb 07
I was the same way. I always fought till I won until I got married and realized it just isn't worth it. It's better to both calm down and work it all out. Before tempers run deep. I still like to win fights but I pick my battles wisely.
@sigma77 (5383)
• United States
21 Feb 07
I think many arguements have no clear set of answers. Both sides can make valuable points that make sense. I don't have to win any arguements because sometimes it doesn't matter if I am right or not. I can easily see the other side and admit my arguement might not be practical.
But, I do not have a significant other to argue with, so in effect I always win the arguements against myself..lol. I think if one can give up their attatchment to ego, they can be rid of the desire to always be right. It is ok to be wrong; it is only the ego that keeps us feeling bad about being wrong.
1 person likes this
@rozebara (139)
• Philippines
22 Feb 07
you know any kind of relationship is not a play who's better and whose not specially when u talk about marriage, it is a matter of respect to one another, you must learn how to give and how to take. On that i believe your relationship will be last
1 person likes this
@dfinster (3528)
• United States
1 Mar 07
I completely agree with you on this subject. I was the same way and used to almost enjoy arguing just to win before I got married. It always seemed really important to me that my point if I thought it was right had to be agreed with by the other person. I did that a few times after I first got married too, but then realized it was very hurtful to my marriage. I had to learn to let some hings and opinions kind of go for the "greater good" as some would say and it's made my relationship much better.
@angelmany21 (70)
• Philippines
22 Feb 07
Arguing in the relationship is too much headache and a problem always because of jealousy. Sometime my boyfriend and I have and argument when he saw my ex boyfriend come from in our house and he was jealous for non sense and judge me for the things that I never do. How many times I explain to him but his now willing to hear my explanation he never given me a chance to explain of what is the truth, maybe I am a loser because I am the who always say sorry to him even it is not my fault.
1 person likes this
@lordwarwizard (35747)
• Singapore
1 Mar 07
You are right - marriage is a whole new thing altogether.
In fact, it takes relationships to a deeper and higher level.
For the 2 spouses to get along well in a marriage, trust and give-and-take are extremely important.
