Do you ever tell your child he was a product of rape.

OK here are my feelings on the subject and you don't have to take my suggestions if you don't want to. I think you should tell him a story, like his father is gone on vacation, or something until he gets older because then he will be able to accept it. My sister and I were products of rape and I didn't find out until just in 2006. I knew my sister was because me and my mom are close and she told me so one night while we were talking. I asked her if I was too and to be honest with me. She, of course, said no. That was back in like 1997. Then one day we were talking about rape and whether or not to tell your kids (what a coinsidence) and she slipped and said "Well, you and your sister were but I didn't tell you guys that." Let me tell you, that hurt, I almost started to cry. I don't know what hurt worse, the fact that my mom wasn't honest with me since I thought we had no secrets or that I was a "mistake" My mom said that she didn't know what she would do if she didn't have us kids, so I don't think she regrets anything, but it hurt that she couldn't be honest with me in the beginning. I've moved on now, but my suggestion to you is that your son is evidentally too young to know the truth right now. When he gets older and maybe asks then I suggest that you tell him the truth. My prayers are with you. :o)

That is a very personal decision and no one can tell this woman what she should do. If she choses to tell him though she needs to make sure that it is done properly. He should not be told in a way that will make him feel like he is damaged, unwanted or messed up. He should not be told out of anger. I was told about my conception in a way that I never should have been. It would have been one thing to be told that my birthfather raped my mother, but to be told this while she was angry and to be told details - very hurtful to me.

If the child is almost grown, I don't see any reason why he should not know the truth about how he came about. The fact that the mother did not abort him during pregnancy should give him a lot of confidence, and if his mother is truly supportive of him (she had to be in order to let him be in the first place!!) this should not be a problem. If the kids were almost grown up, were this to happen to me, I'd tell them. Life isn't always pretty, but honesty is necessary.

Wow what a hard situation to be in. I think that you must tell the child. He will one day demand to know abouthis father and what do you say? I know a few people that are a product of rape and are so happy that their mother decided to keep them. Most of them are now doing great things with their life and also helping other children who are also a product of a rape.

It really depends on the personality of the child. If it was me, I'd certainly want to know. Unfortunately, this is truly a situation where "mother knows best" and without knowing the child, advice is hard to dispense.

She need to tell the truth!!! Like what you've said, her son is almost grown up, maybe he understand what happened to his mother!!

better tell him early than leaving him dumb about who his father is. But wait till he get matured or tell it to him/her if he is in the right age to be an open minded person.

I would never tell him but that would be my decision, but if she must, then wait until he is an adult, and then explain about the rape, then he will have had the experience of having a loving supportive mother for all those years. This is one instance where it would be better to lie to a child, It is the only time I could condone such an action, children deserve the truth, but not in this instance, Such a sad and tragic story and what a wonderful courageous woman, to have living proof of a terrible time in her life.

i'm not sure if i would or not if i were in her situation. that's a very difficult thing to tell someone or to be told that. if she decides to what i would do is talk to a cousellor first to see what the best way to tell him his. i think professional help is esential here. then have that councellor be available to him when he's ready to talk if he needs to.

That is really a hard situation. On one hand, he needs to know the truth. ON the other it will tear him to pieces to know the truth. Howver, i think overall he needs to know if he is grown. Not when he is young, though.

She should tell him, he will later understand. I have a friend who was raped and had there baby, her parents were mad. But she told them its not the baby's fault, and the baby is the best thing to ever happen to her. Even though she was raped, but she also said something good came out of it. Her baby girl! She loves that child and would do anything for her, and will tell her one day how she was brought into this world.

aww thats sad but umm if hes almost grown she should tell him shes has to tell him some day

she should tell him abt this ncident because every person has right to know abt his parents

Wait until the kid is at least 18, maybe even 21. Certainly don't burden a young child with this knowledge as it could have serious psychological and/or emotional effects on them. As long as that one parent has been a good parent, then the child should understand when they are older.

What's the problem in that? We should learn to live with certain facts. As one is rape child, doesn't changes his personality, n the way he his. What matters most is the culture,environment in which kid has brought up. Every body needs to know father's name, why to hide such things. Hiding such is not the good decision. And rape is the thing which nobody wants, its an accident, why to bother about that. Society "we people" should understand this.

I think it ALL comes down to this: She KEPT him. She didnt abort him or put him up for adoption. I think if he is grown up for other stuff he will be for this too. After all he might not understand at first. But its better to know than to lie. I think I would be sad if I knew but happy all at once my mom decided to keep me. Its might be rare for children to be kept. But in all cases of rape I believe its not the kids fault how they were conceived. God has a plan for ALL who are concieved and born no matter how they came about :))

It's really hard to tell something like that but her son will eventually find out about it. It's better to hear it from her than to someone else. She should just be sure that her son is mature enough to handle it. The truth hurts but it will surely set her free.

The traumatic situation the lady is confronted with is indeed tragic and painful. She has surely been the victim of aggression. Without a shadow of doubt it is going to entail serious consequences with regard to her relationship with her son. The encouraging thing is that the lady is noble, given her son good ethical brought up, and she is straightforward and daring too. Under the circumstances it would be better for her to create good rappot, keep her son in confidence and disclose the whole thing truthfully and of course the circumstances that led to this unfortunate incident. The boy seems to be mature having sound character and will soon reconcile with the things. Any further delay in not telling the boy the truth will further worsen the situation especially when the boy comes across knowing this incident by some other source. The incident seems no secret now and it is a matter of time when somebody will let the boy know this incident. The lady will then arrive at a point of no return.

hi there, I have a friend and she knew that she was a product of rape from the very start, her mom didnt tell her, it was her grandmother who did since her mom suffered from post traumatic stress disorder and could not really attend to her as a mother. When my friend first heard about being a product of rape, of course she was depressed in a way, she did feel a lost but eventually she learned to accept the facts, since her family took good care of her, even with her mom having a psychiatric condition, the rest of her family did not fail to meet her needs, this helped her cope a lot. Personally i dont think the the womans child in the forum would go ballistic once he finds out that he was a product of rape, as long as his mother has taken good care of him, and has given him all the love nad support that is to be given to him despite the situation, I know that this child will accept this truth and will even have more reason to take care of his mom.

This is a difficult one. I won't know what to do. I think it would also depend, to a great extent, on how old the child is not.. 'almost grown' is a pretty vague term. If the child is old enough to understand, I would tell ihm. If he's stil too young and just asking about his dad, I may not tell.