Should I try for a third?

United States
February 22, 2007 9:21am CST
I've had 2 live in relationships that failed. One was with an irresponsible guy who started to cheat on me so I ended it. The second one was with a guy who was 40 and could not commit. I have 3 kids and I am very happy with them but I feel I really need a man in my life. What do you all think? I'm not trying too hard, I know it will come when it does, if it doesn't, it's okay as well.
9 people like this
61 responses
@Giggles88 (542)
• United States
22 Feb 07
I think you should defienently keep trying. Third times the charm right? Never give up on men all together just because of a few jerks. Don't let them make all men look bad to you and don't lose hope.
• United States
22 Feb 07
Thanks. I hope you are right. I've always given relationships my all. Next time, I will make sure to find a man just like me.
• United States
22 Feb 07
I think there is a difference between giving up on men and giving up on live in relationships. As a mother, I would not have a man live with me until we were married. Keeping separate residences is important- not just to make sure you don't lose your own identity and end up staying with someone who is less than perfect, but also to be a role model to your kids. Yes, it's fun to play house, and nice to wake up next to a man in the morning... but teach your children to have respect for themselves... and you know they saying: "why buy the cow when you're getting the milk for free?"
@ginagee (843)
22 Feb 07
Why do you have to have a man live with you?? I think you would be better off having time with your 3 children and not getting them so involved with different men. Have a relationship when you meet someone that you think is special and can add something to your, and your childrens, lives. Don't have a man move in for a long time, not until you have spent time really getting to know them, hopefully that way you will meet someone more suitable. good luck to you.
• United States
23 Feb 07
That is great advice. You said exactly what I was thinking! Good luck!
@sylvrrain (661)
• United States
22 Feb 07
I have learned from experience that when MOM has a bunch of live in relationships, it is really hard on the kids. You need to think of them first, I know my mom never did. There was always one guy after the other. They would move in and a few months later they were moving out. Some would last longer, but rarely. I would concentrate on making a good life for your children and if you fall in love, then maybe decide if you want the guy to move in. Make sure the guy is the right one, know that he really loves you and your children. I have a friend who also feels she really needs a man in her life, and she has a guy, but she has not brought him home for anything but dinner.
• India
22 Feb 07
A live-in relationship is not really different from a marriage you know. It requires the same levels of commitment, effort and time, perhaps even more. For all practical purposes, it's a marriage, but only the legal formality and the religious sanction are absent. So, when you think about getting yourself another partner, don't think along the lines of a casual date or a one-night stand, but along the lines of a marriage. You don't really need to live with every person that you share a bit of intimacy with . You could take a look around and see if you find anybody worth your time and effort. If you find such a person, you can always make the next move. All the very best!
• India
22 Feb 07
Besides, you have to keep your kids in mind when you go about choosing your partner too. Will he measure up to the expectations of your kids? While your satisfaction is very important, take care to see to it that it doesn't come at the cost of your kid's comfort.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Feb 07
Thanks for all the feedback everyone. I always think of my kids first. Sometimes I don't even feel I should date because it would be less time with my kids. I don't just go out with anyone, I want to make sure they are for keeps.
@icequeen (2842)
• Canada
22 Feb 07
I am sorry that these relationships have not worked out for you. Perhaps you should take a break and just be with your kids for a while. You never know when love will come along and it is usually when you are not looking for it..so consider this as well...good luck.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Feb 07
i agree maybe time off to evaluate your life is much needed. i've been in your place before and i think its best to work on you, not saying you are the problem but maybe its best to actually find out what it is you are looking for rather than settle for the first guy that comes along
1 person likes this
@soldenski (2504)
• United States
22 Feb 07
Of course, you should give love another chance. We all deserve to be happy, and if having a man in your life make's you happy, go for it. Sooner or later, your children will grow and leave your home, and you will be left alone. Not all men are jerks, liar's, cheat's, there are still some good one's out there.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Feb 07
I agree!
1 person likes this
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
22 Feb 07
Hi. I have had many bad relationships that failed. some lived with me and some didn't. I have a 15 year old daughter by one of my bad relationships. I treated guys with respect and wanted to be with them forever before I had laid down with them. They all used me up and cheated on me and left. I ended up meeting someone about 15 years ago who is 15 years older than me. He treats me and my daughter very good and we have been married for 12 years now. I never could find someone my own age who would treat me good. I am in my 30's and my husband is in his 50's. He was married one time beofre we met for 16 years. He was stationed in the Army and his ex-wife cheated on him and ended up marrying the other guy as well. She lost a very good man. I will never let him go. We have become best friends and we love each other.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Feb 07
Thanks. I had an ex who was 24 and married someone who was 39 and already had 5 kids. He's such a catch! I'm currently getting to know 3 guys over 50. So far so good. The younger ones don't even care to ask much about me. I believe if they really want to be with me, they will want to know everything about me.
• United States
23 Feb 07
Just my humble opinion; NO! You shouldn't try a third. Intimate relationships should be experienced in the marriage relationship. Live-in relationships don't work even when the seem to. I know that's a silly sentence but I confident that time will prove that if you enter into marriage after co-habitating the relationship suffers. Marrige is based on committment and not feelings. Bottom line, if a man can't wait; he's not the right one. I know, I use to be one of those men before I came to my senses. countdown21.com
1 person likes this
@Patranye (35)
• United States
23 Feb 07
I know how hard it is to have a relationship end but it souunds like it was for the best. Everyone has been giving you some great advice and I don't know how I can really add a whole lot to it other than to say that the third time was the charm for me. I'm glad tht I didn't give up after my marriage of 18 years ended. That would have been the perfect reason to give up. I sure wasn't looking for another relationship again after that. This one just started as friends and really evolved into the best thing that has happened for me in a really long time! We will be married for 5 years this June!
@alindahaw (1219)
• Philippines
23 Feb 07
If you really think that you need a man in your life, then go for it. Howevre, before you do attempt to enter into another relationship, evaluate your previous relaitonships and find out what really went wrong with it. It is always very important to learn form your mistakes.
1 person likes this
@baby88 (696)
• Singapore
23 Feb 07
yes u should! i mean you should find a third one for urself but don't rush. don't let ur failed relationship ruin your future. its will be better for you if there's a man around.goodluck!!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
22 Feb 07
loveis trying and trying until you feel that its the right one.. the only problem in trying is that you dont learn in your past experiences
1 person likes this
• Portugal
22 Feb 07
I think that you must let your heart open. Don't go all desperate looking for a partner. That will just bring unwanted people in your life. When someone shows that cares about you, and if you fell the same way, things will happen naturally. You will see.
1 person likes this
• India
22 Feb 07
you should have a try if someone u think is good for u then u should go for him bcoz u cant live alone and u really need someone who care for u and can keep u happy what will happen if ur kids get settled in future u will be all alone There should be someone who will look aftr u in ur old age.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
22 Feb 07
well, of course you should try for the third..or the fourth...or until you find one that fits the best. The most important is, don't appear too desperate and keep on looking for mr.right. The more you look, the more he won't come (believe me, i learned from experience!!) try to be natural and go slow...if he's your Mr.Right...you will be with him eventually..Good Luck!
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Feb 07
A man in your life is nice, but you shouldn't need him. Try dating different men and find one that is wanting the same things that you want. Don't bring him to meet you children intill you feel for sure, that it's going to be long term. Interview the men and ask questions about what they are looking for in a partership? (not right away of course) Now all you can do it take good care of yourself and your children. And when men see what a caring person you are, they will want to be involved with you more! Does this make sense?
1 person likes this
• Indore, India
22 Feb 07
It could have been hard luck, but life doesn't always remain the same. I think you must try but this time be careful and don't just tie up with anyone.
1 person likes this
• Canada
22 Feb 07
This is a very touchy subject i know excatly how u feel for i am a lone mother of 2 boy's...It can be quite a slice, but the thing is God would not give u something u can not handle and to find that special someone is something rare but when u have children most men from my experience can not handle the already made family that is set forth, But there are good men out there and will love u for whom u are and ur children like there own it takes patience and like every mountain it's hard time to climb but when u reach the top the sun will be brighter then it has ever been good luck have faith he will come...peace
@sigma77 (5385)
• United States
22 Feb 07
That is a great attitude to have. You made wise decisions to break up your previous romances that were not working. It is certainly Ok to try another relationship. The next one could be the love of your life. If you know what you want, it will be easier to know what you won't accept in a relationship. I think you can find the right person and be happily fulfilled in a relationship. If you also feel it is all right to stay single, that is good too.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Feb 07
OH MY, I feel like we are the same person. I felt like I needed a man in my life but now I am realizing after 2 live in relationships that if it is meant to be it will be. I suggest you find yourself a few new hobbies, try coaching for one of your kids school, or become more involved with them, you can even work more. I noticed that if my mind is occupied with other things that are making me HAPPY I don't care if I have a man by my side or not, and if one I like comes along than that would be great but I'm not trying anymore. Focus on yourself and making you happy.