What would you do if your ex.....
By Melizzy
@Melizzy (1381)
United States
February 28, 2007 10:44pm CST
OK, my ex, actually, she was more like a fling except that we really connected. Right up until her Borderline Personality Disorder kicked in. Anyway, she has gone rapidly downhill. It was over a year ago that she broke up with me. Ok, fine.
Anyway, she is an attorney. She is in danger of losing her job. She has always been pretty and very well put together. Her hair has always looked cute and her jeans have always had a crease in them. And her skin really was the color of porcelain.
We had an ok break-up (even though I've never gotten an explanation of why she broke it off), but it eventually turned nasty. She f'd me over royally in October and I was angry but I got over it.
I have been collecting items for a charity auction for work. One of the places on my list is owned by a friend of her who knows nothing about us. Anyway, I got my haircut tonight right down from the place and as I started to go in, I saw her. It took me a second to recognize her and it's not pretty.
She's pretty much an alcoholic now. Her hair looked frightening. Wild and bush looking. Her jeans, while clean-ish looking, were wrinkled and obviously un-ironed (ironing was ALWAYS big with her), and her skin is sorta yellow now.
I'm pretty sure she saw me. I decided against going in mainly because I was so shocked by her appearance.
I know alcoholics. I know I can not save or help her until she asks for help. And that that probably won't come to me. I'm just very concerned for her.
I don't think I have any real responsibility to her. But I feel a moral obligation to do....something. But I don't know of anything I could do.
5 responses
@Pigglies (9329)
• United States
2 Mar 07
I can't really say I'd feel an obligation. I had a fling before where we never really connected. I guess I did help them out a bit after we broke it off (whatever it was, as I'd say there certainly wasn't much). I tried to help them find a job when they were unemployed, but other than that, I stayed away. For awhile we weren't really even nasty to each other or anything. After that one, no more flings for me.
1 person likes this
@Ravenladyj (22904)
• United States
1 Mar 07
Without having any contact (direct) with her there really is a limit as to what you can do...Unfortunately her Borderline isnt goin to help matters any (I have BPD) and actually is part of the problem...Since you dont and cant have contact with her directly is there a mutual friend or are you familiar with some of her family members maybe that you could talk to? The fact that she's drinking to excess is a concern but more than that I'm wondering about her yellowish colour in her skin...which could be a number of things including Hepatitis and liver damage/disease....Other than talking to a mutual friend or a relative of hers I'm not so sure there is anything you can do really....You could call a crisis centre and ask for their advice as well..I'm sure they would be able to help you better than we will...
1 person likes this
@shalumanu (79)
• India
1 Mar 07
dear u
so sorry to hear about your ex, but too glad to find that you are concerned. i wish in such a situation no one can help except when she herself is willing to.
i think you should have a word with her. not regarding her present situation but a general talk. dont make her feel your sympathy. talk to her tell her even if u are not in a relationship but u guys can still be friends. make it a point to call her once a day and talk about how much fun and colorful life is.
and most importantly, pray god sincerely to set things right for her. it really works and try to take her to church or temple or watever you believe in. god is everywhere.i too will pray for her.
all the best.
1 person likes this
@wendy82 (437)
• United States
2 Mar 07
I am sorry to hear about your ex. Maybe if you would help her maybe she would lay off the alcholics. Pray for her. Because maybe you should talk to her friends and see if they can help her. Because that is a shame that she messed you over. Because all you were trying to do was help and you got hooked on the wrong things. Maybe you should send her cards and letters and flowers and express your love and ask her to be with you. Because no one should let their self go down like that. I am deeply sorry and I am sorry that you had to get hurt in the middle of it.
