Giving into my darkness

Canada
February 28, 2007 11:43pm CST
Lately I have grown more indulgent in my darkness, the thoughts inside me feel like they are not my own. I feel as though i am two different people, the outward me is what everyone wants her to be, the me trapped inside is angry and trembling. There are days that I feel like I am volcano just waiting to blow. However oddly enough the more indulgent i grow in this darkness the more empowered I feel... Why does this feel so abstract. Some days I feel like I am on the brink of some kind of existential crisis... or maybe I am just losing my mind. Does anyone else ever feel like this?
2 people like this
2 responses
Silencio Barnes
@silenciobarnes (249)
• United States
9 Mar 07
Why does it have to be a darkness within you? Why do you term it that? If the thoughts originate within you, then they are definitely yours. You are only human. We are not creatures of light or dark. We are creatures of stars and earth. There is no inherent darkness within us. Why do you think you feel more empowered the more you indulge? It's because you are coming closer to being the "true" you. Not the you that you show at work, not the you displayed in public for fear of not being accepted by your social peers. You feel empowered because you are starting to be you. Saying whats really on your mind. Thinking the types of thoughts you may have previously attempted to block. Don't fight the feeling sweetheart. Let it loose. ...but keep it at a limit so no one gets hurt :)
RobinJ
@RobinJ (2501)
• Canada
9 Mar 07
at one time I felt as if I was a vo;cano waiting to erupt. I also believed if I started to cry I would be unable to stop. and now I know it was all due to fear, I was literally afraid of anything and every thing, so I felt helpless hopeless and worthless.It took me a long time to find out that I was not helpless, not worthless, and in finding that out I no longer feel hopeless. I also can cry if I need to and my volcano os gone, and for the first time in my life I know I am ok.