My Son

Hi Susieq; I too have an 18 year old Son and he has a younger girlfriend. You were within your rights both as a parent and homeowner to ask that they move to the family room. When you have that talk, be sure to let him know that you are not accusing him and that you didn't expect that they were going to do anything. Make sure that he understands that what they did made you a bit uncomfortable and that there are other factors that were involved with your decision. As someone else on here has posted (I'm sorry, I don't remember who that was. I'm dreadful with names) you have the responsibility of seeing to the welfare of any and all guests that come into your home, and that you were thinking of his girlfriend as well. Stay strong Mom! I'm sure that your son and his girlfriend will understand that you were only seeing to their best interests and that you care about them both.

We have an established "house rule" that there is to be no entertaining friends in the bedrooms. The girls are welcome to show their rooms to their friends and, certainly, they can be in there with the door open if there's nowhere else that's available (rather than not having friends in at all) -- but, generally speaking, we prefer that they use the playroom or livingroom. We just feel that allowing them in the bedrooms, with the option of a closed door, invites behavior that might not be appropriate. Even if they have no intention of "doing anything," we feel it's best to keep things in such a way that we can pass by and "supervise" what's going on. We truly have difficulty allowing our 16 year old to go to her boyfriend's house because, not only are they allowed the use of the basement without supervision, his bedroom has also recently been moved down there. We're not comfortable with it. So, I agree with you susieq... I would have told them exactly the same thing you did.

You did the right thing even though he is of age but the girl is 17. Was the door closed? My daughter had a boyfriend in her room but we only allow it to leave the door open and not close. Maybe after the talk he should understand.

I agree with you completly. I can't blame you for telling him to go to the family room. They may not have been doing anything but it does look bad. You did the right thing. If thier were more parents like you the world would be a better place.Thanks!

I applaud you.....many parents have a laissez faire attitude with their teens. I'm glad to see you setting boundaries. My biggest concern would be the fact that she is underage AND you don't know how her parents feel about them being alone behind a closed door....

well i'm 27 years old so i still kinda remember what it was like at 18 and at that age i didn't want to sit in the family room with everyone else cause i figured what i had to say to my boyfriend or any of my other friends was none of my families bussiness my mother didn't like it when we went to my room either and i didn't like having to sit with the family so we compromised and i was allowed to sit in my room with whoever i wanted provided i left the door open so that my mom could hear if we were talking or doing something we shouldn't be doing. your son is 18 years old he is old enough to move out so you can't say do this cause its my house he's an adult now to give him responsibilities like paying a little rent in exchange for him making adult type decisions like having a girl in his room. if you give him an altimatum he will just rebel and move out and it won't be on good terms.

As the parent you ahve every right to set the boundaries of your home. Granted your son in 18 but he is living under your roof and should follow the rules. I think you should make the boundaries very strait forward and if not followed then there will be consequences.

I agree with you.... sorry, call me old fashioned, but no girls and boys in the bedrooms together.... Maybe if the door was open and it was visible from wherever adults are present, but never with the door closed. No way. Too much temptation.....

Well your son is out of line there. There are kids who can somehow do that because parents dont really care but if the kid grew up with alot of responsibilities taught to him he should have acted that way.

While I do agree thatyou have rights as the house owner, I'm also seeing this from their point of view. They're practically adults and I guess I would just feel opressed and teated like a child, not being able to take a girlfriend/boyfriend into the room. At that age you expect them to behave like adults, yet you're telling them where they can and can not go, because you don't trust them.

Well, I think there must and should be a certain degree of trust. What I feel personally, you are really choosing a wrong time! I wouldn't try anything funny in the house, not even in my own room, when my parents are at home. So you know, its not the best of timings to be asking that.

As parents both of you have the rights to told them what they should do and don't.Besides both of them are still young and they still have a long journey in their live.Courage them to concentrate on their future by hit the best in their study.

I'm several years older than your son,I'm a girl,I never brought boys home,cause my parents never allow me to do that,they always say you'll do it when you grown up.so maybe you just talk to your son about the right thing he should do

I agree i think you should leave the dor open but if they want some privacy reserve the right to walk in at any time and let him no you will but knick first just to help you learn to trust each otherxxx

You did the right thing, it is your house and you can set the rules. Even if they are not planning to do anything, your son had to ask permission from you first if they can go to his room and see what your response will be. I guess he just assume that it is his room and he can have anyone he wants in there. Open communication is really important. Let him understand that the girl is younger than him and in some cases 17 is still underage. Goodluck with the talk.

I think you did the right thing in pointing it out to him. Teenagers nowadays are aggressive and sometimes they need a little reminder to keep them on the right track. You’re his parents so you have every right to remind him if you see he’s doing something wrong. You’re son and his girlfriend may not be doing anything but you won’t loose anything either if you remind him. And I don’t think you’re not crossing the line. I think you’re idea of sitting down and talking to him about it is right because at least he can explain his side and you can explain your side also.

You did the right thing. I don't care if they are 18 or 25, if they are in my house and they are not married, the will not be allowed to go into a bedroom, any bedroom together. If his tv or playstation or whatever is in there and they are not secluded and the door is open and you go in and check on them, that is reasonable. But no, not upstairs and out of the way like that. If they want privacy to talk, let them go on the porch and talk. Not that you are accusing him or her, but for their own protection, keep them away from temptation. Besides if he is 18 and she 17, she is considered a minor in most states. All she would have to do is say he did or tried to do something and he could get in some serious issues with the law. You were not out of line. He may be upset now, but he will thank you later.

Your son and his guests must be respectful of your house rules. You can discuss with him and his guets the rules of the house. I think your rules are okay and that your son should follow them. Have a nice day. Pablo

you are right. Your son is still living with you and as his mother he should follow the rules. If he wouldn't, advice him that he can do whatever he wants if he is living on his own, but for know, follow mama. :))

You just did what is right. Our children will always be our children and we know what is right for them. They will only realize things when they become parents themselves. We should always be their guardian for them not to be in the wrong direction.