i am confused

@natmes (19)
Kenya
March 26, 2007 7:15am CST
I am having love feelings for two girls and I am entirely in between the two.Well,the first I met while in high school and the main problem is that we are from the same clan( in our culture this is like being in the same family)and my parents were against it fully but we have gotten so far it has been almost three years now! The second I met through one of my second cousins.The two were best of friends and she is just something else,lovin,beautiful and just plain crazy about me as I have become about her. The next thing is that with the first I have not been in contact with for a very long time close to three months now,because she is still in high school final year.I am afraid to tell her that I have someone else because I am afraid that it will hurt her feelings and probably be a causal factor in her failing her final exams and I can not simply live with ethe guilt. I need to know what should I do to these two ladies?(nash-first and kobs-second) Serious answers only!
6 people like this
33 responses
@rsa101 (13337)
• Philippines
27 Mar 07
I just got confused the first one is from your clan and the second is kind of your second cousin? i can see you have a very big family circle. I guess from the way your describing you are much better off with the second one than the first since your family disapproves from it. I just hope that your family will approve with the second one since its still within the family circle. If not maybe try having an affair outside your clan perhaps there is one that you could be happy with.
@natmes (19)
• Kenya
28 Mar 07
i said that the second is a friend to my second cousin and I also suggest you read the question again before you get to answering the question
• India
27 Mar 07
First of all dude you need to make your head clear an get this into your brain that when you have had a 3 year relationship with a person you just don't leave them for they didn't have any contact with you since 3 months. If she had done no mistake then don't punish her for your temptations and crushes and weaknesses. She doesn't deserv to be left like this until its not her fault. And moreover while you were already in a relationship you should have stayed loyal and told the other girl about your first girlfriend. In relationships you must always stick to one choice, one decision. Ask for forgiveness from your first and go back to her would be my only suggestion. When you didn't leave her for so long even when you knew she was of your clan then even now you can't leave her for this reason. You should have thought about clans when you started and not after 3 years you started. Just imagine in yourself how would have it felt if you were in her position, loving someone madly, dreaming about future and then reality comes forth shaking every dream you ever dreamed. Just think about it and try to rcognise the real love and the meaning of love. Take care May GOD Lead YOUR Path
• Philippines
26 Mar 07
So hard to be in your place.. But it is imposible for you to have the same and equal love for both of them.. there will always be one whom you will love more. for you to have an unbias decision, it will be wise to let go of the both of them.. that will be the best place from which you can truly decide who you want to be with.
@natmes (19)
• Kenya
28 Mar 07
well said but my problem is that i also take quite some time before i can get out and mingle for another lady.Anyway thanks for the response.
• Philippines
28 Mar 07
hi natmes! i think you need to assess your feelings for both...i believe that we can love two people at the same time but with different intensity..you need to decide whom you can't live without..from there you can decide..because if you really love someone you can fight for him/her and you'll do everything just to be with him/her...unfortunately you're hurting both of them as of the moment so you really need to be honest to yourself and to each of them, let's accept the fact that we could hurt one of the two but the truth will set you free...
• Philippines
27 Mar 07
The longer you hold it, the harder it gets. Each day that comes along makes the pain even greater. If you have been cold to nash then she probably have a hint already. If you haven't been communicating with her for 3 mos. - well...for me...that's an issue.
• Philippines
27 Mar 07
Love is such a wonderful feeling and sometimes its just to complicated like the situation you are in now. However, it shouldn't be the case. If we should love anyone, we love one at a time.
• India
27 Mar 07
yah its being a very big problem for you I suggest you to tell the truth to first one after her exam and really be truth b'cos in life if she will get the truth from another person than she more angry than, if u will say the truth and be fast to tell the truth don't hasitate nothing will happen. the only thing is u have to be calm and tell what you want to say. it's my own opinion its ur wish to suggest.
@vanities (11336)
• Davao, Philippines
27 Mar 07
im straight! and i dont know what to comment on this type of realtionship..but maybe i just look it as on same with male thing i guess..you have to choose between the two..
@ehdzzie (331)
• Philippines
27 Mar 07
are you sure about choosing the second one?...because maybe you just choose her because there is no problem about her with your parents...make sure about your feelings first (you said that u haven't have a contact for three months), if u do, check urself....but if you really like the second one then your move is right, don't tell her about it for now because she has her final exam but tell her after that because she has the right to know what it is and besides you loved her before.
@bindishah (2063)
• India
27 Mar 07
It is indeed a difficult situation. Uve met someone new which would really hurt this gf of yours but the thing is you cant even break her heart right now coz it may affect her studies. If you guys are living in different places why dont you just not tell her right now - but at the same time do not be unfaithful. Tell this new gf of yours how you feel about her and explain to her why you cant break up with your old one right now. Tell her you need to be friends until nash's exams get over and then you guys can be together.
@gloria777 (1678)
• India
27 Mar 07
Just ask yourself to whom you are loving and then go by that answer. Care & concentrate only on your feelings.
@joby_09 (498)
• Philippines
27 Mar 07
Well, you already made a choice. You already chose the second one, only that, you're afraid to reject the first because of her upcoming exams. If you're sure about your feelings for the second girl, i suggest that you go for her. And i also suggest that you tell the truth to the first girl AT THE RIGHT TIME. Maybe, after the exams. Just be honest and be firm with the choices you make. =)
• China
27 Mar 07
it is up to you. no matter who you will choose, be responsible and honest. in my opinion, if you choose the second, consier her school work.
@shk1983 (142)
• India
27 Mar 07
serious answer: First think of the 2 girls, Just close your eyes for 10 Seconds. from the Heart to brain a single will reach , who ever comes with in the mind first. choose her. funny: Get the third one.
@sanell (2114)
• United States
27 Mar 07
gosh that is a tough one but you know that you are going to hurt one or the other so no matter who you choose someone WILL get hurt...So you will have to get over that guilt because you will face it one way or the other. I would definitely wait until the first finals are over with, no sense in causing her to fail by breaking her heart if that is what you plan on doing and breaking it off with her. I would definitely wait until she is done with her exams. You have to go with what is in your heart, if it seems that you feel good or better about the new girl you are with, then maybe you need to make a change and get to know her better. You obviously can not keep with someone who perhaps needs to also spread their wings too for the future. My uncle said that it is more important to date as much as you can because when you do find that one person you want to make sure that you have no reasons you would want to stray from that person. Good luck to you
@Shieldon (68)
• Philippines
26 Mar 07
Such a problem...well you've got to decide who will you spend your life with and give your hearth to the person wholeheartedly..You've got to choose only one.
• Canada
26 Mar 07
Well my advise is to ask yourself these following questions: Are you in love with Nash or is this just what u r used to? Could you see yourself being with Kobs for a long time? Do your parents like Kobs? Can u live without being with Nash? Have u and Nash talked at all about this distance you seem to be having? If you ask me it sounds like you really want to be with Kobs but don't want to lose Nash because she is the one u r used to. You probably know Nash better than Kobs. I think you need to let Nash go, she needs to find happiness with someone who will feel the same. Give Kobs a chance keep an open mind and don't compare her to Nash-thats not fair to either of you. Good luck with your decision and be happy!
@Robyn28 (385)
• Canada
26 Mar 07
hi natmes I think you need to be honest to the girl who's still in high school no matter how it might hurt her. She needs to know the truth even if it's not what she wants to hear. I think the guilt of not telling that person eats you up inside.good luck do what you feel is right
@onosan (6)
• Malaysia
26 Mar 07
my oppinion is to tell her after her final exams. So that if anything bad happens to her final then u will not feel guilty. as if that's ur fault. we are the ones who responsible to our own future. steps are taken by urself not by someone else. and i think u should take a break from both of them. spend time with ur friends and to urself. Love urself before u love others.
@wisedragon (2331)
• Philippines
26 Mar 07
Well, thanks to your culture you have the perfect excuse to let go of the first girl. And she'll probably understand too. No need to worry about hurting her feelings. Maybe just let her finish her exams first.