Why are Mother in Laws so mean?

@minerc (1373)
United States
March 27, 2007 2:34pm CST
I have been married for a few years now and my mother in law has never taken the time to get to know me which is fine by me my husband and her really don't talk as well. He tried the first year we were togather but his ex started going over to her house and saying alot of bad things and so she automatically didnt like me. It helps none that she is a Penecostal preacher and don't believe in divorce and remarriage but our circumstances were not our faults we took the punch with our ex's and moved forward and met in the middle of the divorce. We are very happy and leave everyone alone. The ex is his mom's best friend and she went over and told her that we don't allow the children to go to church or read the bible. So she as a preacher told her congrigation that he has lost his holiness. Well it got back to us and my husband called her and told her he didnt appreciate her talking about him in that way. We don't go to church but if the kids want to go then depending on the church and circumstances they can go. We read out of the bible all the time and my husband uses the bible to reference many things to the children. Why is she so mean, all she had to do was call and talk to him not spread the lie, and then blame it on the kids. She has always been welcome over our house or to call him. Why does she do this? We don't care if she is good friends with the ex it really helps and we stay away because we don't want to cause trouble with there relationship. Personally though if my mom did the same I probally wouldnt talk with her again but it's his mom and I respect that. I just wish she would stop with the stupid stuff and worry about herself and the kids. Does anyone else have a mother in law like this? Are you a mother in law like this, if so why does it have to be this way?
3 people like this
14 responses
@yanjiaren (9050)
27 Mar 07
What kind of closed minded "christian" atitude is that? i mean forget love thy neighbour..your mumin law should be even closer to you and your husband than her congregation..At the end of the day..what use is it if she is nice to every one else to get browny points and a pat on the back yet she is engaged in backbiting and gossip with your hubby's ex? I wouldn't like to go to her church if she behaves like this..I am not one to judge but this is not behavious she should encourage and condone from your hubby's ex..even if they are friends..she ..as a preacher should not condone her friend's bad mouthing actions over you..you are quite right to be upset..but you can do the christian thing and turn the other cheek and ignore it lol..you are better than that..hugz
@minerc (1373)
• United States
27 Mar 07
Thank You! We don't go to her church because the ex goes and we don't want to cause problems there. I don't understand her. But I have turned the other cheek and left her in God's hands. Thanks for the comment.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (72973)
• Marion, Kansas
27 Mar 07
My friend Yan's comment reminds me of ICorinthians, chapter 13, in a contemporary version--"If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am become as sounding brass or a clanging symbol" In King James, which is more than likely the only version your in law will allow, it uses the word charity, where I used love, but charity is love of fellow man, in a platonic and proactive way.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Mar 07
i think mother is laws are mean by nature because my mother in law is the same way. I think its because you took there baby boy from them. and that no other women could do a better job then her
1 person likes this
• India
28 Mar 07
i think that mother in laws are mean becauze new gal inthr home took thr so much loved child away from them n thy cant d anythng abt it so thy get pissed of n so thy act as mean i thnk this is in women genes we cant change it
@MsTickle (24433)
• Australia
29 Mar 07
My mother-in-law was awful too. I think it's a guilt thing. They know that you will be closer to their sons than they ever were and you will find out things about her just by knowing him. Like that she didn't train him very well. I overheard my mil and her sister saying that our first daughter looked nothing like her father. Heavens ...I was a 17 yr old catholic girl as naive as they come and here she was trying to say I was foisting some other bloke's child onto her son. I should have told her not to judge me by her own standards. Her attitude was such that she convinced her son it was ok to turn against me. She would never help us out with baby sitting so we could have a little break. She only lived around the corner, my MUm was 5 hours away. She said it was my mother's responsibility to look after my children and it was her responsibility to look after her daughter's children. When we finally broke up she cut me off totally. His family pretty well cut his kids off as well. And she was supposed to be a good holy practising Christian of the Baptist faith. Surely the people at her church realise what a bad preacher she is saying stuff like that about her son unless the whole congregation is a bunch of low lifes. I guess they must be if they follow someone like her. It would be so great if you could totally move away from the disruptive and unholy influences of your family my friend. Any chance of this happening?
@sizzle3000 (3041)
• United States
28 Mar 07
My mother-in-law was a dream. She has passed on now but when she was with us she was great. She never inter feared in my mariage with her son or tried to help me raise my daughter. She also lived 200 miles away and that could have been the reason she was a dream to have for a mother-in-law. My mom and husband also get along great. He thinks she is a little pushy some times but for the most part they love each other. My dad tries to corrupt my husband or get him into trouble. He thinks my husband is too perfect and it is making my dad look bad.
• India
28 Mar 07
its simple becoz the son for whom see took care for 20+years is not giving more importance to her any more. Instead he is giving importance to the girl whom he knows for just about few years.
• Pakistan
28 Mar 07
no not all mother in law are mean my mother in law is very sweet and always take care of me
1 person likes this
• Philippines
28 Mar 07
We could only answer this when we ourselves become mother-in- laws. This is just what I think, mother-in-laws become so mean to their in laws because they feel like their role as a mother for their children will be replaced by their husbands and wives. They will start to feel like out of place sometimes taken for granted by their children. Well, I am still lucky because I happened to have a very nice mother in law. It just so happened that she passed away too soon. She was just 48 when her life came to an end.
• Philippines
28 Mar 07
I have also a mother in law that I cannot understand. Sometimes she feels like she is the boss of our house. She even interrupted our decisions in life. If we have a fight with his son he would always intervene and give sermons. I know she just treat me properly but when I do not face her she backbite me because that is what she did with her other in law. When she was not in our midst she said bad things about her. And sometimes she makes things that is against our will and if we will not follow she said or hear us some unlikeable words. She even said that if we will not obey our inlaws we will get punish with our deeds. I know that sometimes inlaws are not always good and we even hate them. What I did was just to make friends with her. I hope later we can't make fight. I just don't want to have a fight with someone especially if that someone is close to my husband. For you, just treat her well and make way so that you can be friends. I know that is hard but you need to do that because they are parents of your husband.
1 person likes this
• Australia
28 Mar 07
i think it is just their nature... they are born that way... my mother in law to be is also like that .. which makes me rethinking my decision....
1 person likes this
• Philippines
28 Mar 07
That is very mean, treating you and your kids like that. Its as if she doesnt care, its her grandchildren she is blaming can she see that? well once and for all, tell your husband to go and talk to her mother that any grudges that she held shouldnt be spread outside. And he should tell her mother to stay out of your relationship. Im lucky that i found the best mother in law in the whole wide world but her life was cut short by a heart attack.
1 person likes this
@bad1981 (799)
• United States
28 Mar 07
My mother in law is a mean person too, due to the fact that she doesnt even know how old my kids are or their birthdays, I dont like her. But she talks about my husband like he isnt even her child. Pisses me off.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Mar 07
It sounds to me as if maybe the ex is "stirring" things up a bit. Your mother in law needs to respect her son's choices regarding his mate(you), and she needs to respect both of your choices regarding your life, your family, etc. It shouldn't be so tense; and the children are the ones who suffer. I hope I am not a mother in law like this when the time comes. Best of luck to you.
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
27 Mar 07
Minerc,I was raised Pentcostal and I am ashamed of your mother in law,because she is not acting like a christian suppose to act...It appears that your husbands ex wife is spreading a lot of rumors and lies...Does your husbands ex wife go to your mother in laws church????? no christian believes in divorce,however it does happen and God does forgive divorce...Your husbands ex probably told her that you broke up their "Happy Home" there is no telling what she has told her...Regardless of what his ex has told your mother in law,it is her duty to show christian love...I surely wish I could talk with her,because she is so wrong...I would just ask God to open up your mother in laws eyes so she can see...If i were you i would go to my mother in laws home and ask her plain out why she don't like you and what have you done to deserve such treatment..But thats me...My mother in law had a licence to preach in the Pentecostal church,and my ex husband was raised Pentecostal the same as I,but she had to back down and start loving me in order to make heaven,and your mother in law will have to do the same or she is just wasting her time preaching....I am so ashamed of the way she is acting...Good luck to you and i will help you pray...
@judyt00 (3505)
• Canada
28 Mar 07
She is nevr going to accept you as long as she is friends with hisex. As far as she is concerned, you stole her friend's husband, and ruined her perfect family. Her being a pentecostal minister makesit even worse, sinceshe thinks she has the right to judge othrs by a very narrow standard, if I were you, i'd go to her churchm and stand up in the middle of the sermon, and ask about the verse about the mote and timber. Ask if she is exempt, and then tell her you will be attending Catholic church until se is ready to act like a Christian.