could you put your other half in a home?

United States
March 30, 2007 11:21am CST
say the 2 of you are up in years and you are completely heathly and can still do alot of things but your other half is sick and old and doesnt leave the hosue much and you have to always take care of them. you want to go places and do things but you cant cause they cant. you have to get up at night sometimes and change the sheets or help them in the tub etc. the only thing is they are of good mind, not a self danger, or anything like that. you dont have a way to get someone else to come to your home and help take care of them though. would you put them in a home for others to take care of and go visit so that you can do things you want with yoru life? would you get to a point that you didnt want to take care of them? i know a few people that have been in both ways. like cancer, car accident, or just old. could you say hunny i am sorry but i cant do this anymore. you took care of me all those years but you are so bad off and i just have to do this for me. or would you just do it and love them and never say a word?
4 people like this
15 responses
• Canada
30 Mar 07
I would hope that if this ever happened that I would feel the same way then as I do now , but since I have never been in this situation I am unable to say for sure . But I would like to think that I would look after him and would hope that if the tables were reversed he would take care of me . When we got married , part of our vows were to always be there for each other and I would like to think that I would keep up to my end of the bargain no matter how hard or difficult it was at the time . I love him and can't imagine being apart from him so would love to think that I would still stand by him and I do believe I would but like I said you never know for sure what you will do when something comes along and changes your life .
3 people like this
@SachseMom (449)
• United States
30 Mar 07
I would do everything in my power to keep my spouse happy and take care of him. He Would NOT go to a home he would be here with me and Lord Willing my kids. My grandparents went thru this and my aunto moved from New Mexico to help take care of them and my mom and I took turns going to live with them for a little while to help out. Of course my uncles sent money to help. There were a few that didn't lift a finger but I know that I did everything to help them stay in there house and live there life like they wanted to. My mom is having to take care of my dad and my husband and I go and help her. It's hard especially since my kids are so little but I wouldn't do that to my hubby. We are together in sickness and health.
• Canada
30 Mar 07
Putting a spouse in a home after a long marriage kind of indicates that marriage is not worth much these days. I would be ashamed to even think about it.
2 people like this
@TerryZ (22083)
• United States
30 Mar 07
You better believe I would. If it was effecting my life yes I would put him in a home where he can be looked after. And the same goes for me. I would hope he does that for me.
• United States
30 Mar 07
I took care of my mother for years, and I would do the same for Thom. I feel only you can give the best care to a love one
2 people like this
@stephcjh (32328)
• United States
30 Mar 07
I used to have to take care of my step-dad for about 3 years. My mom couldn't go anywhere and leave him by himself. Someone always had to be with him. we didn't want him to feel like a burden but none of us had a life when he was still living. He couldn't do anything at all for himself. My husband is 15 years older than me and I think about this all of the time as to what I would do if it happened to me. I would never want to put my husband in a nursing home, but I am not sure how long I could take the stress of all of it either. I would try my hardest as long as I could but I am not sure if there would ever come a point to where I just couldn't do it any longer.
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
30 Mar 07
I would do everything in my power to keep him with me. My first thought as I was reading was that I would spend all that it took to bring someone in to help me out, but then you put that as a qalifier. He is my life partner and I will be there for him for life. No question.
2 people like this
@jillbeth (2711)
• United States
30 Mar 07
The marriage vows say for better or for worse, in sickness and in health. I would not put him in a home unless I was physically unable to care for him and there was absolutely no alternative. Just being inconvenienced and not being able to go where you want is no excuse for putting your life partner in a nursing home.
2 people like this
• United States
30 Mar 07
I always considered family a responsibility that I could not pass to anyone else. I took care of both my parents when things started to get to be too much for them. I took care of my ex all the way through his lung cancer and chemotheraphy afterwards. It is not fun and sometimes it is downright frustrating, but this is how life works. I would not want to be treated badly myself so I don't do that to others. Nursing homes are such sad places....it is like this is the land with no sunshine. If you get into a situation where you can't take care of your loved one there are many programs that can help, at least here where I am there is. There is home nurses, home meal delivery, day care, and multiple options for rehabilitation care, and assistance with life skills learning and adaption.
• United States
1 Apr 07
Thanks for the best response vote, I appreciate it...:}
@Ravenladyj (22937)
• United States
31 Mar 07
I would only put him in a home if that is what he wanted OR if by NOT putting him in a home would be putting him in danger...otherwise no I wouldnt...I've already taken care of a spouse (after our car accident) so it wouldnt be anything new for me (though I'd need a refresher course on certain things I'm sure)
1 person likes this
@meljessxena (2317)
• Australia
31 Mar 07
i personally couldnt put my lover or anyone in my family into a home, i would care for them no matter what. if my life was to look after them well so be it. i know that the hospital can organise a nurse to come around etc to look after the person, but if i had to do it on my own then i would, but since i have a loving family i know they would do their best to help me out. some special homes for old ,sick or disable people can be fairly bad places, you really need to do your research on each place before putting someone in them.
1 person likes this
@dlkuku (1936)
• United States
31 Mar 07
Absolutely not. I married him for better or for worse. I have worked in homes, I know what they are like. I wouldn't want to be put in one and I certainly wouldn't put my husband in one.
@Impervious (1154)
• United States
31 Mar 07
3 words - In a heartbeat !! Just kidding I guess that it would depend the circumstances
@Destiny007 (5820)
• United States
31 Mar 07
Well, as the other half in question...let me just say that my wife knows better than to even try. Hopefully I still have a few years before this would even be an issue. When my wife wants to go somewhere she just goes. I can't really leave the house, but I do ok at home. Since she is several years younger than me I expect we will be together for many years to come. As far as going to a home, it will cost them because I'll be fighting all the way. :)
1 person likes this
• Philippines
30 Mar 07
In sickness or in health. I will uphold that vow. Moreso when in sickness. If I was the sick one, I would also depend on my half to help me get through it. Even if my partner would ask to be put in a home, I would not agree. If my other half insists, I probably would go to the home too.
1 person likes this