Marriage of convience, why?

United States
April 2, 2007 12:08pm CST
So many marriages are not happy, yet people live together anyway. I don't understand it. We only have one life, that's it. If not happy with eachother, why stay together?
7 people like this
15 responses
@caramello (4382)
• Australia
3 Apr 07
People in unhappy marriages often stay together for various reasons and one of them being for the children. This does not always work though and can end up having the situation turn worse. Finances can also be a reason and so can stubborness as one does not want to give up what one has! You are quite right in saying we only have one life and that one life can be full of so many challenges!
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Apr 07
It is easy to stay with mates for all the reasons I have heard, and they are valid and true. But, one must live and be happy, and make that break in my opinion. Today may be our last day.
• United States
2 Apr 07
I think for both sexes it is economics. The woman doesn't think the she could earn enough to make on her own or what she has been used to. The man thinks in a divorce the woman would try and take him for everything. Staying because of the chidren is a cop out as children living in a loveless home with constant fighting are not happy children.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Apr 07
You are so right. But, even with those excuses, and other good ones, we only have one life, and aren't we entitled for some happiness? We have no idea if today is our last?
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
2 Apr 07
Well Margie talking out of experience I was hoping all them Years that it would work, that he would change also I didn't want my Kids to be without their Father I wanted it to work so bad Also I was scared I never stood up for myself as such and many other Reasons. If you ever read my Book when I have finished it you will see and might understand why it took me 21 years to realize
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Apr 07
I understand it. I was married once before to a monster who was very abusive. But, as I am getting older, and so many friends and people I know, are not happy in their marriages, I wonder why they stay together. We only have one life, and we don't know how long it will be, so we need to get out and find a bit of happiness, even if it is not easy.
@sigma77 (5385)
• United States
2 Apr 07
Great question. After not doing so well in that area myself, I am not going to live with someone I am not happy with. I really think that a lot of marriages are not happy ones because the people involved are not happy with themselves. They expect to find happiness from an outside source, like a partner, when they are not all that happy inside. Then they are let down when their partners fails to make them happier. It is not the responsiblity of your partner to make you happy, that is your own responsibility. Your partner is there with you to share in your happiness as well as you are their to share in theirs. I think.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Apr 07
Very well said my friend. I am sorry to hear that you are not doing well in this area. Try thinking back to what attracted you to eachother, and the happy moments. Try to communicate. All relationships need constant work to survive and be happy. Blessings and good luck my friend.
@gbolly54 (662)
• Nigeria
2 Apr 07
Couples patch up their marriages for a number of reasons: 1. Social stigma of divorce 2. Hope of positive adjustment later 3. Fear of bad effect of divorce on the children 4. Uncertainty about another fresh relationship 5. Religious prohibition of or harsh conditions for divorce 6. Legal and financial implications of divorce 7. Extraneous considerations, such as good and loving in-laws. 8. Half a loaf being better than no bread at all.
• United States
2 Apr 07
But if miserable, why stay together?
@dana234 (2126)
• Spain
2 Apr 07
A lot of couples stay together because it´s "easier" (in their opinion) than a separation. Especially if they´ve got kids it´s less complicated to carry on together than to go through a divorce, which in most cases is quite expensive. They don´t seem to realise that it´s a lot better for children to live in a peaceful "one parent" home than putting up with the arguments and constant tensions between their parents. Others stay together because they prefer a bad marriage to being alone.
• United States
2 Apr 07
That makes sense, but, I sure would not waste my life away with someone I was not happy with. Thanks for your opinion sweetie. Hugs. +++
@Willowlady (10666)
• United States
2 Apr 07
Some people don't seem to be able to live with themselves. I look forward to some time on my own in the event my hubby does die before me and the children do indeed move out. There are tax advantages, children, 2 paychecks are always better. Backup if you are needing some assistance. Marriage takes word and many do not choose to do any of the work to make a successful union. Have heard that God hates divorce. That could be a factor for some. Just my thoughts and it will be interesting to see what other have to say.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Apr 07
Yes, it is a sin. But, many people are not religious, and they stay together and are so unhappy. It is such a waste of one's life.
• United States
2 Apr 07
I know a lot of people who stay together for financial reasons or for the kids. Well, if the relationship is having a negative effect on the kids too, it should be resolved. I left my first husband many years ago. Glad that I did. He has changed a little, but he is still the same in many ways.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Apr 07
But you left, as I can understand. But, to stay? If you are unhappy?
• Singapore
2 Apr 07
Sometimes it is because of aging. When people get old, they realise that they don't have many more years to go. So if they still do not find a partner and get married, when are they going to do so? So they give in to this sad fact of life and get married to anyone that comes along. :/
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Apr 07
That is so sad..don't you think?
• United States
3 Apr 07
Well, the marriage vows do say for better or for worse. It is very sad to me that people do not take that seriously anymore...hence, the increase in divorce rates. It's also ironic to me that people think divorce will make them happy, yet divorce is one of the most stressful situations a person can encounter!
@aprilsong (1886)
• China
3 Apr 07
Well,that is a good question.In my opinion,most marriage is not happy.But they contiune to live together for what?Someone is for their kids,someone for reputation.And someone thinks he or she can not find his perfect one.Others do so just do not want to be laughed by others or do not want to let their parents. Marriage is too complicated and you can not divorce just because you are not happy.Marriage means responsibilitis.If you divorce just because you feel unhappy,there must be more divorce and more single parents.
@AskAlly (3627)
• Canada
4 Apr 07
No thanks not for me. I would rather be in love. I have a friend in this situation right now. If she kicks her husband out she would have to go back to work and not be able to stay at home with her baby. So she lets him stay. She does not want things to change and force her back to work and away from her baby.
• United States
3 Apr 07
Hi,Margie! I just don't understand people I really don't.They are either ready to end the marriage too quickly or hanging on when it should be ended.If the couple isn't happey with the marriage they should try a counselor and if that doesn't help then they should split. I don't understand why people stay with a marriage when it should end or end it quickly without trying.Just doesn't make sense
@sarah22 (3981)
• United States
3 Apr 07
i would get out if it came to the point there was no saving it. i cannot stay in a relationship without love or feelings. kids should not be the only reason to remain in a marrige. they are the ones who will get effected later. people have said, oh, we only stayed together for the kids. kids can see and react to that. its hard but i would move on if there was no us been together beacuse we love one another. i know of someone who is still married because of finaces but live seperate lives. is that wrong?
@msqtech (15226)
• United States
3 Apr 07
I think people are afraid to work toward happiness. They get caught in a rut of what they want and accept they cant have all but part. This causes them to accept current circumstance but not like it. I know many who are waiting for something external to change their circumstance but that is wrong. We can only change how we react to things and what we do.