Should he have told me?

Canada
April 3, 2007 11:16am CST
Yesterday I got a letter from the city telling me that I have an outstanding parking ticket. I never have the car during the day so I knew that it couldn't be mine. When I asked my husband about it he said that it was his ticket and that he had paid it a few days earlier. If he had paid it any earlier I would never have gotten the notice and not known about it. I'm not really mad at him - it was only $25. However, do you think that he should have told me about it in the first place? Unless it's for his birthday I don't spend money and hide it from him.
11 people like this
28 responses
• Canada
3 Apr 07
I agree with you , it sounds like he was trying to hide this from you and I would have been upset also , especially since it came in your name for your car . I would ask him how he would feel if you were to hold something back that he would be upset about if he were to know if he would consider this alright . By him not telling you ,then you might have thought you had the extra 25 dollars for something and would have felt even worse when you went to pay for something and didn't have the money especially if you use a debit to pay for your bills or however you would normally do this .
3 people like this
@bonbon664 (3470)
• Canada
3 Apr 07
I disagree, I don't think he was trying to hide anything. It sounds like an oversight on his part, no biggie.
3 people like this
@vanities (11376)
• Davao, Philippines
4 Apr 07
maybe he had forgotten telling you...or if not then its better if he had told you at least youre not be surprised or whatever..have you seen the receipt then??its a proof of payment where you can present it to the proper authorities..
@vogelvrij (196)
• Netherlands
3 Apr 07
Maybe your husband just saw himself getting a ticket and just forgotten all about it. You say in your posting that he just paid it a few days earlier. Maybe thats why he remembered the ticket in his pocket of his trousers or in the dashboard or where ever. And that you gotten the notice in the house because the agency was terribley slow at administrating the whole event. Well, I wouldnt be so bothered by it all. I am almost sure your husband had already almost forgotten about the whole incident. And so must you. There are plenty more things much more important to tell the other one about then getting a ticket.
@lisado (1230)
• United States
3 Apr 07
Yeah, I think he should have told you. We don't spend money without telling each other, unless for gifts, either. My husband has gotten tickets and while he doesn't want to tell me, NOT telling me hurts worse. I get ticked that he got the ticket, but at least he's been honest and open about it. I'd feel like he was hiding stuff from me if he didn't. Maybe that's being anal, I dunno, but if he would hide something like that from me, would he hide something else more serious from me? I dunno. Just thinking out loud. Maybe it's just me, I dunno, but I would want to know. I don't keep anything from my husband and wouldn't want him to keep things from me.
3 people like this
• United States
3 Apr 07
It was $25...don't worry about it. Getting mad isn't going to reverse what happened! Just let him know you would appreciate it if he told you next time....he must not have thought it was important to tell you. Letting him know those things are important to you will hopefully change what he tells you in the future.
3 people like this
@mamasan34 (6521)
• United States
3 Apr 07
It is just a small parking ticket, but I think he should have told you about it. it is good to share even that with the other partner because it is a surprise when you find out without him telling you.
3 people like this
@Meljep (1668)
• United States
3 Apr 07
Maybe he was embarrased about the parking ticket and didn't want to tell you. Maybe he was afraid you would think differently of him or you would yell at him or berate him. In a marriage, nothing should be too trivial to discuss. But this openess can go away if one of the partners starts to feel like they are looked down on for opening up and revealing too much.
@bonbon664 (3470)
• Canada
3 Apr 07
I don't think it was necessary for him to tell you. I can't imagine having to tell my husband everytime I spent 25 dollars. I think if it's a bigger amount of money, we have a discussion about it. Usually if it's over 100 dollars, we have a talk about it, other than that, no.
3 people like this
@ralf_jay (213)
• Sweden
3 Apr 07
yes he would have informed about it before.such things will happen in life and we should be in a position to handle it.so take it easy my dear.
2 people like this
• Canada
3 Apr 07
I swear I am NOT mad at him about the money. Parking tickets happen and so do accidents and other things. When I asked him if he was going to telling me about it he said "What you don't know ....". Then he smiled that smile that makes whatever he did okay. I just honestly thought that he told me everything and it was a bit of a shock. Now I think it's kind of funny and have this urge to shop ........
2 people like this
@lisado (1230)
• United States
3 Apr 07
Okay, now that wouldn't make me happy. What I don't know won't hurt me? I wouldn't like that comment at all.
3 people like this
• United States
5 Apr 07
he is probly like most men....they pay the bill and forget about it. he probly went and paid it and didn't give it a second though. the notice was probly already in the system as he paid so could very well have crossed paths...i'm sure if it was more then $25 he would have said something. he was probly thinking "it only $25 i'll pay it and that will be that" lol on the positive side now when you both go somewhere you can tease him telling him that you'll drive cause he can't park right...lol
@lightningMD (5932)
• United States
4 Apr 07
yes, i think he should have told you about getting the ticket...i think total honesty is important in relationships
2 people like this
@jcgbrains (139)
• United States
4 Apr 07
Parking tickets happen, should he have told you, maybe. I think the reason you wonder about it is not because of it. What you really want to know is what else is he not telling you. Generally speaking a spouse should be told about things like parking tickets not because of the ticket itself but because of the fact that it shows you are not hidding things from your spouse. Or put more simply, as a way to create and/or maintain the trust in the relationship. A parking tiket itself in not worth discussing, on the other hand it may or may not be a sign of other things, I would not know.
2 people like this
@NatureBoy (493)
• Singapore
4 Apr 07
I think is a relatively small issue, to me that is. He got the ticket, and paid for it end of story. Well, guess we now know that the city workers do do their job. Back where i am, we can pay for the ticket 2 days after its issue, I'm sure that's what he did. But the letter was a bit off. In my place, if u miss payment by 2 weeks then they will send the letter.
2 people like this
@coolcatzz (1588)
• Canada
4 Apr 07
Nahhhh I don't think it's any big deal. Its not like he is fooling around or anything. I'd just let it go.
2 people like this
@denden (803)
• Philippines
4 Apr 07
I think he should told you about that even if it is small things but then he hould have told you.Anything must be share to your partners you dont have to hide anything because it could be the cause of your fight if he misinterpret it.
@Michele21 (3094)
• United States
4 Apr 07
Yes I think he should have told you. It isn't too big of a deal but why wouldn't he tell you? I would feel so bad I would probably cry if I ever got a ticket =) I wouldn't get mad at him just let him know that you would like to know things that hapen to him during the day-like getting a ticket =)
• United States
4 Apr 07
Hmm, this is another tricky one. I imagine plenty of people fall into both categories. Some people would tell their husband/wife if they got a parking ticket. Others wouldn't for whatever reason they may have. I don't really see anything wrong with fitting in either category--just as long as your husband comes to you and tells you about the serious things.
2 people like this
@bad1981 (799)
• United States
4 Apr 07
It probaly just slipped his mind and he didnt think about it. Most men dont think those type of things are a big deal. I would have been a little upset but then again id expect it from my husband.
2 people like this
3 Apr 07
I'm sure he didn't intentionally not tell you. It just got forgotton amongst all the other things in daily life. I wouldn't worry too much about it!
2 people like this
@cutepenguin (6457)
• Canada
3 Apr 07
I think he should have told you. The 'what you don't know' comment and the smile would have really annoyed me. It's not about the money. It's the attitude, like he hid it from you. Because if he's thinking things like 'what you don't know' it kind of means that he chose not to tell you, rather than him just not thinking about it. I'd be thinking "what else is he not telling me"?
2 people like this