breaking the news
finding a sibling 62 years later
growing up unaware of birth situation
loving parents kept secret til death
At age 62 the truth of birth is revealed and nothing will ever be the same..
By rx4life
@rx4life (1930)
United States
April 8, 2007 1:53am CST
My sister-in-law has been searching for her maternal brother for about 5 years..she learned after her mother's death that there was a child born by her mother when she was only 14 years old and her family gave the child to a childless couple that they knew. This was a couple they had known for years and knew they would give the baby a good home. It was during the war and it was difficult to feed another mouth. The chosen couple had a stable life and finances to support the child. My sister in law's aunts have kept this secret for all these years....they had some information about the family ( name, city,occupation,dates of baptism, etc) When they gave this info to my sister in law she began the long search and ran into many brick walls..The baby was born in Italy and raised there. One month ago the baptismal certificate was found by a man helping her in the search..the church released it to her and it was confirmed ..it was her brother's certificate with her mother's signature as birth mother..The child's full name was confirmed..the man helping her also located her brother...he contacted him and told him a "relative" was looking for him. The unsuspecting brother said he would love to talk to the relative...My sister in law called him ( she lives in the USA) and laid the story out to him..he speaks very little English and she speaks some Italian...She expected that he knew he was adopted ( nothing legal was ever done other than a paper signed by both families and kept hidden in a bible)..he knew nothing...his parents had recently died at ages 96 and 97...he had no siblings..he is happily married with 2 adult children...his world after that phone call would never be the same again...My SIL was stunned...she didn't mean to be the bearer of 2 shocks..she thought she was just revealing herself to him as his sister...but instead she was telling him things about his 62 year old life that he had no idea existed. It was traumatic, emotional, life changing all in 10 minutes..Once she realized that he hadn't known of his birth mother she tried to give him time and space to sort through this amazing history...but he didn't want to let her off the phone...she convinced him to call the interpreter that was helping her to get a full story in his own language so he could understand it all..He finally consented and after much agonizing and many tears on her part she answered a phone call that had both the interpreter and the brother on the phone...it was a two hour conversation full of questions and gut wrenching emotions but by the end he kept saying he wanted to meet her...Many days of exchanging information and faxing copies of all of the documents was followed by a plea to meet...She had free tickets to go to Italy...so she and her daughter and son in law left last week for the reunion of a lifetime...They have emailed and called us and everything is going very well..they are happy and have shared so much...it is turning out to be a storybook situation...but throughout all of this goodness and love I have continued to ask myself...how does one live 62 years with a happy family and a life of accomplishment and fulfillment..to find out in one day that the loving parents never told their son of his birth situation...never uttered a word of any of it to anyone...and now they are gone and there is no way to ask the normal questions ..the whys and hows...to somehow resolve any regrets or grudges...how does one simply move through to the new life with the new family and the new identity without being torn apart and confused beyond belief? If this were you...how do you think you would react? Would you be so quick to believe and accept and open your arms to a new life? Would you require more than can be produced? Would you be able to hold on to your center and protect your soul from that crushing blow of fraud? Although we can't know unless we were put in that situation...how do you think you would react at the age of 62 to this kind of news? The things that most people would discover at a very young age and be able to grow with ...could you begin again at 62 with no animosity or would you be angry and unaccepting?..Could you live with the fact that from this day forward nothing would be the same?
7 people like this
10 responses
@onabreak2 (1161)
• United States
8 Apr 07
My Mother found out that her Mother had given her up for adoption when she as only a month or two old. Her Mother let her real Father adopt her because he could take better care of her. Her real Father was married to someone when he apparently had an affair with My Mothers Mother. Its very complicated but it makes the family tree very hard to research. Since My Mother was Australian and her real Mother was from Scotland. She never spoke of her real Mother because she always resented the fact that she had given her up when she was a baby. To her it was a scandalous thing. I think her Mother made a hard choice in doing it but my Mom never felt that way. She just saw her Mother as a horrible person. I guess the fact that the lady that raised her was quite cold to her made a difference too. She probably did not like the fact she had to raise her husbands love child or whatever.
@rx4life (1930)
• United States
9 Apr 07
All of the anguish and resentment that can occur in these situations can have such a detrimental effect on a person....some get hardened and "cold" and others can see beyond it and try to understand...I don't know how I would handle it ..except I would want to know my new family!!!
@kathy77 (7486)
• Australia
8 Apr 07
Yes well this happens when people are adopted out and do not know of their true whereabout or what happened to their own life I learnt more abotu my real family after 48 years it came as a bit of a shock as well. Even though I knew something about myself. It is a wonderful experience when everything works out for the best and now my real family say they never want to be parted from me again now that they had found me so I understand completely how they all must be feeling. Yes I could begin at 62 as my eldest sister was this age, when we met.
@rx4life (1930)
• United States
8 Apr 07
The only thing that amazed me was his complete lack of knowledge that he wasn't raised by his birth parents..no knowledge of any of it until she told him... The original agreement was that they would tell him when he was old enough but not reveal his mother's name..but they chose not to tell him anything..I applaud him for being able to move through the shock of the information. I am happy for you..I have many friends that are truly legally adopted...some know their birth parents and some don't..some care and some don't ...your "real" parents are the ones that raise you and sit with you through your illnesses, your joys, your sorrows...those are the real parents...and they are to be applauded...not to be belittled because they didn't birth the child...For you it must have been incredible to meet your sister and family...No wonder you're such a treasure..all those people to love you!!!:)
1 person likes this
@hockeygal4ever (10021)
• United States
17 Apr 07
Adoption is such a touchy subject and everyone has their idea of what's "right" or "wrong" in the way it's handled. I honestly have to say that I am one of those that tends to believe honesty is the best policy. I base this on the simple fact that you never know HOW someone will react to being told they've been adopted. I think as a human being you are entitled to know all you can about how you came about and who brought you into this world. Both for medical and mental reasons.
I'm sure this would change anyone's view of the world they live in and make them question a lot of things in life, some of which can never be answered now. It's sad indeed and I personally think could be avoided with truth from the beginning. But then again, I've never been put in the situation where I've had to face the truth or create a lie to cover up the truth.
1 person likes this
@rx4life (1930)
• United States
17 Apr 07
I indeed believe in the truth upfront..it can be painful and hard to accept, but it is what it is...the truth...and we can learn to live with it...I think the reveal later in life can hurt way more...and think of the years of anguish waiting and fearing that someone will find out about the lie...it's not worth it.. and if more of our world's citizen's and leaders would always be truthful just think of how much more harmony we could enjoy!!!
@aquaspices (164)
• Philippines
9 Apr 07
on the brighter side of it. if i were the 62 y/o brother, i would consider it as a good omen. the best gift of life is the gift of person. history to trace may quite be unfair, but with the war situation before, giving him away was for his good.
now that he has his "other life" unveiled, he has now another oppurtunity for discoveries, where its rare for someone at his/her late adulthood period.
he is blessed!
1 person likes this
@romel_ece (1290)
• Philippines
12 Apr 07
If this happened to me I would rather accept the whole fact and be happy for i was raised to a good family and by the fact that it was hidden for almost 62 years i still accept my biological family with open arms.I would be grateful to God that He is always there on our side.
1 person likes this
@Woodpigeon (3710)
• Ireland
16 Apr 07
I think at sixty two I wuold be confused and shocked and wonder what else had been hidden from me, but I would also hope I would have enough life experience that I would seive the good from it. It sounds like these two are well on their way to a happy family reunion.
1 person likes this
@healwell (1268)
• Ahmedabad, India
8 Apr 07
Some time life stories are more interesting as well as more dramatic(as we say) than fiction!
But life is always ahead than fiction and all fictions are based on life itself! Even any kind of imagination or imagery work or fantacy work also based on life and its different kind of experiences!
We hardly think about that but so many people are living around us whose life storiues are tremendously very much interesting, struggle based and with lots of inputs by the person/s to overcome all such or to achieve some thing!
So in this case also it should be taken as hidden fact that is reveal now so just accept it and consider that you will do what ever is possible with all the positive things you have like love, compasion, help etc.
I think this should be right aproach...
@marlyse (1056)
• Switzerland
8 Apr 07
awww this story brought tear in my eyes. in one site it is a happy end, but the other site its really sad that these parents didnt tell him the truth at least when he was old enough. i applaud him to be that flexible, to accept his new life, but if it was me, i would have some sad thoughts, why and where and so on. i believe its hard to handle such news. but thank god it ended good
1 person likes this
@rx4life (1930)
• United States
9 Apr 07
I hope it all continues well..but I do know that no matter how accepting one can be there will still be the "stuff" that lurks just under the surface or perhaps way deeper that would have to be addressed at some point ...the feeling of being somehow an unknowing participant in a life you thought you knew...it is such a push/pull...but hopefully he can just move forward and not get hung up on that which cannot be changed!!!
1 person likes this
@retardedrugrat (4791)
• Canada
8 Apr 07
Wow, what a story! As you know, I've always known I'm adopted and that's no big deal to me.
But if I were to suddenly find out at 62 years old that nothing was what I thought it was, I think I would be devastated.
People do different things for different reasons and sometimes we have no way of knowing WHY. Maybe his parents thought it better to keep the news from him. I kinda have the feeling they thought that nobody would ever come looking for him.
I think I would want to know the family though. I know what it's like to have a blank where my family should be, and although I hadn't known anything about it before, I think I would want to know.
1 person likes this
@thefuture (1749)
• Nigeria
8 Apr 07
I think if I am the one, I will accept it considering the fact that I was living with people who failed to let me know what I deserved to know. Discovering things like this makes one feel betrayed and uncomfortable. If one is not in a good relaship with God, one will never forgive the parents who did such things. I don't think I will be angry, eventhough such situation is disappointing. I onlything I will do is, accept the condition the way it is and go on with my normal life. Thanks and have a nice day.
