what would you do if you over heard this?
@easymoney75503 (1702)
United States
April 10, 2007 5:55pm CST
i was at my cousins house i go over every once in awhile and her daughter is 13 and she had a friend over that was 12. i just met the kid that day and my cousin just met her last week. she doesnt know the parents or anything. the kids were talking luckly my kids were not with me cause i dont let them hang out with her kids. her kids are alittle advanced for my taste. anyways they were saying that her friend thought she was pregant and she was scared. 12 years old and talking about this. she said she wouldnt tell her parents cause she would be in trouble. what if this kid is? i told my cousin and asked her what she was going to do and she said nothing not my prob. all i could think of was how is this not your prob your daughter is back there with her talking about it what if it was your kid saying taht? she just said i would know if she was. i didnt know what to do or think. i wanted to talk to the kid but i didnt know her. i thought someone should talk with her parents but i dont know who they are. what would you do? if you were me would you get involved? if you were my cousin would you get involved? i mean it was her house they were talking about it in and with her daughter.
9 people like this
19 responses
@SageMother (2277)
• United States
10 Apr 07
The main problem here is that the conversation was overheard. It wasn't in the full presence of anyone who might express concern.
Approaching one of the girls on the subject will create more problems in the area of trust, than will ever be repaired in a lifetime. It does show, however, that discussions about birth control should be going on right now. It is time to put aside any idealism and get the facts straight and get some options worked out, with your kids as well. The next girl with this problem could be your own.
4 people like this
@easymoney75503 (1702)
• United States
11 Apr 07
my kids know the basics they are 9 and 12. they dont have the opp to be alone with a boy so no worries there lol. we home school and they dont go to friends houses unless one of us goes with them. they can have friends over but if a boy comes over they stay in teh living room or the front yard or kitchen. my kids arent really interrested in boys to that point. we have a very open relationship. they both know when time comes they want to do that they can come to us and we will talk about it and if they think it might happen they will be on the pill. they know we dont want them to till college but we are not dumb to think they will wait either. i only over heard cause i went to the bathroom and the bathroom was next to her room lol
2 people like this
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
11 Apr 07
I think I would talk to your neice and tell her I overheard. I would ask her to let you know if the girl is and that you will help her deal with everything and her parents. Sometimes it is easier to talk with an adult that is not your parent or good friend. I don't know what else you can do at this time. I am surprised your cousin will do nothing. She is a friend of her daughters.
2 people like this
@emskoneko (805)
• United States
11 Apr 07
I'm not sure what I would have done in your situation. But it sounds like that kid needs someone wise to give her advice. 12 years old... so young!
2 people like this
@makingpots (11915)
• United States
11 Apr 07
If I were in your situation I believe I would talk to your cousin's daughter. My approach would be that I am so concerned for her and love her. I would say that I wish I had not overheard the conversation but since hearing it I had not been able to sleep. I would ask her if she would like to talk about her friendship with this girl and see where that goes. Perhaps the two of you together might decide that someone needs to help this little girl.... maybe your cousins daughter will decide on her own that the guidance councelor at school (or someone along those lines) should be brought in.
You can't make your cousin get involved if she doesn't want to. But the fact is that you are now involved to some degree, if only because you have more of a caring heart than your cousin. I am sure you would want someone to intervene on your daughter's behalf if she was faced with a friend going through this.
@Kia251981 (9)
• United States
11 Apr 07
As a parent. I would get involved because when my children are with other kids I expect that kids parents to be my eyes/ears because I am not there. You can't lock your kids away because they have to explore, but they also have to make good choices. So if they are not and they are in an adult environment. I except that adult to take charge. If the parents stick together than we would have more positive control on what our kids do. But that is a sticky issue because some parents don't see it that way. Some parents are like 'mind your own business' until it is there child. I can't wait to that point. I would find out who they are talking about and go to the parents. That is just how I am.
@ladymoonstone143 (1507)
• United States
11 Apr 07
You are just right that you don't let your kids hang out with your cousin's kids because if I am in your shoes, I would be so shocked to hear this kind of conversation. But then, if I am you or your cousin, I wouldn't interrogate this girl because you don't know her or her family. If you will confront her, she might deny she ever said it and you will feel bad coz you just overheard the conversation. Probably they were just having what if's conversation. The parents of this girl should be the one dealing this kind of topic and we don't know how vigilant they are with this kid. Plus, if you will confront this topic, some parents out there will not be too happy if someone told them about their child because they will say it is their own business. We would think they will be appreciative but sad to say, others will be offended.
@revdauphinee (5703)
• United States
11 Apr 07
since these are not your children this is a tricky situation if it were me i would quietly let both these girls know that you were available if they ever want to tLK TO YOU ABOUT ANYTHING AND THEN LEAVE IT AT THAT FOR IF YOU INTRUDE THE MOTHER MAY GET MAD A T YOU !
@Savvynlady (3684)
• United States
11 Apr 07
You know, I tend to feel that the Lord does things to bring to our attention; Now with the friend, that is a delicate situation since first of all, she wasn't talking to you but you overheard the conversation. Either way, she may not tell the parents, but they surely gonna find out what is about to happen if she keeps on the course she's going. The best thing to do is to alert the parent and handle it as delicately as possible because it is about to hit the wall!
@txwoman36 (173)
• United States
11 Apr 07
i have a niece that is 9 yrs old. if i overheard a conversation between her and a friend the friend thought she was pregnant. i would talk to my niece after the friend was gone and let her know what i overheard then see what my niece could tell me about her friends family etc. if the friend needed someone to talk to i would do what i could to help my nieces friend. at least pay for a home pregnancy test then if she needed me to go with her to tell the parents i would do that for my nieces friend. like someone said sometimes its easier to talk to someone that isnt your parent. if this girl is pregnant she needs to see a doctor so she can get prenatal care for her and the baby.
@clary21 (54)
• United States
11 Apr 07
How come your cousin or you will not help this child out if she is scared? She is only 12 yrs old and someone is taking advantage of her. Please take the little girl into your confidence and try to help her. Put yourself in her shoes. This help you give this child could make a dramatic difference in her life. If you will not talk to the child, then at least find out her name and address and report this information to child protective services. I am ashamed that your cousin does not think to do it. Your cousin sounds like a very uncaring individual if she does not care about this little girl who has nobody to turn to for help. I dearly hope she is not pregnant, and I hope somebody gets her out of her abusive situation. I know what it is like to not have an adult around to help you and have to handle things yourself when you are only a child.
@Damacoy (65)
• Philippines
11 Apr 07
my opinion is... you should talk to your cousin and encourage her to talk to her daughter. this is to verify if what you heard is right and true. maybe its not yet the problem of your cousin... but one of these days it could be hers especially her daughter is in the curiosity stage and the friend of her daughter is already pregnant. so as to avoid same thing to happen to her daughter she neeed to have a heart to heart talk to her daughter and same also with the friend. the parents of the kid might even blame your cousin because they might assume that her daughter is a bad influence. good luck to all.
@kteja_86 (293)
• India
11 Apr 07
Well,by the looks of what u've mentioned,i'd say i WOULD really get involved,not directly maybe,but through some other source..like i would first attempt to know that girl's parents through ur cousin and try to warn them about this,without revealing ur identity...
@DavidReedy (2378)
• United States
11 Apr 07
This is an incredibly awesome and tragic post. Who can know the right thing to do here. Now, I don't mean to sound... typical, I guess... But there's a good chance this little girl lives in an abusive home in the first place. Tough call, the system might help, but the system usually just ruins lives. What's important at this point, is that you raise your own children with Love, and show Love to your niece? 2nd cousin? (those relations always confused me.)... Your place, in this, unless of course you had names and facts, is very limited. Good luck, but there are no easy answers.
@glenry86 (211)
• Australia
11 Apr 07
if you have over heard the convosation you may not have all the fact so askin the young girl about this issue could make it ALOT worse, besides if she wanted you or another andult involved she would of done so, i suggest keeping out of the problem at least that may you wont be involved or make it any worse, she shouldnt be sexually active at 12 anyway,
@SweetyTharmaraj (1)
•
11 Apr 07
Please talk to that kid or else she will be in a big trouble.Please advise your cousin to take more care about her daughter also
