Single mom with a dilemma

My thoughts are right now it's way to soon for you to be even be thinknig about more children. You never know, he could change his mind or YOU COULD CHANGE YOURS. If you still have feelnigs for him then I think the two of you should sit down, with no distractions (meaning without your child around) and have a long talk about these things.

That's really a tough decision to make. I think maybe before he didn't want to have kids because he was overwhelmed with the sudden situation. His mind wasn't ready for it. Unlike us woman, we do more accept gracefully motherhood and children. But if he really didn't wanted to have children to the point of not accepting to himself that he is a father. He wouldn't be there by his daughter's side. I know a lot of guys who wanted to be good father and good husbands, but when the baby came, nothing happened they were to casual of the situation. So maybe for your partner, he has come to accept the situation, your baby. And slowly but surely he is assuming his responsibilities as a father. You can feel it if his behavior has changes, especially from before. Maybe it is not anymore only an issue if he wants more children. But if you trust him enough to go back together and start as new. I know it is not easy to trust and imagine a life with someone who once didn't want your baby. So it would be better, if you layed your cards and him too. And have a heart to heart talk. Tell him what you felt before and what you are expecting from this new relationship, if. And what are his real plans for you and the baby. Have a quiet one on one talk, if you can let one of your family member take care for a while of Brooke, that will be better. Clarify all things that should be clarify, especially your questions to him. And by them you can have a clear minded decision. I hope I have help you, even a little. And don't worry to be a good parent is an everyday learning process. And if you are not yet ready for marriage, you can try other ways first. And I wanted to say you are a very brave person! a very good mother to Brooke! Keep up the good work! Hope everything will be fine soon for you! (^^,)

That is a tough one. You two would both really need to sit down and talk about what each other wants when it comes to a family. You don't want to pressure him into saying he wants more kids if he really doesn't. Just make it a very open conversation and try not to get mad if he doesn't say what you want to hear. As for being stuck with him if he changes his mind down the road, you could still be with him just don't make any huge commitment to him, like marriage. and be prepared for the day when he says he doesn't want more kids. You gotta plan it out.

One never knows how they are going to feel about children until they have them. Parents who don't want children usually fall in love with te baby once the baby is born. I would not get back together with him, if I were you. I would remind him that there was a reason you broke up, and then Iwould tell him what that reason is. If he were to tell you that he changed, I'd tell him that that is not good enough. You ALWAYS wanted your daughter, but there was a time in life when he did not. Because there was that time when he did not, you can't trust that he always will. Also, let him know that you want more kids, and you want to have those kids with a man who wants them, not with a man who never wanted kids in the first place.

I'm one of those people who believe in second chances and with work and perhaps counseling I think it could be possible to make it work. The one thing that bothers me about your situation is that you talked about how much he loves your daughter and how good he is with her, but you didn't say much about how he feels for you or you for him. Sure he said he wants to get back together to be a "family" but what about being a "couple"? Loving partners make loving families. I think for now you should take your daughter out of the equation and ask yourself a few questions (actually you both should ask yourselves). Is this someone you would want to try to have a relationship with? If you just met them on the street and didn't have a history, would you be interested? How much are you willing to compromise to make a relationship work? If the answers to these questions lead you both to feel comfortable with beginning a relationship then go ahead but take it slow and act as though it is a brand new relationship. You'll have to both be able to let go of the past hurts if you want a chance. A good couple's counselor might be able to help you establish a solid foundation. You can make it work IF you're doing it for each other, if you're only trying because of your daughter it most likely will be a waste of time.

I dont think you should take him back just for the sake of your daughter. Are you in love with him? If you are then give the relationship a chance. You may have to compromise on family size both give alittle and meet in the middle.Relationship are lot of work but they are also worth the effort. Good luck to you and your daughter.

i think you should talk to him frankly then take a decision.

My daughter was in a relationship with a guy and got pregnant, right after the baby was born he decided he didn't like the staying home being a Dad so he left her, left her cold, no money, no help, nothing. A year later they started seeing each other again, especially with the baby getting older, well they got back together to have that family life that my daughter wanted so much. It lasted 6 mos later and ended over the same issues that broke them up the first time. She expressed to me the hurt was very painful, I tried to tell her that she was hurting all over again the same pain she felt previously. She hated that she went back to him after she was over him. I am not saying that you should or shouldn't go back to him, that is in your heart, I am just expressing what happened when my daughter did.

I don't think you can blame the guy for being scared of parenthood and the changes that come with it. What matters is that he turned out to be a 'stand-up guy' and stuck around for her. I think if you still love him, try to give him the space to change and grow as a man, and a father. Of course there are always issues that need to be worked out, but you are not living in the future, you are living in the NOW. What I mean by that is, you may have two or three kids down the road and find that this is enough for you, and you're perfectly happy with that. I would be open to the beautiful possibility of a loving family with him, if you still love each other all those other things can be worked out.

the main thing is do you love him? alot of guys freak out at first be glad he has stuck around so many do not do that. he may have had doubts and want ready but it sounds like he has changed his mind and feels bad about it. i wouldnt rush right in or anything but maybe give him a chance if you feel love for him and want to be with him. follow your heart is the best thing you can do. it sounds like no matter what he will be a daddy. both of my kids were a surprise and well they are mine wouldnt trade them for nothing. when i first told hubby he was like oh great just what we need. we arent ready for this. but we stuck it out and as soon as he felt them kick his heart melted and he knew no matter what he was a daddy and he was going to love them. i had a daughter when me and him got married not by him so we really couldnt afford 2 kids we were only married about 7 months before i got pregnant so we were prepared. try not to hold it against him to much he was scared but it sounds like his heart is in the right place now.

Your baby is sooo cute, of course the father would fall in love with her. And most of all, kudos to you for not even thinking of getting rid of the baby. Yes, it's not always a good idea to start a family just because of the baby. You will still have your differences and end up fighting and in the end, it will always be the kids who will be affected by your constant fights. I agree with the others that you should just sit down with the father and talk about both your wants and expectations in your relationship and most of all, talk about your feelings. It is not only important that he's in love with the baby to start a family, what matters is that, he should also be in love with you.

I think you need to chat with your ex & let him know that you want 5 kids & that if he isn't willing to have more kids with you, then there's no chance of getting back together. You also, have to be willing to compromise a little, maybe he'd be happy with just 3 kids rather than 5. I don't know too many people (especially men) who want 5 kids - especially with the costs kids involve. You just need to work out whether it's worth it or not. He might have just not wanted kids for fear of failure & when he saw her & over the past year things have gone well, he might not be as fearful as he was before he became a parent. I have a brother in law who claimed he was having a vasectomy at the age of 18 - he then met a girl, who was pregnant before they met (she just took her sweet time to tell him), he now has that child (4) as well as twin girls (2) of his own & a son on the way. People change & kids are a scary thought - it might just take the 1st baby to make people realise how much or how little they want to be parents :) Good Luck & only give him that 2nd chance if he's certain it will work & he's happy to consider more kids in the future!

Never in this do you mention if you love him or want him back yourself. Clearly you two will have issues that need to be resolved before getting back together. If he has changed his mind about having kids then maybe there is an option. Its very well possible to change your mind on that, having your own child just isnt the same as trying to imagine what it is like. As you want 5 it seems that might be a lil much for him maybe, but who knows, try and talk to him and see what he says. If you arent in love with him or want to be with him then just make clear to him you are no longer interested.

I personally say give it a shot. I mean the worst that could happen is that you two find out that you realy arent meant for one another and end up exactly where you are now. The best that can happen is that you two find whatever it was you were missing in your relationship, and whatever you don't find will be replaced by the shared love for your child. In the end there is no real way to make things right or wrong out of the situation as it stands. Either you do or you don't. If you don't you'll never know, and if you do you'll find out. Give the father a chance at being a father, who knows you may find things have changed. Of cource this is an opinion from someone who has never had a kid, so what do I know.

We all make misjudgements sometimes, your man seems to have really made a come back! I want you to study him for a while before you fully restore the relationship. See if his love for the girl is for real. Ask him about kids and while you want 5 kids, try to find out how many more he wants besides the little girl you already have. I dont know where you come from yourself, but having 5 kids at this time and age appears more than a handful, even if you are financially that good! But work out on building your relationship on track and see if things can work out!

I think you should definitely do some talking, try to find out what each of you wants in your lives. I'm sure this is very hard on you and also for him. You need time, time to work on your relationship and time to see if this will actually work out for all of you. Don't rush into anything though. Good luck!

I think it's great that your ex has stepped up and embraced his daughter. However, just because he does this does not mean he is the right person for you. If you two can work through your differences and come to agreements on what broke you up and how to fix it, then I would say give it another shot. But, he has to realize that a family isn't instant, and it isn't the kind of thing that happens overnight. It takes progress, compromise, and time. I would sit down and have a serious chat with him. Lay down everything you want from him on the table, and if he isn't willing to give you what you need then it isn't worth pursuing.

Your BF would not have visualised how a child of own would make a him so happy and that fact he must have now realised. I am happy to note now he wants a family. Of course you can put your condition before accepting anything. You can purchase anything on the earth but the happiness you derive from your own child is something you can not purchase; you can only realise. Therefore he now realised his mistake and wants to have a family. You better consider his proposal. I feel his interested in having family is genuine. Please consider his proposal.

Id sit down and tell him how you feel and what you want. That way walking into it he knows what you expect of him. As long as he is a good father then you have all the time in the world to work on you and him. You cant make someone want kids as bad as you do, but maybe since you have had your daughter, he has changed his mind since his love for her is so strong. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Hello. I personally think that he had a normal psychological reaction. he was scared to have some new responsibilities. i think you should forgive him. i know its hard to forgive, but he is the father, and he just needed some time to get used to this new role he have. all the best and good luck.