I feel useless as a person, now that my kids have gotten older  |
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I feel really useless as a person now that my children have gotten older and can take care of themselves. I have suffered from depression all my life and when the kids were babies and toddlers I felt "Needed" because without me around, they would perish. Now that they are older, 20, 15, 11, and 9, I feel pretty much like my life is empty. What else is there for me to do? There isn't any real reason they NEED me in the physical sense like they used to. This probably sounds like rambling, but there has to be someone out there who feels the same or can give advice about how I can rise above this. It has really been bothering me for about a year now. It started big time when my oldest graduated from high school.
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1. Akeela (1124) | 3 years ago | Yes sweetie you are still an important fact the support system when you not their the go hay wire. I though those were the years parents dream for well at least for me since my son is 21months and he still needs me do to alot . My greatest joys is seeing him trying to be independent like yesterday he put on his shoe corectly just needed my help in lacing it up. TAKE YOUR LIFE BACK! Go for pedicure even homemade SLEEP, READ take class never to old to learn, take up dancing,computer, a social club it's your time now well you still have some little one's though but dont humbug them, they do need their space../
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2. lilaclady (19637) | 3 years ago | I think that is a common feeling especially with women, it is a big change but I guess it is just a matter of re adjusting your life a little and hope that you will have a new life of just playing with grandchildren... you just have to learn to live a little differently I think..
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3. eden32 (2986) | 3 years ago | I think it's a pretty normal reaction to your children growing up. If these feelings are so bad they keep you from doing things, then perhaps you need to talk to your doctor or a therapist. If you are just reasonably sad, perhaps volunteering somewhere would help you feel better?
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5. soccermom (1810) | 3 years ago | I remember when I moved out and stareted a family and my sis went away to college my mom saying she felt this way. Your kids don't need you any less they just need you in a different way. It's not so much the physical now as it is the emotional needs they have. If you need to fell more fulfilled use your motherly expertise and volunteer! Contact your local court system and find out about becoming a child advocate for a child that needs help, there are several agencies that would love to have you halp a child that has been abused and needs support during the court process. Or find a job as an aid at a daycare, the possibilities are endless. This wasn't meant to invalidate your feelings in any way, but take those negative feelings and turn them into something positive!
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6. compumom (570) | 3 years ago | Moms are always needed. My mom passed away 4 years ago and I wish she were still around.
Don't feel useless. Your kids still need you no matter how old they get. They just need you in different ways.
Once a mom, always a mom.
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| 7. rpollard29 (67) | 3 years ago | Don't despair. Your kids will always need you, even if at some stage you wished they didn't!! Are they all still living at home? If so, then they still need you to provide for them, accomodation, meals, somewhere to sleep, protection. Maybe you should find yourself a hobby. Start with something small. Or do something you have always wanted to do. Doing some volunteer work for people less fortunate than yourself may make you feel better. There is a man in Australia who was a battling farmer and became increasingly depressed as the drought worsened. He decided to help farmers worse off by organising food drives, visits etc. Now, not only is he helping other people, he is seeing that he is not worthless and he is making a difference. Just a thought (you dont' have to got to a huge extreme). Good luck and chin up.
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8. simple_butterfly (301) | 3 years ago | I don't know how it feels like when my children will be as age as yours. My daugther now is only 4 yrs old and as much as possible I hug, kiss and let her feel that I am there for her anytime she needed me. They said that once a child is being loved by their parents they will love you still in return eventhough they are older.
If that's the case right now all you have to do is find something you can enjoy by your spouse. Go on vacation, or find a part time job where you can take care of them as well as to ahve income for yourself. Or if you don't like you can sit down with them and talk to them, a heart to heart talk I guess and let them know what are you feeling towards them.
It's a matter of first step. All will just follow later. Don't feel depressed, God is always around who NEEDS you. HE's just a prayer away. God bless!:)
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9. funny52f (5136) | 3 years ago | Life is really like that. Our children are here with us, the next time we just don't know what they want to do with their lives. As adults they might just decide to move to another state and leave us empty-handed. This happens to most parents, even those with many children usually are left with no one to even talk to in old age. But we cannot do much here. We just have to accept life as it comes and be grateful for everything.
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10. eachen2002 (873) | 3 years ago | Trust me your kids will always need even after they leave the house.My folks live down the road and they still do things for me.I do alot of things for them too.Try and find some activities to keep you busy.
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