Dollar Store Smackdown! What is it With Big Gals And Spandex, Anyway?

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This is a recounting of an incident that I witnessed while shopping at a dollar store about a year ago... it's taken me 'til now to stop laughing my "A" off, so I can type... I love the dollar stores around here... They are places where a guy who loves to cook-could find some really great bargains on those crowded shelves: Peruvian Vacu-sealed sealed coffee sells for $8.00 a pound elsewhere, here it's only $1.00! Frozen Keta Salmon fillets, 4-5 ounces, $3.99 elsewhere, here it's a buck... ditto for gourmet olives, tea, cookies (I love the fudge-stuffed ones) and 102 ounce soda (Ginger Ale)... Great shopping for good stuff is a win-win for me! :) Now, this particular store happens to be in a somewhat dicey neighborhood... the owner has done his best to hire people from the community, and keep his store in great condition, so that it's a good example set against the "eyesores" that some people have allowed their properties to become... Big Spandex Babe, Number One (Henceforth designated as BSB#1) was working at the "Bag Check" counter, customers must give their bags to her before entering the store to shop, this is to discourage shoplifting (You know things are tough when some people actually consider stealing from a dollar store!) and most of the customers appreciate and co-operate with this procedure... Big Spandex Babe, Number Two (BSB#2) was a customer who was shopping merrily (Drunk) for all kinds of snacks, her shopping cart was so packed with candy, cookies and chips of every kind, that it resembled a kid's party on wheels! After I had paid for my purchases, I had to join another queue to retrieve my other shopping bag from BSB#1. Standing about three people away from BSB#2, I heard the following exchange: BSB#2 to BSB#1- "You gave me the wrong bag, B*itch!" BSB#1 to BSB#2- "Whatever!","You don't have to get a attitude, B*itch!" BSB#2 (pulling off earrings), "So what's up?" Now at this point, dear reader, I would like for you to imagine that you are seeing two huge and colorful Hot Air Balloons (very much like these "ladies"), colliding together in mid air... BSB#1 amazingly seemed to "fly" over the counter and grab BSB#2 by the hair! These two Giant Babes, started rolling and slapping and grappling, like a couple of Jurassic Park Stand-Ins, and NOBODY was going to stop 'em! I must give all due props to the people who created Spandex, it's tensile strength is nothing short of fantastic! With all the pulling, and tearing going on, BSB#1 only managed to expose one of BSB#2's boobs, but the Spandex held together... BSB#2 must have gotten a little hungry from all this activity, so she started chewing on BSB#1's shoulder... (reminder to me: put pork shoulder in oven when I get home) Finally after these two "Sumo-Ladies" tired a bit, the owner and a store employee managed to separate the two... but not shut them up: BSB#2 to BSB#1- "You ain't all that, you fat B*itch!" (?) BSB#2 to BSB#1- "Anytime, Anywhere, you Ho!" After I finally retrieved my bag and left, I went home (put pork shoulder in oven), sat down and started laughing so hard, I thought my next stop would be at the nearest "Funny Farm"! LOL! :)