Why do some men feel the need to put women down with sexist jokes?
By miamilady
@miamilady (4910)
United States
July 7, 2007 9:16am CST
OKay...I'm throwing my hat in the ring. I figure I'll go it with a bang! I'm heading out tomorrow I mights as well post "one for the road" discussion wise.
I have my theories on this topic. What are yours?
Ladies? You've experienced it. What theories have you formed?
Guys? (I'd say "gentlemen" but some of you apparently, are not) If you make these types of jokes, what motivates you to do so?
Okay...and to be fair...Gentlemen? If you're a guy that tries to refrain from jokes at women's expence but has friends who do. What motivates your buddies?
I have a few theories.
ONE. They just don't get it. They don't realize how hurtful their jokes can be. They can't see past the front of their nose. Most people aren't capable of empathy. it doesn't occur to them that personal expereinces might affect a persons perception of certain jokes. They thing it's harmless and that woman are being oversensitive. It just doesn't occur to them that, yes, words CAN hurt. I just hope some of them open their eyes eventually.
TWO They need to put others down because that's the only way they know how to make themselves feel better. They have low self esteem and they need to put others down to feel better about themselves.
They are AFRAID that if women all reached their full potential, they (the individual) would be left behind.
Nobody would be intersted in them. They would end up alone. They know the only way to get and keep a woman is to keep her represed because any self respecting, intelligent woman would have nothing to do with him.
Okay...Now your turn. What are your thoughts?
12 people like this
23 responses
@babostwick (2036)
• United States
7 Jul 07
As a guy, I couldn't say as to why men do it. I don't do that at all. Just not my style at all but anyway to answer the question, I can only make a guess. It could be due to ego or something like that.
I don't have any friends that have made any sexist jokes that I know of when I'm around them. I never hear about it.
Not sure if I answered the question but at least I tried.
2 people like this
@LittleMel (8742)
• Canada
7 Jul 07
it is rare. I never heard of any man like that either.
1 person likes this
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
7 Jul 07
wow. A guy that doesn't make sexist jokes and has no friends that do either? That truly must be rare.
I'm glad to know some of you are out there.
Thanks for your response. Take care.
2 people like this
@sigma77 (5383)
• United States
7 Jul 07
I think both points are valid. And the idea of a successful woman does scare some men. Sexist jokes can get out of hand and most are not even that funny. Personally, I refrain from telling many jokes at all. However, there is another way to look at this. Since you cannot stop the behavior of another or change it, you can choose to not be offended by what others say. You do have that choice. Believe it or not, you can choose how to feel about what other's say. You always have control of your feelings if you look from the inside.
2 people like this
@sigma77 (5383)
• United States
7 Jul 07
It may not be OK. But you will never control or change those that tell these kinds of jokes. The only thing you have control over is your reations to these jokes. If you have control of your feelings in some circumstances, then why not all the time?
2 people like this
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
7 Jul 07
I agree that each person can choose how to feel about certain things. To a point. As I've said, most of the time I try to take this stuff with a grain of salt and try to see it as harmless fun.
I do have so say though, the danger in laughing it off is that it sends the message that it's okay to say things that are demeaning. Sometimes, it's jut NOT okay.
Thanks for your response.
2 people like this
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
7 Jul 07
I've done that. Sometimes it works just fine. Sometimes the guy will see it as a green light to turn it into banter. Sometimes it turns into a
p!$$!ng contest. It really just depends on the type of guy you're dealing with. Some guys are doing it in fun, some guys are just using their "jokes" to mask genuine hostility toward women.
1 person likes this
@sunshinecup (7871)
•
7 Jul 07
Well I am the type that tells jokes at men's expense, so it's not really a one sided thing. I do it all in the name of fun. Hubby and me love burning each other. I reckon we just love laughing and being silly. I don't zing men because I hate them or I think they are completely true, it's just I see humor in almost everything.
2 people like this
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
7 Jul 07
If you do it in fun and you're both okay with it than that's great. If at the end of the day you still both respect eachother then it's all good.
I just have a problem when a person takes things too far and isn't concerned about how the other person feels. They just brush it off as the other person being oversensitive. In my opinion, that's just plain inconsiderate.
It sounds like you and your hubby have a fun relationship! Take care.
2 people like this
@Rozie37 (15499)
• Turkmenistan
7 Jul 07
I am the type that tries not to take jokes to seriously. All my life I have wondered why people joke about certain things. Like blondes, I never understood what that was about. I mean, I know what they say, but that is just a stereotype and it just isn't true.
I believe that jokes are an equal opportunity offender, so I just decided not to get offended at all. To me, the jokes that are funny are the ones that a person can relate to as being true.
2 people like this
@Candid_Ishida (659)
• United States
16 Jul 07
I think the reason they assume women are being oversensitive is because women ARE being oversensitive and it's proven by the fact that women can't handle a joke that is made at their expense. A joke is a joke. I'm not offended by jokes that poke fun at women because many of them are true and some are quite humorous.
Do men complain when a joke is made at their expense? If they do, I rarely hear it, though I've heard many jokes about the stupidity, bad hygiene, or oafish nature of men. Is that not just as unfair as jokes made about women?
Personally I would be much more interested in a man who isn't afraid to make a joke and doesn't tiptoe around sensitive topics because he's afraid of offending the easily provoked feminist who might be hiding in the room. Of course, the oversensitive nature of women will probably be exemplified spectacularly by all the outraged women who repond to this post, heh.
1 person likes this
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
16 Jul 07
I know your response is not directed at me personally. I appreciate your response and I agree with SOME of it.
But right now, I just have to say, I'd much rather be guilty of being "oversensitive" than be guilty of being "insensitive".
Some of these jokes are funny, even the ones with some truth to them. But some are just flat out in bad taste.
I guess we all have our opinions about how much is too much.
1 person likes this
@Candid_Ishida (659)
• United States
16 Jul 07
Well, of course I'm not condoning totally disgusting, tasteless jokes about women (or anyone). It's okay to be a bit put off by that sort of thing. However, some women go overboard and become offended if a joke even hints that it may be putting down women in some way. Those are the times when women simply need to lighten up.
1 person likes this
@gberlin (3836)
•
14 Jul 07
I think that anytime anyone, whether man or woman, puts someone down it is due to low self-esteem. It is a way for them to feel better about themselves when in reality others can see what they are doing and think that it is immature and disgusting. It does seem that men do this more often than women and they probably learned to do this from an older adult male. It made them feel good and the have been taught that it is okay to do this. Most unfortunate. As male, I do not do such things. Most males out grow this type of behavior as the gain confidence in themselves. There are a few that never grow up and their self-esteem has remained low and they use sexist jokes as a way to boost themselves up.
1 person likes this
@mkirby624 (1598)
• United States
7 Jul 07
Though degrading and hurtful to some, I find men's sexist jokes about women to be about the same as women's "intelligence" jokes about men. Quotes like "behind every man is a smarter woman" etc. There are a lot of joke out there putting down men from a woman's point of view. I just think men can take jokes better than women for the most part.
Look at comedians. You have a room full of people, half male, half female. Comedian tells a joke about a man looking stupid and being stupid. Everyone laughs.
Comedian tells a joke about a woman needing to stay in the kitchen and cook her man dinner. Men laugh, women get pissed and protest/walk out.
Catching my drift?
PS. I'm a woman, so don't think this is just coming from another sexist man.
1 person likes this
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
7 Jul 07
As I've said on other posts. I can take a gender joke here and there. I've been guilty of slinging some male bashing jokes as well. I try to take sexists jokes with a grain of salt. But sometimes things are taken too far.
Its simple human consideration. If you hurt someones feelings, you should back off. That's just my take on it.
Thanks for your repsonse.
1 person likes this
@missjackie (1357)
• Ypsilanti, Michigan
7 Jul 07
I personally don't care if someone tells me a sexist joke. And I'm a woman. I personally love inappropriate jokes, because if they're funny, they're funny. I guess I'm not as uptight as many women out there. I like to enjoy life and being uptight would just ruin it for me.
1 person likes this
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
7 Jul 07
I don't consider myself uptight either. I just thing sometimes folks take things too far, they cross the line from fun to becoming disrespectful and sometimes downright malicious.
2 people like this
@urbandekay (18278)
•
7 Jul 07
Well, I have to say the reverse (Women putting men down) is equally true. Many people feel the need to put others down to make themselves feel good.
all the best urban
1 person likes this
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
7 Jul 07
lol I admit, I've been guilty of "male bashing" a time or two (or more). Most times it was somewhat of a "retaliation mentality" on my part. I figured it was part of some good natured banter. But, there were times when I found that I offended some male friends in the process. I try to take that into consideration and I don't resort to that often, anymore.
I do have a teensy weensy bit of a temper and occassionaly that will get away from be and I throw out some zingers before I catch myself though.
Hey. I try. Nobody's perfect. ;-)
1 person likes this
@Debs_place (10520)
• United States
16 Jul 07
They are jokes, lighten up...for example...everyone loves a blonde joke..but why are blonde jokes so simple? So that men can understand them.
There are men jokes too...see. I do not worry about them.
I think there is too much sensitivity in the world these days.
1 person likes this
@CraftyCorner (5600)
• United States
16 Jul 07
Sensitivity or political correctness? There is a difference. You can have too much political correctness, but never too much sensitivity.
There are times when someone is being deliberately hurtful. That is the time to swat him or her down.
@anetteh (3590)
• Sweden
14 Jul 07
I have some thoughts about this. I have in mind some words someone once said, Behind a sucesfull man there are always a woman. So If you think about that and some men not do very well they do blame their women, and sofort hurt them in any way. A man who hurt his woman are himself not in his best efforts. Hi feel himself in lack of sucess in his life. He have probebly even been raste that way to from his fathers figures. We learn what we see. I do not think a man become this way for fun, I belive it comes from his childhood. I have seen this in my sisters son who have lived with his father. My sister son do not respect her, do not listend to her. He is of cours 18 now and in our country old enough to make his own decisions. This have been hard for me to see, and it have been hard for my sister to take to. She have cried a lot when we have hade our discussions about this. The boys father have a realy respectles feeling about women. That is a shame....but, he himself did not live his childhoodhome until he went 27 years old. And I belvie that say much.
Well that was it.
Anette
1 person likes this
@asawako48162 (3321)
• United States
12 Jul 07
this type of humor does hurt some people.
people are cruel and sometimes they just are ignorant.
if you hear a Jay Leno monaloge..they say a lot of this humor or listen to a lot of stand up comics
this is not an excuse..but maybe we are all victims of victime
@Willowlady (10657)
• United States
7 Jul 07
They must not have had strong, beautiful and decent women in their life and feel the need to treat women with disrespect. Some cultures do cultivate that and that is very sad. Words can be slayers and they need to be held accountable for the evil that they perform. May be a first and sometimes it will be a process. The boys can learn though. If you are that decent lady, it may be a lifesaver for those poor boys.
@LittleMel (8742)
• Canada
7 Jul 07
well if it's a joke I guess we can always reply with another sexist joke. we are equal to men, that means we are not better and not worse than men. whether it is a joke or not, I'm sure we women can always 'return the favor'. don't let it get to you, if you are hurt that much of it, well there is always a way to hurt them back. In fact, there is a will there is a way and then there is time for everything
@mummymo (23706)
•
7 Jul 07
Some men who tell these jokes are perfectly innocent - or at least I think so - I know I have turned the tables and told men jokes! I agree that some men are insecure and like to put others down to make themselves feel better but then again so do some women! I think when we are on the receiving end of these jokes they need to stand up for themselves = pleasantly and in a joking manner - when you master this these men are left with their mouths flapping and no comeback - believe me I have done it! My advice , don't let them get to you! xxx
1 person likes this
@sumofalltears (3988)
• United States
7 Jul 07
This is a two way street there is a lot of male bashing as well. This just stems from personal experiences and the need to make it funny so it is easier to deal with. Humor is sometimes the frosting on the cake, the outlet for our hurt or anger. Make it funny and it becomes less of an issue, and sometimes laughing paves the way to a better understanding of things.
@worldwise1 (14885)
• United States
7 Jul 07
I think you can chalk it all up to ignorance, miami. Either that or a lack of home training. In my experience, men who were brought up to love and respect women will do so. If they were not, they will not do so. I also must add that in their zeal to be on an equal footing with men, some women have opened themselves up to this kind of thing. I know that not everyone will agree with me, but you have to be careful what you ask for.
1 person likes this
