I wish I didn't get my tubes tied.  

And not everyone loves them. I hate them. They smell horrible and feel slimy inside me. I know my man hates them, too. Plus I'm allergic.

"tied at 21 was a really early age..."

What is the proper age? 40 after you've had 10 kids?

I got mine done at 28. I didn't get mine tied, I got them occluded. Permanent and non-reversible. I couldn't be happier. Not everyone wants to be a mother and not everyone who gets it done will cry about it.

" But to completely lose the ability to have children really makes it hard on a woman."

Not to me it wasn't. Waiting on my friend every month was murder. I was on the pill, had to get off due to medical reasons, changed over to Depo and then got my occlusion done. I couldn't be happier than I am no longer able to have any kids. I'd abort any pregnancy I had anyway, so this makes it easier on everyone.

Maybe you should consider having a child or to for the sake of some of these woman that can't have children. You probably have a perfectly healthy body capable of producing children without problems, whereas many woman would love to have children and their own bodies have betrayed them in this manner.

"Maybe you should consider having a child or to for the sake of some of these woman that can't have children."

Why? Why do I want to ruin my life, my body and my career to do that?

There are a million if not more kids waiting on infertile bigots to adopt them right now. It's not my job to pop out a day old white infant for someone who would snub a 4 year old white boy or a 1 year old black girl and wait 9 years for a perfect day old infant.

"You probably have a perfectly healthy body capable of producing children without problems,"

I did. I got fixed. I am happy. No babies! Yay!

"whereas many woman would love to have children and their own bodies have betrayed them in this manner. "

And I'm supposed to cry? I wish I was them. I could have saved myself the money that my insurance didn't cover on my occlusion.

I'm not sympathetic. When you worked in social services 6 years and saw the looks on the older childrens' faces when they saw a perfect day old white infant being adopted out and couples offering to pay me thousands of dollars to move them to the tops of lists for adoptions, when they'd been there since birth, it makes you cold hearted towards infertile bigots. How do you explain to a perfectly healty 9 year old blonde haired, blue eyed white girl why no one wants her? How do you explain to a black child who is paralyzed from the waist down due to a DUI wreck that killed his mother why no one wants him?

Do you tell them the truth that no one wants you because you're not an infant?

I owe no inferitle woman anything. If they won't get their heads out of their butts and adopt an older kid, they don't deserve anything.

YOU pop out kids. It's not my job.

Or maybe you should consider, that I and 2 of my sisters have adopted children out of foster care. Not just the perfect children. But children that were considered special needs children. Such as my sister had the opportunity to adopt a foster child born to a crack addict that had hep C among other issues. And she went on to adopt 2 of this childs siblings as well.
Some people truly want to raise a baby from birth, and there is not a thing in the world wrong with that. And others want to take on the world and help the older children. Maybe you who seems to be so upstanding as to work in the system should be finding a way to improve the system, as the people outside of the system can't be changed.

I'm not going to say anything about your first post for fear ML will pull it along with yours. That was about as uncalled for as telling ME to ruin my life, my wasitline and my marraige and get pregnant to provide some infertile bigot a baby.

"Or maybe you should consider, that I and 2 of my sisters have adopted children out of foster care. Not just the perfect children."

I wish I met more people like you when I worked for social services.

"But children that were considered special needs children. Such as my sister had the opportunity to adopt a foster child born to a crack addict that had hep C among other issues."

She deserves a medal.

"And she went on to adopt 2 of this childs siblings as well. "

She deserves a cash prize.

"Some people truly want to raise a baby from birth, and there is not a thing in the world wrong with that."

There is when they'd rather wait 9 years and snub older children or look at them as if they have some disease that will be spread if the older kids look at them.

"And others want to take on the world and help the older children. Maybe you who seems to be so upstanding as to work in the system should be finding a way to improve the system, as the people outside of the system can't be changed. "

What was I supposed to do? GO door to door and go "Here's your child. Sign here?"

People were offering to pay me upwards of $6K to put their names at the top of the list. Six thousand dollars. For an infant.

Yet where I worked, we had about 20-30 kids at the office/group home and probably another 40 or so in foster care.

Want to know why I quit? 1. It was depressing. There was a sweet little girl named Jessie who used to sit and help me with m y work when she got out of school. I think at the time, she was about 8. One day, we were watching a movie or something and she asked me if she'd be like another little boy who aged out at 18. We had no choice. No one adopted him. Now how in the heck fire am I supposed to tell her that she was right and that no one wanted her?

Foster kids went in and out of our office like rotating doors. They'd go to a home, not get along with the bio kids then be dumped back within a week. How damaging is *THAT* to a 9 year old boy who doesn't understand why his new mommy and daddy gave up on him?

And don't get me started about the girl with MS or the two Down's Syndrome kids we had.

related resource: home care services

i would like to say that i had a hysterectomy in 2001. i had cervical dyspatia amung other problems and told the doctor that i was tired of taking pain management it didnt seem to work.. i had already had two beautiful boys and i was a single mother. there father had beat it into my head that nobody would want me because i was used goods..nice man huh... well i didnt think i would ever find anyone.. i met up with one of my high school boy friends that i had fallen head over heels for (while in high school) and we were messin around nothing serious that was in april of 2001, i ended up getting pregnant then haveing a miss carrage, a month later had my hyterecomy.. then in november of 2001 we started dating very serious.. by 2003 we were married.. now i wish i could have another baby but it is completely impossible... i have been raising his son since he was 7 months old and i love him as my own. we have talked about adoption, and both agree that we would adopt an older child. i think it is great that you are willing to donate your eggs. as far as for you sacrificialclam... well you are intiled to your own opinion but i really dont think you need to be so harsh.. and if you hate kids as much as you say why the heck were you working in the system for kids?? you make the comment about all these kids that were left in the system or aged out.. why didnt you do something more for them..there would have been nothing wrong with you trying to adopt one.. just because you dont want to ruien your career or your body?? i think that is just a sad excuse..you talked about a little girl who helped you with your work after school.. well if you hate kids so much i really dont think you would have wanted her around you.. i for one would adopt a child with special needs or a child that is older they need the love and support just as much as an infant..that is all i have to say about that.. like i said you have your opinion and so do i..

Thank you for backing me up. It would be nicer if we could give more encouragement to the person that really needs it. It is a wonder as to why we were given bodies that have the ability to reproduce with so many ailments that make reproduction impossible. Sorry for your loss, but glad that things are working out well now

"as far as for you sacrificialclam... well you are intiled to your own opinion but i really dont think you need to be so harsh.. and if you hate kids as much as you say why the heck were you working in the system for kids??"

I would hate my own kids. I'm too selfish to give anything up for a child. Ever.

"you make the comment about all these kids that were left in the system or aged out.. why didnt you do something more for them.."

I'd never adopt or have my own kids. I"m too selfish and a child would never fit into mylifestyle. Again, I'm too selfish to change for a child.

"there would have been nothing wrong with you trying to adopt one.."

Yeah, there would have been.

"just because you dont want to ruien your career or your body??"

Yep.

"i think that is just a sad excuse."

What's sadder is people trying to buy me.

"you talked about a little girl who helped you with your work after school.. well if you hate kids so much i really dont think you would have wanted her around you.."

I would hate my own kids. They'd cause me to lose my job, my waistline, my income and my husband. All of which are far more important than a child.

"i for one would adopt a child with special needs or a child that is older they need the love and support just as much as an infant.."

Then why don't you? Talk is fine and dandy, but there are a thousand people like you "I'd adopt" but I don't see you beating down doors to adopt older kids.

"that is all i have to say about that.. like i said you have your opinion and so do i.. "

And that makes you right?

sacraficalclam, i am so glad you decided not to have children. What would the would be like with more people like you in it. So aside from having worked in the system, do you do anything now that would help benefit the kids in the system

"So aside from having worked in the system, do you do anything now that would help benefit the kids in the system"

If what you said was true, more people like your family willing to adopt the non-'perfect' kids like that girl and the other ones I worked with. There was not a thing wrong with her other than the fact she was 'too old' to be adopted.

hey meholl you are very welcome..anytime..sacrificailclam, well.. i am soo glad you dont have kids god help them if you did.. although there are people out there like you who have kids and are very abusive.. the way you are talking i wouldnt dought it if you would be in that category... that is besides the point right now. you say that you would lose your job. i highly dought that. just because you have a baby dont mean you will lose your job give me a break... you will lose your waistline, what the heck is wrong with you?? there are many woman out there wh get their waistline back.. i think you are just coming up with excuses. and as far as me adopting, yes i would in a heart beat but they way the system is right now it makes it hard for people to adopt, you should know that you worked in the system. there would be some reason why i couldnt after going through everything... i have three boys home right now my youngest is in first grade, for your info my husband and i are waiting untiil he is out of grade school to adopt, already have talked about it. i fell real sorry for you that you feel the way you do about children they are the light of your life. and you say you hate them what a harsh word.. oh yeah my 7 year had colic bad. and my 10 year old was just a perfect little boy never woke up during the night, perfect. so just because your sister had a colic baby dont mean they are all that way..

"sacrificailclam, well.. i am soo glad you dont have kids god help them if you did.."

No, God help them. I'd put them outside with a sign around their necks "Free to good home."

"although there are people out there like you who have kids and are very abusive.."

I'm not abusive. I'd just be neglectful.

"the way you are talking i wouldnt dought it if you would be in that category... that is besides the point right now. you say that you would lose your job. i highly dought that."

@@ Wrong. I'm self employed. I am a self employed horse trainer. If I don't work, I don't get paid. Now can I work when I'm waddling out 7 months pregnant, get on a bucking young horse and train him? No. I can't. I am not losing my job, my reputation as a da*n good horse trainer, my home and everything I've worked hard for over the past few years for a fetus I'll never love or want. I can not go on government aid. There is no aid for white women who own their own home. My mortgage company, utility company, car insurance, Nextel, horse feed supply store, Wal-Mart and everyone else I patronize on a regular basis will not let me continue to purchase their services without paying for a year. So what other choice do I have? Take a crappy office job that pays $9 an hour? Hon, that won't make a small dent in what I bring home a month.

"just because you have a baby dont mean you will lose your job give me a break..."

Read. Above. Read.

"you will lose your waistline, what the heck is wrong with you??"

I like fitting into a 2 with perky boobs and not barely squeezing into a 10 with boobs that sag down to my ankles.

"there are many woman out there wh get their waistline back.."

Good for them.

"i think you are just coming up with excuses."

Shows what you know. @@

"and as far as me adopting, yes i would in a heart beat but they way the system is right now it makes it hard for people to adopt,"

Wrong.

"you should know that you worked in the system."

It was hard for couples who want INFANTS, not for couples who wanted to foster or adopt older kids.

"there would be some reason why i couldnt after going through everything... i have three boys home right now my youngest is in first grade, for your info my husband and i are waiting untiil he is out of grade school to adopt,"

I hope it works out.

"already have talked about it. i fell real sorry for you that you feel the way you do about children they are the light of your life."

My life? Ha. My job is the light of my life. A child would be the reason I'd go insane and probably kill myself.

"and you say you hate them what a harsh word.. oh yeah my 7 year had colic bad. and my 10 year old was just a perfect little boy never woke up during the night, perfect."

Glad you can handle it. I'd just let mine cry all night. I'm not getting up 12 times in one night to calm a baby who can do it herself.

"so just because your sister had a colic baby dont mean they are all that way"

Good for you. They all scream, sh*t and need way too much for me.

Wow, did your real parents do that to you. Remember that at one time you were a baby that sh*t all over your diaper, screamed at all hours of the night, were total dependent on someone else. You seem to be the most ungratefule and hateful person I have ever come across. And as for your perky boob and size 2 waistline. There is more to life than that for most people, but hey if that is all that you have going for you besides being self employed, and having a husband, I am truly sorry for you.
And as for all your lies, about how depressing working for the system was. The system doesn't work because of horrid people like you. It couldn't be depressing for you because of all the kids that were being let down, you hated them too, just like you hate all kids, remember. Have you clued your sis in on that. That you don't want her child in your life. That now that she has tied herself down with a living breathing needy little thing, that she is worthless. In case you haven't figured it out, the way you have portrayed yourself, this is how you feel about mothers and children, and you yourself are a greedy, self-centered, egotistical, b'tch....

"Wow, did your real parents do that to you."

Do what to me? Make me not want kids? No. I made that decision all on my own.

"Remember that at one time you were a baby that sh*t all over your diaper, screamed at all hours of the night, were total dependent on someone else."

Yeah and my parents wanted me. To them, it was worth it. The night time crying and sh*tty diapers and ruined careers are worth it to a mother who *wants* kids.

"You seem to be the most ungratefule and hateful person I have ever come across."

Do I get a prize?

"And as for your perky boob and size 2 waistline. There is more to life than that for most people, but hey if that is all that you have going for you besides being self employed, and having a husband, I am truly sorry for you. "

Why? Jealous?

"And as for all your lies, about how depressing working for the system was. The system doesn't work because of horrid people like you."

Horrid like me? Why? Because at the ages of 17-25 when I was employed, I didn't adopt a kid? I could barely pay my own bills let alone foster a child. Duh.

"It couldn't be depressing for you because of all the kids that were being let down, you hated them too, just like you hate all kids, remember."

Such ignorance.

"Have you clued your sis in on that. That you don't want her child in your life."

@@ No. I like her kids. I like my brother's kids. They go home with them at the end of the night. All other chidlren, well they can go away. It makes me cringe when I see some whiny little brat in Wal-Mart sceaming because she can't have a Hannah Montanna doll or a GI Joe action figure.

"That now that she has tied herself down with a living breathing needy little thing, that she is worthless."

Actually she has two living, breathing, needy little things. Her trash is worth more than you'll ever be, love.

"In case you haven't figured it out, the way you have portrayed yourself, this is how you feel about mothers and children, and you yourself are a greedy, self-centered, egotistical, b'tch.... "

And would you like for me to tell you how you are portrayed? Moooooooooooooooooo-mie?

Do I win a prize? Do I get a new car? And to think, all of this is because I *don't* regret my decision. It's people like the OP who get it done young, then pitch a b*tch fit and mope around suing doctors makes it very hard on people like me who wanted it done before I was her age couldn't get it done. Doctors are too scared of malpractice suits from whiny women like her.

I have no problems with mothers. I have problems with asshats trying to to tell me I'm wrong or whacked because I don't like kids. Newsflash love, not all women fawn and ooh and awh over children. I love my nieces and nephews dearly, but I would cross the street to avoid a stranger's child. I never sit behind a woman at Wal-Mart and coo over her 'cute' baby. I tell her to shut it up as it's giving me a headache. If that makes me a b*tch, then I suggest if you're in line near me at Wal-Mart, muzzle your child.

Your exact words i hate kids. To clue you in, those things that you call nieces and nephews are also knowns as kids, children, rugrats, etc. And those little beings that are in the system that you supposedly felt so sorry for that got you so depressed that you couldn't hack it at the job, they are also better known as kids. You know, read your own posts. You state "i hate kids" not just some kids, not just other peoples kids, you hate kids. Get a clue, it doesn't matter if it is your sisters kids, or a strangers, these are all the same. And to hate one, is to hate all. These are the people of the future. Oh and as well, when you are old and incapable of taking care of yourself, these will be the people supporting you. I almost want to feel sorry for you, but for some reason, I just can't. Oh and by the way, I would be the woman in Wal-mart that would be scolding you for your behavior, while trying to give the mother some advice as to calming her child, while you continue with your little tantrum that ultimately makes the child behave worse.

Don't feel sorry for me. I feel sorry for you depending on YOUR kids to take care of you and you know what, I hope for your sake they do and not throw you in a nursing home and forget about you as so many children do.

"Oh and by the way, I would be the woman in Wal-mart that would be scolding you for your behavior, while trying to give the mother some advice as to calming her child, while you continue with your little tantrum that ultimately makes the child behave worse. "

No, bad parenting makes the child behave worse. Not spanking it makes the child behave worse.

related resource: nursing home care

And you are basing that on your experience raising rental children I suppose.

I don't raise anything other than horses.

My sister does all the raising with her kids and my brother does the raising with his.

But you know, it's strange...my sister's kid rarely screams in Wal-Mart. My brother's youngest kid never does. It's called discipline. It works!

Well, since you are not proficient in parenting, let others that do parent their own children comment on parenting then. Since your parenting skills come from taking care of rental children that you take no hand in raising. And sometimes that crying child may be crying because some dumb*ss parent figured they would promise their child that toy, then not get it, or sometimes a parent doesn't think when taking a child to the store and takes them during nap time. Personally, the only time my children cry at walmart or any store for that matter is when they are tired, hungry or have been physically hurt.

Stepford Children?

No, I have taught my children appropriate behavior in public.

For you that may be the answer, but I think this lady is looking for a little bit of compassion about her problem.
And for your information, it isn't up to the MDs do much anymore to do a tubal ligation. Now they are required to meet certain requirements, such as in some states, it is illegal to perform any type of sterilization procedures unless the patient is past a certain age.

"And for your information, it isn't up to the MDs do much anymore to do a tubal ligation."

Bullsh*t. I went through at least 10 doctors who refused to do it and then laughed at me when I asked them why.

"Now they are required to meet certain requirements, such as in some states, it is illegal to perform any type of sterilization procedures unless the patient is past a certain age. "

Or has children. I was over the age of 18. I have no kids, I hate kids. Why should I have to pop out kids then get fixed? Will having a kid make me love children? Doubt it.

No but now states do have age requirements and if it is such that a woman has never had children, they may require other criteria to be met. It is to insure that people do not regret their decisions as a tubal is not easily reversed and when reversed not always a sure thing. There are reasons it is hard to become sterile. Regardless of whether you have had children or not. I wanted it when I had my second child, no go because of state laws due to age. And what do you know, I got twins the next go round. Then to have the sterilization to prevent further pregnancies due to damage from prior pregnancy.

"No but now states do have age requirements and if it is such that a woman has never had children, they may require other criteria to be met."

1. Do you have kids? No.
2. Are you over 40? No.

Those were the two requirements I kept running into.

"It is to insure that people do not regret their decisions as a tubal is not easily reversed and when reversed not always a sure thing."

My occlusion is non reversible. IT's why I went with it. My husband and I do not want kids, ever so it was easier on me than it was him. Plus, he's a big baby anyway.

"There are reasons it is hard to become sterile."

But anyone with a d*ck and a uterus can have a baby.

"Regardless of whether you have had children or not."

If you're under 40 with no kids, you'd be lucky to find a doctor to do it.

"I wanted it when I had my second child, no go because of state laws due to age. And what do you know, I got twins the next go round."

I bet they were a surprise.

"Then to have the sterilization to prevent further pregnancies due to damage from prior pregnancy"

I wanted it done to prevent any and all pregnancies. Period.