Bad timing of a breakdown

Dealing with things on my own usually involved self-harm for me when I was younger. I've gotten past that, most of the time, but it still comes into my mind when I am trying to deal with things on my own. I had those years when there wasn't anyone there for me, and I survived them, but just barely.

Now that I have started depending on people, it is hard not to do so. It's a double-edged sword I guess. I don't hurt myself anymore, but when there's no one to help me out... I feel so lost.

Yes, things do progress very quickly. One moment I'm feeling just a little out of it or down, and the next moment I'm in full freak-out mode. I was tempted to call the local crisis line, but since I know most of the people there because of my own volunteering, it didn't really seem like a comfortable option.

Being an addict/alcoholic I am a member of A.A. When I have
a serious problem or breakdown I can always count on someone
from the A.A. club for support and or help.
HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB!!~

That sounds like an awesome support system!

*nods* Exactly... it's hard not to panic when you can't get ahold of the people who usually support you!

It sounds like you have some good ways of dealing with it. I write poetry, actually, when I'm really really having problems, but I'd rather talk to someone than write poetry if I can.

I do not write poetry. I write as if I am talking to the person(s) that I need for support. It is a good way of coping but it takes me awhile to get to the point that I am calm enough to face the fact that my support system is busy or sleeping but I still need to get out whatever it is that is going on.

The freaking out about friends not being around is worse for me then the issue I am having a break down over.

That's an idea, I should actually write TO someone sometimes. Thanks!

You're right, sometimes not having your support system available is worse than the issue you're having in the first place.

Haha, well, I don't think there's a good time either. but with my post-traumatic stress disorder, I've found that if I can get someone I trust to help me out at the very beginning of a problem, I can keep it from being a full-on breakdown.

Oh, that would be horrible, to have a miscarriage and not have any support. For me it was abuse and violence that caused me to have the PTSD, and so it's when I'm reminded of those situations that I have breakdowns typically.

*nods* There is also the issue of feeling like a bother or a burden, but I've gotten to where after someone tells me enough times that I'm not, I'll believe them. lol

I should write more to specific people instead of just writing poetry perhaps. That might help.

I depend on my friends too much too, mostly online ones. I don't have any real offline friends I can count on any more, nor do I have family I can count on. So it's gotten to the point where my online friends are pretty much it for me.

It sounds like you've found a lot of things that work for you! I wish I could help myself in those ways. I haven't found anything that will really hold off the PTSD once it decides to beat me up.

Well, the only people I have to rely upon are really my online friends, so it's kind of touch and go with that sometimes. I don't really have any offline friends that I'm close enough to anymore, and my husband usually can't offer me support even if he's here.

When it comes to going to the divine with problems... that's usually my first source for help. But lately I've been told that I have to make a particular decision, and therefore I'm not getting much help until that's done. If that makes sense.

Hi Bay... thanks!

My husband is kind of the same way, he gets freaked out by my issues. The people I depend on tend to be online friends, because I don't really have any close enough offline friends right now. So I sort of have people, when they're available, but... they're not always available.

I'm not good at dealing with things myself. I think I might need to find a new therapist or something. Dealing with things myself always leads to me wanting to do myself harm, and I've said I wouldn't do that. So it's kind of hard.

Yes, exactly! I become too attached and reliant upon others as well. It can be hard on myself and those people I think. For me it's usually people I know online, because I don't really make friends easily offline, and I've lost most of the offline friends I had over the past few years. And my husband can't deal with a lot of my problems.

I was lucky to have reached someone, yes.

Well, I already knew about my family. I would never think to rely on them for anything, especially since their abuse of me is much of what caused my post-traumatic stress disorder in the first place. But I have learned that some of my friends over the years weren't really able to deal with me.

Hmm... no. All isn't well again for me. I still feel like my mental issues are in overdrive. I'm still kind of scared, and expected to break down again any moment sort of. So we'll see.

i am so sad to hear that you're going thru this, feeling this way. i have found mylot to be very helpful at times (if they decide not to delete a topic, UGH that's one of my issues right now). BUT anyway, i have found very caring people on here, and since we all don't really know each other all that well, it helps to get another take on things, other ideas from outside you know what i mean? sometimes those closest to you just don't seem to get it...but other's that aren't close have either been there, or just somehow know how to calm others down. plz vent whenever you need to. we'll be here!

Hey!*hugs*

I don't think I have your email address or I would send you email! Though I send you messages here all the time. I did get yours today, but I haven't felt up to really writing a response yet. Sorry.

It isn't a nice feeling, and I'm still trying to work through it. I'm still feeling really bad right now, and wondering what's going on with some of the people I usually rely on.

aw thank you hon,..it is okay, we do talk often here...i think i ga ve you my email once but i will write it again next time i PM you...no hurry to answer hon...just sort things out first tahts more important...i hope you manage to figure out whats wrong with your friends...i hope they will be there again for you*hugs you* you need adn deserve them now...