Living Life.. Finally?  

There is a big difference between realising that you are merely EXISTING and actually LIVING your life.
It is time to take the realisation and DO something about it and start LIVING
That is what the OP is doing
they are taking their life BACK

THANK YOU, ZU! that is EXACTLY what I meant!

Now that you have finally realized, it's for you to do something about it.

Having realized it, is a step to start further.

Enjoy! Thanks for responding back! Spread more hope!

thank you, Jeanniemay, for taking the time to respond.
:)

Zu, as usual, you know my thoughts and words before I even say them! you never stop amazing me!

I have lost my identity, I am the wife of.. or the mom of.. but not ME.

I kinda know what clicked for me.. I had a doctor's appointment a few weeks ago and was waiting in the waiting room ... a man and his wife came in, he looked like he felt really bad and didn't talk much so I mostly talked to his wife.. they were such a nice couple.

the nurse called her husband back to wait on the doctor and I hadn't been called so I sat and talked to his wife a little longer before they called me back.

I went back and sat in that room for what seemed like a lifetime! I had played with all the equipment in the room.. and kept myself busy as much as I could! lol!

then I heard screaming outside my door... I had no idea what was going on! it kinda scared me as I hear a woman scream NO! NO! DEAR GOD! NO! and crying the most heartbreaking cry I have EVER heard in my life.


The doctor finally came in (she is also a friend of mine) and I asked her what happened and she said she couldn't tell me... and I said. well that's ok, I can't pay you! lol! then she told me that the man in the room beside me (the guy from the waiting room) was just found dead!


I can't begin to tell you how that hit me! I had just talked to him only minutes ago! and it made me think of my own mortality.. ya know, we aren't going to be here forever! our day is coming too! and the kicker is.. we don't know WHEN!

I wondered.. If the man that died in the room beside me had known that this day was his last.. what would he have done differently that week?

would he have lived a little more on the edge? would he have took time to memorize the things that he loved.. would he have loved just a little more? would he have drove down the road a little slower just to see all the things he had sped by for years and never appreciated or noticed? would he have let unhappy people steal his last moments on this earth? would he have given away his time to the ungrateful?

I have to believe that if it were me.. I would forget all that was expected of me... and just do what I felt I needed to do.

Be with the people I love the most.. surround myself with friends that are upbeat and happy... and I certainly would have enjoyed the week prior to my death. wouldn't you?

At that point I realized that I am closer to that date than I was ever before. and I sat here unhappy, unsatisfied, and doing NOTHING about it!

There are sooo many things I haven't done yet... and if I don't get started, I might never accomplish them! I feel this was MY wake up call!

Don't sit around doing everything for everyone else and never doing anything for yourself! don't wait on your dreams to fall into your lap! don't sit around with the "woe is me" crowd and let them drag you further down.. it was time to stand up. and walk away!

Thank you, Zu, for your response! it's nice to know I'm not the only one who has spent a life fulfilling everyone else's dreams, wishes, needs and expectations and forgetting myself more and more.. Heck, I'm not even sure I know me anymore!

come here sis! take my hand! lets walk out of here and reclaim our lives! find our dreams and live on the edge a while. lets make a memory or two worth saving!

I wish you the best on your journey to YOU.. write me when ya get there! lol!

(A MILLION HUGS)

Wow! You are admirable ZU!

You have worked hard for the people you love. You truly deserve to pamper and care for yourself.

Let's live life ladies! Hurray! Go!

Thanks! it is a revelation!

ummm..... you are going by th age on my profile, aren't you? lol!
ya know, some people aren't always COMPLETELY honest about their age on mylot! lol!

I agree with that... But I also know that many a person in pursuit of their own life and dreams have became so entangled by presumed responsibilities that it completely strangled the life out of their own hope of breaking out and living life to the fullest.

Believe it or not, our job in life isn't to forfeit our own happiness for someone else. By solely taking care of those who won't take control of their own lives (I am learning this in my own life). As long as someone is there to carry the load for them, WHY should they try?

Sometimes we have to back away and stop carrying the responsibility of other's and let them take their own steps toward living their own life.

Living your own life isn't to shun responsibility.. but to realize that it's not ALWAYS your job/responsibility to make everyone around you happy while you are miserable.

for example:

I knew this girl in school named Cena.. she was the girl everyone copied homework off of because she was so incredibly smart!
Even in the 5th grade she was amazingly smart! She spent her whole time working on extra projects for extra credit and of course the rest of us just thought she was a glutton for punishment.
But we soon realized that Cena had a dream of going to college and then on to becoming a teacher, herself.

In high school she was no different.. she worked 10 times harder than anyone else and the results were told in the many awards that she received.

In her sophomore year of high school she met a guy who was about as bright as she was.. they seemed like the perfect pair! They spent their spare time picking out a college that they would both attend and life seemed happy and promising.

Cena's mother suffered a stroke later that same year and had to re-learn everything such as walking and talking and depended on Cena to help her. And of course Cena never left her mom's side. But soon it became obvious to everyone (except Cena) that her mom wasn't as bad off as she wanted Cena to believe.

She had grown so dependant on Cena for everything that she totally stopped trying.. I mean, after all.. she had her daughter who could and would.. why should she?

To make a long story a little shorter.. Cena's boyfriend went on to pursue the dream that THEY had planned, He attended the college that He and Cena had dreamt of going to.

And I heard that he got married shortly after his freshmen year. Cena continued to help her ailing mother and watched her dreams float away with each year that past by.

By the time Cena was 20 years old her profession was was working at Kmart (somewhere I never dreamed of seeing her work!) And still carrying the responsibility of taking care of her mom.

A few years ago her mother passed away, and Cena who is now in her forties has never married (or dated again that I can remember), never had kids (which she wanted so badly!) and she works at a factory nearby.

while she was doing what she thought was HER responsibility.. life just past her by in leaps and bounds.

Life kept going while she was forced to stop.
She lives a sad and lonely life by all appearances and works for minimum wage in a dirty factory.

Everyone talks about how her mother stole her dreams and life and put burdens on her that didn't belong there.. and how it was a shame to see the smartest girl lose everything because she felt it was her responsibility to take care of a mother who wouldn't take care of herself ...even though she could.

It was always amazing to me, that everyone could see that her mother was manipulating her .. but Cena was completely blind to her bluff. She honestly believed her mother would die without her and it was her job to take care of her. Cena feared having to live with regret if her mother had passed away... but I would imagine the regret of losing your dream is just as devastating. I know that Cena just gave it all up and even though she could attend college now, and become a teacher.. she doesn't. I guess she just lost the drive to care or something.. I don't know.

Sorry for the long story, but it is my example (to myself) when I feel I have lost my life taking responsibility for something that honestly isn't MY responsibility. We all have to be accountable for our own life.. just because someone stops.. it's not our job to pick them up and carry them. The window of opportunity doesnt stay open for long and once it closes.. it's gone.

I often wonder what would have happened if Cena had went on with her plans... would her mom be forced to get up and take care of herself? or would she have done as Cena had feared? I bet she would have made it either way.. don't you?

The things we fear the most ALMOST NEVER happen.. and the things we tie ourselves to... that drag us down... accomplishes so little.

Sorry for the novel, but when you talked about responsibility and forfeiting your dreams to prevent regret.. it brought Cena to my mind. lol! sorry!

Well, NO, I didn't have all the chances (I didn't think) I was too busy doing things for everyone else that I forgot what it was I wanted to do with my life.

I got all wrapped up in everything else and totally lost sight of everything. I was busy thinking that the world would cease to move if I even slowed down doing the things I was sure were my responsibility.. and after really sitting down and taking a look at everything. it was never my job to make life perfect or even semi perfect for everyone around me... while I was most unhappy...so I quit!

But a few things are getting ready to change... and I might even surprise myself!

thanks for commenting :)

Go ahead and make your dreams come true.Goodluck!

thank you!

and it was wonderful meeting you :)

Wow! THAT'S WONDERFUL!

I wish you the best of luck getting published!

Go for it! and be sure and let us know!