Would you be upset if this happened to you?
By nicholejade
@nicholejade (2430)
Canada
March 18, 2008 4:17pm CST
Well lets start off at the beginning. I have know this girl who I have considered to be my best friend and pretty much a sister to me. She feels the same way for me. We have been close for many many years since we were very young like 3 years old. Anyway with her living quite a ways from me it's very hard to see eachother etc because of the distance but we do talk on the phone alot when we have a chance to. She is getting married in June and last week I received a wedding invitation. At the bottom of the invitation is the wedding site link to their page. I viewed it yesterday and was curious about the Wedding Party. When looking at the wedding party I noticed 2 girls that she has known for a few years and a girl that we went to high school with. I feel upset about this as I have always been there for her and I guess she really doesn't consider me that close of a friend. I don't know if this has happened to anyone of you but what are your thoughts on this and how would you feel if this ever happened to you in the same situation?
1 person likes this
10 responses
@aero89 (422)
• United States
18 Mar 08
Do not be upset. Obviously this person thinks of you as an important part of their life if you continue to keep in contact.
The wedding isn't about You! It's difficult enough for people to put a wedding together as it is - let alone worrying if someone's feelings are going to get hurt. This girl has known and become friends with a lot of people in her lifetime, I'm sure. Should she have a wedding party the size of her friends list? No. She has room or money for only a certain amount of people to be in her party.
I'm sure she had her reasons as to why she picked whomever to be in her wedding party. Those reasons are hers, and rightfully so. Don't ask her about it, don't imply your feelings are hurt, and don't ever mention it to anyone else (though now that it's published...) because these things have a way of getting around. After the wedding is over, nobody will give two hoots about it anymore, so just please, take it with a grain of salt.
You didn't befriend this girl because you had hopes of one day getting to play dress-up with her. You love her because of who she is! So, in my opinion, you should not be so selfish. It's not like she didn't invite you at all. I'm sure if you two are as close as you make it out to be - she did consider you. It was probably not easy to pass you by, either. Think of how she feels.
One reader mentions that she lost contact all together - and over something so trivial in the grand scheme of life! How sad must that be.
I say you are the lucky one! Weddings are a big, huge, major pain in the hind end, and you get to just enjoy the outcome - without having to go through all of that crap. I think you should go to the wedding and have a good time!
@aero89 (422)
• United States
20 Mar 08
Yes, I would say that I was mistaken about selfishness, as this explanation is much more clear. So, that's what they mean by "Please be as descriptive as possible." hehe
Obviously, you have been given the shaft then. I would definitely seek monetary compensation; a thousand dollars is too much to ignore. It's sad that you put so much into something and this happens. I hope you can resolve this issue without losing anything.
Don't let this keep you from helping people in the future and Good Luck (-:
@nicholejade (2430)
• Canada
19 Mar 08
I think I should of gone a little more in depth as I don't think im being selfish at all. She asked me back in November and again in December to be her Maid of honor. I then got another phone call in January and she asked if I was still going to be her maid of honor. She then proceeded to ask if I would start making the invitations. I did them all by hand the drawing etc paid for the paper the ribbons all the stuff I needed to make these invitaions. All the postage as well and with postage it sure does add up quite quickly. I shelled out over $1000 for all this stuff. But didn't think anything of it as the Maid of Honor does help out with stuff like that. I spent alot of time into these over a month as each invitation took about 2 hours to complete. Keep in mind I made them hand crafted. After I sent her the remainder of the cards which were about 10 extra invitations 2 weeks after that I received one of them that I made up. Isn't that really a slap in the face? Do you still think that I'm being selfish?
Another thing my fiances sister is getting married and she would like both the fiance and I in the wedding party. I agreed to it as well. But both of them didn't have dates or anything. I found out the date for my girlfriends wedding to be on the 15th. I then found out that my soon to be sister in laws wedding is on the 14th. We can't go to both due to the travelling as we would never make it to both. So I had to tell my soon to be family I can't attend do to my girlfriends wedding. I feel horrible. I feel like I lied to my soon to be family and feel horrible that I am not attending.
I have since talked to my friend that is getting married after finding out after all the things I was helping out and shelling money out on her wedding that I was upset about this and I don't think this was right what she was doing. She proceeded to tell me that the ones already in the wedding party are coming farther than I have to so she thought it would be nice for them to be in the wedding. As well I have a back injury and she also said that she didn't think I could make it down the isle due to the injury. I told her I would try to make it to her wedding but have agreed to go to my soon to be sister in laws.
@nicholejade (2430)
• Canada
20 Mar 08
I just didn't want to hang all my dirty laundry sort of speak. But maybe it was more important to air it than not. I am still really hurt by it. I have since sent her a bill with a copy of all the recipts. I'm keeping the original if I have to take it any further. I know she is upset about that as she called in a big rant. I said why shouldn't I be compensated for this. I pretty much wasted my time (didn't think that at the beginning) but now I do drawing and putting these invitations together for her. Needless to say I have lost the friendship. But I guess her true colors showed more than our friendship mattered to her. I will go and have fun at my sis's wedding and have a good time around family.
1 person likes this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
18 Mar 08
I know this type of "rejection" can hurt, but somewhere, a line has to be drawn as to how many attendants you have at your wedding. You might do well to consider whether any or all of those three girls would be upfront enough to actually ask if they could be a part of the wedding party. Imagine how you would feel if you were planning on getting married, and somebody came up and asked you. What would you say?
I think you need to understand the reasons behind this, because you've been friends with this girl for such a very long time. If you're that close, then you could perhaps mention that you were curious about the wedding party and somewhat surprised that you weren't included, considering the close friendship you have, or at worst, she might have told you over the phone why you weren't included. If she's like a sister to you, then you should be able to approach the topic without too much fuss being made. Just let her know you feel a little rejected and hurt, but in a gentle way that won't ruin a friendship you both treasure.
Your friend's reasons may be good ones, but if not, then I would tell her so... let her know how you really feel. Talking is a great healer, my friend, so before the wedding, go ahead and have a quiet chat with your friend. Don't harbour things until you become bitter.
Brightest Blessings.
@nicholejade (2430)
• Canada
19 Mar 08
In reply to your reply I have posted additional information below.
@Darkwing (21583)
•
20 Mar 08
Wow.. I've read your comment to the next response, and now fully understand why you are angry about not being included. She has strung you along, in asking you continuously to be Maid of Honour, used you in getting her invitations done cheaply, and cast you aside now that she has all she wants from you.
I think I would get legal advice about reclaiming the cost for the invitations you made, because even if you gave them as a wedding gift to her, it's far too much money for a general guest to give. You need to also take your time making them into consideration. Try writing her a bill out for them, and sending it to her. Keep a copy, and if she refuses to pay, then take it to a legal advisor. They'll know how to tackle it. I think you'll very probably lose a friendship over this, but who needs a friend like that? I could certainly do without her!
If it were me, I would attend my future sister-in-law's wedding, as I'm sure I'd be much happier there. I certainly wouldn't want to travel all that way, only to find there was a nasty atmosphere at my friend's wedding, and I wouldn't enjoy the day.
Good luck with all this, my friend. It's a very difficult situation, and one that I certainly wouldn't like to be in, but I think, however reluctantly, you would be better off to call an end to this friendship... it's too one-sided. Brightest Blessings, in the hope that you will be able to resolve things.
@nicholejade (2430)
• Canada
20 Mar 08
I did send her a bill and a copy of all the receipts that I needed to make these along with postal stamps. She is not pleased at all. So needless to say I have lost the friendship. Guess it's not much of a loss as my friendship didn't mean that much to her. I'm glad I know now. It would of cost me over $3000 for planes and accomadations to attend both weddings but was willing to do it. I'm just going to my sis's wedding and be with the family.
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
• United States
13 Jun 08
I don't think anything like that has ever happened to me.
But, if it did it would hurt my feelings.
I've had friends, in the past, who acted like I was
their best friend and then shut me out of important
events.
It was very painful. I do not wish to go
through that again! I am sorry your friend shut you
out of her important day.
@nicholejade (2430)
• Canada
13 Jun 08
It does hurt when you think they are a good friend and then to have that slap in the face. I am not to worried about it anyway. She will be getting married on Sunday and my sister in laws wedding is tomorrow night. I will be there and I will be having fun with my adorable fiance. Thanks for your comment.
@lolalolacherrycola (899)
• United States
20 Mar 08
This happened many years ago to me, but I can relate to your hurt. A girl that was my best friend since we were in sixth grade did the same thing to me.
Her family was German and she had a German friend that she didn't like that much or so she said. Even though we had talked about being each other's maid of honors since we were in grade school, when the time came she chose the German friend over me. I am sure to appease her family.
Regardless, I was very upset over it and it ended our friendship.
@nicholejade (2430)
• Canada
20 Mar 08
I have since ended the relationship as well. I did include another post of the second part. I didn't want to post it but had to anyway. Guess I should of done that in the first place. Guess my friendship didn't mean that much to her. Oh well at least I know now.
@acevivx (1566)
• Philippines
29 Jun 08
Weel if she was really my close friend I would feel upset too if she didn't include me in the wedding party while including me. But that is, if we were close in the sense that she and i even if far from each other talk often and about things that are personal to us and things that mattered to both of us. Now, in your case, you may feel she is a close friend but she might not feel the same especially since she lives far away and even if you talk a lot on the phone, it may just be just two girls knowing each other talking on the phone but not about things which close friends care about. Also, who usually called up the other. Was it you or her? And did she evven discuss her wedding with you or just sent you an invitation? So look at it again and if she is after all not a close friend don't feel bad about it.
@nicholejade (2430)
• Canada
3 Jul 08
If you read further into the thread you would of read that she asked me to be her maid of honor and was asking me to help her out on different aspects of the wedding. When I received the invitaion in the mail (the ones that I spent a couple months on hand drawing and writing them plus sticking money out from my own pocket for these things) it was a true slap in the face. With the phone calls it is always half and half. I will call as well as she will if we are allowed time to speak with our busy hectic lives.
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
19 Mar 08
It does sound like a slap in the face, I guess I would be upset too.
@nicholejade (2430)
• Canada
19 Mar 08
I have posted more about this situation up above and I it feel its a slap in the face. Thanks for you response.
@paulsy (1263)
• Philippines
18 Mar 08
I actually experienced this situation with my bestfriend in high school. We were very close, even after I had my children. I even chose her to be the godmother of my eldest daughter. She moved to another country and got married there, and had a child. We would chat on yahoo every now and then and update one another about our lives. Then she decided to come back home and marry her husband in our country. She told me that she would like me to participate in her wedding. She advised me to call her mother about the dress to be worn on the wedding which they would be providing. So I called her mother, and asked her if I was needed for the fitting. Her mother informed me that a cousin was already going to take my place, and that the girl already has the dress. I was so surprised! I received the invitation later on and saw that I wasn't part of the event any longer. I couldn't understand why. My "bestfriend" didn't even call me or inform me what happened. I decided not to attend the wedding when she came back. We haven't spoken to each other eversince.
@laurika (4532)
• United States
25 Mar 08
Hi, I don't have the same experience like you have, but something similar happen to me, I move many kilometers actually from europe to usa and all my friends are so far. I have this one friends, who I know from the kindergarden and also was considering her as my bestfriend. But now I just realize that she probably doesn't feel the same like I did. She doesn't find time for me to talk and other stuff. It upsets me and I am just thinking about looking for anoth friends, although it is not easy for me in new country where I don't know many people. I am sorry, something similar happend to you too and have to face it, it is nothing nice to feel like that.
