should i hate my mother?  

i don't wanna scold you but i think you're right. thanks for responding here

Sorry Aunty. She had have full angry with her mother at her neck. I think she had started more discussions regarding the same matter. Thats why i responded rude (may be feel funny) in the response responded above. Thanks to you to giving your nice advice to her. Waiting for your friendship request.

Dear manozzkumar,

Thanks for calling me Aunty. I like it, don't worry. There are many even me when I was in teens and may be for a long time after that are like this. We find fault with our parents , at least one of them. We think we'll do better than them, but a time comes when we come to know that we are also from the same mould. None of us ever change. That's why all say Like mother like daughter and like father like son etc. She'll also learn that one day but I do hope that it'll never get late. All the best

thanks for giving me such advice. i'm really hoping that what you've said to me will come true sooner

lol i though i'm the only one who's experiencing this kind of stuff. i feel also sad for you. as for now, i don't talk to her as long as she's the one who's gonna talk to me first. it seems like your mother and my mother are kinda siblings when it comes on their attitude

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thanks for sharing your story with us. me too, i wouldn't also follow her footsteps on how she raised us and i would try to avoid to be like her as much as possible so that my children won't suffer the same thing

she's always like that even when i was a kid and i think that it really gets worse as time goes by

yeah i also think she's jealous because me and my father we're much closer to each other even though we only see our father for about 2-3months every year because of his work. my father also hates the attitude of my mom because she's always tolerating our eldest brother even though it's wrong and when in terms of money. she loves to spend like there was no tomorrow. and the bad thing is, she's not the one who's working hard to earn money for our everyday living. all the money that we have and we spend comes from our father hard work at least she should think about saving a little bit, not spending every cent of money that she have until she runs out

P.S.

well in 3 of us, my mother always relies on me when doing some household chores

Hmmmm, it seems to me that she is definitely jealous of your relationship with your father, is using your eldest brother for a "security replacement", and punishing you because of your relationship with your father, and he for the same reason. I guess she kind of feels she lost your father to you, and that's where the drinking and spending comes in. Money is a comfort to her, so she shares it with your brother because she feels he's being left out to?

She has a huge problem to overcome, my friend. Maybe you could talk quietly with your father and he will understand and be able to sort things out? I mean, if he gave the allowances to you all personally, rather than leave it to her, maybe that would iron out the difficulties with equality?

It's a difficult situation you're in!

thanks for the advice. my brother was the one who loves to drink while my mother was the one who loves to spend lol i already talked to my father when it come on financial matters but too bad my mom caught us about that allowances thing. she said the i'm not his wife why should he send the money over me and not hers. she's too afraid that she might lose that power in me lol

Ah... I'm afraid that one remark certainly shows her jealousy of your relationship with you father. Your brother obviously enjoys his relationship with your mother because he likes to drink, and he's not seen as a threat by her, between herself and your father.

Would you consider moving out of the family home, and finding somewhere that you could break from this jealousy? I think you need freedom from your mother's power over you. Maybe you have a close friend you could share accommodation with and who would help you with the costs? I don't really know too much about your culture, but it would be worth consideration, just to be independent of your mother and to improve your self-esteem. You're never going to be happy in the situation you're in, because things don't look as though they're about to change with your mother. She's jealous, greedy and controlling.

I'm sorry to be harsh, but that's the way I see her. Take care, my friend. I hope all works out for you. x

it's ok lol my brother needs my mother most when it comes on problems with his gf, money, etc. but sometimes he's rude to our mother lol i guess it would work for me and i'll give it a shot. thanks for the advices

You're more than welcome, my friend. Take care, and I hope you resolve all your problems soon. x

i feel sad when i read your story why do people like that exist? they don't care on what you might feel. you have actually a point with that getting a place of my own but i don't have enough courage to do that and i still love her even though she was hard on me thanks for sharing your story

well if your scared of moving out, then try asking a friend to move with you, you could share everything, rent, bills, food, it does work if you put your mind to it...i suggest that you and your mum have a day out together (just the 2 of you) and try and get on, maybe suggest that you go girlie shopping and have a day just for the both of you, maybe you can talk to her on neutral grounds and tell her how you feel, you never know, she may see sense and start paying you more attention, you'll be surprised what a good talk can do....good luck...sorry about my spelling mistakes in my last post, i have a dodgy keyboard and sometimes my keys skip a few letter......lol...

i'd like to try that one of these days lol maybe i can get her attention when i do that after all, i know she doesn't trusted me that much unlike my 2 brothers thanks for the suggestion and i'll try that if i have a chance

i think it might work....the more time alone you spend with her, the closer you may become...this will never ever happen with me and mine, it's way too late for that, but i think that you and your mum may end up being best friends if you have them little days out together, ask her if she wants o go for lunch or dinne, or take her shoppping...she may just say yes...good luck...maybe a day at the spa and some pampering may relax her...

i guess when i move out that's when she'll realize that she lost something. thanks for the wonderful tips, i really appreciated them

i think that you both will grow closer once you get a place of your own...that's what usually happens, i am sure she loves you, but sometimes they never show it, if you decide to move out, then maybe invite her round for dinner one day and have a heart to heart with her...good luck with what ever you do....x

thanks a bunch for your advices

maybe you're right about that but i hope she's not that kinda selfish when it comes on me

tell you the truce that my grandmother was very selfish to her children though i love her so much .as a result my uncles don't treat her well.i can not agree with them ,but if the mother is very selfish to her children all the time ,how can she requir her sons treat her well when she gets old? however,in my opinion, if we cann't change our mother ,we just fulfill our own duties.because,whatever she does is wrong,she gave our lives,right?:)

you're right

yeah, i wish i can hate other people rather than her

i think you're right. even though she's like that, i still love her but sometimes i get hurt when i see that she was always giving her all attention to our eldest brother

lol i'm already 22

Ok so at 22 you are an adult. You mentioned school so I assume you are in school and rely on mom to provide you a home? Is there any way you could get a job for on the weekends and maybe save for a place with a friend? Even if you were unable to do it right off, it'd give you something to look forward to. Plus it would get you out of the house and give you a bit of space from your mom. Is your mom single? Maybe she is overly stressed. I'm not defending her behavior but if she is providing for her grown children still, maybe she is stressed. You said she was afraid of your brother. Is there an older relative you could talk to about your situation?

my mom is not single. maybe she's longing to our dad because our dad works abroad and only comes home once a year because of his contract. i guess i could talk about this situation to my cousin but he also doesn't like my mother's behavior as well and just giving me an advice that i should let my father know about it