Adoption: Can you? Could you? Did you? Would you? Part 2  |
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 Just wanted to update this a bit. My son just turned 17 last month. in another year if he so choose he can find out about me and where i am. I have never been so caught in between something so hard to do.
I would love to meet him. and introduce to what family members who would meet him. but i look at my life and since my accident. here i am on disability barely able to walk some days. while i am now living better then most of my family. I am not exactly proud to say hi i am your messed up biological mother and this is all i have accomplished in my life (absolutely nothing but surviving and trying to get on me feet) oh and by the way heres your grandmother her house stinks of animals. and these are your aunts but aunt whoever doesnt want to meet you because of the circumstances of your birth.
and on the other hand what if he doesnt want to meet me. while i dont have to worry about introducing the family i spent my entire life making sure i didnt turn out like. but how will i deal with never seeing the only child i ever gave birth to or ever will. as not only have i been fixed i wouldnt be able to go off my meds to be able to be pregnant without causing alot of problems for myself in the health area.
I dont know why this is hitting me so hard today. most likely because i just asked my mom how my dad spelt his name so i could try to find him online. I know where to find him when i get back to vermont for a visit. i think facing him will be the last thing i need to close the childhood that i had to live threw(still dont know how i did it lol) I hope i dont sound like i am whining i just needed to get this out and off my chest and my mind before it drove me nuts today.
Well i better shut up now or you will have a novel i know that there is a little thing to the left that says more detail the better but i dont think there is enough room for more detail in just one post lol thanks for just listening.
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1.  DaddyOfTheRose (2802) | 2 years ago |  Sounds like an issue for some reflection under your friendly neighborhood "let things be" tree. Your son may be happy or sad. He may want to see you.. or not. None of these things are in your control. You'll have to find a way to let them be.
If your son does try to find you, you will have to be responsive to what he wants.. not what you need. You are an adult, he is .. well, still a child in some ways. Answer his questions honestly and fairly. If he comes looking for you, he'll want some acceptance and acknowledgment.
You will do fine if you can only keep from obsessing over the idea. Worry won't help anything. But if you want to know his frame of mind when he comes to find you, it might help to imagine your own need to find closure with your father.
You can't expect him to want to be your lifelong friend, but you can express and appreciation that he tried to find you.
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| amithist (45) | 2 years ago | Sorry its taken so long to get back. life decided i need a little mole hill to get over.
I appreciate the insight. i really needed unaffected views and I wasnt getting any from family and friends cause we are all to close to the situation. also reminding me about what i was looking for really flipped a switch for me. i know it sounds daft but i never put the two together. i was to involved in my own self pity to do so.
Thank you for helping me to clear my stupid emotions up enough to see that its really made me feel much better about all of it | |
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2.  robsbrooklyngirl (3079) | 2 years ago |  I can't imagine any child not wanting to know their real parents. It seems to me that you would be a wonderful mother just because you care so much. That you actually want to meet your child proves that. Besides you are not your family. You are you. True I don't know you, but from what I read in your post it sounds like you haven't had an easy life, but you have the courage to tell your story here on My Lot. To me that takes a lot of courage. As for adoption it is something I have been thinking about alot lately. My husband wants to wait till he gets his next promotion before we even try for a baby, but I am getting older, so I am not sure if waiting is such a good idea. I know there is always adoption & I would have no problem with adopting a child that wasn't born from me, but I heard they are very strict about who they let adopt children. That it is a very long process & most times you are rejected for one reason or another. It's a lot to think about, but I see nothing wrong with wanting to adopt a child when there are so many that need good homes. Thank you for sharing part of your story. You seem like a very likable person. I know you have a lot to think about, so I will keep you in my prayers. In whatever decision you make, make sure it's the right one for you as well.
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| amithist (45) | 2 years ago | thank you i will never turn down prayers or positive thinking coming in my direction in the end its better then free money:) because i know it reaches me and then it goes back to the person who sent even more. as far as age and babies. i put myself on a line of around early 40s when i was younger because medical was different then. then i found out i was bipolar and got neutered to prevent passing it on and called the adoption agency and updated them on my health. they always have my most recent contact information for health related reasons and so far he shows no signs of any bad things passed on.
as far as adoption. it costs a lot but if your not looking for the perfect white baby i would suggest looking into overseas adoption. its a soapbox for me because there are baby girls being killed by their parents in a number of countries because females have no value. if i wasnt sick with the bipolar i would be adopting myself but i wouldnt put my own son threw it so i am not going to put any child threw it.
The adoption world is a very messy place so be very careful and cautious who you deal with and really check their backgrounds. but i better shut up now or we are going to have a topic in a topic:) thank you again for the compliments and the blessings | |
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3.  floramwaters (793) | 2 years ago |  I think the fact that you put your son up for adoption say a lot of good things about you. You did what you thought was best for your child. Isn't what parenting is all about. When and if your son contacts you I believe the best thing for you to do is to answer his question honestly. I am in a similar place I know who and where my real parents are and I would love to here the honest answer to my question ( that is a whole nother story), but i gave up on that a long time ago. I am sure that he will prepare himself for worse answer that what it seems like you will give him.
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| amithist (45) | 2 years ago | My biggest hope is that the adoption agency has kept their promise and told him about his conception at a time he was surrounded by loving parents and a counselor. His conception was not by consent and i dont know how that would effect him and i would hate to damage him in some way buy not answering it in the right way. I think i am going to actually see a child psychologist about how to handle it if i am the first one to tell him. I dont want to have it mess him up and i would think that could be very heavy information for someone no matter their age. and thank you for the compliment. I did it for his safety as well as my own piece of mind so it wasnt totally selfless. its hard whether your the child the parents or the bio parents.
Just a thought as i was about to hit post. I have actually got ppl mad at me for calling his parents his parents but they are the ones that raised him. in my books that makes them mom and dad. and i am glad he has good parents | |
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