Do you pay the church or do you put food on the table?
By reinydawn
@reinydawn (11642)
United States
April 21, 2008 9:53pm CST
I have some friends, and I feel I need to tell them to stop giving money to the church. This is going to be a very difficult discussion and I'm sure they're going to be insistent that they are doing the right thing. For years I have done their taxes and I know what their financial situation is. I know that they both work, and are somewhat successful at what they do, but they are in debt way past their eyeballs. They have 2 car payments, maxed out credit cards, they skip house payments, bill collectors are calling constantly. Yet, they still give about $200/month to the church. This has been going on for years and they are on the brink of losing their house.
I want to tell them that God will understand if they cut back on the offerings until they are more financially stable. But, I think they're pretty set in the idea that God will only watch out for them if they are current on their "bill" with him.
I'm very torn over this because I don't want to hurt their feelings or undermine their faith. But I also don't want to see them living in their car because they've lost the house. I've known the wife for about 20 years, and we've been through a lot together, but I've only known her husband for about 6 years and I'm not sure how he'd take this kind of "suggestion". I've kept my mouth shut for a couple years now, but I think I really need to say something... Should I stay out of it or put my 2 cents in?
3 people like this
4 responses
@ronaldinu (12422)
• Malta
20 Oct 08
If you are some sort of financial advisor or specialised in this area I think it is your duty as their family friend tell me what you really think its best to be done. Even if they have a negative reaction as you might fear, you wont have regrets later on in life. © ronaldinu 2008
1 person likes this
@reinydawn (11642)
• United States
21 Oct 08
I guess you could say I'm specailized in this area - I'm a Certified Public Accountant and I've done their tax returns for many years. I have tried to talk to them about it, but they insist on putting their faith in God and feel that they have to do this by giving the money to the church. They're probably going to lose their house by the end of the year but they feel that it's God's way for them. Maybe it is and maybe I have no place to tell them otherwise. I just try to help them out as much as I can...
@suspenseful (40192)
• Canada
12 May 08
They got in the situation by themselves. Now if it were unavoidable, losing his job, a medical emergency then God will understand. They can still give the ten percent to the church, cut down on the offerings, and still be ahead. Have they talked to the elders or deacons of their church? That is the first place they should go rather than someone who does not think supporting the church that important. I am sure if the deacons arrange that they do volunteer work, or something in place of money, that would work out. I know that sometimes it depends on how one got into debt in the first place. If it was through no fault of your own, God will open up away but if it is their fault, God may be teaching them a lesson and they have to sell one of the cars. It is not the tithe that caused them to get into debt, it is what they did themselves.
1 person likes this
@reinydawn (11642)
• United States
13 May 08
They actually got into debt when the husband quit his very well-paying job to be the music director at the church. They are both very musical and as well as performing as paid employees of the church they both volunteered for many functions. Although they were not making as much money as they were before this switch, they always believed that God and the church would look out for them. I don't know all the specifics, but I'm pretty sure when he asked for some help from the church there was a bit of a falling out. He was left with no job and no church.
They have found another church that has welcomed them in - for worship only at this point - and the husband has started his own business with his brother. It's going to take some time to get the money coming in like they need it, so I figure God will understand if they can't give their 10% (of nothing really) for a while. I do not belong to any formal religion for that matter - the money. When you are made to beleive that God will not care for you if you don't pay up your money, it seems to me like it's not really about faith.
@ebsharer (5515)
• United States
5 May 08
I understand there situation. I am not a giver to the Church but I do know a few people that are. Most people that give to a Chruch do it because they truly believe that they will get it back 2 times.
If you decide to approch the subject do it knowing they are not going to agree with you. Depending on how adiment they are is depening on there reaction. They may say your right, they may end the friendship. This is one you will really have to watch your ps and qs.
GOOD LUCK
1 person likes this
@reinydawn (11642)
• United States
12 May 08
It is a tough decision and I hope they do realize that I am trying to help them. I think our relationship will be ok with this though.
@Hatley (163772)
• Garden Grove, California
22 Apr 08
I have always been a great proponent of God helps him who helps himself. In other words a roof over their head should be their greatest priority then tithing and also paying their bills.What they have left could go to the church but first pay their own bills.My idea of God sure does not mesh with theirs mine is a benevolent God who wants us to payour bills and care for our families and he does not need us to send him money we do not have.I think I would talk to the wife really I do.
1 person likes this
@reinydawn (11642)
• United States
22 Apr 08
Thanks for your support. I really think I need to work up the courage to talk with them soon.
