I am lost..

omg...sounds like my relationship with my mother...it always has been and most likely always will b that i am not nor will ever be good enough for her. i have always been treated as an outcast by her my whole life. but, unlike you, my kids are treated the same way. i'm guessing because they are so much like me in so many ways.

heres a bit of advice though, don't feel hopeless, unworthy, always keep ur head up, raise ur kids the way you see fit and dont let her interfere in any way that might cause ur kids to feel the same way u feel about ur mother....i've learned over the years to just let her go and she'll eventually see the errors of her ways.

I can only try to understand what your going through...My grandmother raised me and we had such a close and beautiful relationship as mother and daughter..I just wished you knew this kind of bond with your mom...I guess it takes more then blood to make us love each other it takes heart and understanding...

It so happens your mother loves you too much and does not know how to suppress her overwhelming feelings for you to think rationally and discuss your shortcomings sensibly to guide you into the correct ways according to HER way of thinking.

Not all mothers are psychologists.

Are you, one?

Some people can be cruel and that does not make life easy.
I do not think there is a simple answer to this.
You seemed to have lived with it all for so long, and from what you say you get very little joy out of any of it.

Remember my mom- that might cheer you up some. I wish I had a mom that was a mother. My mother has lost her mind. She is paranoid and crazy as all hell. I have to be careful of what I say to her because she will twist it all around and though it in my face. Well you know what I am talking about. The best advice I can give you is to control the amount of time you talk to your mother and try to make it clear what topics are off limits. Tell her that you just need her to listen. Use sentences that start with "I feel...". Or "I need ...". And just think of my mother. "Ad vitam paramus-we are preparing for life." (I didn't mean to sound preachy)

i have a love/hate relationship with my mom. my mother is very generous and gives of herself but there is a price to be paid for her generosity and she tends to be a control freak. she never lets you live anything down and she can be downright mean at times. i have distanced myself from her in the past and i let her know when i don't like her tone with me. when i was young she was a severe disciplinarian and she seems to do so much to help my younger sister and only helps me from time to time. i know how you feel to some degree as i think our situations are a bit different but my mother can be infuriating at times. i never want my son to feel that way about me. do i think she loves my son more than me? yes but that is ok because the more people he has to love him and champion for him the better. we all want and need our mother's approval but if you cannot get it from her then pat yourself on the back and tell yourself that you are a good person and she is not the indicator of that-only you are. easier said than done i know but at some point you have to stop giving her so much power over you. that is what i did with my mom and i am happier for it.

I am so sorry to hear that your mother puts you through this.
My situation is weird, because I have 2 mothers. My real mother was a (you can't say that on Mylot)! When I hit a particular age she made me feel like I wasn't even a part of the family anymore. I have younger siblings, and they recieved a lot more attention that I did. They even decorated for Christmas, which was a family tradition, without me. That was over 10 years ago, but it still hurts. She never cared for my children either. When my 1st was born I was still living at home, she got angry because he got more Christmas presents one year than my youngest sister (who is only 2 years older than my son). Things happened over the years and I stopped speaking to her about 3 years ago. She doesn't even know about my younger 2 boys, not that she'd care.
Now, my other mom passed away a bit over a year ago. She used to be a bit confusing. Whenever she spoke to me she'd point out something that would hurt my feelings, like she'd tell me how fat I was getting, or point out acne, it was always something. We were having a discussion one day over whether or not I was a good mom, and she basically told me I wasn't.
Then, during the last 2 years of her life, she did a complete 180. She started telling me how proud she was of me. When I went to see her she'd say nothing about how I looked, instead she'd just say how happy she is to see me. When I introduced her to my 4th child (she died before the 5th came) she told me how she wished my real mother could be half the mom I am.

I had a similar relationship with my mother. I lost her when I was 30 and I can honestly say she didn't LIKE me once I hit 15. I never doubted her LOVE (totally and unconditionally), but I really don't think that either of us would have been friends, even acquaintances. Once I had my daughter, my mother was so nice to me that I felt she only put up with me to see my little girl --I even accused her of that once.

One particular fight I recall, I must have been 15 or 16...I don't recall the fight, but that she came back after going shopping and gave me a skirt. She had said some things that really hurt, but didn't give me an apology--she gave me a skirt! In all our fights, she couldn't say "I'm sorry"--and that still hurts to this day, at least 20 years later.

Jinx, I love my mom, she is 87 but she can still make feel crazy and small at times. I live with my folks now. They can find a negative for every positive. But then they can turn around and do the dearest things.

My mom also was capable of trying to make mine an dmy sister's kids crazy, too. She wrote them little guilt trip letters. We try to get over this stuff, and we do in the end. I bent over backwards with my kids not to make them feel like that so they could have the confidence I feel I never had.

I am sorry you are feeling like this, I have been there. Now that I live here as an adult, my relationship with my mom is actually better, she has to live with my snits if she starts making me nuts. Hang in there, kiddo.

i also having problem in the past communicating with my mum... we always have communication problems... but as i get older now, i try to understand her better from a mother's point of view and we communicate much better... i don't have a child yet... so i don't know whether my mum will treat my child better than me like your mum does to you... i am sorry to hear that... hope your relationship will get better with your mum and you can communicate better with her... take care and have a nice day...