when it time to let go and see they have thier own life

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ok i have a so call friend, who's dad to my wife's two second cousin. confuse yet? i call the two kids our neice and nephew because they always been close to us or kids. these kids are now in thier 20's. well thier dad who has really no one, always complain to the kids they don't spend time with him. they both had told him they don;t mind spending time but just to sit around and watch tv not working. more less he wants them to spend every living second with him. he is always insulting thier b/f and g/f, then complain to them about me and wife how they spend time with us not him. finally my nephew told him it;s because me and wife don;t say nasty crap to him and other things. this so call friend was over one nigth and my daughter who's 23 came in from work, sat with us talked about work and went to her room where spends most of her time. he couldn't understand why we don;t get upset. i was like dude she does what she does. too me he's wants to be control of his kids life still. and want them to like and belife in everything he does. he even try to talk his daughter about girls things and she not comfortable with it. but he feel he is so she should be too. i tried to sit and talk with him, at first it went well and actully made an effort but now it's right back to the old ways, both kids don;t want to be around him anymore. i would like to try again but he can be an jerk. i know i might get into it with him again..